Should tell him? Or not?

[ThailandRyan]

16 minutes ago, ed strong said:

A guy i knew from the UK asked me to give his gf some money when i was in Thailand and he was in the UK, he said he would transfer the money to me, which he did and then asked to meet his gf and give her the 20,000 thb. Well i find his gf ok, infact she was still working in the same bar that he had met her and she certainly didnt seem to have any issue with continuing her line of work, although not what she had told him and now i have to give her 20,000 thb lol.

 

What with it being a smallish town, the easiest thing was just to let her have the cash and carry on with whatever it is she was doing. I didnt go back to the bar as didnt want reminding of what i had done.

So you didnt use the money to bar fine her and give her the cash after your wink wink visit with her.

[n00dle]

3 hours ago, jastheace said:

Let him do it. The rest of us have.

have we now?

[Elkski]

He must be well off and making coin to send 100k.    These guys raise the expectations. Hope she isn't bragging to everyone.   Several women asked my gf then fiance how much does he send each month?  Seemed the minimum expectations were 20k.   She even lied to one person.   I hope the son is a good boy,  has a career, and has left the next for good.  

I hope we read about this as a success story in 20 years.  

I read all but never did read how often or how many weeks he has spent with her?

[4MyEgo]

4 hours ago, Goat said:

Him.

53 year old, from UK, overweight, average, works at company. No kids. He loves her. Not really social, plays internet all day.

I can hear Elvis's song playing in the background, "I'm feeling so lonely" . So another lonely guy with poor social and women skills, a recipe for disaster IMO.

 

He stands to lose in this game of love because it sounds like he is going all in.

 

4 hours ago, Goat said:

Her

38, from Petchabun, 22 year old son, only ever job is "bar girl". Tattoos and drunk. She loves money. She plays social media all day.

Let me guess, love you long time Tiruk ?

 

The bar girl title doesn't phase me, nor the tattoos, just tells me she is, or should be street wise. As for the drunk, well that's a worry, which woman doesn't love money, and social media.

 

She stands to win in this game of love because she isn't investing anything financially, ah, "the power of the pussy".

 

4 hours ago, Goat said:

They met together before covid. In Pattaya bar.

He sent money for 3 years. A lot.

Now he will marry her and build the house in Petchabun.

She already buy land. His money. He will live in Petchabun.

Not work but think they will have business together. He can not speak Thai.

Tell his UK family he meet her at 7.11. Obvious 7 not employ this type. Big wedding soon.

He want to have kids.

He is already too far in and is about to go all in, as for the kids, yeh, nah fat chance of that happening, and if it does happen, and the marriage goes south, he is going to be in a heck of a lot of pain, kid/s and all.

 

4 hours ago, Goat said:

Should we tell him he is stupid? Think.

Or let him do it?

I have seen plenty of these types of guys lose everything.

 

It is your duty as friends to forewarn him, I had my mates back home gently tell me of their concerns when I introduced them to my wife of 16 years now, which I appreciated, and respected, however I told them of my plans, i.e. a prenuptial in place and only going in 10%-20% when I would retire in Thailand 8 years later, if things went according to plan, which they did, now living here 7 years on and 20% in.

 

It's not that they disliked my wife, it's the fact that I was moving real quick and they didn't really know her that well. She was there on a tourist visa and marrying her after 3 months was the only way she could stay vs her having to go back to Thailand for 6 months and then reapply for another tourist visa.

 

She did work in a bar, so you could call her a bar girl, as I said, the title doesn't phase me as I have picked up a lot of women in bars back home, and at the end of the day, they are all looking for that pot of gold, albeit it that they don't ask for money as they had real jobs, so to speak.

 

From my experience, its the character of the gal, that and also the character of the guy, if one is prepared to wear his finances on his sleeve, then he will lose in the game of love, and if the girl is demanding financial wise, she will also lose in the game of love.

 

If he plays the game of love right and doesn't go all in, he will end up winning, regardless if his marriage fails, because he will have his fall back position, i.e. his money, which will get him back on his feet, as they say, don't go all in, because if it doesn't work out, you lose it all, that is in any game when it comes to finances.

 

Whether he listens or not doesn't matter, most won't, but it is your duty as a mate to tell him of your concerns, and if he doesn't like what he hears, you did your job as a mate, end of story.

[473geo]

People spend a fortune on cruises, trips to Disney land 

 

Let him enjoy his ride on the Thai rollercoaster of love, he has experienced 3 happy years, and is ready for more 

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

It's unlikely that he will see any connection.

You know, this thread is about this idiot looser who doesn't know what he is doing.

He on the other hand is the lucky guy who found the perfect wife. ???? 

Yeah many know who they are, the ones who they didn't meet in a restaurant but have wives that are CEO's with 3 consecutive PhD's, speaks 3 laguages etc etc. ????

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, ed strong said:

He seemed very proud of his girl and definitely believed 100% of whatever she had been telling him...

That is not really surprising. I am sure: she is different! 

[steven100]

OP ....    I'd like a buck for everytime I've heard your story ......    

and who knows  "    in a couple of years he could be a new AN member just starting to hit the booze every day in his room & telling us his sob story on how the gf and the family took all his cash .... 

[Hummin]

For your own sake I would have told him 10 years ago if in same situation, today I wouldn't even think twice about telling him! 

 

My experience, there is no way way you can change his mind, and the least worry, is where he told his family where they meet first time! 

 

I stopped caring dumb dumber dumbest! It is what it is anyway,,

[LaosLover]

I'd narrow it down to one important insight to impart to him. 

 

When I was majorly shooting myself in the foot similarly, someone said: "Yeah, whatever, but get legally married in America, not Country-X".

 

And I did, and that guy was right. So if you want to help, pick your shot carefully,

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, steven100 said:

in a couple of years he could be a new AN member just starting to hit the booze every day in his room & telling us his sob story on how the gf and the family took all his cash .... 

But then, coming from the UK to Thailand, that is probably still the better option. ???? 

[OneMoreFarang]

I think many of us are in our minds comparing a bad relationship/woman in Thailand to a good relationship/woman in Thailand. And obviously we all want the good version. And many of us think we are able to differentiate, and we certainly wouldn't pick the bad version.

 

But then, the guy is now living in the UK, possibly no sex for some time, etc. And now he has the opportunity to come to a warm exotic country and possibly he will have as much sex as he wants, and the dirty version which he always dreamed about. Ok, the new missus is not a virgin anymore, and he has to support the family. But all in all, it is probably still a lot better than the UK.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think many of us are in our minds comparing a bad relationship/woman in Thailand to a good relationship/woman in Thailand. And obviously we all want the good version. And many of us think we are able to differentiate, and we certainly wouldn't pick the bad version.

 

But then, the guy is now living in the UK, possibly no sex for some time, etc. And now he has the opportunity to come to a warm exotic country and possibly he will have as much sex as he wants, and the dirty version which he always dreamed about. Ok, the new missus is not a virgin anymore, and he has to support the family. But all in all, it is probably still a lot better than the UK.

As long the sex last, thats where most miss out, because they move to fast. 

[Fat is a type of crazy]

Can depend how good a friend he is. How much common sense you think he has. I had a good friend in my late teens and twenties who went from relationship to relationship, became too needy and indulgent and a drama queen. I had enough got bored and left him to do his thing. Sometimes friendships are best let to die. If he is a good friend talk straight and honest and if he doesn't like it then let him do his thing. Two words .. pre nup .. though I am not sure if they are that effective in Thailand and the horse may have bolted based on what he has spent so far. 

[bendejo]

Nobody wants to hear something they will not appreciate.

Have a friend, I could sense his wife was playing around on him and tried to inform him.  He wouldn't hear of it, so I never mentioned it again.  A few years later their son (10 y.o. at the time) gets up in the middle of the night and catches mom whispering into her phone, mom is unaware of him.  The kid senses something isn't right and tells dad the next day.  My friend has the phone logs checked, and it turns out this has been going on for a long time.  When he told me about this I made no comment.

OP: telling him what you think of this woman may cost you a friend.

 

 

[Andycoops]

11 hours ago, Neeranam said:

He won't listen, so no point. 

 

Ridiculous when he could get a woman with no kids. NEVER hook up with  Thai woman with a son from previous marriage. 

Most of the previous Thai marriages are purely a Bhuddist religious ceremony and have no legal status.

I legally married my Thai wife 15 years ago when I retired here with a son and daughter in tow.

 

Happy as Harry ever since.

[Neeranam]

5 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I'd narrow it down to one important insight to impart to him. 

 

When I was majorly shooting myself in the foot similarly, someone said: "Yeah, whatever, but get legally married in America, not Country-X".

 

And I did, and that guy was right. So if you want to help, pick your shot carefully,

Not good advice, I know a guy whose wife divorced him in california, took half his assets. 

[Neeranam]

23 minutes ago, Andycoops said:

Most of the previous Thai marriages are purely a Bhuddist religious ceremony and have no legal status.

I legally married my Thai wife 15 years ago when I retired here with a son and daughter in tow.

 

Happy as Harry ever since.

I never mentioned legality of marriage. 

It's Larry. 

The stories I could tell you of Thai son in laws! 

[OneMoreFarang]

44 minutes ago, bendejo said:

When he told me about this I made no comment.

It's good that you didn't say: I told you so.

 

But I wonder if he would have remembered that you told him.

It seems we all like to forget or suppress information which don't fit in our narrative. 

I remember I was interested in this gorgeous girl. And I thought about getting together with her. And I saw some good signs that the outcome would be in my favor. But it never happened.

In the hindsight there were enough negative signs that the outcome would not be what I hoped but what actually happened. I should have paid more attention to those bad signs. But I didn't. Because I only wanted to see the good signs.

Somehow I am pretty sure I am not the only person who looks very selective at certain scenarios. 

 

[patongphil]

12 hours ago, Neeranam said:

He won't listen, so no point. 

 

Ridiculous when he could get a woman with no kids. NEVER hook up with  Thai woman with a son from previous marriage. 

My Thai wife has a son from a previous marriage - husband died. Could not ask for a better son in law. 2 years ago graduated with Electronical Engineering Degree and now has excellent job with Seagate in Korat.

 

Why do people paint all with the same brush???

[Neeranam]

5 minutes ago, patongphil said:

Why do people paint all with the same brush???

It's called generalisation based on experience.

 

[Foghorn]

Advise him to get a usafruct on the land BEFORE  marriage , put all vehicles in his name , apart from that you can’t protect him , 

[Sharp]

If the last few years hasn't taught people how fragile our freedoms are and at the mercy of Governments then I'd say go for it if it makes him happy sort lived or not things can change again in a heartbeat blow the doors off live for the moment 

[giddyup]

Is the question because you wish someone had told you?

[save the frogs]

op,

given the bad driving in thailand, you might get hit by a bus.

there's that to consider. 

 

[bluemoon58]

14 hours ago, Goat said:

Should we tell him he is stupid?

Keep your beak out! The man's 53 and if he can't spot it at his age then there's no hope!

 

[The Old Bull]

I have been coming to Thailand over twenty years. I have never had a newbie ask for my opinion or advice so I never give it although I have seen many come with seemingly unlimited funds and loose everything.

I live in an Isan village and see many bar girls bring back trophies, Wayne from the USA, Fritz from Germany etc. The girls know I am not a snitcher so I am always invited to meet their latest true love even if he is the third this month and share in the bounty , grub and booze.  I might even get hired to drive them around.

 

 

[ChrisKC]

If they love each other and each are happy with the other's personality and other traits (as perceived by outsiders), maybe he isn't stupid!

[swm59nj]

You can try to make him see the reality.  But he is going to do what he wants.  With all the red flags he should be seeing the reality himself.  But from how you describe him he probably doesn’t think not think much about himself.  So he thinks this woman is a prize.  
He not only has to drop this woman.  But he needs to get his own act together. 

[LaosLover]

2 hours ago, Neeranam said:

Not good advice, I know a guy whose wife divorced him in california, took half his assets. 

Knowing the basics of marriage law before you get married is def. good advice. Even if you live in California. This info that can be given without judgement.

 

I'm not pronouncing a universal axiom here. That belongs to the half your age plus 7 crowd.