Getting used to live in a wheel chair

[OneMoreFarang]

I know a guy who is almost 80. His health got worse over the year. First problems walking, now he has a wheelchair since a couple of months, and it looks like his health won't improve to ever get out of the wheelchair again.

He used to enjoy life in the entertainment areas. He has lots of money, a nice apartment, and he is a smart guy who's brain still works fine.

Obviously he is not happy with his situation. And somehow it seems he hopes it will get better, but the doctors don't give him any hope.

Luckily he has lots of money. He can afford household help, the best doctors, and has money to spend with the girls.

But fact is, he feels alone and doesn't go out anymore. I guess he doesn't want that everybody asks him what happened and when we will get out of that wheelchair again.

 

Do you have any personally experience with a situation like that? Maybe you had to get used to a wheelchair or a friend was or is in that situation?

Will it be possible for the guy in the wheelchair still to enjoy life? Or is that about it?

 

Obviously, I can try to imagine how maybe I would feel and what I would do. But I was never in a situation even remotely like that. So, whatever I think is just speculation. 

 

[scorecard]

I'm in a wheelchair because of lower back and knee degeneration, but I force myself to get around the house  without sitting in my w/chair by holding, touching furniture etc.

 

In other houses, buildings, offices etc., I try to do the same but I keep in mind that I must not interfere with the progress of walking people.

 

I had simple stanless steel barriers / supports  installed in several places in the house, just wide enough for my body e.g. at the kitchen sink. A couple of times every day It's my turn to stand in my supports at the sink and wash the dishes. I do it and achieve the goal because I'm determined to. 

 

But of course there's other folks who need more help from family etc.

Edited November 4, 2023 by scorecard

[Ben Zioner]

In  his situation I'd get my affairs in order and look for a way out. Possibly in Switzerland.

[KannikaP]

2 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

In  his situation I'd get my affairs in order and look for a way out. Possibly in Switzerland.

Why go to Switzerland? There are plenty of similar ways-out here in Thailand. 

[thaibeachlovers]

I lived with a paraplegic for a while. She started a wheelchair dance group which was great fun. I knew loads of wheelchair users through the paraplegic organisation, and got to be really skilled in using a wheelchair myself.

Wheelchairs are a problem in Thailand as getting around is a nightmare, so I can't suggest anything other than getting in touch with the Pattaya orphanage ( Father Ray's ) as they have loads of wheelchair users, to see what options are available.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, KannikaP said:

Why go to Switzerland? There are plenty of similar ways-out here in Thailand. 

DIY is never guaranteed to work properly, and one may end up alive but worse off. If it comes to that I'd go to Switzerland if able.

[retarius]

2 minutes ago, KannikaP said:

Why go to Switzerland? There are plenty of similar ways-out here in Thailand. 

Please enlighten me....maybe by PM. I have easy Alzheimer's and the outlook isn't that good. I might be looking for somewhere in the next few years.

[Celsius]

He could go back to his country and socialize while playing bingo.

 

But I guess at his age he still  prefers paying for prostitutes.

 

What a life lived.

[Tropicalevo]

10 minutes ago, retarius said:

Please enlighten me....maybe by PM. I have easy Alzheimer's and the outlook isn't that good. I might be looking for somewhere in the next few years.

PM sent

[impulse]

I bought this for towing my kayak to the local lake, but if I ever get into a wheelchair, this is one of the first things I'd buy for mobility around the neighborhood.  48V, 20km+/hr, and goes over 10 km on a charge (never tested the range beyond 10 km- that's the distance between the dealer and my apartment in China).  Easy to get on and off and fun.  I've seen them in Thailand, a lot around Chinatown in BKK.

 

Glad the guy's got resources so he can afford to modify his home and his lifestyle to suit the new reality.  I've known 2 kinds of people who took to a wheelchair.  Those who resigned themselves to their fate, and those that made the modifications to make the most of their new life.  Guess who had more fun?  Back home, there are consultants who make a living helping people modify their homes, with elevators, grab bars, wider doorways, etc.  I'd hope the same exist in Thailand.

[QuantumQuandry]

There is a psychology theory of a set-point to happiness, though I think it may vary, depending on the life event.

 

In this theory, people who have great misfortune, such as permanent loss of limbs, will be depressed for a while but eventually return to roughly the same level of happiness.

 

And people who have great fortune, like winning a lottery, will be elated in the short term but the gloominess will return.

Edited November 4, 2023 by QuantumQuandry

[thaibeachlovers]

8 minutes ago, Celsius said:

He could go back to his country and socialize while playing bingo.

 

But I guess at his age he still  prefers paying for prostitutes.

 

What a life lived.

What has his age got to do with it? You think it's too old to bonk? I feel sorry for you with that attitude.

[Ben Zioner]

23 minutes ago, retarius said:

Please enlighten me....maybe by PM. I have easy Alzheimer's and the outlook isn't that good. I might be looking for somewhere in the next few years.

 

Exit

 

"Le choix de Jean", a  powerful documentary on this topic. You can use the english subtitle translations.

[Denim]

42 minutes ago, impulse said:

I bought this for towing my kayak to the local lake, but if I ever get into a wheelchair, this is one of the first things I'd buy for mobility around the neighborhood.  48V, 20km+/hr, and goes over 10 km on a charge (never tested the range beyond 10 km- that's the distance between the dealer and my apartment in China).  Easy to get on and off and fun.  I've seen them in Thailand, a lot around Chinatown in BKK.

 

Glad the guy's got resources so he can afford to modify his home and his lifestyle to suit the new reality.  I've known 2 kinds of people who took to a wheelchair.  Those who resigned themselves to their fate, and those that made the modifications to make the most of their new life.  Guess who had more fun?  Back home, there are consultants who make a living helping people modify their homes, with elevators, grab bars, wider doorways, etc.  I'd hope the same exist in Thailand.

 

 

Only problem with electric scooters and tricycles if you live away from a big city is finding someone who can repair them when they need it. There used to be one engineer serving the whole area hereabouts who used to visit all the retail places to collect repair jobs. He has now moved away and there is no replacement. Hence , to get wifes small scooter repaired I will have to take it to Bangkok next time we are down that way. Talking to an old lady in our local store , she said her sister in Korat has the same problem , and her trike has been off the road for 6 months now.

 

A loving and caring wife is a huge plus if you are confined to a wheelchair. Must be a lot more difficult to be alone to deal with it.

Edited November 4, 2023 by Denim

[Mike Lister]

My sister developed MS at age 21 and fought valiantly to stay out of the wheelchair for the next 50 years. Eventually at age 72 she lost that battle but she never lost her zest for life, her independence or her freedom. She died last month, RIP, but she was a fighter to the very end. It's not about the wheelchair, it's about the person and their strength of will and character and their determination to enjoy life and not be beaten.

[impulse]

7 minutes ago, Denim said:

Only problem with electric scooters and tricycles if you live away from a big city is finding someone who can repair them when they need it.

 

Good info.  I've always done my own repair work, but I can see where, since it's not a high volume business (like gas scooters) it may be hard to find parts and expertise locally.  Several shops in Chinatown BKK work on them.

 

Edit:  BTW, I forgot to mention it has F-N-R and the bigger wheels make it do quite well on rough pavement (though I wouldn't call it an off road beast).

 

Edited November 4, 2023 by impulse

[Morch]

My Mom and my Thai FIL were, in turn, basically wheelchair bound for the last year of their lives (on and off before that). Neither took to it very well, made much effort to adjust or anything. Both were angry, depressed and frustrated at this coming on top of already troubled health circumstances and old age.

 

On the other hand, one of my sister's close friends is in wheelchair since his 20's. Totally different - guy is rarely down, married, kids, athlete.

 

So guess a whole lot depends on one's basic attitude to life, how quick the initial negative reaction can be overcome, and at which point in life it happens.

 

There was (is?) a longtime poster on here who was in an even worse condition (Collin something, sorry forgot exact handle) - again a case of someone coming to term with his situation, laughing about it and making most of things.

 

If it's relevant and applicable - I'd say getting some professional aid for the mental side of things is not less important than material support.

 

Edited November 4, 2023 by Morch

[thaibeachlovers]

11 minutes ago, Mike Lister said:

My sister developed MS at age 21 and fought valiantly to stay out of the wheelchair for the next 50 years. Eventually at age 72 she lost that battle but she never lost her zest for life, her independence or her freedom. She died last month, RIP, but she was a fighter to the very end. It's not about the wheelchair, it's about the person and their strength of will and character and their determination to enjoy life and not be beaten.

In a country with laws mandating wheelchair access to public buildings a wheelchair is not an obstacle to enjoying life. I know that as a fact.

Thailand has no laws mandating wheelchair access to pavements, never mind public buildings.

[jvs]

Just now, Morch said:

My Mom and my Thai FIL were, in turn, basically wheelchair bound for the last year of their lives (on and off before that). Neither took to it very well, made much effort to adjust or anything. Both were angry, depressed and frustrated at this coming on top of already troubled health circumstances and old age.

 

On the other hand, one of my sister's close friends is in wheelchair since his 20's. Totally different - guy is rarely down, married, kids, athlete.

 

So guess a whole lot depends on one's basic attitude to life, how quick the initial negative reaction can be overcome, and at which point in life it happens.

 

There was (is?) a longtime poster on here who was in an even worse condition (Collin something, sorry forgot exact handle) - again a case of someone coming to term with his situation, laughing about it and making most of things.

 

Yes exactly this,he has to accept what is going on and have a positive outlook.

Don't look back at what he could do before but focus on the things he can still do.

 

 

[Morch]

5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

In a country with laws mandating wheelchair access to public buildings a wheelchair is not an obstacle to enjoying life. I know that as a fact.

Thailand has no laws mandating wheelchair access to pavements, never mind public buildings.

 

There are rules, many times not followed or enforced.

[Celsius]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What has his age got to do with it? You think it's too old to bonk? I feel sorry for you with that attitude.

 

No need to feel sorry for me. My life does not depend on Thai prostitutes.

[giddyup]

1 hour ago, Tropicalevo said:

PM sent

Mind sending it to me as well?

[Chris Daley]

80 years old.  It's game over.

[giddyup]

2 minutes ago, Chris Daley said:

80 years old.  It's game over.

Tell that to Mick Jagger and Keith Richard.

Edited November 4, 2023 by giddyup

[Morch]

On another note - Mrs. and I were well aware of this being a (hopefully) distant future issue when we built the house.

So went for a ground floor design, wider doors, corridors and a passages. Same for bathrooms, toilets. Some stairs at the entrance, but with enough space for adding a ramp/elevator. Other stuff (electric fixtures) we didn't bother much with (except in MIL's room), as it's easy to convert if needed.

[fondue zoo]

If he has coin, this:  https://rewalk.com/

[scorecard]

45 minutes ago, Morch said:

My Mom and my Thai FIL were, in turn, basically wheelchair bound for the last year of their lives (on and off before that). Neither took to it very well, made much effort to adjust or anything. Both were angry, depressed and frustrated at this coming on top of already troubled health circumstances and old age.

 

On the other hand, one of my sister's close friends is in wheelchair since his 20's. Totally different - guy is rarely down, married, kids, athlete.

 

So guess a whole lot depends on one's basic attitude to life, how quick the initial negative reaction can be overcome, and at which point in life it happens.

 

There was (is?) a longtime poster on here who was in an even worse condition (Collin something, sorry forgot exact handle) - again a case of someone coming to term with his situation, laughing about it and making most of things.

 

If it's relevant and applicable - I'd say getting some professional aid for the mental side of things is not less important than material support.

 

 When I go shopping with my family to BIG C etc., etc. Insist on getting my w/chair out of the van and ready to roll.

 

I have a 5 year old granddaughter and a six months grandson.

 

One, or both sit with me on my wheelchair. Oldest one knows to slowly apply the brake handle when she wants to get off and she simultaneously says to me and her father in English "I walk now".

 

Folks in the mall stop ans stare and there's all sorts of comments. I ignore them, son ignores 99% of the comments but occasionally says "do you want to ride too?" This usually brings a very quick disaapear act from the person who commented. 

 

This is life, we cope very well.

[JimTripper]

I would head to jomtein if i were in a wheelchair. the streets and sidewalks are pretty accessible along with eateries etc compared to other areas.

 

there was a guy in a wherlchair living near me when i stayed at the view talay down there.

 

people mentioned other areas. berkeley, california in the usa is likely the best place you could be for disabled living. very progressive and hugely popular with the disabled. university of california berkeley there also. not really cheap, though.

Edited November 4, 2023 by JimTripper

[OneMoreFarang]

Thanks for all your replies.

This is probably the only thread in the pub since year with only serious replies. Thank you.

 

His "environment" is not too bad. His condominium has wide enough doors, and he owns it and can modify it if he wants. The building has wheelchair access. Nearby shopping malls are modern with wheelchair access.

 

I think in the moment he is not happy but not suicidal. If he decides that's it then I am sure he has enough powerful medicine at home to make it happen.

 

I guess what many of your write the most part is his attitude. If he decides that he has to accept the wheelchair and tries to make the best out of his situation then probably it's not too bad. Currently I think he still needs to get over the fact that his medical condition won't improve unless there is some miracle. 

 

[Shop mak]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

he feels alone and doesn't go out anymore

 

If he has a 2 bedroom unit, hire a older live-in helper,  for cleaning and cooking, and social interaxtion. Strictly excluding sex.

Ladies are easily available also online for house call.

 

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

everybody asks him what happened and when we will get out of that wheelchair again.

 

Asians are extremely curious, so not much he can do with that. Other than reply with another topic.

 

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Will it be possible for the guy in the wheelchair still to enjoy life? Or is that about it?

 

Is he a half-empty or a half-full glass of type?

 

Working brain and lots of money, he have a lot (more than others) to be grateful for.

 

Declining health are often followed by severe depression. Medication are the norm here, rather than treatment, sadly.

A family member was in similar situation, and was mostly depressed unless we got him out of the house. Then life was ok again.

 

I would start with finding him a live-in helper.