Problem with increasingly aggressive & violent wife

[NextG]

2 hours ago, josephbloggs said:

Nonsense.

Plenty of people use hard drugs recreationally for no other reason than it's fun. Then on Monday morning they go to work, no underlying issues at all. I think you are out of touch.

I’m not “out of touch” because I don’t take hard drugs ☺️
If that makes me ‘out of touch’ in your eyes..

We are discussing a family, not a single female going out on the lash nor someone with a weekend habit. 
 

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, JammG said:

actually a question I would like to make is how do I press charges or make a prosecution at a police station? Because so far all the police have done is document the various incidents and given me a copy. Maybe I can have her charged for the smashed TV etc?

And yes she has picked up a knife before, as I say I think getting out and then dealing with the consequences after maybe the way to go. 

The police won't accept charges in a domestic situation, probable not even if she stabs you.

Their one and only answer to domestic violence is to suggest you move, sometimes they will protect and escort the 'victim' to the bus station and even pay for their ticket.

[Artisi]

Pack your bags, your child and toys and walkout without any forwarding address.  If the apartment is in your name cancel the lease or just stop paying. I would also try for a bit more video evidence of her behaviour, especially towards your child.

[Artisi]

12 hours ago, billd766 said:

BS. You saved nothing and wasted a post.

 

I have been married to my Thai wife for 23 years, and I knew her for 7 years before that.

 

Our 18 year old son has just started at Chiang Rai university.

 

Not ALL Thai women are the same.

likewise - 22 years and 14 year old son.

 

[HighPriority]

18 hours ago, JammG said:

I live with my Thai wife and 4 year old son in a rented apartment in bkk & we was married at the local amphur, I have a situation now where my wife is becoming more and more aggressive and violent often breaking things in the apartment.

The police have been called before and they didn't do anything, not even looked at our smashed up room. Luckily I recorded the last time she went berserk on video and have taken pics & have i been to the police to record any incidents & have received reports. Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

 

I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present and refuses to talk to anyone about it. My son is scared of her outbursts as she often targets his toys a lot to break, anyway from speaking to people I gather there is no reason I can't take my son away from where we currently live for his safety.

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar, if I do take my son with me obviously I am worried about how she will react & what could happen in the future. 

Any sensible replies are welcome & thanks in advance. 

What would be achieved in her eyes by “…going to the Amphur…” ?

Can you “sell” her on the idea of giving you sole legal custody of the child ?

[steven100]

18 hours ago, JammG said:

she just works to pay off her depts.

her anger and outbursts may be a result of her debts,  maybe she's being hounded, pressured by loan sharks, does she own thousands? hundreds of thousands?  we don't know.

Go to the local Amphor with her but I think you need someone to witness the divorce signing, at least that way your divorce is legal and you didn't have to pay a lawyer, ( but others may know if that's ok or not )

 

Then I would have her agree that you would like to take your son and start a new life elsewhere ... if she doesn't agree tell her you can do it the easy way or you'll go through the court and have her removed as a guardian.

 

Then leave and get as far from her as possible ....  with no contact.

[Henryford]

17 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Fixed it for you. Women in the West can be just as psychotic.

[bendejo]

Start to collect anything on paper/digital that you can get.   If the BiB have records of when they got called to your place get it (try to find out from Thai friend what the size of the tip should be).  If you are going the divorce route if she has a police record, perhaps doing one of her performances in public with other people present, she wouldn't do too well in the case.

On your side, well, their may be sentiment in the judiciary against handing over a Thai to be raised by a farang.  I don't have experience with this, but I'm sure others here on AN have.

 

[brianthainess]

 

16 hours ago, JammG said:

she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day.

Work colleague, maybe.

[pomchop]

16 hours ago, JammG said:

Yes it is definitely deliberate and she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day. But I will not leave my son, like I said if I leave I will take him with me. I was just interested to hear if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation and what happened.

Priority number one as you know is your son.  He never asked for this and to have a mom terrorizing him with outbursts and breaking toys etc is a very good sign that without you and your support around she may take out her anger on the kid.

 

I do not know the procedure but you already know you need to discuss it with the police or an attorney or some very reliable Thai people and get their advice as to how to proceed.  Do it soon.

[ubonr1971]

Did she learn her behaviour from you. Sorry but someone had to ask

[Plern]

17 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

When the OP said she was going on line chatting with different guys, my guess as to the likely explanation for her behavior immediately shifted from mental illness to a deliberate attempt on her part to get the OP to move out and divorce because she's romantically involved with someone else.

 

Or she sees she can support herself on cam tips, looking to onlyfans if she's still attractive enough. Now single she can zoom in on another guy she thinks has serious money. She is probably listening to all that poison on TikTok and the morons over cam feed her ego

 

She is ok to go to amphor and divorce. Why did op even post? Go!

[notrub]

John Spooner at Isaan Lawyers.  https://isaanlawyers.com/

 

He is English lawyer (owner) with a team of Thai lawyers/staff.  Reasonable price and good service.  Based in Nakhon Ratchasima but well worth the effort to go outside Krung Tep for legal help.

[Neeranam]

17 hours ago, HandsomeTallFarang said:

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Why not?

 

I'm not a boomer and been happily married, and have kids, for 22 years.

 

Maybe you hang around boomers in sex areas in Pattaya? Then, I would agree with you but there are wonderful Thai women outside the Pink Pussy bar.

[Neeranam]

11 minutes ago, Plern said:

She is ok to go to amphor and divorce. Why did op even post? Go!

If you don't want to help, why not stay silent?

 

I have used this forum for support over the years. 

[Tarteso]

15 hours ago, JammG said:

And yes she has picked up a knife before,

Leave this woman, mate. As soon as you can.

[Expat68]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:41 PM, NanLaew said:

Bipolar would be my bet. Maybe a bit of schizophrenia in the mix? My former fiancee was blessed with both in spades. Luckily, her parents stepped up and despite her being an adult and living away from home, they came and took her home and into the care and support she desperately needed but I couldn't provide.

You could be right, I have a Thai friend whose husband goes from one extreme to the next

[kingstonkid]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:05 PM, JammG said:

I live with my Thai wife and 4 year old son in a rented apartment in bkk & we was married at the local amphur, I have a situation now where my wife is becoming more and more aggressive and violent often breaking things in the apartment.

The police have been called before and they didn't do anything, not even looked at our smashed up room. Luckily I recorded the last time she went berserk on video and have taken pics & have i been to the police to record any incidents & have received reports. Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

 

I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present and refuses to talk to anyone about it. My son is scared of her outbursts as she often targets his toys a lot to break, anyway from speaking to people I gather there is no reason I can't take my son away from where we currently live for his safety.

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar, if I do take my son with me obviously I am worried about how she will react & what could happen in the future. 

Any sensible replies are welcome & thanks in advance. 

get a good lawyer file for divorce and for custody.  There is nothing else you can do.

[paddypower]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:41 PM, NanLaew said:

Bipolar would be my bet. Maybe a bit of schizophrenia in the mix? My former fiancee was blessed with both in spades. Luckily, her parents stepped up and despite her being an adult and living away from home, they came and took her home and into the care and support she desperately needed but I couldn't provide.

whatever happened to ''in sickness and good health''. I have little respect for anyone who does not understand that its not finding the right partner, its being the right partner. you could have consulted a psyc. and got her medicated (not that I am a pill pusher).

[thailand49]

It happens we get into a situation without knowing the person first especially here. 

Because of the kid I would do everything in my power to be polite meantime go see a lawyer don't get cheap being in BKK get yourself a International lawyer,  you need recommendation give me a PM,  meantime while she working if not already get all his documents birth, passport, etc. Get ready to leave when the time comes.

[SOTIRIOS]

...Draw Up Or Access 'Custody Papers'...

...Get 1 Or 2 Witnesses To The Signing...

 

...Do The Same For The Amphur Divorce/Nullification...

...She Is Ready To Sign...

...Get Your Child...

 

...Lawyers Will Cost You...

 

...Clearly Her Focus/Interest Is Elsewhere...

 

 

...Excuse Nonsense...

...She Doesn't Love You & Is Showing It...

...Probably Fueled By The Other Interest(s)...

 

[koolkarl]

Have sex in the past year?

[BritManToo]

30 minutes ago, paddypower said:

whatever happened to ''in sickness and good health''. I have little respect for anyone who does not understand that its not finding the right partner, its being the right partner. you could have consulted a psyc. and got her medicated (not that I am a pill pusher).

'in sickness and health' went out the window in the UK in 1997.

[paddypower]

which is why, as an Irish Canadian, sometimes I pity the UK.

[paddypower]

19 minutes ago, thailand49 said:

It happens we get into a situation without knowing the person first especially here. 

Because of the kid I would do everything in my power to be polite meantime go see a lawyer don't get cheap being in BKK get yourself a International lawyer,  you need recommendation give me a PM,  meantime while she working if not already get all his documents birth, passport, etc. Get ready to leave when the time comes.

I define ''international lawyers'' practicing in Thailand as having big egos and big bills. that's based on spending millions with my investment group for nothing.

[wwest5829]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:36 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe she is on drugs and that influences her behavior. 

Try to find out and try to fix that problem.

Good luck - you need it.

Possibly the debt she owes, as well. Begs the question as source of the debt ...

[Jing Joe]

Sorry bro, so much empathy and caring advice out here hey.   A bit more:- if she hasn't always been like that, and its not menopause? or not on drugs?.  the psycho conditions others have  suggested are possibles but Borderline Personality Disorder is often bought on by abandonment at an early age and covers a range of chronic mental challenges.

If that scenaro is just surfacing due to say marriage/financial instabilities, nothing helps calm these random non-menstrual rages lasting 1 to 3 days.    Staying calm yourself is essential.  Beware:- attempts to abandon a relationship as suggested by others (if B.P.D) will exacerbate an already  "stark raving insane psychotic episode"  to an almost murderous level, especially during an episode and even an announced proposed abandonment can bring one on in 3 minutes.

Hope for you it doesnt get worse before it gets better but do seek professional psycho advice?

"Dammed if you do (leave) and dammed if you dont" was surely coined by the spouse of a BPD person.

[Danderman123]

23 hours ago, steven100 said:

her anger and outbursts may be a result of her debts,  maybe she's being hounded, pressured by loan sharks, does she own thousands? hundreds of thousands?  we don't know.

Go to the local Amphor with her but I think you need someone to witness the divorce signing, at least that way your divorce is legal and you didn't have to pay a lawyer, ( but others may know if that's ok or not )

 

Then I would have her agree that you would like to take your son and start a new life elsewhere ... if she doesn't agree tell her you can do it the easy way or you'll go through the court and have her removed as a guardian.

 

Then leave and get as far from her as possible ....  with no contact.

This is a major downside of legally binding yourself to a Thai lady - you never know if and when she will inform you of some million baht debt to a loan shark. There is no way to know ahead of time, and not much you can do about it. If you refuse to pay, your life will be a living Hell.

[tomazbodner]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:05 PM, JammG said:

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

Be careful about the above bolded part. As you're married, if she stops paying, you'll be chased for it.

[Kaopad999]

On 7/1/2023 at 2:53 PM, JimTripper said:

Your married. Find out what she’s angry about and work it out. That’s what therapy is for.

Such people are NOT fit for a relationship. You're right about the therapy tho, and that is something she will need to do alone. 
OP needs to leave ASAP before someone gets hurt and that poor child does not need to be exposed to such behavior.