Being Single VS Marrying a Thai Lady

[Goat]

1 hour ago, scorecard said:

Yes there are many other 'configurations'.

 

My Thai wife (sadly now deceased) was a Dr. of medicine. She came from Essan poverty, taught herself some English from old books, decades before the internet, she got herself to BKK with her mum on train or bus 2 or 3 times a year to go to several embassies searching for scholarship opportunities.

 

She found a great scholarship with a medical foundation in Australia. They gave her total sponshorship to come to OZ and learn English and then study medicine. She lived with the same host family for about 8 years and ultimately fell in love with the socialist/egalitarian Oz life style. 

 

She finished her med degree with flying colours and was then offered further support to continue and gain board certification as an orthopedic specialist.

 

She returned to LOS, we met, we married, we had one son. Half of her/our week-ends were devoted to local free clinics in Essan, under a big tree, totally free (well before the 30Baht scheme).  My son and myself were her 'support staff'. She had a very endearing personal style, she loved to provide health advice, free medications to all ages but especially to old people. And she encouraged the older folks to talk and share their thoughts etc.

 

Our son (from about 10 years old) was in charge of getting the 'patients' seated with a glass of fresh water, giving them a queue number and bringing them forward to sit with his mum / the Dr.  Then getting them back to whatever vehicle was taking them home.

 

The locals also quicky realised that our son spoke perfect Thai and English and they would giggle when son spoke to me in long sentences in English. My son's character also gained strong compassion etc., points from all of the clinic under the tree activity.  

 

It can be different case by case. 

Beautiful story.

Also shatters the myth that they have no choice.

RIP

[proton]

6 hours ago, actonion said:

You can't take the Bar outta the Lady

what about taking the bar out of the sex tourist/sexpat?

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I think it's down to us all being 60+, and wanting a fit looking 30 year old woman in our beds.

No! 30 is definitely too old. 

[proton]

1 hour ago, scorecard said:

Yes there are many other 'configurations'.

 

My Thai wife (sadly now deceased) was a Dr. of medicine. She came from Essan poverty, taught herself some English from old books, decades before the internet, she got herself to BKK with her mum on train or bus 2 or 3 times a year to go to several embassies searching for scholarship opportunities.

 

She found a great scholarship with a medical foundation in Australia. They gave her total sponshorship to come to OZ and learn English and then study medicine. She lived with the same host family for about 8 years and ultimately fell in love with the socialist/egalitarian Oz life style. 

 

She finished her med degree with flying colours and was then offered further support to continue and gain board certification as an orthopedic specialist.

 

She returned to LOS, we met, we married, we had one son. Half of her/our week-ends were devoted to local free clinics in Essan, under a big tree, totally free (well before the 30Baht scheme).  My son and myself were her 'support staff'. She had a very endearing personal style, she loved to provide health advice, free medications to all ages but especially to old people. And she encouraged the older folks to talk and share their thoughts etc.

 

Our son (from about 10 years old) was in charge of getting the 'patients' seated with a glass of fresh water, giving them a queue number and bringing them forward to sit with his mum / the Dr.  Then getting them back to whatever vehicle was taking them home.

 

The locals also quicky realised that our son spoke perfect Thai and English and they would giggle when son spoke to me in long sentences in English. My son's character also gained strong compassion etc., points from all of the clinic under the tree activity.  

 

It can be different case by case. 

Nice story thanks, it's not either planting rice or a sweatshop, and never was for hardworking intelligent women being able to see beyond tomorrows som tam. 

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, marin said:

Give me a break. Your humor at times sucks. I met her buying mutual funds from Bua Luang Securities who she worked for at the time. She has an MA. from Wharton School of Business in Finance. I have never mentioned this before, but your comment was quite sh$#@y. Google it.

Did you see the ???? at the end of my message? Just smile, or don't smile, and ignore it.

Obviously your one is different.

 

"buying mutual funds from Bua Luang Securities" obviously sounds very sophisticated. I am sure you talk every day about investment opportunities and all those important things in life. Personally, I never missed those conversations. 

[proton]

4 hours ago, Danderman123 said:

Gentlemen,

 

I am only talking about ladies with no common interests with their Farang, and so, little communication.

 

My point is that its possible to have communication with a bargirl, if you talk about her interests - which center on bars and bargirls. Stray from that, and she is ready to sleep.

 

Which means, once removed from the bar scene, things get quiet quickly.

Her real interests are family, food and music. It puzzles me what possible things couples have in common on the rare occasions I see them and what they talk about.

[Walker88]

5 minutes ago, Goat said:

Beautiful story.

Also shatters the myth that they have no choice.

RIP

What myth about no choice?

 

Did he say she got pregnant at 15, the baby daddy did a runner, and the school forced her to drop out?

 

That ^ is a common bargirl story. Now I'm sure if you were a Thai female in backwater Sakaeo you would have been able to stop the Thai boyfriend from impregnating you, so that you could have finished as Class Valedictorian, but not every rural Isaan girls is as clever as you.

 

Yes, it's a beautiful story, but it's quite uncommon. Horny Thai boys who eff and run is a much more common tale, and nothing about Thai society makes it easy for a young girl to overcome that biological fate. Best you not judge those who took what might be the only route out they can see.

[marin]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

"buying mutual funds from Bua Luang Securities" obviously sounds very sophisticated. I am sure you talk every day about investment opportunities and all those important things in life. Personally, I never missed those conversations. 

Are you really that shallow? Won't say more that is your style. 

[Goat]

3 minutes ago, Walker88 said:

Horny Thai boys who eff and run is a much more common tale,

I think it is the horny Thais girls that sleep around that end up pregnant are the problem. The boys run because they dont want to marry a promiscous female. 

And fair enough to.

[Goat]

15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

No! 30 is definitely too old. 

So you have told us before.

You met yours in the bar when she was 16 correct?

[Goat]

21 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let's say a girl started to work in a bar when she was 20. And maybe you talk to her when she is 25. Why don't you ask her what she did before she worked in a bar? 

Year 9?

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, marin said:

Are you really that shallow? Won't say more that is your style. 

I prefer to enjoy the time with my girlfriend without "complicated" conversations.

 

If I want to talk about science or investments or international politics, I have enough friends to talk about these topics. Maybe you call it shallow if I don't talk about these things with my girlfriend. I am happy like that, and she is happy like that. Win/win. 

[richard_smith237]

3 hours ago, stoner said:

5 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

... its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are.... 

hi judge judy. 

Well...  once bored of afternoon monging, we know your day-time TV viewing activity !!!! 

 

 

[Walker88]

2 minutes ago, Goat said:

I think it is the horny Thais girls that sleep around that end up pregnant are the problem. The boys run because they dont want to marry a promiscous female. 

And fair enough to.

Nonsense. Perhaps you are so old you either forget your teen years or manufactured a fantasy about how you were back then.

 

Most teens are naive. They also want to be loved and accepted. Teen boys not only inherently understand that, but they are horny, too, and know how to exploit it. One minute of indiscretion by a female and her entire life changes forever. You are totally lacking in empathy and have a superiority complex that might stem (to use another of your quotes from an earlier post) from issues of self-esteem, if you make such a blanket statement.

 

[marin]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I prefer to enjoy the time with my girlfriend without "complicated" conversations.

 

Nah, its obvious you are intimidated by smart women. We rarely discuss finance anymore as  we have done well. World and domestic travel, our kids who live in the states, home cooking and gardening tend to be common topics. Thai womens volleyball is also high on the list as they are in the tourney being held at Hua Mak Stadium. Have a good one. 

[Goat]

1 minute ago, Walker88 said:

They also want to be loved and accepted. Teen boys not only inherently understand that, but they are horny, too, and know how to exploit it.

Around the 15-16 ages it was my experience that some of the girls were the main instigators. And it is amazing how the same girls ended up pregnant early and divorced.

I dont buy your feminist angle of blaming the males.

[Goat]

2 minutes ago, marin said:

Thai womens volleyball is also high on the list

Yeah, the Thai female team is good.

If they just had a bit more height i reckon they would beat the chinese and Brazil.

Lack a bit in stamina also, often give up early leads.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, marin said:

Nah, its obvious you are intimidated by smart women.

Not at all.

I know a couple of smart and well-educated women from work. I enjoy talking with them. The same way that I enjoy talking with smart guys.

But I have to admit no smart women ever got me exited in the way that I had the desire to spend a night or more with her. They don't turn me on.

 

Do you really want to discuss rocket science with her?

 

[spidermike007]

Even though my wife is very smart, I do not get much intellectual stimulation from the relationship. But, I get so much else. And in all of the relationships I was ever in with really smart women, who I got intellectual stimulation from, there was also so much grief to contend with. Such combative women. So much competition. Yikes. Thrilled to death to have left all of that behind.

 

When I was only in the relationship for a year or so, I had dinner with a very sharp American friend. I asked him about that. He laughed. He said, when you feel the need for intellectual stimulation, call me. We can hook up for the meal, and break down the origins of the cosmos. Do not fret. That same brain that gives you that stimulation, also tends to give you so much grief, it is not worth it, on any level. Get over it. Enjoy all of the other qualities, that make your day so delightful and fulfilling. Great advice, that I have followed to this day. I learned long ago that an intellectual woman, who can match me intellectually, also tends to be a combative woman, and the chance of harmony is low. I for one, love a harmonious house, where my woman is joyful and light hearted, with a great sense of humor, and an amazing attitude toward life, and us.

 

Just my point of view. Whatever works for you, stick with it.

 

[Walker88]

13 minutes ago, Goat said:

Around the 15-16 ages it was my experience that some of the girls were the main instigators. And it is amazing how the same girls ended up pregnant early and divorced.

I dont buy your feminist angle of blaming the males.

It's not a "feminist angle". While there is a link between promiscuity and pregnancy, it does not necessarily go the other way. It only takes one tryst to become pregnant. Biology is what it is, but it is inherently unfair. Guys engage in a short term act, but have zero long term consequences, unless they are responsible types. My experience in Thailand, and even with foreigners in Thailand, is that responsibility in males is a rare trait. Lots of runners.

 

Females, on the other hand, are irrevocably changed by that same short term act. Their life will never be the same.

[Walker88]

3 hours ago, Goat said:

To farangs with half a clue, and to all Thais. It takes me under a minute, first thing i ask them in Thai is "what is your occupation". Many answer truthfully, funny when the husband or boyfriend then makes up some story not knowing that she has already spilt the beans.

 

It is weird how many farangs actually marry Thai prostitutes. i would guess more than 50% of Farang Thai marriages. In a country that has so many beautiful girls with decent employment. 

 

I think it comes down a lot to anxiety and self esteem issues.

 

It is mostly the Europeans and Americans than marry them. The much maligned on this forum Indian, Chinese and Russians would not even entertain the idea.

Which is ironic when you think about it.

I am not married to a Thai woman, bargirl or otherwise. I still disagree with your post. Self-esteem issues? What the heck is that and what does it have to do with guys who end up with bargirls?

 

Are the non-bargirls so much more worldly, better educated, and lacking in the superstitions most average Thai people have? Or is it just some men have masculinity issues and shy away from women who might have bedded a bigger and better man than them?

 

If I fell in love, I would have zero issue with the woman's past, whether she has a dozen partners, a thousand, or none. Of greater concern to me would be bridging the cultural gap. I've resided in a diverse range of countries and cultures, and adapted to each, but a marriage is every day, every week, every year. Frankly, I don't know how guys who marry Thai women do it. Yes, I can see bridging it with the Wharton grad or the physician (two other posts), but those are unicorns. I would have long term trouble communicating with someone who held what I think are bizarre superstitions or who knew precious little about the world beyond the borders of Thailand. They have their world, I have mine, but we have to meet somewhere, have something in common.

 

Other than the Wharton and physician wives, I have my doubts many similar women are available to foreign men. Most such women, I suspect, would prefer a Thai man of similar background who shares similar cultural beliefs.

 

Also, I would prefer an equal in the relationship; I would not want what some call a woman who 'lives the traditional female role'. I think men seeking that might have self-esteem issues. I want a woman who dares to be everything she can be, even if that means her skills and income dwarf mine.

 

Congrats to those who have done it successfully.

 

 

[marin]

Be better than what do you want to eat?  We are planning a trip to Turkey. Its fun talking about how the peaks around Cappadocia were formed or the Roman ruins at Ephesus. 

[sidjameson]

15 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Not at all.

I know a couple of smart and well-educated women from work. I enjoy talking with them. The same way that I enjoy talking with smart guys.

But I have to admit no smart women ever got me exited in the way that I had the desire to spend a night or more with her. They don't turn me on.

 

Do you really want to discuss rocket science with her?

 

Jesus wept. She looks about 15. Take the makeup off and it could be less.

You're what, in your 50's? 

[scorecard]

5 hours ago, atpeace said:

Bar girls are evolving and becoming closer to some of the women in the west looking for someone to support them.   Too may better options compared to sitting on a bar stool.

 

Over the years I've met some wonderful bar girls but can't remember a single one of these women that remained a bar girl for long.  There are a couple I would have considered taking to the next level if I had been single.  It's a hellish job for someone that has high self esteem and they quit or find alternatives.  Not all customers are jerks but many are.

Jerks? Yes, Years back, I was aware of a farang living in Pattaya with his Thai wife of several years and their several young kids.

 

Farang went out to bars several nights a week, Came home some nights, other nights slept at the hotel(s) he had taken his 'purchase' to.

 

Some nights, drunk, brought his 'purchase' back to his own home, told the wife to vacate the bedroom and sleep on the sofa, locked the kids in their rooms.

 

10.00 / 11.00 am opens bedroom door to tell his wife to make beakfast for him and his 'companion'.

 

The word Jerk hardly sounds negative enough for clowns like this.  

 

[Lacessit]

I am not married, once was enough. My GF and I have been together for ten years. Together, everyone seems to assume we are man and wife.

We are poles apart in terms of education and emotional intelligence. Somehow, it works.

[BangkokReady]

7 hours ago, Danderman123 said:

On the other hand, I know a lot of bargirls here in Pattaya, and can talk about the one thing the ladies like to talk about - other bargirls. Who broke up with their Thai boyfriend, who is marrying a customer, who is borrowing money from everyone, lots to talk about.

 

But, take the same lady out of her bar environment, and there is nothing to talk about.

I'm afraid it sounds like there is nothing to talk about inside the bar environment either...

[Walker88]

9 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I am not married, once was enough. My GF and I have been together for ten years. Together, everyone seems to assume we are man and wife.

We are poles apart in terms of education and emotional intelligence. Somehow, it works.

Good for you. Much happiness.

 

Nobody knows what makes one person love another. It just happens. That is one of the beauties and mysteries of this brief existence. I have traits I hope to find in a partner, but I know if push comes to shove, and the dopamine kicks in, I could fall in love and find happiness with someone lacking every last thing I objectively seek. I think I would get bored if our interests were not sufficiently aligned, but that may be dead wrong. I'm less worried about education than intelligence and curiosity. Anyone---even a bargirl (to keep on topic)---can be highly intelligent, curious, kind, caring and fun. If I make a judgement, it is what she and I will be, not what she might have been before. If I am secure in who I am, her past makes no difference.

 

Again, good for you.

[Danderman123]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let's say a girl started to work in a bar when she was 20. And maybe you talk to her when she is 25. Why don't you ask her what she did before she worked in a bar? 

Do these girls have nothing else to talk about? Or do they don't want to talk about their normal life with customers?

IMHO some bar girls are interesting people, others are boring. Just like many other people. 

oh, yes, I do ask about their lives before working bar.

[1FinickyOne]

6 hours ago, Danderman123 said:

I have many ladies cleaning my place. For free.

Do they charge for other services and include the cleaning free?

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

No! 30 is definitely too old. 

I only said that to avoid the personal attacks that you attract!