The wife and I sleep in separate rooms. Anyone else in this situation?

[Thingamabob]

Happily married to my Thai wife for 35 years. Separate rooms mostly, she gets more sleep that way, whereas I'm a night owl. Co-habit when the spirit moves us. 

[bbabythai]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

allowing a boy to sleep with his mother up until the age of 6 is dangerous for his health, well being, and self esteem

Why do you say this. Please explain. 

[khunPer]

On 7/29/2021 at 7:31 AM, charliechoc said:

I think in a western country it would deemed to be rather odd for a 6 yr old to be still sleeping in mummies bed. But maybe in Thailand its normal.

 

Anyone else have  experiences with this?

It's pretty normal in Thai culture, to my understanding.

 

Six years are long time, it might soon come to an end, but it could also continue some more years. It's my impression that when it's a daughter, it can last for quite some time, but I think a boy wish to move out sooner.

 

Difficult to give any advice, as you might hit a culture gap, which might not be as easy to handle in real life, as writing "excellent advice" in a forum, I'm sorry that I can't do better.

 

I didn't experience this, as I employed a live-in combined young maid and nanny that slept with my daughter in the child-bedroom. When the last maid got boyfriend and wish to marry after about six years with us, my daughter also was of an age, i.e. 9 years old, where she preferred to sleep alone.

[rumak]

15 hours ago, rcuthbert said:

Women love  "sweet talk"

i tried that long time ago.

 

Now i find that "shut up and get me a beer"  has much better results.    

 

this is just a joke.    but generally true,  as many "jokes"  are.   

[Harveyboy]

On 7/29/2021 at 12:43 PM, bkk6060 said:

Welcome to the depressing and senseless purgatory of a thing called marriage.

yep the old saying ...how do you stop your girlfriend from having sex  Marry her   lol

[1FinickyOne]

I am in the same situation - your wife and I sleep in not only separate rooms but different houses.. it's a nice arrangement - she's like a stranger to me... 

[BusyB]

On 7/29/2021 at 7:57 AM, BangkokReady said:

it seems to be.  Some people live in one room.  Some live in a weird huge shed with roofless rooms within it.  I think separate rooms can be somewhat of a luxury in Thailand.

Family I know, three generations of women/girl sleep in one combined bed, even though there are many rooms available. It's the communal Thai thing. Cultural. Once upon a time they had a shack, and they lived, cooked, slept in it.

Hokey Cokey was done elsewhere presumably - that's a bit harder in BKK I guess.

[aboctok]

On 7/29/2021 at 3:57 PM, BangkokReady said:

it seems to be.  Some people live in one room.  Some live in a weird huge shed with roofless rooms within it.  I think separate rooms can be somewhat of a luxury in Thailand.

No rainy season in your part of Thailand? ????

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, bbabythai said:

 

allowing a boy to sleep with his mother up until the age of 6 is dangerous for his health, well being, and self esteem

 

Why do you say this. Please explain. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics is opposed to bed-sharing: It "should be avoided at all times" with a "[full-]term normal-weight infant younger than 4 months," the AAP writes in its 2016 recommendations for pediatricians. The organization says the practice puts babies at risk for sleep-related deaths, including sudden infant death syndrome, accidental suffocation and accidental strangulation. About 3,700 babies die each year in the U.S. from sleep-related causes.

 

https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/21/601289695/is-sleeping-with-your-baby-as-dangerous-as-doctors-say

 

They found that slightly more than 10 percent of non bed-sharers had a diagnosed psychiatric disorder, while the percentages were 13.2, 15.8, and 18.8 among late-onset, early-only and persistent bed-sharers, respectively. 

 

https://www.thecut.com/2016/10/parents-who-co-sleep-will-hate-this-study.html

 

Many exhausted parents tell me that although co-sleeping may have seemed like a good idea at one point, they recognize once entrenched in the never ending pattern that the opposite of a restful night sleep occurs and in fact, co-sleeping creates additional stress for the entire family.

 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-dangers-of-cosleeping_b_7773538

 

Those who persisted with co-sleeping beyond six months tended to have more family problems. Marital adjustment – how well the parents got along – was worse. The quality of co-parenting – how effectively the parents made decisions about the baby together – was poorer. 

 

https://childandfamilyblog.com/long-term-co-sleeping-baby-can-sign-family-problems/

[JeffersLos]

So they get paid a lumpsum sinsod and monthly payments thereafter, to sleep in a separate room.

 

That's a d@mn good deal. 

 

Just how do they catch people to give them that lol 

[aboctok]

22 hours ago, david555 said:

I thought respecting each other's tradition would be a normal thing ..... against just be assimilated by one  side .....

 

In my experience, Thais have a mature sense of fairness, and always respect the need to apply it in the context of cultural disparity. Especially Thai females, and particularly in Isan.

[david555]

3 minutes ago, aboctok said:

In my experience, Thais have a mature sense of fairness, and always respect the need to apply it in the context of cultural disparity. Especially Thai females, and particularly in Isan.

Would this habit not be the result from being small housed , many family living same small places ?

So more became  from that need...?  

[Seeall]

On 7/29/2021 at 2:18 PM, chickenslegs said:

At the end of each day I am very happy to retire to my own room where I can set the aircon to my ideal temperature, have just one lightweight sheet on my king size bed, keep a reading light on for as long as I wish or watch TV without disturbing anyone, and have the whole bed to myself.

 

When my wife shares my bed it is not for sleeping, and usually a morning or afternoon treat. Unfortunately, those opportunities are scarce just now as there is no school, so we are rarely alone.

sounds like ur old and fussy....

[Titan1962]

What’s the point of being married if you sleep in separate rooms,might as well be single and just hire a maid it would cost about the same. But I can see it being a better option if there are medical conditions involved. The misses tried that <deleted> when her nephew came to stay for awhile,an absolute no was the answer she got. No wonder so many thai men end up with Giks here.

[ChipButty]

My daughter is a child psychologist I'll ask her what the situation about that in England, I mean you cant fart in piece these days

[richard_smith237]

56 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

The American Academy of Pediatrics is opposed to bed-sharing: It "should be avoided at all times" with a "[full-]term normal-weight infant younger than 4 months," the AAP writes in its 2016 recommendations for pediatricians. The organization says the practice puts babies at risk for sleep-related deaths, including sudden infant death syndrome, accidental suffocation and accidental strangulation. About 3,700 babies die each year in the U.S. from sleep-related causes.

 

We used an ‘on bed bassinet’ (the same as the one below) because our son shared our bed for the first year or so before he went in a cot in our bedroom.

The ‘on bed bassinet’ offered a layer of protection from roll over etc - we were also careful not let him get too warm, the duvet was under the on bed bassinet, swaddling in the first few months, then his own ‘baby grow’ (onesie) and a blanket. 

 

Also, whenever I’d had a few beers or had been out on the sauce I'd sleep in the spare room, never in the same bed as my son.

 

At 2 years old he went into his own room - initially with a mattress on the floor so that when he did fall out, he didn’t have far to fall.

 

Since having his own room, at the start he would wake up each night, like clockwork and come into our room. Without saying a word we would just get up, put him back in his room and walk out (no attention reward) - it never really worked, we were woken up nearly every night for a couple of years !

 

Since the age of about 5 years old he has slept all the way through, some nights he will come into our room - depending on what has happened we’ll let him stay in our bed. But he moves, he kicks, he helicopter sleeps. He laughs when I give him stick in the morning !!...  its nice, so long as its not a regular thing. 

 

 

 

 

 

[digger70]

The wife and I sleep in separate rooms. Anyone else in this situation? 

 

Ain't gonna happen ,where I come from .

A Couple (don't have to be married)sleeps together No one else in the room. 

Only exception maybe Medical condition.

[kwonitoy]

52 minutes ago, Titan1962 said:

What’s the point of being married if you sleep in separate rooms,might as well be single and just hire a maid it would cost about the same. But I can see it being a better option if there are medical conditions involved. The misses tried that <deleted> when her nephew came to stay for awhile,an absolute no was the answer she got. No wonder so many thai men end up with Giks here.

Since I'm divorced and have hired a live in maid/housekeeper let me assure you, it is MUCH MUCH cheaper to have a maid than a wife. Many magnitudes cheaper. Way better set-up. I prefer it.

[NONG CHOK]

Ive been married to a Thai for 20 years its been ok but in recent years she has become totally addicted to youtube on her iphone. She complains she cant sleep but Im sure an iphone in your face 24/7 is not a good way to fix your insomnia. She's 65yo and carries on like an 8yo. Ive tried to talk sense to her and all I get is the Thai snarl, maybe Im just her sponsor?

[BangkokReady]

2 hours ago, aboctok said:

No rainy season in your part of Thailand? ????

I mean the rooms are within the shed structure and therefore are protected from the rain by the single shed roof, but they don't go all the way to the roof.

[MrJ2U]

7 hours ago, BritManToo said:

More likely because she thought she had squeezed out all the money he would give.

Never met a Thai women who cared how her husband behaved if the money was good!

Anybody can get tired of a raging alcoholic.

He was a great guy until he hit the bottle.

 

[aboctok]

1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

I mean the rooms are within the shed structure and therefore are protected from the rain by the single shed roof, but they don't go all the way to the roof.

Ah, roofless. ????

[NONG CHOK]

Just now, aboctok said:

Ah, roofless. ????

Thats a horrible position to be in roofless and rootless, if you know what I mean.

[Artisi]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

I mean the rooms are within the shed structure and therefore are protected from the rain by the single shed roof, but they don't go all the way to the roof.

Your initial comment was sufficient, well for most of us. 

[Gottfrid]

On 7/29/2021 at 4:02 PM, Gottfrid said:

Oh, you mean that you have put yourself way down the pecking order. Guess that´s life if you come here without sufficient economics. A life and a relationship in Thailand is not suitable for everyone. Especially, not in a country where money talks.

Think I just have to quote myself. People say you get the best answers that way.

 

However, I wonder why @MayBeNow, @ColeBOzbourne, and @Netease are looking so sad at my post? Please inform me. I guess you do not see Thailand as a money oriented country. Have you all lost your mind?

[SunsetT]

On 7/29/2021 at 7:08 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

That's why bolsters were invented IMO.

I've always wondered how more children were conceived if the previous ones were sleeping in the same bed though. They must do it very quietly.

There are 24 hours in the day. Nookie can take place anywhere anytime you know, especially in Thailand...555. It doesnt have to be at night in the bed.

[SunsetT]

On 7/29/2021 at 7:00 AM, tonray said:

It's normal all over SE Asia and the Phillipines for sure

Thats why Superking 6' beds are the norm in Thailand; so the whole family can sleep in it...555.

[The Hammer2021]

Marriage is an arrangement by which two people start by getting the best out of each other and often end by getting the worst. Gerald Brenan

[SunsetT]

On 7/29/2021 at 7:12 AM, worgeordie said:

The family next door had their son sleeping in the same bed

as them till he was 16 Years old  !

regards Worgeordie

The boys usually go before the girls as they need their own room to 'pull it off' every hour...555.

[The Hammer2021]

7 minutes ago, SunsetT said:

There are 24 hours in the day. Nookie can take place anywhere anytime you know, especially in Thailand...555. It doesnt have to be at night in the bed.

'especially in Thailand'..what a limited life you have led!