My marriage is kind of 'on the rocks', crumbling around me.

[talahtnut]

2 hours ago, fredscats said:

Im a  backside man if the truth is known,1 woman not enough..I like legs,tits are ok but comes with a fat <deleted> too if big enough...cant get enough of a good looking <deleted>,likened to moulded marble,...give a fair bit more for it,but like all women come back crying ,cannot sit down,too painful,need money for pharmacy

Some people have interesting lives don't they.

My missus must be totally bored with me.

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

You have dug yourself into a massive toxic pit / grave, with your kid anchoring you to the bottom.

Assuming all assets here in wifes name, that she thinks you are boxed in but that you have own  income. So…….

Imperative for your mental & physical well being to grab what assets you can & immediately relocate yourself to a secret secure location. Stay Hidden , next town maybe……Engage Lawyer & Private Detective …….assume wife will do same. To maximise your legal, monetary & child access position with best knowledge of you & wife ! Life is not a rehearsal…….we pass this way but once……. take the essential drastic steps to recover your life…… without further delay…..sort this out here as best you can, with pro. help, …….then rebuild…..do not run away home until this is done…….

 

 

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

maybe first engage trusted lawyer before relocating…… maybe you can legally take your kid with you

[Johnny Mac]

I don't have any advice but I'm in a similar position to you ie wife, kids, fed up, feel stuck, nothing to do etc etc..the only difference is there is still some 'intamcy''

 

I don't think I much choice but to sit it out and just hope for sunnier days ahead, if I make it. I would think that will be your outlook too.

 

It's probably of no consolation, but there are many in similar positions to you. I have made mistakes, financially and otherwise, and my bed has been firmly made. Regrets? Yep.

 

PS: I find these type of threads hugely depressing, so have only read the OP. There have been many threads like this and the replies are always the same, and the OP NEVER takes the 'advice' anyway. In short these threads are utterly pointless and will only make the OP feel worse than what he already is. That's a fact.

[RJRS1301]

2 hours ago, talahtnut said:

'Her indoors' would agree with you.

Thank you, Rumpole

[hotchilli]

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

Pull your head out of your a*se and act like a man, not 5 year old.

[ChrisKC]

I am so sorry that you are in this dilemma - "what will I do"

 

There are no easy answers to the question There are three basic options. You either patch things up, you separate,  or accept differences between you for the sake of the child perhaps.

 

If we are to assume at some stage earlier, you were happy together then something has happened that doesn't have to be because of, "that is the Thai way".

 

When a relationship fails or is getting stressful, both parties are involved, maybe with equal responsibility or mainly one or the other.

 

You don't explain everything to us and neither are you required to but if you need somebody to talk to, share and try to understand your predicament then send me a PM.

[ChrisKC]

4 minutes ago, hotchilli said:

Pull your head out of your a*se and act like a man, not 5 year old.

Can't give you that one, Hotchilli

[Aussieroaming]

Head back to the UK for a few months and then see how you feel. If you are unhappy then you do need to make sufficient changes to find some harmony in your life again. 

[FalangJaiDee]

Yep, never getting married. Rather be a lonely old pervert 

[xtrnuno41]

You got a child and that change the situation. It could be bad, then your wife could have a lack of the child.

Now it is the other way around, she is completely focused on the child and forgets about you.

The child is all. Also an extreme situation and can have many causes from past maybe.

He is 6 yo now and still sleeping with his mom. That is totally bad for the child. A child must sleep in his own bed.

It is a part of raising your child, to get used of sleeping is alone in own bed.

 

Once i was with a woman and her daughter, she told me when she had her as baby, she didnt do a thing with the child.

Just feeding and cleaning and thats all. So she had posttrauma depression, caused as her husband wasnt into the child.

Her parents werent really grandparents and also were not active as such. She stood alone

The father didnt want a child , as a former mariage broke down, because of having a child and the woman changed.

Probably in same way you experience now.

When i met her, she was changing in ways to her kid and wanted to make it right. So then flips to the child and make up for the bad baby time. Nothing the child did could be wrong, no matter if i tell otherwise. The relationship went down.

 

Once i was married, had 2 kids and i was thinking we were really doing fine.

Kabooom, no way, my wife surprised me at one point and said she wanted a divorce. Still dont have a clue, after all those years, why. Then find out, i wasnt the only one in this situation, it gave me some relieve. Many others were and i started to call it the "women's 30-ies  disease".

 

Talking about how you feel about it, it doesnt work.  I tried in more relations and really it makes no sense.

IM now in my last relation ever and again <deleted> hits fans. I ve tried all my life, but it is rare to find THE ONE.

 

Bob Marley said: “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

 

Have heard, seen so many relations with really the weirdest actions in it. That is life, no garanties. 

Even with my parents, may they rest in peace.

 

I really can understand your situation. Staying would become more and more uncomfortable and time goes on.

You love your kid and makes it hard. You miss affection and it gets you down, makes it worse.

If you want to stay then everyday is a burden. You shouldnt have threatened by having another woman.

The you wake up the devil.

But maybe you should find, to have that affection, to make you feel alive again. But then be strong and hide for her anytime. You know she threatened it is the end. Do you want to stay? She takes care of herself and the child, but not you. It happens. Leave or stay? Cheat and live on? It is a choice you have to make, i cant tell you what to do. 

But once you made your choice, stick to it then and live with it. You are not alone in this world with this kind of problems. Millions of them.

 

[3NUMBAS]

if everyone wears a bung up their nose and a mask and refrains from farting it may work

[4MyEgo]

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

Last night after our child went to bed I had a talk with the missus. Something along the lines that we have a lack of intimacy in our relationship. Im certainly not feeling the love anymore.

Relationships are a two way street and it's good that had a talk to the misses about how you feel, however you didn't disclose how she felt, care to elaborate ?

 

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

She gets love from our child. I get it from our dog when he licks my hand at feeding time.

This part I don't understand, are you not involved with your son who is 6 I believe from your other post. I can't wait for my youngest to wake up who is 7, the morning hug and kiss on the forehead is my absolute buzz for the day, besides kids need hugs and kisses, it's good for them, as much as it is for you, however if I don't instigate it, I can forget about getting a hug and a kiss, kids are kids. You need to get more involved with your son, i.e. if your the loving father type, my older one who is 12 rarely gets a hug or a kiss, but we joke a lot, she is very much into hugging and kissing her younger sibling, who no doubt is the favourite.

 

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

I told her I can't help but look at other women now and worry about where things are heading.

It's only natural to look at other women otherwise you wouldn't be human, suffice to say most guys wouldn't tell their partners that, although I believe being up front with your partner is best, but this should be done in the beginning so as to see if your partner is actually suitable to you, example, I have always loved sleeping with other women, still do, and my wife understands and knows that I do, it's a rare occurrence for me, only because of the Covid situation over the past 18 months, but I believe in an open marriage, and wouldn't be happy sleeping around behind my wife's back, she know, if she wants to ask about something, she does, I am always looking at other women in front of her, even making comments about them, she's ok with it, she respects my honesty, if you can't be yourself in a relationship, you might as well not be in one, but as I said earlier, you have to spell it out in the beginning otherwise you won't be happy and it wouldn't be fair on your wife, after all, you did commit to each other, didn't you ?

 

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

Actually I feel unhappy living in Thailand at the moment. I have no friends in this city where I live. I've tried but most other westerners keep to themselves. Impossible to find Thai friends. A few hours ago I sent a message to my mate in Scotland asking if we can have a chat on the phone. Oh sorry he says 'Im out with my mates playing golf today'. I miss Europe a lot and with my marriage crumbling around me I feel I cannot return home because I dont want to leave my child.

Sounds to me like you have boxed yourself in, first thing you have to do when moving here is socialise with other foreigners, if most have kept to themselves, when maybe your not their type of company, your friend in Scotland has probably had an ear full of your down and out when on the phone to him and most will steer clear when someone has a problem, as most people have their own and want to be lifted as opposed to be hearing someone else's problems, I remember a foreigner at a bar I was playing pool with walked up to me in the middle of the game and said, my wife is this and that and he was about to say something more, and I cut him at the chase and said, oi, were playing pool, I don't want to hear about your wife, I have one of my own, your problem, suck it in, now shoot some pool and drink up. That was my way of telling him that I wasn't interested in wasting my night away listening to his problems. You should keep your problems to your self otherwise you will find any friends that you might have left disappear all together.

 

What are you doing in Thailand that makes you happy, happiness has to be created, it doesn't come to you, you could be in Scotland and the same thing would happen to you, you need to start being an up lifter to the wife and the kid, be motivated, no someone with his head in his hands, women don't like men that are weak, they want a leader, so start leading.

 

If you do value your marriage and love your kid, then start getting involved, start reaching out to your wife and kid, you obviously married her because you love her, if she doesn't want to sleep with you, well get over it, you have to work on that and she will let you know when you can start flapping your wings, try a little romance, doesn't take much to smile, ask her if she feels like a coffee, start with the small things, she might say no at first, but eventually should accept your offerings, as for sleeping with other women, wouldn't recommend that, as she has told you the marriage would be over 100%, so listen up, you have a wife, you have a kid, if you want happiness, then lead them to it, don't expect them to provide you with what you want, who's to say they don't want the same from you, did I mention marriage is a two way street. If you can't fix it, you can't fix it, but I think I know Thai's well enough to know they can do without emotions to a degree and she hasn't forgotten you, but kids do take a lot of their energy and time, so stop acting like one and man up, we have 4 and sleep in separate rooms, she will watch a movie with me then go and put the kids to sleep and not come back, I'm ok with that, if she comes in early in the morning I know it's play time before the kids wake up, but hey, it's all good, the love is there, I ask her to join me for breakfast, sometimes she's busy, so it will be lunch, dinner definitely, might get a hug in the morning might not, and if not, I will survive, not being in each others pockets is what I call love.

 

If you leave the marriage then you know what happens then, some marriages need working on, some need more working on than others, and some need none at all, but are rare, mine is the latter and I am blessed as my 1st marriage was a real shocker which lasted 12 years to long, but hey, I learnt and grew. Some you can't save as they are destined for divorce, but if you think you love her and your son, then get on with it man, life is short, don't worry about the other women, I will take care of that for you when I'm vaccinated, if ever.

 

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

My wife told me its over 100% if I play up with another woman. I dont know whether I should go for a divorce. I have no where to live if booted out, no friends.

You have put yourself in a bad situation, that said, you should try to get out of the rut your in, your wife didn't betray you, gamble your money, physically abuse you, disappear all the time, have friends over a lot, etc, etc, so I really don't see what the problem here is apart from perhaps you have either buyers remorse or want to much of her, e.g. your very needy, eeeeewwww

 

21 hours ago, charliechoc said:

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

Wise words, while your at it, try to fix your marriage and enjoy your son, and if things don't work out the way I think they will, then have a plan B, but walking away is going to hurt as you have mentioned you don't want to leave your son, and if you can't sort your marriage and stay in it, well, what can I say, I believe you will be unhappy, rock and a hard place, but will the grass be greener on the other side, well for me it was, but it also has to do with ones personality and outlook on life, are you a survivor ?     

 

I wish you the best of luck, because I know where your coming from, been there, done that, but if it's broken, you can't fix broken. 

[toston]

So you are not horny for her anymore ? seems logic to me ! and I wonder how can someone get laid with the same cow for so many years ?!

 

[itsari]

Seems as though you are homesick. 

Lack of friends is positive in the long run .

Concentrate on what you have as you have much .

[lapswim]

Mate, marriage is like an old car it always needs working on.  The Thais have very different habits. 

My partner's sister's family like to sleep together under the one big mosquito net or else they get lonely. Their boy did this until he was 11 years old. His parents had sex elsewhere. Take a mattress and sleep in their room one night a week to break up the routine. Get the missus to sleep in your room starting one night a week after she has lain down with the kid and the kid has gone to sleep. 

Never mention it is possible to find a replacement partner.  Your Thai lady looses a lot of face if you even mention even a hint of another woman. Thai men going out for something on the side would put some effort to giving some plausible explanation.

Remember intimacy is "into me see". Both partners have to get a deeper understanding of each other and it is easy for language and customs to mess that up. A third person, such as a better educated sister, could be a sounding board for you. Maybe she sees you as a boss that gives her orders.

If you find some Farang mates you will be more comfortable. Become a walker or go to a town and walk around that will get you face to face contacts or at least some fresh air. and Vitamin D.  Best of luck

[Stevemercer]

Is it possible for you to visit your home country (even if you have to make an excuse about sick friend, financial / government problems) for a few weeks?

 

It might not be possible in these Covid times.

 

It would be nice to have some time to yourself for 4 weeks just to get your perspective back) and maybe for your wife to think on things too).

 

You wife has her family support and friends to boost her. You do not and feel left out. For us farang husbands, it sometimes seems like we are a low priority for our wife after her family, friends etc.

 

Most of us find ways to cope or have our own pursuits.

 

I am willing to put up with a lot from my wife. The one thing I will not accept is lack of respect. If I ever felt that my wife did not respect me anymore then I would have to call it quits.

 

Better to be alone than treated like a dog in your own house.

 

I don't think your relationship with your wife is that far gone yet. You may feel like a bit of a doormat at times, but you can still communicate with your wife and talk things through. If she respects your place in the family, and as a good father for your child, then there might be hope.

 

I would also ask on TV for a good doctor in your area who might start you off on anti-depressants to help improve your outlook on life and ability to cope. At the very least they may give you some perspective. Mind you, it takes a few months for any medications to kick in and Thai doctors can be ignorant about depression. 

 

It mat be best to go to a larger government hospital where there are usually mental health doctors.

[Freddy42OZ]

23 hours ago, MrJ2U said:

Your wife may be going through "Postpartum depression".  Many women go through it having a child.

 

You need to realize its not you and her harmones will settle down and she'll be all over you again like flys on sh**.

 

In the meantime exercise, get some hobbies, and help out as much as you can with your child.  Its a full-time job, children.

 

If you drink, keep it in moderation.  Alcohol is a depressant and when ones inebriated they can say some hurtful things.

 

Take a deep breath.

You'll get through this a better, stronger person!

 

 

 

The kid is 6.  

That's a long time for her hormones to be still out of whack.

 

[Thingamabob]

If I was you I would want to backtrack on your telling your wife you would need to find another woman if you don't get more love from her. That would trigger any woman in any country. Beyond that, you have to make your own mind up about your future. None of us can do that for you.

[JWRC]

A few thoughts come to mind, but I would say firstly, when things start declining first look at yourself and ask yourself are you failing in some areas?

 

Secondly if she was married to a Thai man, he would have women on the side, most just have one or two but I do know some who have more, the more money they have the more wives so to speak.

 

Lastly, I am dual nationality English and Australian, I have travelled extensively in my life and the only place I have ever felt was home was 11 months I spent in Scotland, where I must have travelled just about every road, if I had my choice of places I'd like to be I would head straight to Scotland. How a Scotsman can leave the place and go elsewhere and be happy I don't know.

 

Your child will be fine whether you go or stay, sometimes it's better to leave than to bring a child up in an unhappy home. And you are entitled to some happiness, 

Good Luck

[BritManToo]

Just now, JWRC said:

Lastly, I am dual nationality English and Australian, I have travelled extensively in my life and the only place I have ever felt was home was 11 months I spent in Scotland, where I must have travelled just about every road, if I had my choice of places I'd like to be I would head straight to Scotland. How a Scotsman can leave the place and go elsewhere and be happy I don't know.

lived and worked in Scotland for 6 months ........ never went back.

[BritManToo]

28 minutes ago, Freddy42OZ said:

The kid is 6.  
That's a long time for her hormones to be still out of whack.

That's even longer for the poor guy to not have had sex.

I'm down the dirty massage shop after 3 days if my misses doesn't put out.

(and the money spent is deducted from her monthly wage)

[scubascuba3]

8 minutes ago, JWRC said:

f I had my choice of places I'd like to be I would head straight to Scotland. How a Scotsman can leave the place and go elsewhere and be happy I don't know.

 

Maybe the constant rain and long winter nights, getting dark at 3pm gets old

[steven100]

look OP,  it takes two to tango and she is not interested in the dance otherwise she would be talking, and buying flowers and gifts for you.  She's being a thai.   You provided for her and now she wants to move on.

50,000 others have been in your situation before ,  it's not the first and certainly won't be the last  ....  don't get down, Man up and try to protect any assets that are yours before she moves further. Who knows, she maybe want's you to go,  she's obviously not playing ball.  Don't show her your down, show her your strong and don't accustom to her bullying .... 

 

[473geo]

Op should have moved back into the marital bed with son and wife when the mother in law left. His wife is probably not feeling the love either and wondering what she has done wrong! 

[EVENKEEL]

Did OP Charlie ever say his age and financial status? yes it's important. First off Charlie, what's wrong with sleeping in the same room with wife and son? I doubt whether she kicked you out, I'm sure you made that choice...Why? When the son sleeps you guys go to other bedroom and fork.

 

If you're a young guy then maybe you have dreams of the perfect wife and she's not it, I get it. You have lots of money maybe, you can start over remarry, more kids another house. But, if you're one of us oldsters 60+ with a kid here then maybe you should rethink leaving. Move back into the bedroom, get another bed or mattress for the floor, rent a young lady for an hour far from home every now and then. I have to say it would break my heart to leave my kid, my old lady knows I won't leave, I've had reasons.

 

Do you really want the kids grandparents to raise your kid? If you really must leave at least do all you can to keep your son with you.

[ancharee]

I have known many westerners get screwed over here divorce or whatever, I kind of agree with britman , mainly because I can see it coming to these guys, I live out in the sticks so there are not many white people around there was a guy I had drinks with over 5 years when he was off working she took 700,000 b out his bank, he never found out where the money went, so he got her a visa and flew her over to his home country for 2 weeks holiday, just recently she has nicked another 150,000b by another means again he took her on holiday, I could not listen any more so no beers with him, but it just shows you what some guys put up with

[MrJ2U]

2 hours ago, Freddy42OZ said:

 

The kid is 6.  

That's a long time for her hormones to be still out of whack.

 

Yes.

 

Poor guy.

 

[BigStar]

2 hours ago, JWRC said:

How a Scotsman can leave the place and go elsewhere and be happy I don't know.

"The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!"
     --Samuel Johnson, as quoted in Boswell's Life

[whaleboneman]

On 8/15/2021 at 6:09 AM, riclag said:

Yes sit tight ! Your story or something very similar  is being told hundreds of times  everyday through out the world imop!

The virus that was discovered in china has socially impacted so many lives imop!

Hang in there CC you have company !

 

imop? From google it's a fancy floor mop.