Dont know what to do, start over or fix it ?

[Alittleguy]

I find myself in a complicated situation that I never anticipated when I moved to Thailand seeking a new chapter in life. I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status. What began as a whirlwind romance soon transformed into a marriage that feels devoid of genuine connection and emotional intimacy.

While I had hoped to find companionship and build a life together, it's become painfully clear that her primary focus lies on the material aspects of our relationship. Our conversations revolve around money, gifts, and a lifestyle that seems to be more about appearances than authentic happiness. I've worked hard to create a life here and appreciate the beauty of Thailand beyond its surface, but I feel trapped in a marriage that's void of the emotional depth I craved.

I'm torn between the desire to salvage our relationship and the realization that true love should encompass more than just financial security. I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment. At this stage of life, I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

[NanLaew]

If it's economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

 

If it isn't economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

Edited August 24, 2023 by NanLaew

[LaosLover]

Yeah, def. But with a whitey. So more fool me.

 

When the verdict is "not into you", there is no court of appeals.  

 

Take it like a man and change postal codes stat. She's got all the time in the world and you are literally dying on the vine.

 

You want everyone here to tell you this. So I'm glad to get in early on it.

[save the frogs]

10 minutes ago, Alittleguy said:

anyone else out there had similar ?

dont you worry.

lot of people on this forum got stories. 

[Denim]

17 minutes ago, Alittleguy said:

What to do ?

As per Nan Laews advice. Take the money and run and no looking back. Cut all ties and become uncontactable. There is no happy ending here.

 

Next...reflect on your experience and don't  make the same mistake twice.

 

Sounds like you didn't  ' fall ' into your relationship  but you chose to jump . Straight into the deep end. Next time test the waters first before committing. 

[realfunster]

18 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

If it's economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

 

If it isn't economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

Edited 16 minutes ago by NanLaew

What else is there to be said- words of wisdom...

[bob smith]

33 minutes ago, Alittleguy said:

I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status.

now there's a surprise ???? 

[Lacessit]

If you are doing all the giving, and she gives nothing back, what are you waiting for? Go.

[OneMoreFarang]

45 minutes ago, Alittleguy said:

I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman

This will likely happen again and again. Many Thai women can be angles - if they want to be like that.

So whatever you do, learn to understand Thais and especially Thai women. That is difficult, and maybe you won't be able to learn fast enough.

 

Personally I am here since almost 30 years, and I never married. I am now a long time together with my Thai gf and I am pretty sure she loves me. I am also pretty sure there is no advantage for me to marry her. So I won't marry her or anybody else.

Maybe think about if that is an option for you.

[Woof999]

54 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Many Thai women can be angles

Mainly obtuse.

[save the frogs]

2 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

What began as a whirlwind romance soon transformed into a marriage that feels devoid of genuine connection and emotional intimacy.

This is why I am not completely against the bar scene. Because many people are not capable of connecting with the level of genuine connection and emotional intimacy you describe or that is needed to sustain a long-term marriage, so marriages often end up being more about "things" than "emotions". 

 

I know it doesn't help much. I'm mostly just venting out loud. 

But ... is marriage outdated?

 

 

[observer90210]

As they say, in Thailand always rent...never buy.

[brianthainess]

Sorry to hear, but would you mind giving us a hint of your age? Thanks.

[proton]

Do you still have a sex life, sleep in the same bed and eat together?

[brianthainess]

20 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

I know it doesn't help much. I'm mostly just venting out loud. 

But ... is marriage outdated?

It does help to talk to some of us that can empathize to your situation. No marriage is not outdated. 

[brianthainess]

29 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

This is why I am not completely against the bar scene.

Many a good wife found in a bar. 

[Hummin]

34 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

This is why I am not completely against the bar scene. Because many people are not capable of connecting with the level of genuine connection and emotional intimacy you describe or that is needed to sustain a long-term marriage, so marriages often end up being more about "things" than "emotions". 

 

I know it doesn't help much. I'm mostly just venting out loud. 

But ... is marriage outdated?

 

 

did he say he found her in a bar? 

[bignok]

3 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

I find myself in a complicated situation that I never anticipated when I moved to Thailand seeking a new chapter in life. I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status. What began as a whirlwind romance soon transformed into a marriage that feels devoid of genuine connection and emotional intimacy.

While I had hoped to find companionship and build a life together, it's become painfully clear that her primary focus lies on the material aspects of our relationship. Our conversations revolve around money, gifts, and a lifestyle that seems to be more about appearances than authentic happiness. I've worked hard to create a life here and appreciate the beauty of Thailand beyond its surface, but I feel trapped in a marriage that's void of the emotional depth I craved.

I'm torn between the desire to salvage our relationship and the realization that true love should encompass more than just financial security. I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment. At this stage of life, I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

It takes me a week to work out a gold digger from a decent women.

 

I don't know why so many guys are clueless on this.

[hydraides]

What is your age vs her age?

 

You would be a lucky exception.....as an ex pat farang .........If this DIDN'T HAPPEN like this.

 

 

 

[roietfortress]

people need to grow, even Thai married women.

 

what is she doing to grow every day? any hobbies? or just laying around looking at her phone?

 

if she's bored, of course she's going to be thinking about all the things she wants. help her find some real goals, not ones based on greed or showing off, and she'll start doing better.

 

this also applies to bar girls. you can't just put them in a house and expect them not to be bored.

 

#

[Furioso]

I'm not going to lie the best decision is to get out of the relationship as fast(and cheap) as possible. You deserve A LOT more than what you're getting from her. 

[scorecard]

31 minutes ago, roietfortress said:

people need to grow, even Thai married women.

 

what is she doing to grow every day? any hobbies? or just laying around looking at her phone?

 

if she's bored, of course she's going to be thinking about all the things she wants. help her find some real goals, not ones based on greed or showing off, and she'll start doing better.

 

this also applies to bar girls. you can't just put them in a house and expect them not to be bored.

 

#

"people need to grow, even Thai married women."

 

Why single out Thai married women it applies, where needed, to all human beings regardless of gender, nationality and age.

 

[bignok]

1 minute ago, scorecard said:

"people need to grow, even Thai married women."

 

Why single out Thai married women it applies, where needed, to all human beings regardless of gender, nationality and age.

 

He married a Thai woman not 8bn people. Dear oh dear. Playing the race and gender cards. Wow.

[save the frogs]

1 hour ago, Hummin said:

did he say he found her in a bar? 

read between the lines.

no, just kidding. he did not. 

[richard_smith237]

3 hours ago, Woof999 said:

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Many Thai women can be angles

Mainly obtuse.

Oh don't know...  I saw a-cute one the other day... 

 

 

[TimeMachine]

My first advice in the falang thai lady situation is dont get married.  Stay as partners.  But since youve past that,  leave her,  pay her what you think is fair and never get married again. 

[scorecard]

3 hours ago, scorecard said:

"people need to grow, even Thai married women."

 

Why single out Thai married women it applies, where needed, to all human beings regardless of gender, nationality and age.

 

Not confusing, grow up.

[MangoKorat]

She won't change - don't even try fixing it.  Get out and start dating again - but this time keep it to dating.  After more than one failed marriage I decided to stay single - I'm not prepared to waste any more of my life on these money driven creatures.

 

Once I got used to it I'm having a ball. Do what I want and date as many as possible - currently 3. One @ 22 (I kid you not), one @ 34 and one @35 - I'm 60+.  I ride my bike when I want, go to the bar when I want, play my music as loud as I want and boy is it cheaper being single.  At least one, if not all of the girls I'm currently seeing will turn out to be a money grabber - its happened several times but as soon as it does, they're history. 

 

I try and weed them out before meeting but the gold diggers rarely say that's what they are ????. You sort of get a 'knack' for knowing which are but that's not 100% reliable and some slip through - probably because there are so many.

 

Enjoy the good times and get out before the bad times arrive. Play them at their own game.

 

Dowload Tinder and join Thai Friendly - you'll soon be sorted.  Be aware though that on both of those platforms there's more than a few hookers working - especially the latter.

[JayClay]

7 hours ago, scorecard said:

"people need to grow, even Thai married women."

 

Why single out Thai married women it applies, where needed, to all human beings regardless of gender, nationality and age.

 

He "singled out" married Thai women as that's the subject of the thread.

 

It would have seemed a bit strange to say "[all] people need to grow, even lesbian mechanics" when the OP isn't married to a mechanic, lesbian or otherwise.

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

We're all in the same boat.

Best not to think too much about it.

Buy some pets if you want love and companionship.

Edited August 25, 2023 by BritManToo