Those who fell for marriage, how do you cope knowing you've ruined your life?

[Chris Daley]

I see a lot of old sods at work that never go home.  The single guys leave at 4 but the married losers stay until 5, 6 or even 7.  Sad-faced broken men that eat dinner at work 'to avoid the traffic'.  Anything to avoid going home to the wife.

 

How about you?  Did you fall for marriage or are you still a free and happy quality tourist?

[Nick Carter icp]

Or you get the guys who are happy being married and don't spend their time talking to strangers anonymously on the internet ?

[thesetat2013]

there is the mix too to think about. those married men who work and are good family men staying at home with their wife and kids but going out occasionally to see younger or sexier women on the side. 

[scubascuba3]

People pretend they're happy, they don't usually disclose relationship issues ongoing, after the breakup it all comes out

[BritManToo]

I'm happy at home with my wife and son, so you won't find me in a bar for afternoons. I do go into town one evening a week for a meal with a pal, and a couple of beers but that's about it. Up at dawn everyday to cycle 25km (twice a week with friends), but I don't go out much these days.

 

Not sure about "eating dinner at work", I've been retired the past 25 years.

 

I guess you just mix with the wrong class of people.

[1FinickyOne]

48 minutes ago, Chris Daley said:

Did you fall for marriage or are you still a free and happy quality tourist?

Both - only I am not a tourist... 

[Ralf001]

Love to get home to the misso.

I start work an hour early every day to ensure I leave work at 5pm to get home and spend the evening with her.

The shared GF does the same so we all eat dinner together.

[OneMoreFarang]

I am since a loooong time together with my gf, but I never married her. Why? Because I don't see the point why I should legally make my life more difficult.

Probably I will stay together with my gf until one of us dies - most likely me first. And she will inherit if there is anything left.

But somehow, I like it that in theory I could end it in 5min - if I wanted to do that.

She also knows that. And I am sure that helps her to appreciate the good life with me.

 

Unfortunately, I see too many guys who had a lot of fun in their life until they married and especially until the kids arrived. Now they work mostly for the kids, and the wife gives them s#$@ if they want to go out with the boys.

 

I guess if you want to take your darling back home and/or if you have kids then marriage makes kind of sense. But apart from that it's like a huge weight at the ankle. 

 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

1 hour ago, Chris Daley said:

Those who fell for marriage, how do you cope knowing you've ruined your life? 

Don't feel too bad fella's, you haven't ruined your life, I just read Sean will be in town next week. 😂

 

[transam]

2 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

I see a lot of old sods at work that never go home.  The single guys leave at 4 but the married losers stay until 5, 6 or even 7.  Sad-faced broken men that eat dinner at work 'to avoid the traffic'.  Anything to avoid going home to the wife.

 

How about you?  Did you fall for marriage or are you still a free and happy quality tourist?

How about you.......?  

Quasimodo or gay......?

[OneMoreFarang]

Just now, SAFETY FIRST said:

Don't feel too bad fella's, you haven't ruined your life, I just read Sean will be in town next week. 😂

 

 

This guy?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Ryan_(American_politician)

 

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

This guy?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Ryan_(American_politician)

 

 

Wow, he looks different without the wig and glasses. 

 

[save the frogs]

2 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

I see a lot of old sods at work that never go home.  The single guys leave at 4 but the married losers stay until 5, 6 or even 7.  Sad-faced broken men that eat dinner at work 'to avoid the traffic'.  Anything to avoid going home to the wife.

 

How about you?  Did you fall for marriage or are you still a free and happy quality tourist?

 

Jesus' 12 disciples followed him around all day, not because they were particularly interested in God, but to get away from their wives. 

[soi3eddie]

58 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But somehow, I like it that in theory I could end it in 5min - if I wanted to do that.

She also knows that. And I am sure that helps her to appreciate the good life with me.

As much as I love my GF, and have no intention of leaving, as things are so good, it is for this reason that I will not get married to her. Once married, a lady can change her ways and attitude, knowing that her husband is trapped.

 

58 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Unfortunately, I see too many guys who had a lot of fun in their life until they married and especially until the kids arrived. Now they work mostly for the kids, and the wife gives them s#$@ if they want to go out with the boys.

 This was me until I finally had enough and divorce was by far the better option once my son was in boarding school. Leaving the ex wife was one of the best things I ever did. 

 

Now, life is great with my GF of 4 years. Very happy. Of course she wants to seal the deal by getting married, but she knew from the outset that I will not marry again. No upside in marriage for men!

 

[save the frogs]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am since a loooong time together with my gf, but I never married her. Why? Because I don't see the point why I should legally make my life more difficult.

Probably I will stay together with my gf until one of us dies - most likely me first. And she will inherit if there is anything left.

But somehow, I like it that in theory I could end it in 5min - if I wanted to do that.

She also knows that. And I am sure that helps her to appreciate the good life with me.

 

Unfortunately, I see too many guys who had a lot of fun in their life until they married and especially until the kids arrived. Now they work mostly for the kids, and the wife gives them s#$@ if they want to go out with the boys.

 

I guess if you want to take your darling back home and/or if you have kids then marriage makes kind of sense. But apart from that it's like a huge weight at the ankle. 

 

 

 

Yes, but arguably the woman is stupid for not having a safety net.

That's why most women will insist on marriage, to have some sort of protection in case the guy effs off.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

17 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

Yes, but arguably the woman is stupid for not having a safety net.

That's why most women will insist on marriage, to have some sort of protection in case the guy effs off.

 

Is she stupid?

Or does she know me, after we live together since forever?

I think she knows how to live happily together, and she knows how she could make life miserable, i.e. by nagging all the time.

Mostly she does her best to live happily together. And I do my best to live happily together. Win/win.

She could complain i.e. that I am sometimes lazy. Maybe she does that, but not too much.

She knows that sometimes I go out to gogo bars and look at the girls. She doesn't complain. Because until now I always came back home - and I never brought a disease or trouble home.

I guess we both know they I could try to start a relationship with a younger girl. And maybe I would be excited about that for a few weeks or months. But would it last? Would it be long term as good as with my current gf? Unlikely! So, I won't try to find something better as long as I/we am happy. 

 

Could she tell me: Marry me or I go away? Sure. And then? Probably I would let her walk away. I would miss her.

But what would happen if I married her because she insists that I do that? Will she be happy to be married? Or will she then demand this and that or else? I remember a friend who told me before his marriage that he talked with his fiancé, and she told him she won't make any trouble. Later, married, she changed her mind and told him what he is allowed to do and what not.

I avoid such trouble. 

[save the frogs]

9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

Is she stupid?

Or does she know me, after we live together since forever?

I think she knows how to live happily together, and she knows how she could make life miserable, i.e. by nagging all the time.

Mostly she does her best to live happily together. And I do my best to live happily together. Win/win.

She could complain i.e. that I am sometimes lazy. Maybe she does that, but not too much.

She knows that sometimes I go out to gogo bars and look at the girls. She doesn't complain. Because until now I always came back home - and I never brought a disease or trouble home.

I guess we both know they I could try to start a relationship with a younger girl. And maybe I would be excited about that for a few weeks or months. But would it last? Would it be long term as good as with my current gf? Unlikely! So, I won't try to find something better as long as I/we am happy. 

 

Could she tell me: Marry me or I go away? Sure. And then? Probably I would let her walk away. I would miss her.

But what would happen if I married her because she insists that I do that? Will she be happy to be married? Or will she then demand this and that or else? I remember a friend who told me before his marriage that he talked with his fiancé, and she told him she won't make any trouble. Later, married, she changed her mind and told him what he is allowed to do and what not.

I avoid such trouble. 

 

Maybe she trusts you enough. 

It sounds like you have as close to an ideal situation as possible. 

The relationship is good, both parties are content, without the shackles. 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

Just now, save the frogs said:

Maybe she trusts you enough. 

It sounds like you have as close to an ideal situation as possible. 

The relationship is good, both parties are content, without the shackles. 

 

Yes, we trust each other.

Are there shackles? No legal shackles. But I am sure if one of us would want to walk away that wouldn't be an easy task.

We both know that we have a good relationship. Is there a perfect relationship somewhere out there? Maybe. Is it likely? Not so much.

 

 

[Hummin]

3 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

People pretend they're happy, they don't usually disclose relationship issues ongoing, after the breakup it all comes out

You come along as a happy chap living the dream in paradise 😁

 

Oh man, prime example of happiness 

[save the frogs]

27 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You come along as a happy chap living the dream in paradise 😁

 

Oh man, prime example of happiness 

 

what is "happiness"? It's another vague term that is so abstract as to barely mean anything.

 

does it mean we should be going around smiling all day long?

 

i'm not convinced that a long-term marriage is about happiness. there are bouts of good times, but also full of problems, and challenges, and responsibilities, things we would rather not do. 

maybe it's mostly about sacrifice, devotion to the other person.

 

are single people happier? no, I don't consider myself happy on a regular basis being single for a while now. 

I don't claim being single = happy and being married = unhappy

I don't have to deal with all the challenges of being married for a while now. 

I do enjoy going to a tittie bar ocassionally without feeling like I'm cheating on someone .... but tittie bars are just titillating, they don't make me perpetually happy. happy is a strong word.

 

the pursuit of happiness is just that ... an endless pursuit ... which doesn't exist. nobody is "happy" all the time or most of the time. single or married.

 

 

[thesetat2013]

3 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

People pretend they're happy, they don't usually disclose relationship issues ongoing, after the breakup it all comes out

Every marriage has its ups and downs. You can not be happy all the time. There are concessions to make to appease other members in the home. If you make a list of the good and bad.. and the bad outweighs the good. It is time to leave. But for most who are married.. The ups are more than the downs. It is better with someone who loves and cares about you. Better than holding the beer in your hand to drown out your depression or to force yourself to not feel bad. 

[Hummin]

3 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

what is "happiness"? It's another vague term that is so abstract as to barely mean anything.

 

does it mean we should be going around smiling all day long?

 

i'm not convinced that a long-term marriage is about happiness. there are bouts of good times, but also full of problems, and challenges, and responsibilities, things we would rather not do. 

maybe it's mostly about sacrifice, devotion to the other person.

 

are single people happier? no, I don't consider myself happy on a regular basis being single for a while now. 

I don't claim being single = happy and being married = unhappy

I don't have to deal with all the challenges of being married for a while now. 

I do enjoy going to a tittie bar ocassionally without feeling like I'm cheating on someone .... but tittie bars are just titillating, they don't make me perpetually happy.

 

the pursuit of happiness is just that ... an endless pursuit ... which doesn't exist. nobody is "happy" all the time or most of the time. single or married.

 

 

Not hard to read the lines here at AN who seems to be at a good place in life, and those who constantly is drawn to negative threads, and think they know something about one group of people, and how their life is.

 

I genuinely believe people can be happy in marriage or in relationships, since I see my friends and family who are happy, I also believe the opposite, but for most sane people with resources, manage to make necessary changes to.be happy.

 

I also believe people can be happy single, but what I often se, and especially men aged 50 and above, they do not live an healthy life, and certainly have a hard time to socialize with people in healthy relationships, and keeps friends who always complain about their wife or partner close for some reasons. 

 

Anyway, important to realize, everything isn't black and white, and it comes down to you, who you are, and how you manage to be in relationships as well social smart to find the right person for you. 

[ubonr1971]

No doubt OP has never had kids of his own. Your missing out pal!  Its the best thing in life. 

[RichardColeman]

5 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

The single guys leave at 4 but the married losers stay until 5, 6 or even 7.  Sad-faced broken men that eat dinner at work 'to avoid the traffic'.  Anything to avoid going home to the wife.

I can only assume you mean 4pm - if that is the case then I 100% think the reverse is true. Single guys are off to the girlie bars at 4pm as the evening shift of women has just arrived, and the married guys stay until 6 or 7 and go home to the wife an evening with the family

[scubascuba3]

8 hours ago, Hummin said:

You come along as a happy chap living the dream in paradise 😁

 

Oh man, prime example of happiness 

I'm happy, life is great, I'm just pointing out flaws in relationships, maybe yours as it touched a nerve again

[scubascuba3]

8 hours ago, thesetat2013 said:

Better than holding the beer in your hand to drown out your depression or to force yourself to not feel bad. 

I agree with that, probably relates to people in relationships too

[Hummin]

30 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

I'm happy, life is great, I'm just pointing out flaws in relationships, maybe yours as it touched a nerve again

It all about you, and how you feel, not me 😁 

 

Sad, really sad

[Presnock]

14 hours ago, Chris Daley said:

I see a lot of old sods at work that never go home.  The single guys leave at 4 but the married losers stay until 5, 6 or even 7.  Sad-faced broken men that eat dinner at work 'to avoid the traffic'.  Anything to avoid going home to the wife.

 

How about you?  Did you fall for marriage or are you still a free and happy quality tourist?

after 20+ years, yes I am still loving paradise.  we have a super smart young daughter in college, and enjoying life as much as possible.  

[rwill]

Then you have people like the wife and I that have been happily together for about 50 years.  The last 15 years both retired and together all the time.

[OneMoreFarang]

11 hours ago, ubonr1971 said:

No doubt OP has never had kids of his own. Your missing out pal!  Its the best thing in life. 

 

Yeah, I really miss that one...