What's a bloke to do ?

[The Cobra]

So, picture this: I strolled into one of those massage joints in Pattaya,, thinking I was in for a treat. Boy, was I in for a surprise! The massage itself felt like a wrestling match with the  Hulk—sublime yet borderline bone-crushing. I swear, that masseuse could probably unscrew a rusty nut with her bare hands!

But here's where it gets weird: her voice! Deeper the Lurch off the Adams family, I kid you not. And instead of the soothing spa chatter, she's yammering on about football. I'm lying there, covered in oil, wondering if I've stumbled into some parallel universe where sports commentary is part of the spa experience.

Now, what's a bloke to do in such a situation? Do I demand a refund, making it clear that I didn't sign up for a deep tissue massage joint realignment and a sports podcast? Or do I get cheeky and ask if she can work her magic on my car's noisy tappets after work?

 

Decisions, decisions...

[jts-khorat]

You are in Thailand, so go with the flow.

 

You know you want to, else you would not post this as a question. 🤪

[impulse]

Just curious.  Who's the bloke in this story? 

 

'Cause, I count 2.

 

[mfd101]

In my (extremely limited) experience of 'Thai massage' in Thailand (twice) it's not my idea of a pleasant experience.

 

Painful. Never again.

[AnotherOneHere]

5 minutes ago, mfd101 said:

In my (extremely limited) experience of 'Thai massage' in Thailand (twice) it's not my idea of a pleasant experience.

 

Painful. Never again.

 

My wife went to school, has and certificate and everything about Thai massage. I won't let he touch me. I much better prefer a sore shoulder over broken arm all day long. ☠️

[NorthernRyland]

I got a massage from a man this year. I didn't want to refuse his service which they seemed to run as a family with his wife and daughter. Such is life.

[Presnock]

9 minutes ago, mfd101 said:

In my (extremely limited) experience of 'Thai massage' in Thailand (twice) it's not my idea of a pleasant experience.

 

Painful. Never again.

Yes, if one says a Thai massage, they can be very painful if one hsn't had one before.  One must tell the "person" doing the massge to be gentle.

[jvs]

Thai massage hurts!

Oil massage can be very nice,depending on the massage person.

Some massages are really good and some not so.

It is what it is.

If i am experiencing a massage i do not like i say so,pay,say thank you and on my way.

[Tropicalevo]

Aloe Vera massage every time for me. Always a girl.

[Maybole]

My sister in law is a trained masseuse. She is brutal, but if you can endure an hour with her you will feel better.

[JimTripper]

Do what James Bond would do.

[chickenslegs]

25 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Do what James Bond would do.

Never Say Never Again.

 

[Andycoops]

16 hours ago, The Cobra said:

So, picture this: I strolled into one of those massage joints in Pattaya,, thinking I was in for a treat. Boy, was I in for a surprise! The massage itself felt like a wrestling match with the  Hulk—sublime yet borderline bone-crushing. I swear, that masseuse could probably unscrew a rusty nut with her bare hands!

But here's where it gets weird: her voice! Deeper the Lurch off the Adams family, I kid you not. And instead of the soothing spa chatter, she's yammering on about football. I'm lying there, covered in oil, wondering if I've stumbled into some parallel universe where sports commentary is part of the spa experience.

Now, what's a bloke to do in such a situation? Do I demand a refund, making it clear that I didn't sign up for a deep tissue massage joint realignment and a sports podcast? Or do I get cheeky and ask if she can work her magic on my car's noisy tappets after work?

 

Decisions, decisions...

Suggest you set out your massage parameters before disrobing...

[Srikcir]

16 hours ago, The Cobra said:

Now, what's a bloke to do in such a situation?

Learn from your experience.

As Lucy in the movie said, "Learning is a painful process." And you just got a lot of process.

[Gottfrid]

You could always ask her/him to put some oil on the stick and put you into gear.

[spidermike007]

Massage expectations should be discussed up front. Always. If it is a real massage, discuss your limits, in terms of pain. I prefer a massage that does not cause me great pain. 

[Prubangboy]

A cheap massage means a very variable experience. If I pay 2,000 baht at a spa, it's always good. There are massage parlor chains in malls for a good middle option.

[NoshowJones]

18 hours ago, NorthernRyland said:

I got a massage from a man this year. I didn't want to refuse his service which they seemed to run as a family with his wife and daughter. Such is life.

A massage from a man???? I cannot think of anything worse. 

[NorthernRyland]

4 minutes ago, NoshowJones said:

A massage from a man???? I cannot think of anything worse. 

Yeah I came with my wife and they gave her his wife and I got him. 😭 The daughter was busy on another person too. This was my first trip to Hua Hin and was about 20k south from the city. Maybe that's how the they roll there but I'm not down.

[fondue zoo]

19 hours ago, The Cobra said:

So, picture this: I strolled into one of those massage joints in Pattaya,, thinking I was in for a treat. Boy, was I in for a surprise! The massage itself felt like a wrestling match with the  Hulk—sublime yet borderline bone-crushing. I swear, that masseuse could probably unscrew a rusty nut with her bare hands!

But here's where it gets weird: her voice! Deeper the Lurch off the Adams family, I kid you not. And instead of the soothing spa chatter, she's yammering on about football. I'm lying there, covered in oil, wondering if I've stumbled into some parallel universe where sports commentary is part of the spa experience.

Now, what's a bloke to do in such a situation? Do I demand a refund, making it clear that I didn't sign up for a deep tissue massage joint realignment and a sports podcast? Or do I get cheeky and ask if she can work her magic on my car's noisy tappets after work?

 

Decisions, decisions...

 

She make good snu snu

 

 

 

 

[wavodavo]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Massage expectations should be discussed up front. Always. If it is a real massage, discuss your limits, in terms of pain. I prefer a massage that does not cause me great pain. 

If a Thai massage so soft that you dont feel any pain then you have wasted your money.When I go for a massage I bypass all the pretty little young  petite girls and select a bigger stronger one on purpose .you might have to endure  some discomfort but you will feel good the next day.

[BTB1977]

Let him loosen your rusty nuts. And grease your rear end. 

[digger70]

20 hours ago, AnotherOneHere said:

 

My wife went to school, has and certificate and everything about Thai massage. I won't let he touch me. I much better prefer a sore shoulder over broken arm all day long. ☠️

I second that. Lady digger she went to school and got the certificate. 

I let her massage me Ones   didn't I take of quick . 

Like getting run over by an Komatsu  D575A-3 SD

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, wavodavo said:

If a Thai massage so soft that you dont feel any pain then you have wasted your money.When I go for a massage I bypass all the pretty little young  petite girls and select a bigger stronger one on purpose .you might have to endure  some discomfort but you will feel good the next day.

I don't mind feeling some pain but I just don't need to be tortured. And if I feel like a fun massage, a young and beautiful gal, who has not had her body disfigured by kids, is what I am looking for. 

[CanadaSam]

I always read google reviews for everything, restaurants, bars, massage places, etc.

 

Only the massage places reviews are completely useless! 

 

How often I walk into a 4.7 star massage only to end up with a 1 star massage!

 

And the frustrating thing is that these idiots give really high reviews, without even mentioning the name of the masseuse! 

[tandor]

21 hours ago, Presnock said:

Yes, if one says a Thai massage, they can be very painful if one hsn't had one before.  One must tell the "person" doing the massge to be gentle.

bou-bou

[Kalasin Jo]

22 hours ago, mfd101 said:

In my (extremely limited) experience of 'Thai massage' in Thailand (twice) it's not my idea of a pleasant experience.

 

Painful. Never again.

Avoid traditional Thai massage. Go for an oil massage which will also be on the menu and is in my experience much kinder.

[john donson]

On 5/3/2024 at 2:38 PM, The Cobra said:

So, picture this: I strolled into one of those massage joints in Pattaya,, thinking I was in for a treat. Boy, was I in for a surprise! The massage itself felt like a wrestling match with the  Hulk—sublime yet borderline bone-crushing. I swear, that masseuse could probably unscrew a rusty nut with her bare hands!

But here's where it gets weird: her voice! Deeper the Lurch off the Adams family, I kid you not. And instead of the soothing spa chatter, she's yammering on about football. I'm lying there, covered in oil, wondering if I've stumbled into some parallel universe where sports commentary is part of the spa experience.

Now, what's a bloke to do in such a situation? Do I demand a refund, making it clear that I didn't sign up for a deep tissue massage joint realignment and a sports podcast? Or do I get cheeky and ask if she can work her magic on my car's noisy tappets after work?

 

Decisions, decisions...

 

don't you choose your massage person ? her ? sounds like a HE in a dress

[scorecard]

On 5/3/2024 at 3:16 PM, Presnock said:

Yes, if one says a Thai massage, they can be very painful if one hsn't had one before.  One must tell the "person" doing the massge to be gentle.

 Or call out loudly 'JEP'  'JEP'  (hurts). 

 

That will usually reduce the power being used.

[scorecard]

On 5/4/2024 at 1:33 PM, Kalasin Jo said:

Avoid traditional Thai massage. Go for an oil massage which will also be on the menu and is in my experience much kinder.

But it often takes several showers with lots of shampoo / body wash to completely remove the oil.

 

So I ask for cream massage.