Hey guys!
I often read stories about westerners or even western retirees marrying Thai women in Thailand.

 

It makes me wonder… Why marry? Is it a religious upbringing which helps determine this kind of decision ? Aren’t they still « free » of this? What else makes them choose to marry?

 

I’m 59 yo and I intend to retire in Thailand in 5 years’ time. I’ve been living alone for a while. I need to leave « boring » Europe to explore a new culture and setup. 

 

I’d be interested in a relationship but not in a marriage. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting her family either. Why complicate my life? I don’t have much family left in France either.

 

I tend to think like this because I believe I would be safer if I keep my distance. I’d need a relationship but not a thai family. 

 

It’s hard enough to navigate an entire new culture. Why tie oneself up so tightly that it becomes to break loose ? What do you think, guys ?

 

English is a second language. I hope I get my message through all right.

Beats me. It’s like going to Disneyland and staying on the same ride all day. 

43 minutes ago, Franck60 said:

I’d be interested in a relationship but not in a marriage. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting her family either. Why complicate my life?

 

Because most women expect marriage and will cut you off if you don't settle down. 

 

Marriage is still a big part of culture. 

 

Not all, though. But the pool of women who will want to date long-term and hide you from their family would be very small.

 

You may need to go down the path of hookers. You wouldnt be the first. Mekmong Mick might be able to give you advice on that. 

 

This question has been asked one form or another many times. But, if you choose to respond about one's experience with one's own wife, you have to be prepared to be hit with following responses as to why your wife is not a fake wife.
 

Why do bears poo in the forrest?

Unless you're paying for a woman to be with you, a relationship is a two-way partnership.

 

If you're not committed, what are you bringing to the table except your wallet?

 

Marriage is just a formal confirmation of your commitment to support each other, and most women who don't only want your cash will expect this level of commitment.

 

If all you require from a woman is sex, with no emotional bond, no real caring or passion, then just pay.  If you want more, you need to invest more than cash.

So, no romantics in retirement.  How about we just enjoy each others company, make each other laugh.  Cherished raising the wee one together, though I did retire early.  At 66, govt retirement age, I would have passed on the child thing, regrettably.  Some of my best 18 years, and still loving my daughter.

 

Pre retirement, enjoyed the same as here, one nighters, one week/month 'meetings', to present wife, long term living together, 8 yrs, then finally marrying, 10+yrs so far.  Great 18 year relationship.  5 yrs of being single before that.

 

USA, the courtship & marriages were much shorter,4 & 3 years.  Except for the daughter, very little has changed pre or after retirement, in the relationship department.   Aside from meeting someone I prefer to end my days with.  Hence my longest relationship.

 

After divorce first short term Thai wife, as with all, never thought I'd get marred again.  I apparently prefer being in a relationship, vs being single, though being single is fun also.  Gets old though.  Before meeting present wife, my thinking was reversed, as first 3 marriages got old very quick.

 

Obviously the wrong ones for the ...  'till death do you part', thingy for me.  Pre #4 wife, I couldn't even imagine any prior relationship I would consider raising a kid with.

Companionshipnionship, someone, on your behalf,  to communicate with the outside Thai culture and everyday arrangements,

or perhaps someone to take care of you in all sorts of daily life, someone to be there if you need help and myriad of

other reasons and i haven't even touched on the intimacy part...

Well, there is this thing called love.

 

Some people can live their entire lives without experiencing it , either from family or chosen mate. Naturally,  for them there is no such thing. It is just a sham emotion fulfilling a need.

 

There are others who , recognizing it exists, feel it is missing in their lives who then meet someone and immediately convince themselves they are in love and throw all caution to the wind. If things subsequently go bad they often become bitter and feel duped.

 

Love just does not work for some people and so they might as well forget it and concentrate on their own pleasure. 

 

However, if two people genuinely love each other they know it. The only reason I can think of for getting married  is that both parties love each other. Even so , it sometimes doesn't work out. You can fall in love and out of love.

 

I lived with my wife for 8 years and we felt no need to get married.  What finally pushed us was visa issues. It was easier to get permission to stay with her in Thailand being married. Now married for 14 years and no regrets. 

OP, if all you want is a sausage casing, just go out for it. Don't sh*t where you eat. 

2 hours ago, save the frogs said:

Because most women expect marriage and will cut you off if you don't settle down. 

Are you sure?

 

I am together with my gf since many many years. In the first couple of years she asked me from time to time when I will marry her. I didn't give her any date or imply it will happen at all. I am still together with her.

Maybe there are women who give guys an ultimatum, and maybe they actually walk away if he doesn't marry them.

It seems to me many guys just marry because somehow they think it is expected from them.

So, I am pretty sure marriage can often be avoided.

 

About the family: I am not sure if it can be avoided. Now my gf goes every couple of months up country to visits the family. I stay in Bangkok. 

The few times if anybody from the family comes to Bangkok, I am ready to see them for a couple of hours. Maybe I buy lunch or something like that.

I don't want that they, or anybody else, spends the night in my apartment. If they want to stay for more than a day they can stay in a hotel.

 

Obviously it is up to anybody involved. I write this here to point out that it is possible to have a happy long time relationship without marrying and with little contact to the family. 

 

 

 

Delete

Much better to rent em.

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Why do retirees marry in Thailand ?

 

Convenience, choice etc which are not available at home.

IMHO (most, not all).

 

I married (and divorced) young. I remarried, and that one worked for about 10 years and then divorced again in my early 30's.

At that point, I was a very happy bachelor, with an active social life... and NO plans to ever marry again.

I remained a very happy bachelor for the next 17 years. Active social life, and had a few live-in girlfriends during that time, and no plans to change that.
Then I met her.

By the second date, I knew I was going to marry her. And did, a year later.

That was 30 years ago. Still happy with that decision.

 

 

Love it when a butthurt throws up a confused imoji !

 

31 minutes ago, Ralf001 said:

 

Love it when a butthurt throws up a confused imoji !

 

Not that I agree with your premise but to me it is chickenXXXX to anonymously post a sad or confused emoji rather than say what is the real bother.

 

At least previously you could leave sad or confused emojis but not anonymously as someone just did here.

They've probably grown up watching the Hangover II think Thailand is idyllic and Bangkok is a short speed boat ride away from Phuket. 

2 hours ago, Denim said:

Well, there is this thing called love.

 

Some people can live their entire lives without experiencing it , either from family or chosen mate. Naturally,  for them there is no such thing. It is just a sham emotion fulfilling a need.

 

There are others who , recognizing it exists, feel it is missing in their lives who then meet someone and immediately convince themselves they are in love and throw all caution to the wind. If things subsequently go bad they often become bitter and feel duped.

 

Love just does not work for some people and so they might as well forget it and concentrate on their own pleasure. 

 

However, if two people genuinely love each other they know it. The only reason I can think of for getting married  is that both parties love each other. Even so , it sometimes doesn't work out. You can fall in love and out of love.

 

I lived with my wife for 8 years and we felt no need to get married.  What finally pushed us was visa issues. It was easier to get permission to stay with her in Thailand being married. Now married for 14 years and no regrets. 

What is love?

I bet you can't give a definitive answer.

IMO love can be many things, but at essence it's a reaction to external stimuli that causes a chemical/ hormonal release in the body, that were designed into animals to make them mate to propogate the species.

Being human, of course, we have turned that basic genetic response into some illusory wonderful thing that for most wears off. If we are lucky we like our mate enough to stay together, but if unlucky it ends in divorce.

 

Seems you got lucky in that gamble.

Why would anyone leave Farangland, probably after a divorce or failed relationship? Fly here, get a girl 20 years younger, and marry? Who wants to eat pizza every day? Jeez. 

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are you sure?

 

I am together with my gf since many many years. In the first couple of years she asked me from time to time when I will marry her. I didn't give her any date or imply it will happen at all. I am still together with her.

Maybe there are women who give guys an ultimatum, and maybe they actually walk away if he doesn't marry them.

It seems to me many guys just marry because somehow they think it is expected from them.

So, I am pretty sure marriage can often be avoided.

 

About the family: I am not sure if it can be avoided. Now my gf goes every couple of months up country to visits the family. I stay in Bangkok. 

The few times if anybody from the family comes to Bangkok, I am ready to see them for a couple of hours. Maybe I buy lunch or something like that.

I don't want that they, or anybody else, spends the night in my apartment. If they want to stay for more than a day they can stay in a hotel.

 

Obviously it is up to anybody involved. I write this here to point out that it is possible to have a happy long time relationship without marrying and with little contact to the family. 

 

 

 

You are wise about the family. My wife and I were happy till we moved to be with the family. After that it was just a downward spiral to doom.

 

PS we were happy and unmarried- the move to live with family happened just after getting married. Lived together a few years first.

4 minutes ago, BobBKK said:

Why would anyone leave Farangland, probably after a divorce or failed relationship? Fly here, get a girl 20 years younger, and marry? Who wants to eat pizza every day? Jeez. 

I hadn't been in a relationship for 10 years before discovering Thailand.

 

I was happy eating pizza every day, till she stopped providing pizza.

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I hadn't been in a relationship for 10 years before discovering Thailand.

 

I was happy eating pizza every day, till she stopped providing pizza.

 Haha, enjoy the pizza—everyone is different. I like different flavourings, and I think double-cheese daily bores me. I have been here 15 years, coming here 25 years - never once thought of a relationship. Variety is the spice of life!

4 hours ago, Franck60 said:

I’d be interested in a relationship but not in a marriage. I wouldn’t be interested in meeting her family either. Why complicate my life? I don’t have much family left in France either.

 

It's part of the deal.  The guy gets a younger attractive woman to have sex with, to cook for him, and to care for him when he is infirm and near death, and the woman gets access to his assets.  This deal is guaranteed through marriage and family involvement.

 

If the woman doesn't get any long-term guarantees, then she's not really getting anything out of the arrangement.

 

If you aren't prepared to make that promise of delivery of assets, you're likely to only get a girlfriend of a similar age and probably divorced with children.

 

It's all about business in Thailand, unless you're 21 and attractive.

9 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

The guy gets a younger attractive woman to have sex with, to cook for him, and to care for him when he is infirm and near death

 

Is that a fact? Or they just make sure you die faster?

 

 

23 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO love can be many things, but at essence it's a reaction to external stimuli that causes a chemical/ hormonal release in the body, that were designed into animals to make them mate to propagate the species.

 

I think it's probably slightly more than that.  Even without love, people would still be making babies.  That is more about lust.

 

I think love is more to do with bonding and staying together, for some people.  We tend to love our partner, but also our offspring, so it seems like love is something to do with forming families or communities.

 

Another question might be: do Thai people experience love as we do in the West, or does it vary by culture?  Thais appear to love their families, and their children, but when it comes to romantic partners, it seems a lot more about provision than love.

Just now, Celsius said:

Is that a fact? Or they just make sure you die faster?

 

It's a "fact", but not one that I can readily support with evidence.  A lot of people make this sort of claim.

 

I think murder of foreigner husbands, while not completely unheard of, is, luckily, quite rare.  Generally, I think if the woman is bad, then she will find a way to take everything without killing the foreign husband.  Any assets in Thailand will be in the Thai woman's name anyway.

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Be cause the girls/women are great and knock socks off those from back home in the west with their fat ugly backsides and there femi-nazism.