When you make a cup of coffee but end up pouring boiling water in the Jam jar by mistake

You are an old fart and still think you are the sexy man......and, when you bend over to cut a big fart and <deleted> in your pants.....and you are BALD on top but still think it is cool to have a ponytail.....????????

An elderly guy once said to me.  When you start to age the best advice I can give you is to never trust a fart and never waste an erection

When you start saying, “Seventy if the new fifty!”

20 hours ago, KarenBravo said:

Add your own tongue-in-cheek observation.

When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.

When you touch cloth after breaking wind.

When you look in the mirror and see your dad.

16 hours ago, kiteman9 said:

Your short time honey asks, you ok, after you cum.

Or she asks you if you're in yet.

When you remember (important) events in your life and realise they happened a loooong time ago.

When you see a guy with a hot girl and thing...man that guy is old and ugly and then you realize.....you're older and uglier 

When you start paying people to do what you woukd have once did yourself.

17 hours ago, toofarnorth said:

Kenny Everett once said ' When it takes you all night to do once what you once did all night '.

 

More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it.

When you know who Kenny Everett was. (I miss his amazing humour mak mak)

When every sit-up and press-up is vital.

when I stopped playing chasing's with my dogs on the beach

When I stop throwing the dogs favourite fetch-balls and start using a ball-woomera

When I wake up next to a beautiful women and want to swim and do yoga instead of the horizontal mamba

When I started eating lots more vegetarian food.

When afternoon naps became a regular thing

When getting in the ring for half a dozen rounds turned into 3 rounds.

When I started getting someone to clean my house

When I knew I couldn't fly economy anymore

When it took me 30 seconds to scroll to find my birth year on those d.mn.d auto-select calendars

When I learned I had to replace both my hips

 

 

 

23 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

When you start paying people to do what you woukd have once did yourself.

DIY was always OK, but occasionally it is good to hire an an expert!

13 hours ago, olfu said:

You realize you're old when you double-check your age with somebody.

A Thai chap a couple of weeks ago where I go for a coffee asked how old I was , I said 73  then after counting the years from 1947 I realised my mistake and said 74 .Nice chap though , he thought I was about 65. He then said most Thais can't ride a bike at 74.  I thought most can't ride a bike properly but i kept quiet.

When the first two items on you shopping list are:

 

The Pampers

 

The anti-fungal cream

 

If you are a woman:

 

Go every week to have your roots done!

When your Thai wife says. lets go upstairs and have sex ..

 

And you say " I can't do both"

When you eat your desert first.

 

my dad just pasted away at 94 and had a girlfriend and they had sex twice a week.

 

my hero

When you have to have plan for putting your socks on.

1 hour ago, VocalNeal said:

DIY was always OK, but occasionally it is good to hire an an expert!

Is this rude?

When you have to put it in soft,  then  let it go hard. .

5 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

Is this rude?

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process."

When your idea of a leg exercise is just standing up.

When the masseuse asks you to 'turn over' and it takes you 5 minutes to do so.

 

When you see a video of you drunken dad dancing and it looks like it's been shot in slow motion, when at the time you felt like John Travolta.

 

When you pack 7 pairs of underpants for a weekend break..

 

When you dress at the speed of a sloth crossing the highway.

 

 

 

20 hours ago, Will B Good said:

5555.......At that stage now.....65 and never been fitter

I hope you feel the same way in 15 years time????

Just now, Surasak said:

I hope you feel the same way in 15 years time????

Fat chance........think I will keep this routine going for a few more years then gently go to seed....555

I know I am old(er) at 66 now but it seems not everyone does.

 

True story from yesterday.

 

Went with the wife to the vaccine day at the village hall, quite busy when we arrived about 200 waiting.

 

Wife headed to the blood pressure table with me asking me to sit down. This was greeted with two Thai ladies jumping up and quite angrilly shouting, "wait! they are starting with old people first! 60 Up"

 

Wife: He is old!

Ladies: How old?

Wife: 66

Ladies: Don't believe you.

 

Had to show my passport before they took my blood pressure.

 

Oh how everyone laughed.

 

Made my day.

when your sandals and socks are frowned upon 

 

when having gone to town or a bar you realise you left your teeth in the bathroom

 

when you forgot where you hid your viagra

 

when you forget all of your passwords

21 hours ago, Will B Good said:

5555.......At that stage now.....65 and never been fitter

You must’ve been in a terrible state in your 30s then ????

17 hours ago, starky said:

Got news for you 63 is ooooooold. Sugar coat it however you want come up with whatever makes you feel good bit 63 is fxxxng ancient . Sorry.

bah 63 just beginning life 

15 hours ago, PJPom said:

When a light bulb goes out in the ceiling light and you get a table and a chair on top, look at it and seriously wonder if you should. I have considered myself super fit for years but all of a sudden I have started considering the risks, I must be getting old !.

I can climb 2 steps of a ladder easily but I won't go much higher unless there is somebody else (younger) who can do the job for me.

21 hours ago, Will B Good said:

5555.......At that stage now.....65 and never been fitter

That maybe so, but, it's your innards that kill you.

Just now, KarenBravo said:

That maybe so, but, it's your innards that kill you.

True.------not long had a complicated biopsy!!!!!