Diary of a farang in Isaan

[HighPriority]

Hope MiL is ok and Mrs Owl is distracted enough that you can carry out your cunning plan Owl.

[owl sees all]

23 minutes ago, HighPriority said:

Hope MiL is ok and Mrs Owl is distracted enough that you can carry out your cunning plan Owl.

Thanks for the best wishes HP. The MinL went to the hospital for a routine visit in the morning on Thursday morning, and whilst trying to get from the car to the wheel-chair; fell. She stayed in hospital for one night. Came home yesterday. Seems OK now.

 

My cunning plan!? Like a game of chess. Must plan ahead and move carefully before executing the 'Check Mate'. Or agreeing a draw, or, resigning in defeat of course.

 

Started my urine therapy yesterday. Went OK; but so far only executing Amandha's phase two.  Will report on progress.

[owl sees all]

Owl Log - September 25th - Sunday morning.

 

Fantastic new pond, just finished, just half a km from the farm. I'm really impressed how they kept the trees.

 

 

 

 

The nut man has started doing the grass cutting. Unfortunately the tractor has no eyesight and just rips up whatever is in front of it. The irrigation pipework being the main casualty.

 

Did manage to rescue a section.

 

 

The work should be finished in number two farm today. Still need to use the manual cutter to finish off around the trees. Then it's in with the Nitrogen and cover it with the cassava.

 

 

Me and Mildred let the crabs and snails go on Saturday.

 

 

Mrs Owl can't get her head round it. "Why you buy snail? Let them go. Farang ding dong."

 

 

Snails into number one and crabs into number seven pond.

 

 

Fed the fish. A real mix in number seven. Nin in one and two, and  mekongs  in number four.

 

 

What is that in the tree in number six pond?

 

 

 

Lovely bird nest.

 

 

Poo brought us a new gift in the week. This one a bit bigger than the last.

 

 

Let it recover in the cage for a day or two, before letting it go.

 

The Mrs had a serious talk with Poo the cat. "No more catching birds." The following day she brought us a tiny chicken. Just have to live with it. Cats like to bring the people that care for them presents.

 

I remember our cat brought a sea-gull through the cat-flap, into the kitchen back in Dagenham. What a commotion! Woke the house up at four in the morning. Couldn't get the bird out. Just left it with the door open. Fortunately flew out after 20 minutes.

 

The Buddha next to us at the farm is making things very nice for the customers.

 

 

Finished their living quarters too.

 

 

When they first opened up they were quite busy. There was a Saturday morning 'cleansing'. Mrs Owl went a couple of times. The ladies would sit in a line and get cold water poured over their heads. All sounded a bit kinky to me. One Saturday morning the Mrs was not getting ready to go. "You going to the Buddha today teerak?" "No!" She never went again. That was about 4 years ago. It all died a death.

 

The Buddha in the village is storming ahead.

 

 

The top sections should be finished in the next week or so.

 

 

I can see you up there.

 

 

Tax cuts all round in the UK. The new chancellor certainly knows how to dish the dosh out.

 

Referendum in The Donbass. Hope the fighting will end soon.

 

Went to pay the leccy at the local PEA office. Twelve people waiting and just one guy serving. Where were the three regular ladies? Gave it ten minutes before I left and gave my ticket to the delighted 'last-in' lady. Try again this week. It had jumped up to over 1700 baht from its usual 13/1400. The M in L's was slightly lower than usual at 390 baht.

 

Footy round-up.

The 'O's go storming on. Will Orient go undefeated for the whole season? Sending messages to Liverpool and City. 1-0 to Italy. Were England poor; or were they;;; well simply tired? Spain lost at home for the first time in 4 years. Can't get any info on Thailand's footy. No friendlies that I can see. Ladies volleyball seems to be most important.

 

Mildred has her end-of-year exams starting tomorrow. Her worst subject;;; Thai history.

 

Been doing my urine therapy for a few days now. I notice my eye-brows have lost their greyness. And the 'war-wound' on my temple has almost disappeared.

 

I think Mrs Owl has accepted the new cat Ginger as one of ours now. Before she would try to whack him whenever he ventured into the house. Now she just shouts. That's three cats at the mo'.

 

Last time in Ban Dung turned out to be a bit expensive. 600 baht for a hand-bag.

 

But when I saw it was an authentic 'Gucci' I though straight away 'sound investment'. Don't see this quality on sale every day. Last time I saw such a bargain was in Laos. Then I could have snared a Rolex for 600 baht - or two for 1000.

 

 

On closer inspection; it was indeed a 'Gucci', although the gold was probably not solid; just gold-plated.

 

 

I looked all over, but Couldn't see those telling words; 'made in China'. Wife was really - as in '''really''' -  nice to me all the way home.

 

Mildred has befriended a new cat; or the other way round. She went to the shops for some Red Fanta and it followed her back home. How lovely.

 

 

Only one thing left to say; bye y'all.

 

 

[chickenslegs]

6 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

The Mrs had a serious talk with Poo the cat. "No more catch birds." The following day she brought us a tiny chicken. Just have to live with it. Cats like to bring the people that care for them presents.

Might a collar with a bell help?

[owl sees all]

16 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Might a collar with a bell help?

Mildred did put a collar on Poo. It had a bell attached. She said Poo didn't like it so she cut it off.

[HighPriority]

1 minute ago, owl sees all said:

Mildred did put a collar on Poo. It had a bell attached. She said Poo didn't like it so she cut it off.

Of course Poo didn’t like it… ????

[owl sees all]

15 minutes ago, HighPriority said:

Of course Poo didn’t like it… ????

Mildred says she was hurting her paw trying to remove it. I'm not keen on collars for cats myself.

 

 

 

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, HighPriority said:

Of course Poo didn’t like it… ????

Of course the answer is to educate/train your cat. Cats can learn like other animals; or people.

 

I'll suggest to Mrs Owl that every morning there is no rat, lizard, chick or bird Poo should get extra nice food. If she brings a prezzie home; she gets only biscuit.

 

Poo will learn; just like I had to.

[HighPriority]

9 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

Of course the answer is to educate/train your cat. Cats can learn like other animals; or people.

 

Poo will learn; just like I had to.

[HighPriority]

Farang are notoriously difficult to train Owl, as I’m sure Mrs Owl would verify if she was here.

[owl sees all]

5 minutes ago, HighPriority said:

Forking site is playing up and I can’t type my comment in the text body area !!

Never mind HP.

These things happen to the best posters.

[owl sees all]

2 minutes ago, HighPriority said:

Farang are notoriously difficult to train Owl, as I’m sure Mrs Owl would verify if she was here.

You are not wrong there HP.

 

Often the farang has more money than the Thai wife. But the lure that the lady fishes with is so - could we say - tempting. That evens the field somewhat.

 

I've had a cat thrown at me. A cleaver chucked in my direction. Threatened with death. Been scratched. Sworn at. Been lied about. Screamed at. But then she smiles and puts my Maria Callas music back on the TV, and all is good to go.

[bannork]

One should swing cats before throwing them, as in throwing the discus. Cat lovers quote their ability to keep rats at bay to justify their blatant laziness and whining for food, akin to a useless brother-in-law of mine, (substitute lao khao for food), but there are ways to cull the rat population that don't involve cats..

Been digging out banana trees infected with the deadly Panama disease, rotting bases of the stems. A piece of cake in the rainy season as the soil is loose and the rotting stem easily disintegrates under the blows of the trusted 'jorb' 

However, there is one drawback, the army of tiny ants feasting off the rotting vegetation. They're minute but they bite well above their weight and they're in their thousands, marching up your Wellington boots to the legs, etc 

Not a stinging sensation like red/ black ants but a vigorous itch that requires bathing the affected area to relieve the irritation.

I wonder what these ants are called 

 

[HighPriority]

They sound a bit like an introduced ant here in Darwin, Ginger or Fire Ants, they have a way of getting one moving…

[owl sees all]

10 hours ago, bannork said:

One should swing cats before throwing them, as in throwing the discus. Cat lovers quote their ability to keep rats at bay to justify their blatant laziness and whining for food, akin to a useless brother-in-law of mine, (substitute lao khao for food), but there are ways to cull the rat population that don't involve cats..

Been digging out banana trees infected with the deadly Panama disease, rotting bases of the stems. A piece of cake in the rainy season as the soil is loose and the rotting stem easily disintegrates under the blows of the trusted 'jorb' 

However, there is one drawback, the army of tiny ants feasting off the rotting vegetation. They're minute but they bite well above their weight and they're in their thousands, marching up your Wellington boots to the legs, etc 

Not a stinging sensation like red/ black ants but a vigorous itch that requires bathing the affected area to relieve the irritation.

I wonder what these ants are called 

 

If I make it sound like an everyday occurrence I opologize. Mrs Owl has only thrown one cat at me, I think it was more like a shot-put than a discus-throw., That was a few years ago now. Got me on the chest. I didn't have a shirt on and got a couple of scratches.

 

What is the problem with the banana trees? Do the roots get water-logged and rot?

 

Ants! If I had a baht for every bite I've had (from ants) I'd have enough to buy Mrs Owl a whole load of designer handbags. The ant that seems to get me every time I walk round at the farm is the big red ant. Some Thais call them 'Lemon' ants; 'cause they taste like lemon I guess. There are also the little red ones that attack in big numbers. But there is one little black one that I'm fond of. They seem harmless enough and can they run?! Wow! I worked it out that if I could move as fast, I'd be able to get to Udon (55kms away) in just 13 minutes.

 

 

[owl sees all]

3 hours ago, HighPriority said:

They sound a bit like an introduced ant here in Darwin, Ginger or Fire Ants, they have a way of getting one moving…

That fire ant I believe is native to Central America, The Mexican drug people use then as a torture They just tie someone up naked, and tip a tin of ants on them. They soon spill the beans. Didn't Ali G mention them once when he was interviewing a CIA big cheese? I'll try to find the clip.

[GarryP]

3 hours ago, HighPriority said:

They sound a bit like an introduced ant here in Darwin, Ginger or Fire Ants, they have a way of getting one moving…

Yeah, gingers always cause trouble.????

[owl sees all]

2 hours ago, GarryP said:

Yeah, gingers always cause trouble.????

There is one in the H of C at the present time. Don't know if she is troublesome though.

 

Have three cats to care for at present; Jack, Poo and Ginger.

[bannork]

https://youtu.be/uwiTs60VoTM

[bannork]

I love the rainy season, verdant green run rampant everywhere upcountry, but out here in the fields there is one fly/ mosquito/ hornet in the ointment.

Strimmers/ bushwhackers run rampant. From every direction the revved up, grating sound of strimmers echoes across the landscape, disturbing the tranquility of birds calling each other and dogs barking in the distance.

Still, there is one consolation, come November, the strimmers will fall silent.

[HighPriority]

The 18v versions are quite effective and much quieter.

 

Thank you guys for sending some rain to me, 70mm today and 126mm for the week, another 300mm and my tank will be refilled (average rainfall is 1600mm in our wet season)

[owl sees all]

Owl Log - 01 October 2022 - Sunday afternoon

 

Haven't seen the sun for three days. Very dull this morning, but not masses of rain. Just drizzle.

 

I'd like more rain. Although it is the best wet-season for at least five years, the water table is still at least a metre below what it should be.

 

 

Veggie man comes every morning; rain or shine.

 

 

Found two beautiful snails at the rear of the house first thing this morning.

 

 

Put them safe until Mildred got up at eight. She was excited to see them. One had travelled out of the saucepan, and was looking to start a new colony somewhere.

 

 

Let them go in a safe spot. 'Safe spot'? What is that? Poo - the killer cat - will seek out anything that moves.

 

Another casualty. Well dead before I found it under the table.

 

 

About the same size as the last bird. Most sort out that bell.

 

Mildred off school for three weeks. Will get a few games of chess in before she returns. And hopefully she will do a few more paintings.

 

 

Latest one. Finished just yesterday. "The triplets." www.mildredart.com

 

There is this new thing she does. Well it's new to me! She does these fine line drawings on her phone and sends them to her mates. A week or so ago she asked me to get her an electric stylus pen. It arrived last Monday.

 

 

Rechargeable!

 

 

One of her early with her new art toy

 

 

Treated myself to a new pair of glasses. My eye-rating is -1.25. Mrs Owl picked out the pair in Big C.

 

 

Very suave. Pinky-gold frame, Slight tint. Quite expensive at 249 baht.

 

 

Mildred says they are ladies' glasses.

 

It was that time again. Nut cutting! Got a nice haul of 4.620 kg. The price has dropped big-time. Just 4,25 baht a kg. 6.25 three weeks ago, and over 10 just a couple of months back. Should start to give nitrogen granuals and cassava this week.

 

 

The animals and fish are pleased to see me and Mildred.

 

 

The chickens come running when they see the pick-up. Mekongs are also very happy.

 

 

 

Bought a new hose. The plastic old one was forever kinking. The new rubbery one is much better.

 

 

 

The crab-man was around again in the week. Bought a dozen big ones. Just 40 baht. Let them go in number 7 pond.

 

 

Still raining. Could do with being a bit harder.

 

The last two nut monies were spent in the gold shop on Thursday in Ban Dung. A nice bracelet. Just a tad under 16k baht for a half-baht piece. I've given up suggesting that we should save for a 'rainy-day'. I'm putting together my own stash anyway. Will get a Laz delivery this week.

 

Footy round-up.

Looks like Brighton have already gotten over losing their manager; 3-3 at Anfield. Orient beaten at home by Newport. 'O's dominated throughout; but that's football. Fulham crash at home. Irons have comfortable victory. Owls win at Port Vale. One of my old local clubs; The Urchins, get through the latest FA Cup round.

 

Week three of my urine challenge. Certainly noticing things. Mrs Owl keeps saying I smell. Don't care, 'cause that can't be helped. Anyway; she will get the benefit soon.

 

Found a snake while walking round the ponds yesterday. Could easily have stepped on it if I'd not been careful. Could be dodgy with just flip-flops on. About a metre long. Very dark grey. Tiny pattern. It slithered straight into the pond.when I touched it.

 

World in perspective.

Plenty of gas going free in the Baltic Sea. Big wind in Cuba and in Florida. Thailand can reinstate their leader; court says. Good to reign for another two years. Conflicts all over the world. Squid shoots up to 42.3 baht.

 

If I thought that the budgies would be OK in alien surroundings; I would let them go. Where I sit with my computer they are just two metres from me. Would they survive out there?

 

Just watched the new Oracle film on YT; 'Safe and effective'. I think very sad.

 

Only two things left to say; stay safe and bye y'all.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Mildred is very wise, expect to see Mrs Owl wearing those glasses very shortly.

Fulham stiffed me , more precisely that twazzock who got sent off after 8 minutes !!, as I had them to win in a couple of online games ☹️

[owl sees all]

23 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Mildred is very wise, expect to see Mrs Owl wearing those glasses very shortly.

Fulham stiffed me , more precisely that twazzock who got sent off after 8 minutes !!, as I had them to win in a couple of online games ☹️

Fortunately Mrs Owl is +1.50.

 

I am also keen on online footy games. I didn't do so well yesterday, but I did the two weeks previous.

 

Noticed a trend in the English footy that is well worth considering. PM me to get the low-down Andy; if you are interested in becoming a zillionairre. Like me.

[DJ54]

Glad it’s your Urine Challenge… I can’t drink enough alcohol to attempt it… 555. Mildreds doing good with her art,,, Cheers

[bannork]

A fellow teacher at my school in Bangkok was a football fanatic, a Liverpool fan. He suffered severe withdrawal symptoms from May to August and would watch anything remotely resembling sport, darts, for example.

Anyway, he ran an online football gambling page. He would offer predictions on all Premier League games. If he was correct he kept 20% of your winnings, if wrong he returned a percentage of your money.

He became head of the English Programme on 100,000 baht a month but said he made more from the gambling consultancy.

COVID killed the teaching job though. The school closed down 

 

[owl sees all]

2 hours ago, DJ54 said:

Glad it’s your Urine Challenge… I can’t drink enough alcohol to attempt it… 555. Mildreds doing good with her art,,, Cheers

The are different phases. I'm still on phase one. Not drinking any yet.

 

When I was in special forces we were always told not to drink the pee. But when you are in the desert sun, you don't pee much anyway. When you do it is a deep gold colour; and not at all appetising.

 

The third phase is the most interesting one. To do it properly you have to get a kit. I'll have a look on Lazada for one. I've not looked that far forward as yet though. Still on phase one.

[owl sees all]

2 hours ago, DJ54 said:

Mildreds doing good with her art,,,

Thanks DJ. I'll pass on your comment. She will be thrilled.

[owl sees all]

1 hour ago, bannork said:

A fellow teacher at my school in Bangkok was a football fanatic, a Liverpool fan. He suffered severe withdrawal symptoms from May to August and would watch anything remotely resembling sport, darts, for example.

Anyway, he ran an online football gambling page. He would offer predictions on all Premier League games. If he was correct he kept 20% of your winnings, if wrong he returned a percentage of your money.

He became head of the English Programme on 100,000 baht a month but said he made more from the gambling consultancy.

COVID killed the teaching job though. The school closed down 

 

I love footy. Not just English either. I like a couple of Scottish teams too. Hamilton, Cove and Banks O'dee. Played myself at quite a good level until retiring at 42.

 

Like a wager too. I'm not alone in this. It is estimated that 7/8% of footy supporters in England like a punt. No good at the week-end; but I have my moments.

 

Mildred likes the number '4'. On the way home from Ban Dung on Thursday she pointed out the time on the dash at 4.44. That sealed it. On Friday I went to the village boss' house to get a Thai Lottery ticket. Lucky to get one; 444469. Couldn't lose. But no luck on the Saturday draw. Got four of the 6 million jackpot number (484669), and one winning number was 444448. So on the right track. But what would I do with such riches? Put it in trust for Mildred I guess.

[bannork]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

The are different phases. I'm still on phase one. Not drinking any yet.

 

When I was in special forces we were always told not to drink the pee. But when you are in the desert sun, you don't pee much anyway. When you do it is a deep gold colour; and not at all appetising.

 

The third phase is the most interesting one. To do it properly you have to get a kit. I'll have a look on Lazada for one. I've not looked that far forward as yet though. Still on phase one.

Extracting the urine is a national trait for us Brits.

Once extracted, a further source is sought. 

A true Essex man, it is clear Owl, will never move beyond stage one in this project 

Regarding football, hope and despair go hand in hand if you are a true supporter of your local team(s).

Born in Southampton, I cheer on the Saints' attempts to remain in the Premier League, whilst spending my teenage years in Hull, I always look out for The Tigers in The Championship.

Luckily, my loyalty and love for these overpaid performers only stretches as far as a cursory glance at the Saturday results.

Entertaining, attacking football, yes! Otherwise - boring 

Last night I dreamt Queen Elizabeth and the Duke came to my old school. Being the resident farang, I was told to go out and greet them.

My hair was disheveled, I looked rough, but Liz was kind and invited me to sit on the back seat of their Morris Minor. 

' So where should we go then?' she asked. 'I gather you've been here for some time.'

'Ban Dung, ma'am,' I replied.

'Full speed ahead, Giles!' she answered laughing to the Duke behind the wheel