Opinion: It is time Thais end the practice of demanding dowries from prospective spouses

[webfact]

 

By Cod Satrusayang

 

A friend of mine recently proposed to his girlfriend and our group of friends have spent the last few weeks excitedly helping the groom-to-be plan his vows, his bachelor party, and his attire for his wedding.

 

We were told not to interfere in the planning for the wedding itself as that was the remit of the bride and her family – not that any of us were complaining.

 

My friend is from a well-to-do family in Thailand and his extended family are fortunate enough to own industry and employ hundreds.

 

Keep up to date with all things Thailand - Join our daily ASEAN NOW Thailand Newsletter - Click to subscribe

 

Full story: https://www.thaienquirer.com/38342/opinion-it-is-time-thais-end-the-practice-of-demanding-dowries-from-prospective-spouses/

 

-- © Copyright Thai Enquirer 2022-03-09

 

- Aetna offers a range of visa-compliant plans that meet the minimum requirement of medical treatment, including COVID-19, up to THB 3m. For more information on all expat health insurance plans click here.

 

- Follow ASEAN NOW on LINE for breaking COVID-19 updates

[SoilSpoil]

No way! I have 2 daughters, quite pretty if I may say so, and if they ever decide to marry a Thai guy, his family will pay the jackpot. I cannot own land here, need yearly visa extensions,  cannot get a proper job, was prohibited to enter certain restaurants during the 1st Covid wave and also have to pay a multiple of the local price at National Parks.  

 

Pay up, or I'll send them to University in Italy, Spain or Japan. They will for sure fall in love there. Payback time.

[law ling]

The guy has to pay "tens of millions of baht"! ... I'd just pass, and move on.

[baansgr]

It's a money making scam....

[Dmaxdan]

I doubt this will ever happen within Thai society particularly with the less affluent. As soon most new baby girls are born here their parents are planning ahead for their daughter's big day and their potential windfall.

Edited March 9, 2022 by Dmaxdan

[sungod]

4 minutes ago, SoilSpoil said:

No way! I have 2 daughters, quite pretty if I may say so, and if they ever decide to marry a Thai guy, his family will pay the jackpot. I cannot own land here, need yearly visa extensions,  cannot get a proper job, was prohibited to enter certain restaurants during the 1st Covid wave and also have to pay a multiple of the local price at National Parks.  

 

Pay up, or I'll send them to University in Italy, Spain or Japan. They will for sure fall in love there. Payback time.

Sounds like your daughter needs to find someone in immigration........

[BritManToo]

Just say NO!

[jacko45k]

17 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

I doubt this will ever happen within Thai society particularly with the less affluent. As soon most new baby girls are born here their parents are planning ahead for their daughter's big day and their potential windfall.

Or saving  up for the bus fare to get her to Pattaya as soon as she is done with school.

[RichardColeman]

16 minutes ago, SoilSpoil said:

No way! I have 2 daughters, quite pretty if I may say so, and if they ever decide to marry a Thai guy, his family will pay the jackpot. I cannot own land here, need yearly visa extensions,  cannot get a proper job, was prohibited to enter certain restaurants during the 1st Covid wave and also have to pay a multiple of the local price at National Parks.  

 

Pay up, or I'll send them to University in Italy, Spain or Japan. They will for sure fall in love there. Payback time.

I think I agree with you to some point, I have a 5 year old daughter that 100% I am asking for a dowry for if marrying in Thailand - along with his good prospectus ! That said she told the next door neighbour she was going to marry a farang when older as they had more money for the 7/11 !

 

BUT, would you still be asking for a dowry for her second marriage after 2 children ? Having a sliding scale seems obscene.

 

I paid no dowry for my current wife (her wish), she's worth millions to me, but when meeting her at 37, she's a bit ragged - like me - with history. Anyone paying a dowry for a woman with some baggage is just plain nuts.

 

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

 

 

I paid no dowry for my current wife (her wish), she's worth millions to me, but when meeting her at 37, she's a bit ragged - like me - with history. Anyone paying a dowry for a woman with some baggage is just plain nuts.

 

That was the first I asked my gf mother about, what she expected from me! 
 

Nope, if you follow tradition, a uneducated woman passed 28, 30, 32 years, divorced, have history, and kids, zero sin sod. End of discussion. Better to clear that question befor you get to connected. 
 

 

[smedly]

another thing to be aware of is debt, a friend of mine married a Thai woman who was married before to a farang, she had run up a considerable level of debt that her new husband was unaware, she obtained the money generally from money lenders to feed her gambling habit which my friend was not aware of, soon the money lenders came knocking and told the farang he was now responsible, although she was obviously a con artist my friend felt very exposed and threatened, there were many other tails about this woman that I won't go into, over several years she cleaned him out of tens of thousands - he was a real nice generous older man in his upper 70's and got completely shafted - he refused to listen to friends advising him to dump her - go figure 

[sleepwalker999]

Stupid tradition that only seems to be carried out by idiotic hi-so families and the ultra-conservative lot.

[jacko45k]

3 hours ago, sleepwalker999 said:

Stupid tradition that only seems to be carried out by idiotic hi-so families and the ultra-conservative lot.

I believe in the poorer families the money/sinsod, is really just for show and is returned to the couple after ceremonies to help get them started. 

[KhunLA]

Over paying to buy a product that you've rented & used for a while, knowing it's only going to depreciate in years to come.

 

They don't teach that in 'Economics 101' ... ????

[JonnyF]

When I met the mother of a previous Thai girlfriend she (the mother) started asking about when we would get married and how much the dowry would be.

 

Since her Mother didn't speak English and I didn't speak Thai at the time, I told my girlfriend very politely (but deadly serious) to tell her that dowry is not a part of my culture, but that in my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding and the honeymoon and that I'd like to go to The Maldives for 2 weeks. I'm pretty sure she didn't translate that to her mother but either way the conversation moved on to other subjects quickly enough.

[smutcakes]

When i got together with my missus 15 years ago or so, i think i paid 100K, which the mother in law then gave back 90K without us even asking for it. Not to bad and not much to complain about.

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, smutcakes said:

When i got together with my missus 15 years ago or so, i think i paid 100K, which the mother in law then gave back 90K without us even asking for it. Not to bad and not much to complain about.

It is mostly face when the girl is outside of the terms of valuable for a sin sod. As a man who loves her, you want to show pride that your wife is worthy to everyone, or do you want to show everybody she have no value? See it from their culture and theirs view, and not only your view. 
 

A good solution for both parts

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

41 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

I paid no dowry for my current wife (her wish), she's worth millions to me, but when meeting her at 37, she's a bit ragged - like me

Same here, met my wife around the same age. I recommend this age and "mileage" actually, invaluable experience, maturity, and humility. The younger ones are so terribly arrogant, the years of attn since puberty having gone to their heads, even worse now with the effects from social media.

 

Wife had a farang ex-husband 20 years ago. My "dowry" has been: various repairs to the 20 year old house, leaks, replaced all lighting and electricial outlets. New fridge, hot water, and TV for dad's Thai boxing. Poor guy had been squinting at a little 13 incher.

 

Got a good story for y'all. Since Covid got going, a returned 20-something BKK bargirl had been stomping around our village with her nose up in the air, a total little princess. Laying around, not doing anything. This Issan country bumpkin life is just far beneath her. She once had thousands of baht tossed at her a night. Well, not anymore.

 

She since found herself a Thai BF, cosied up to his fam, and was arranging a royal wedding fit for someone of her standing. The dowry amount we heard tossed around was 50k. She kept hitting up the grandparents for a few baht here and there as she was refusing to work, promising them the big money was coming. Well, the deal fell through. Former bargirls aren't worth so much apparently. She then spent the next few months sulking around the house. Grandpa finally had enough and gave her the boot. Ok princess, time to go move into town and get a job. The shops have all converted to online sales, and they need little princesses to pack. ????

[edwinchester]

25 minutes ago, sleepwalker999 said:

Stupid tradition that only seems to be carried out by idiotic hi-so families and the ultra-conservative/royalist lot.

Very much alive here in the village although the going rate is a much more reasonable 50 to a 100k bht.

[Hummin]

14 minutes ago, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

Same here, met my wife around the same age. I recommend this age and "mileage" actually, invaluable experience, maturity, and humility. The younger ones are so terribly arrogant, the years of attn since puberty having gone to their heads, even worse now with the effects from social media.

 

Wife had a farang ex-husband 20 years ago. My "dowry" has been: various repairs to the 20 year old house, leaks, replaced all lighting and electricial outlets. New fridge, hot water, and TV for dad's Thai boxing. Poor guy had been squinting at a little 13 incher.

 

Got a good story for y'all. Since Covid got going, a returned 20-something BKK bargirl had been stomping around our village with her nose up in the air, a total little princess. Laying around, not doing anything. This Issan country bumpkin life is just far beneath her. She once had thousands of baht tossed at her a night. Well, not anymore.

 

She since found herself a Thai BF, cosied up to his fam, and was arranging a royal wedding fit for someone of her standing. The dowry amount we heard tossed around was 50k. She kept hitting up the grandparents for a few baht here and there as she was refusing to work, promising them the big money was coming. Well, the deal fell through. Former bargirls aren't worth so much apparently. She then spent the next few months sulking around the house. Grandpa finally had enough and gave her the boot. Ok princess, time to go move into town and get a job. The shops have all converted to online sales, and they need little princesses to pack. ????

Thats what they are worth after giving their hearth to working and sending money home. When no more cash arrives, the love from family is gone and they are treated as unclean and unworthy. Since you know her is a bar lady, I assume the whole village know to. You can imagine her feelings when she walks out of the door.
 

Surprised how little emphathy many manage to show people who trying to survive. You know nothing about her life and what she have done for her family, and what she have been through! 
 

The same I see in family where a cousin coming home from university, and now locked her self in her room, and almost never see daylight anymore. She is sick and depressed, and nobody knows how her study going since it seems nobody knows how to handle it, and not good at talking about problems. She should have been outside and helping her family, but the younger generation who have been spoiled and taken care off, do not know how to do hard work like their parents and grandparents anymore. 
 

So not only bar girls struggle with daily life coming back to their village. 

Edited March 9, 2022 by Hummin

[Gottfrid]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Just say NO!

Hell Yeah! See how only one small little word can do the trick. ???? 

[anyone]

Sinsot is mandatory! No need to destroy the traditional way of life. So close to the abolition of Buddhism

[RubbaJohnny]

Sure way to scotch such demands ask for a refund clause for non performing bones.

 

I thought I was lucky my mother -in-law expected no money upfront, much cannier to play the long game, however both she and my wife far exceeded expectations, I'm not sure they would agree about me as I am to them a work in progress......They thought in addition to an ATM , they'd acquired a chauffeur. builder, gardener , handyman, kitchen boy. It was a pleasure to relieve them of all such misapprehensions! 

 

I regretfully explained from my lazy boy recliner in my most "Sincerely folks voice' 

I regret your Immigration Office has reserved all such tasks to falangs so as not to deprive willing Thais of honest toil and much as I'd like to hang out the  washing ,mow the lawn, trim your bush, clean the dogs and bitches , car, yard and garage there could be talk....

Edited March 9, 2022 by RubbaJohnny

[garyk]

I knew an english guy in Pattaya that spent close to 100K paying the girls debt and family to marry.. loco.

[lujanit]

Required reading for every farang coming to or living in Thailand and looking for a wife.  This article should be pinned somewhere prominent in the appropriate forum.

 

https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/readers-submissions/green-star/2005/12/the-case-against-sin-sot-and-other-reasons-not-to-give-thai-women-money/

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Surprised how little emphathy many manage to show people who trying to survive. You know nothing about her life and what she have done for her family, and what she have been through! 

If she came back and got to work it'd be a different story. We saw other bargirls who did this. They went to sell food by the road, sell stuff online, provide online "entertainment". They were respected for this.

 

No, this one was a little princess. Terrible attitude, not lifting a finger. She thought she was worth a dowry payday and this was all she had to do. She thought wrong. Then she had no back up plan. Grandpa finally had to tell her to get off her high horse and go work.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Since you know her is a bar lady, I assume the whole village know to.

 

but the younger generation who have been spoiled and taken care off, do not know how to do hard work like their parents and grandparents anymore. 

My woman's village, the people assume any attractive lady who moves to the 'big city' for work is working as a hooker.

 

I'm not sure I ever knew how to do 'hard work' like my parents and grandparents either.

Edited March 9, 2022 by BritManToo

[meechai]

When I wanted to marry my wife in 2007 I wanted to be respectful to Thai customs

So I asked my future mother in law what is expected for sinsod

 

To my surprise she said...We are not selling our daughter....That you love her & promise to take care of her is all we ask

 

They were not rich in any way. They were normal Thai farmers in the north. Great loving folks who were married for 70 years themselves

 

[Hummin]

9 minutes ago, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

If she came back and got to work it'd be a different story. We saw other bargirls who did this. They went to sell food by the road, sell stuff online, provide online "entertainment". They were respected for this.

 

No, this one was a little princess. Terrible attitude, not lifting a finger. She thought she was worth a dowry payday and this was all she had to do. She thought wrong. Then she had no back up plan. Grandpa finally had to tell her to get off her high horse and go work.

Yeah it happens to as there is many people in the world who is just a fault of themselves, and have no one to blaim! Still it happens I feel sorry for people who obviously struggling with something.

 

I just see how the pressure is on some of the girls around here to succeed with a rich man, and if he is not rich, they have squeeze everything out of him before he either leave volounterly, forced to leave, die or stay in it because he have nowhere to go. 

 

But still many good families and girls around even they have been naughty girls, so it takes a bit of theft and luck to succeed.

 

Still 4 years to our 10 years anniversary before I will claim my success. 

 

At least my investment theoretically will be downpaid by then ????????

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, lujanit said:

Required reading for every farang coming to or living in Thailand and looking for a wife.  This article should be pinned somewhere prominent in the appropriate forum.

 

https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/readers-submissions/green-star/2005/12/the-case-against-sin-sot-and-other-reasons-not-to-give-thai-women-money/

Not one of the better posts.

If you're old and unattractive no young attractive woman (Thai or other) will have sex with you for free.

I think the main concern about sinsot is paying upfront ........ that's never a good idea.

Fun first, pay after.