First Thai relationship, any advice?

[bignok]

4 hours ago, Hokeus said:

Without meaning to sound cynical, many Thai girls come with a set of obstacles. Following are a dozen of the common ones. Most of them have some and hard to find one without any of them. It’s a matter of figuring out which ones they have (hopefully they don’t have too many) and then deciding if you can live with the issues they have or not. Nobody is perfect or expected to be, and we certainly aren’t either, but some come with too many issues for things to work out well. 

 

1 - Financial problems

2 - Emotional immaturity

3 - Inability to be honest

4 - Family pressures

5 - Don’t like western food/culture

6 - Unintellectual 

7 - Superficial

8 - Act on superstitions

9 - Lazy

10 - Unfaithful/Unreliable 

11 - Don’t like to communicate openly

12 - Drug/Alcohol problems

You will never find love treating it like a computer program.

[fredwiggy]

18 minutes ago, Albaby said:

He has no idea. It's the drugs talking.

I would have said that about him, and now you, Peas in a pod. In your case, a flying monkey.

[SportRider]

Its not about Thai or non Thai.  It's about whether a certain person is a good partner match for you.

 

Low engagement, distance, not feeling connected so early in a relationship is a red flag.  It wont get any better with time, if she's already making you feel uncertain.

[bbbbooboo]

It sounds like your instinct is saying something is wrong with this girl. Your instinct is always right. Follow it

[Dogmatix]

If you like her, stick with her and enjoy it as far as it goes but get a bit detached and don't invest too much emotionally in the relationship.  It doesn't sound as if she is. Have an open mind about following up other opportunities.  It sounds like she might be doing that.

[Ben Zioner]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

Indeed, you are way too old for her. Aren't you embarrassed to go out to the street with such a young girl? 

[Dogmatix]

15 hours ago, JimTripper said:

20’s they could be thinking anything. Hanging out for free food and beer, or just out of boredom, or just out of curiosity. That’s like having someone come over in college, you just don’t know and probably never will.

 

I have known people like that have stolen stuff from the house. One even put sleeping pills (or whatever) in my coffee and I woke up during the theft (did not happen in Thailand). I tasted it in the coffee but did not realize it.

 

There was another that would come over, act friendly, but that’s it and just hang out and not initiate anything at all and no intimacy allowed. I think she wanted me to give her money but never asked or said anything. Eventually, we just lost contact and she would not message back.

 

The one was was stealing I just collected the stuff back and let her leave on her own in the waiting getaway vehicle. it was sad as we had known each other for a time.

One of my friends lost his US passport that he kept in an unlocked drawer and couldn't find it anywhere. Eventually when some other stuff went missing that couldn't have been taken by his maid or anyone else, he realised his live in Thai gf who had a background as a hooker had taken it. She confessed she had sold it to some crook for 10,000 to pay off gambling debts.  For some reason he was head over heels with this tart, who wasn't even good looking or fun to talk to, and didn't kick her out at the time and even gave her some cash to pay off her supposed debts.  Eventually after more stuff went missing he came to his senses and gave her the boot.

 

Don't leave valuables laying around and cut losses early in this type of situation.

[Ben Zioner]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

Indeed, you are way too old for her. Aren't you embarrassed to go out to the street with such a young girl?

 

On 8/24/2023 at 11:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

Just try to turn  off the TV. 

[Ben Zioner]

Cripes

[Ben Zioner]

Cripes, intercourse, again !

[fredwiggy]

I don't think any more embarrassed than the multitude of 70+ year olds here that do.

[neeray]

This young relationship is lacking "spark".  Where's the passion? You said nothing about "helping her out", but I think maybe you are. That makes it a "business relationship", thus, no passion.

[The Theory]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

I had a girl with the same behaviors long ago. In fact she had a Thai bf as well. Once I saw even men's clothing in her condo closet and I asked her about those she replied that are biking to my ex. ???????? later she admitted that she just had plan to travel to the US ????????. I decided to date girls for short time only and not getting anything serious since young girls are not really stable about what they want. 

[Stevemercer]

I agree with other posters that younger Thai ladies can sometimes seem emotionally immature. They are like teenagers - sometimes moody, distracted, distant, bored, volatile.

 

Think of your girlfriend as a teenager and respond accordingly. She will have many good qualities, but will sometimes be non-communicative and hard to read. She may feel a little guilty about the relationship (e.g. she could not tell her Mum or Dad) which makes her run hot and cold.

 

Is she comfortable holding your hand in public when you do go outside or cross the street? If no, she may not be entirely comfortable in the relationship and a bit self-concious or embarressed.

[JackGats]

Don't marry her. Don't get her pregnant.

[Scouse123]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:20 AM, petermik said:

She sounds a very immature young girl.....better quietly to distance yourself as soon as possible.

I was thinking that, in her twenties going on 14 in her brain.

 

The writing is already on the wall and the bleating of " But I really. Like her " is just somebody setting themselves up for a fall.

[Scouse123]

It looks to me and its certainly occurred to the OP with comment's about " too sore " but haven't done anything and up till 2am allegedly on the phone elsewhere when she says she is studying, that he thinks something is amiss here.

 

Trust your gut feeling. Never mind the romance.????

 

[Dirk Z]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:12 AM, 2baht said:

Follow your heart, young fella! 

Better follow your brain. 

[Irish star]

Do not ever put anything in a Gf ‘s name or even wife 

[JimTripper]

2 hours ago, Dogmatix said:

One of my friends lost his US passport that he kept in an unlocked drawer and couldn't find it anywhere. Eventually when some other stuff went missing that couldn't have been taken by his maid or anyone else, he realised his live in Thai gf who had a background as a hooker had taken it. She confessed she had sold it to some crook for 10,000 to pay off gambling debts.  For some reason he was head over heels with this tart, who wasn't even good looking or fun to talk to, and didn't kick her out at the time and even gave her some cash to pay off her supposed debts.  Eventually after more stuff went missing he came to his senses and gave her the boot.

 

Don't leave valuables laying around and cut losses early in this type of situation.

That would be a good test early on to try. Leave a 1000 baht note or something around or on the floor after a night of drinking. If it’s gone you know they are dishonest and just ghost them. That way the other valuables like your laptop or passport are not at risk later on.

[Freddy42OZ]

On 8/24/2023 at 11:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

 

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

 

 

When she comes over its often already 11-12 at night, which itself concerns me a bit.

 

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

The other morning, she told me she was calling a grab. 10 mins later she collects her stuff and makes a b line for the door without telling me her lift arrived or she was leaving. Nothing. 

I decided to ask her what was up and if it was normal to leave without saying anything, her response was she was tired and didnt feel like talking? Kind of threw me off a bit.

 

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. I haven't really experienced this before and honestly if it was a western girl I'd wonder if she might be a little Asperger's or even be uninterested altogether!

 

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

 

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

 

 

Fairly normal behaviour for young women.

My farang GF does some similar things.  

[Wise Old Man]

As you have been told several times before - Get the Hell out of it and don't give her any money.

[khunPer]

On 8/24/2023 at 6:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

Be careful about falling in love with a Thai woman – one can unfortunately easily do that...???? – especially if the behave weird.

 

Sometimes the best advice is to move on. There are plenty of alternatives – also young college students – and some of them might even be more attractive...????

 

To my knowledge, Thai women's behavior is described separately in the extended supplement volume to the book: "How to Understand Women".

 

 

Sometimes life is so much more easy, when being a single man...

[SOTIRIOS]

,,,Obviously You Are Just 'An Extra'...

...Hope You Haven't Given Her Too Much Money Already...

...Break It Off...And Keep Looking...

[bignok]

8 hours ago, JimTripper said:

That would be a good test early on to try. Leave a 1000 baht note or something around or on the floor after a night of drinking. If it’s gone you know they are dishonest and just ghost them. That way the other valuables like your laptop or passport are not at risk later on.

Try 100 baht. Why give away 900 for a tart?

[GypsyT]

Stick to her, don't give up!

Once I had a girl who had 5 others. My friends said "RUN" but I didn't see it like that.

What else is better proof she's good, even great, than having so many?

 

[Adumbration]

How is the sex?

 

Everything else is just white noise.

[Banana7]

I think you have a diamond in the rough. You just need to make a few cuts, shape her into a beautiful personality, and apply a little spit and polish  

 

To help you understand women here is a list of some differences:

GENDER DIFFERENCES MEN	WOMEN
Receive worth largely from work, success and career (significance)	Receive worth from relationships (security and love)
Want honour and respect	Want love verbalized
Goal oriented	People oriented
Love competitive sports	Interested in relationships
Want to feel competent	Not afraid to admit need help
Won’t take advice – want to be in control		Want to help, to support, to rescue
Want to deal with problems in a solution focused, logical rational manner		Want to talk about problems on an emotional level
Tend to withdraw into their ‘caves’ when stressed, to be alone and gain strength and inner calm		Tend to talk and share and want to feel supported when have problems
Men are literal (right brain dominant) and need to be told things (can’t guess)		Woman are intuitive, (left and right brain balanced) emotional, know what people feel and need
Compartmentalise Can concentrate on only one thing at a time Summarise		No clear divisions Everything affects everything else Can do six things at once See whole picture
Observe things generally		See detail
Speak +/- 12 500 words a day		Speak +/- 26 000 words per day
Sex drive motivated chiefly by physical needs. Aroused by sight		Sex drive motivated chiefly by emotional
Sex drive motivated chiefly by physical needs. Aroused by sight			Sex drive motivated chiefly by emotional needs Aroused by mood, ‘atmosphere’ or relationship
Not noticeably affected by hormone changes			Can be dramatically affected by hormone changes
Handle depression by externalizing – blaming, become aggressive, angry			Internalize depression – take blame, guilt, shut down

[Celsius]

1 hour ago, Adumbration said:

How is the sex?

 

Everything else is just white noise.

 

Let the hand do the talking

[soi3eddie]

On 8/24/2023 at 5:01 AM, ozthai23 said:

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

Move on and enjoy another young hottie. Rinse, repeat... Welcome to Thailand ????