Help, against good advice offered here, I married my long term GF in Isaan. Coming apart, advice please.

[thailandsgreat]

Just switch the only problem in the situation which is the lady. Bring in another lady. They can all make lap sot, sai grok or whatever people up there eat.

[paddypower]

On 4/30/2023 at 9:58 PM, steven100 said:

The reality is you are correct,  I would be concerned about my own well being in that house if she wants him out, especially if he has nobody to watch him. 

1. report your credit card as stolen, asap., regardless of whether its returned or not.

2. get a referral to a Thai divorce lawyer, based in a major town, not in the village, despite what anyone tells you. This will allow you to get advice about whether your rights are affected by moving out, before you get the divorce finalized. then,

3. In the meanwhile, as carefully as you can, collect all your papers, passport etc. do you have a copy of the builders/construction agreement to build the house and receipt?

4. Id' go to your local branch and open a safety deposit box, with the arrangement that you are the sole signatory to have access. Put anything of value in there. where is your retirement deposit book located? 

3. get out (subject to your lawyers advice) ......if you stay, its likely that she will work you over, mentally.  Truly sorry for your situation. There's good and poor advice here, all well meaning. in your circumstances, you need a divorce lawyer, absolutely, to be following his/her advice, not here.

[Fat is a type of crazy]

On 5/2/2023 at 10:34 AM, steven100 said:

totally agree ....  Thailands legal system doesn't work like in the west or how it's suppose to,  these cowboys do as they want.  Try evicting her from the house and see how far he gets ...   he could end up in the rubber plantation hangin from a tree.  just sayin'

Could be. But she is probably a normal person who won't do that and will have to cop what happens. If she's been terrible to him odds on she's not liked by the local community.  Sometimes it's easy to see those around us as an amorphous threat rather than being normal people who are careful not to break the law and are not willing to go out on a limb for some local woman. Sometimes it's more fun to FIGHT. 

[Adumbration]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Would point out properties in a rural village have little or no resale or rental value.

Which is one of the reasons you should never build/live there.

Yes.  Very true.  But he should be able to get a reasonable lump sum on a 30 year lease (Even to a Thai) that would be enough to pay rent somewhere else for his remaining (10?) years.  Better than walking off with nothing and far better than leaving everything to the harpy.

 

He might even know some expats in his area already and he could offer a year to year lease to them at a cheap rate.  Then he could move to patts or somewhere for a few years and finalise the divorce from afar.

[Dart12]

I'm still in awe of the mindset, strength, and commitment of some of these women:

1.   'I'm gonna cheat on you then require you to move out of your own house because I'm gonna let the new guy live with me in your home",...

not only to try that, but to morally and legitimately think with their whole heart they have the moral high ground and are logically right in demanding this.  this was black and white in her favor if to be judged by the gods in her eyes.

2.  the ability to play the long game con to get what they want.  

She went 2 years, had a lapse...then pulled herself up by the bootstraps and dug in another 5 years of dating plus a year of marriage to get all the legal and wills done to syphon everything to her and her alone.

And during this time build no attachment to the mark to just let it slide until he passed...

Nah. work done.  Time to end the charade pull off the sheep clothing and eat all the chickens.

Dang!  The commitment level.

[geisha]

Get your passport , Move out immediately, (!!!!) get the bank to cancel all payments Cards etc. Change phone . Get a lawyer , let him work something out that will bring you money. If no money, move to a Nice quiet beach area and chill. Don’t let her know where you are!!!!

[d4dang]

he could have ended up with Aem Cyanide. Bail out after preparing the legal stuff. Enjoy your life and don't look back.

[Dazkkk]

On 4/30/2023 at 3:03 PM, steven100 said:

And you seem to know Thailand as I do and mentioned.  OP needs to be aware he needs some friends watching out for him.   Just saying ...

Unless his friends are willing and able to spend every waking hour with him and nights as well for protection, then he should really consider moving out and putting the property on the market, she may then decide to pay him his half, or something near what his half is worth. 
Staying in the house will only make his situation worse and could potentially lead to him being seriously harmed. 
 

Not what he wants to hear, but he needs to hear it no less. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/30/2023 at 10:44 PM, notrub said:

So, how nasty can it all get? 

Very, and you won't win, IMO.

 

S**** happens. I had to leave LOS after my divorce as not enough money to stay on my own.

 

The good news is that rents are cheap in Pattaya or Chiang Mai ( or at least they used to be ).

[thaibeachlovers]

On 5/3/2023 at 5:49 PM, paddypower said:

in your circumstances, you need a divorce lawyer, absolutely, to be following his/her advice, not here.

Didn't he already say he doesn't have a lot of money. He doesn't need to be paying some lawyer to tell him what he knows already.

 

He made the classic mistake of marrying a village woman and building HER a nice house in a place where he has no real friends and is at her mercy ( I did that except I didn't build my wife a house, though she certainly hinted about it ).

All he has to do IMO is decide if he can afford to live elsewhere in LOS or needs to go back home.

Hopefully he won't be getting married again so no need to get divorced.

[paddypower]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Didn't he already say he doesn't have a lot of money. He doesn't need to be paying some lawyer to tell him what he knows already.

 

He made the classic mistake of marrying a village woman and building HER a nice house in a place where he has no real friends and is at her mercy ( I did that except I didn't build my wife a house, though she certainly hinted about it ).

All he has to do IMO is decide if he can afford to live elsewhere in LOS or needs to go back home.

Hopefully he won't be getting married again so no need to get divorced.

agree, but there is one risk, if he does not get divorce, which includes him getting sole custody, he is always at risk that she will blackball him., by threatening to go to court. another thing (I may have missed it) but if he does get a divorce - in Thailand, don't the assets get split 50:50 ?

[TimeMachine]

Cancel the house insurance.  Burn the house down.  And move on. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/3/2023 at 9:47 PM, paddypower said:

agree, but there is one risk, if he does not get divorce, which includes him getting sole custody, he is always at risk that she will blackball him., by threatening to go to court. another thing (I may have missed it) but if he does get a divorce - in Thailand, don't the assets get split 50:50 ?

Not if at amphur. That's down to the couple negotiating the terms which may not include division of assets.

In my case there was no negotiation, and she got all the property I'd bought ( fridges, tv etc, not houses because I was wasn't that stupid to build her one ) and she got no more money from me.

[paddypower]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Not if at amphur. That's down to the couple negotiating the terms which may not include division of assets.

In my case there was no negotiation, and she got all the property I'd bought ( fridges, tv etc, not houses because I was wasn't that stupid to build her one ) and she got no more money from me.

10 out of 10 for smarts. ????

[sidjameson]

On 7/5/2023 at 1:04 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Not if at amphur. That's down to the couple negotiating the terms which may not include division of assets.

In my case there was no negotiation, and she got all the property I'd bought ( fridges, tv etc, not houses because I was wasn't that stupid to build her one ) and she got no more money from me.

I thought you lost your house in Thailand?

 

[BritManToo]

On 7/3/2023 at 11:01 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

The good news is that rents are cheap in Pattaya or Chiang Mai ( or at least they used to be ).

Hard to see how someone can't afford 2,500bht/month for a condo.

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, sidjameson said:

I thought you lost your house in Thailand?

 

Huh?????

I NEVER had a house or anything like that in LOS.

I lost my one and only house to a woman, but in home country, and a western woman.

 

In Thailand I rented or after married lived in the family house. My last year after divorce I lived in a very nice hotel ( owned by a Swiss guy ), all included for 15,000 baht a month and worth every baht.

 

I was surprised how little I knew about being married to a Thai women till too late, and my advice to any farang not yet gone down that road is to rent, rent, rent.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/3/2023 at 10:09 PM, TimeMachine said:

Cancel the house insurance.  Burn the house down.  And move on. 

LOL. Bit hard burning a concrete house with tile floor and steel roof framing. Might manage the bed though ( hopefully without her in it, tempting though that may be ).

[phetphet]

If you kick her out, you might be able to find a foreigner lodger. That will give some company, perhaps a little protection against her sending anyone to make your life a misery, or even trying to threaten or hurt you., and even provide a little income. Alternatively employ a housekeeper for a small wage.

 

I understand your desire to stay in your home, and you would have to check if this would be legal, but as a last resort, if things got really nasty and you are forced to leave, pack your bags and possessions, hire a back hoe and demolish to the place before departing for good. 

 

 

[Dazkkk]

On 7/3/2023 at 10:47 AM, paddypower said:

agree, but there is one risk, if he does not get divorce, which includes him getting sole custody, he is always at risk that she will blackball him., by threatening to go to court. another thing (I may have missed it) but if he does get a divorce - in Thailand, don't the assets get split 50:50 ?

Everything he had before marriage is his alone, everything acquired during marriage including any money is split 50/50. If property is involved built or bought during marriage is 50/50, the problem comes when he tries to sell the house (not land it’s standing on) as she can make things extremely difficult. 
Get your <deleted> together and walk out the door and put many miles between you and her and then reassess the situation from a place of safety. 
I understand you don’t have much money, but chalk the house down to lost money, then anything you do manage to get out of it will be a bonus. 
A lawyer is going to be needed sooner or later to legalise divorce and property split, if that ever happens. 

[473geo]

1 hour ago, Dazkkk said:

Everything he had before marriage is his alone, everything acquired during marriage including any money is split 50/50. If property is involved built or bought during marriage is 50/50, the problem comes when he tries to sell the house (not land it’s standing on) as she can make things extremely difficult. 
Get your <deleted> together and walk out the door and put many miles between you and her and then reassess the situation from a place of safety. 
I understand you don’t have much money, but chalk the house down to lost money, then anything you do manage to get out of it will be a bonus. 
A lawyer is going to be needed sooner or later to legalise divorce and property split, if that ever happens. 

Of course if the house has loan against it, maybe there is nothing to get!!

[AlexRRR]

1st get her out of the house and change all the locks, 2cd see a lawyer, if you can prove funds came from you the Thai court are likely to rule in your favor, knew a Thai female where the ex bf did this, he managed to get 50% then the place went up for sale as she couldnt pay him out, thats another problem but one step at a time, of course it was an open and shut case if you did it all after getting married, not sure if this is possible but leave your half to someone close and dear to you, how to deal with the mrs is put obstacles in her way as often as possible, of course Thais in general just ignore most things and so should you, just get he rout and try to enjoy your life.

 

Ps as another poster said dont ride the bike anymore...drive where you have to go..

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, AlexRRR said:

Ps as another poster said dont ride the bike anymore...drive where you have to go..

Did you not read the OP where he said "I have just enough money to live on and I am a very, very long way from wealthy"? Yet you assume he has a car. I was in his situation and I certainly didn't have one, nor could I have gone out and bought one.

Seems to me that a lot of posters having sold up the house back in the UK or wherever and coming into a substantial sum of money assume that all farangs are wealthy.

Up to them if they want to live the rich man lifestyle in a country where their money goes a lot further, but it annoys me greatly that they assume all farangs are able to do so.