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My wife is getting fat.


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You can nag her to death - she won't change. She'll just keep on getting fatter. You didn't say anything about age, as it makes a big difference to how fast you pile on fat.

 

It is possible that she's not happy in the relationship and food has become a way to overcome the stress of it. A lot of people eat for comfort. The problem could be you. Maybe you're too demanding?

 

Another possibility could be that she is seeing someone on the side who prefers some meat on the bones and she's catering to his (or her) preferences. Not everyone likes their partners skinny.

Edited by JensenZ
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Start up an exercise hobby with her (weight lifting, jogging, pickleball, tennis, whatever).  Good for you, good for her.  Takes away the 'blame' aspect and you can find something to enjoy together.

Edited by QuantumQuandry
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5 hours ago, advancebooking said:

Have been married for 10 yrs. We have a daughter and so glad to have this experience in life, living the dream here etc.

 

When I married my wife she was slim. Her body was tight. Even after giving birth she stayed in shape. For example, she still had that gap between her upper inner thighs when standing up. 

 

Now 10 yrs on and she is getting rather large in the lower half of the body. 

 

Last night my child ran downstairs at 6pm to get mummies grab delivery. I inspected and found it was a sugary chocolate looking drink with round jelly balls floating inside. I was thinking what the hell. I go upstairs and she is drinking it and eating 2 min noodles from the original packaging that one can buy at the supermarket (full of palm oil and MSG). She wasnt eating my dinner that I cooked for us all. Grilled steak, roast potato/ pumpkin, steamed carrots and coccus. Cherry tomatoes on the side. 

 

Later that night I had to chat with her. No more sugar for a month etc. No more sugar drinks. 

 

It seems she doesnt respect her body anymore and this concerns me. 

 

I noticed when I purchased some strawberries at the market recently,  they include a small bag of sugar with each punnet. If one orders food from some restaurants using grab they often give a free bottle of coke with the delivery. Eat out at restaurants and the chefs add sugar to the food all the time. 

 

It might come to the point where Im not attracted to my wife anymore the way things are going. Ive never really been into big girls. Whats going to happen in another 10 yrs if she doesnt care about her bod. 

 

Thoughts?

What is your bod like? I would start on a strict diet myself and then to a gym or sports activity twice a day

 

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Hauptmannuk hit it on the nose to my thinking. Many women stay slim hoping to find a man, then go back to their normal eating ways after he's hooked. It isn't intentional and could be depression. Many people either eat a lot or eat very little if they have depression. People who would just divorce a woman they're supposed to love in sickness and health, till death aren't looking at that woman as their wife but as a sex object and or cook, basically a live in slave. Many men think they look great when in actuality they're fat or out of shape. Women usually have a harder look at their own bodies, thinking they are fat when they're just fine.

Asking yourself if you wife is still getting the attention she needs from you is the first thing. Not to say this is in fact the reason she doesn't eat with you and eats more fattening food now, but it's always a possibility. If you're still loving her the way you did at the start, then I would think underlying issues like depression or worries over something. talking about it in a non judgemental way, asking her how she feels about her weight gain and telling her she's still beautiful can go a long way.

I'm sure if she was lean for a long time and is now heavier it's really bothering her, but eating is a way of coping that always backfires. Try doing something healthy together, such as daily evening walks. Sharing , meaning real communication, lets her open up and know she's being heard and not judged. Anyone can lose and gain weight. It happens easier as you age, and no one's immune unless you starve yourself. Eating is fun, although eating junk isn't good long term.

 

My own girlfriend gained a few kilos and she talks to me abut everything so that's one of the topics. My clothes are too tight. All I suggest, as she knows I know diet and exercise, is maybe cutting back on the rice, and explained why, meaning sugars burn first in the body before stored body fat. I always tell her she still looks great to me, so leave it in her hands. They know their bodies. Many people don't know about dieting healthy, and if you look at what stores sell, they're pushing sugar like cocaine, knowing people get addicted and buy more. It's a life change always eating healthy, or at least an occasional splurge when you get to your best weight. Asking her how she's feeling is the best start.

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13 hours ago, zhounan said:

Three possible solutions:

- throw away TV 

- don't let her drink sugar drinks 

- do sports together with her

 

Extreme solution: make her jealous, be kind to women more beautiful than her, so she will become competitive.

Good idea, keep saying her sister/best friend/her Mum&Dad/Neighbour are all beautiful with shapely waist and legs.

Hide all knifes and swap all metal for cardboard before you start.

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