Thai soon to be 15 years old girlfriends sons bedroom

[Stevey]

Can anyone beat this boy’s bedroom that I am being forced to live with girlfriend won’t address it. The boy has done what he wants since forever.

 

last time I went in there there was a mountain of cigarette butts in receptacles of one form or another. Truly vomit inducing stuff. Mom won’t address it.

 

Any suggestions on way forward greatly appreciated. 

 

 

[hotandsticky]

Run Forrest!

[Joe Farang]

Tell him to pick a window, then throw him head first through it.

Likewise for his no good mother.

[Myran]

Hit 'em where it hurts: money. If she's the one financing his disgusting behavior and refuses to do anything about it, ditch the pigs.

[Jingthing]

How did you manage to get a picture of my private man cave?

[BangkokReady]

26 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Any suggestions on way forward greatly appreciated.

I'm not sure how serious your relationship is, or how much you care about morals or values, but it seems like the woman is not exactly top drawer in the parenting department.  Perhaps you just want to have sex with her and don't care about anything else.  I assume you don't want to have children with her.

 

Three choices, as I see it.  1, Leave.  2, Tolerate it.  3, Clean it yourself, maybe even buy him some furniture, try to befriend the boy and see if you can become a positive influence in his life.

 

In terms of punishment, it's likely that neither the mother nor the son will allow that.  You only really have kindness and reward in your motivational toolbox.

 

What are your feelings about your relationship in terms of being a father figure to the boy?  Do you feel like you have any responsibility to help him in any way?  Or are you just "shaggin' his mum"?

 

He's probably not in a great mental state.  I guess an absent father and a busy mother?  Now some foreign guy has moved in.

 

Some might look at a room like that and think it's a sign of depression.

[Gaccha]

He appears to be suffering from a hoarding disorder . This is a sign of a serious mental issue and it might well be owing to depression or schizophrenia and so on. The best route ahead will probably involve SSRIs and cognitive behavioural therapy. But you need to get him to a doctor.

[BangkokReady]

3 minutes ago, Gaccha said:

He appears to be suffering from a hoarding disorder . This is a sign of a serious mental issue and it might well be owing to depression or schizophrenia and so on. The best route ahead will probably involve SSRIs and cognitive behavioural therapy. But you need to get him to a doctor.

The room is so bare and miserable to begin with though.  I can imagine simply having to stay in that room giving someone mental problems.

 

I'd be tempted to give it a clean, spend a few thousand Baht on some furniture, and see what affect that has.

[ChaiyaTH]

The room itself doesn't exactly look nice too. Maybe you can do more than complain of the garbage alone, fix his room up, paint etc.

 

Assuming it's a single mom story, he is a boy, he never had any example for sure.

[Lemsta69]

1 minute ago, BangkokReady said:

The room is so bare and miserable to begin with though.  I can imagine simply having to stay in that room giving someone mental problems.

 

I'd be tempted to give it a clean, spend a few thousand Baht on some furniture, and see what affect that has.

good idea. a lick of paint would be nice too, those bare walls make it look like a prison cell. I'm reaching for my antidepressants just looking at the photo ????

[samuttodd]

Tell him you saw a big snake go after a rat in there.

[Stevey]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

I'm not sure how serious your relationship is, or how much you care about morals or values, but it seems like the woman is not exactly top drawer in the parenting department.  Perhaps you just want to have sex with her and don't care about anything else.  I assume you don't want to have children with her.

 

Three choices, as I see it.  1, Leave.  2, Tolerate it.  3, Clean it yourself, maybe even buy him some furniture, try to befriend the boy and see if you can become a positive influence in his life.

 

In terms of punishment, it's likely that neither the mother nor the son will allow that.  You only really have kindness and reward in your motivational toolbox.

 

What are your feelings about your relationship in terms of being a father figure to the boy?  Do you feel like you have any responsibility to help him in any way?  Or are you just "shaggin' his mum"?

 

He's probably not in a great mental state.  I guess an absent father and a busy mother?  Now some foreign guy has moved in.

 

Some might look at a room like that and think it's a sign of depression.

Well, the truth of it is, I was tricked. She made me believe she was a keeper. For a few years in to us getting serious and staying with each other long-term things were ok. Before that it was visiting on holidays, Then a year ago or so the mask started to slip. Complaining about his behaviour et cetera fell on deaf ears.

 

But there’s his younger 5year old brother that keeps me around, who’s great fun and dare I say worth it. 

[scorecard]

15 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

The room is so bare and miserable to begin with though.  I can imagine simply having to stay in that room giving someone mental problems.

 

I'd be tempted to give it a clean, spend a few thousand Baht on some furniture, and see what affect that has.

Right now, is there a bed under the mess?

[BangkokReady]

7 minutes ago, Stevey said:

Well, the truth of it is, I was tricked. She made me believe she was a keeper. For a few years in to us getting serious and staying with each other long-term things were ok. Before that it was visiting on holidays, Then a year ago or so the mask started to slip. Complaining about his behaviour et cetera fell on deaf ears.

But you're not married, so you could still clear out.  Perhaps she didn't plan to trick you, she just felt relaxed enough to be herself, or something else changed.

 

7 minutes ago, Stevey said:

 

But there’s his younger 5year old brother that keeps me around, who’s great fun and dare I say worth it. 

Well, the younger it starts, the easier it is to turn someone's life around.

 

Is it possible that you can try to love the place, find helping others rewarding, be a positive influence, etc.?  Not necessarily money, although a little might help, but just thinking "what can I do to help these people?".

 

I feel like, perhaps, if you're able to recalibrate your thinking, rather than seeing them as stupid or backward, seeing them as simple, humble people, you might have a better time.

[seajae]

if you can accept living with this then you are thinking with your little head otherwise you would have sorted it out well before now. Maybe try growing a pair and telling her that if this isnt sorted out she is on her own as its not acceptable and getting your own place, there are plenty of good ones out there that would not accept this sort if garbage either

[BangkokReady]

2 minutes ago, Adumbration said:

That is a downloaded image. Its source can be found using google lens.

Can you share a screengrab?

[riclag]

Thats sad ! Brings back memories.
Many years ago my second child in the states was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at age 10 !

His mom and I tried talking to him while consulting experts ! He managed to get through life.He’s 39 yrs old now , single ,financially successful and housework is not a priority , borderline doesn’t care! 

Go easy he’s your girl’s treasure besides  you !

Is he responsible in common areas?

Somebody mentioned depression .

 

Good luck Steve

[asf6]

I'd be tempted to clean it myself but there's a  good chance the lad actually likes it like that so you'd be wasting your time cleaning it. He wouldn't appreciate it and it would soon revert to the mess it's in now. 

[Stevey]

13 minutes ago, Lemsta69 said:

good idea. a lick of paint would be nice too, those bare walls make it look like a prison cell. I'm reaching for my antidepressants just looking at the photo ????

@BangkokReady @ChaiyaTH

 

Yes you are correct in your thoughts about try the kind approach. 
 

I’m not really made like that I’m more of a hang’em high type of guy. I’ll help anyone out like that Filipino girl at Savannkhet. 
 

But he has repeatedly stolen from his moms bag and we’ve had multiple instances of cash going missing. He just takes stuff that’s left on the side that he thinks he can sell for 20 baht that cost 300. 
 

Yes his mom is an evil bargirl who had him then left him with her normal sister while she carried on with Bar life looking for Mr. Right. In her forties she settled for me. 
 

I asked her a couple of months ago has he ever had any love from you in his life like his little brother who is five has had from us, she answered no.

 

I keep telling myself it’s a phase and I also had a messy bedroom when I was a boy, but the total disrespect to have a room in our house that is basically like a landfill site and has ants crawling up the wall from outside it’s just not on. 
 

And the lies, they just don’t stop. I heard his mum a few nights ago questioning him about where her power bank was. One thing about her is she’s got the most incredible memory I’ve ever come across in my life. She can remember a phone number that she only saw once 3 months ago, and then looks to me like I’m stupid when I say, how did you remember that. She knew that power bank was in her bike and she knows he took it. And she knows he stole my expensive charge block and iPhone charger lead that I left in a power outlet while I slept. 
 

what can you do, refurb his room buy him an iPhone 12 and a new wave and give him 500 baht a week pocket money. Nothing will change. 
 

He’s heartless. Stepped over our dying   Dog of two years with distemper like it was chicken he’s never seen before not a dog we’d got as a puppy that had run up to him every day when he go home from school. 
 

what concerns me is how he funds that amount of stuff in the wrappers. 
 

 

[Stevey]

32 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

But you're not married, so you could still clear out.  Perhaps she didn't plan to trick you, she just felt relaxed enough to be herself, or something else changed.

 

Well, the younger it starts, the easier it is to turn someone's life around.

 

Is it possible that you can try to love the place, find helping others rewarding, be a positive influence, etc.?  Not necessarily money, although a little might help, but just thinking "what can I do to help these people?".

 

I feel like, perhaps, if you're able to recalibrate your thinking, rather than seeing them as stupid or backward, seeing them as simple, humble people, you might have a better time.

I should have ditched her when I saw her first slip. But her younger son and I, then 4, were very close. He has seen the love and everything that little Dang has had and I suppose he must be jealous. 
 

I’d said and his mom had relayed if he was normal he’d have a new motorcycle and AC in his room but he has chosen this path. 

[Stevey]

32 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Can you share a screengrab?

This @Adumbration is some piece of work. For a statement like that and a total lie someone should be looking into banning his IP or what you lot do. 
 

 

[Stevey]

40 minutes ago, seajae said:

if you can accept living with this then you are thinking with your little head otherwise you would have sorted it out well before now. Maybe try growing a pair and telling her that if this isnt sorted out she is on her own as its not acceptable and getting your own place, there are plenty of good ones out there that would not accept this sort if garbage either

Sex is not frequent and it’s not something I’m that interested in TBH.

 

I know your right though. 

[Sandboxer]

You know how every few days an article appears in the news in which the local village mental case ends up shooting/knifing one of their own family members or neighbors to death?

 

IMO, if you don't dump these clowns, the only crazy one is you. Especially since your gf's son is easily already old enough to be a physical threat to you (armed or maybe even unarmed) and you really think a Thai teenager who has never been disciplined and taught how to live like an actual human is gonna respect the authority of a friffin' falang who is snorfing his mummy?

 

Danger, Will Robinson.

 

 

[CanadaSam]

34 minutes ago, Sandboxer said:

snorfing

I LOVE that word!  Never heard it before!  Thanks, and I hope you don't mind if I steal it on occasion!

[OneMoreFarang]

The hobby psychologist in me tells me the room the way it is tells everybody: Stay out! Leave me alone!

I don't think the son wants that anybody walks into that room. So he makes sure nobody wants to walk in there.

It seems he didn't grow up with a loving relationship with his mother. And it seems lots of Thais think kids just grow up by themselves, as if parents and other people have no influence at all. Surprise, good parents and other people make a huge difference. But when that didn't happen for 15 years then I see hard times coming. You can't just fix a situation or person like that. 

[Sandboxer]

1 minute ago, CanadaSam said:

hope you don't mind if I steal it on occasion!

That's snorfed up, man. ???? (be my guest~)

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, CanadaSam said:

I LOVE that word!  Never heard it before!  Thanks, and I hope you don't mind if I steal it on occasion!

Some time ago I discovered Urban Dictionary

Urban Dictionary: snorfing

I don't remember that last time when I didn't find a definition of some strange word.

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, Stevey said:

This @Adumbration is some piece of work. For a statement like that and a total lie someone should be looking into banning his IP or what you lot do. 

I meant him share a screen grab.  I don't think you need to prove anything.  Rather, if he has found the picture on google, he can show a screengrab.

 

Don't worry about people like that.

[FarAway]

A jail cell in my home country looks nicer. Not talking about the trash, but the room itself.

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, asf6 said:

I'd be tempted to clean it myself but there's a  good chance the lad actually likes it like that so you'd be wasting your time cleaning it. He wouldn't appreciate it and it would soon revert to the mess it's in now. 

There's also a chance that he doesn't know how to appraoch it in a  structed way, no furniture it seems (no wardrobe, no additional drawers etc.),  so where do you 'put away' the clothes etc. 

 

Does he have a laptop, if so does he have a suitable table as a work place?

 

Are there things he likes to search for on the net? could you slowly use such likes as a connector between you and him? 

 

Do you sometimes share meals with him? If so, do you bring food home for him without asking what he would like?  

 

Does he have a smartphone? If yes do you ever call him and have perhaps quick conversations 'Can you please check if the balcony door is closed?

 

Or call him and say "I'm coming home soon and bringing dinner with me, what would you like for dinner?"

 

Just rush in and clean it all up might insult him or produce a negative like 'don't touch my room', which is not building any connections to him.