The wife and I sleep in separate rooms. Anyone else in this situation?

[MayBeNow]

3 hours ago, david555 said:

It always surprise me so much that some Married farangs are accepting to be the Thai trained husband's   

And even more they admitting it here .... ????

 

But if a would have a only female housekeeper ..... i would find it normally she has her own separate bedroom ...????

Nothing to do with that. In a relation you can not have just your way, especially not in an intercultural relation. Ofcourse you can try and have your way and ignore your wifes culture and wishes. How resentful do you think you will make her? And how will you be treated in return? 

[david555]

Just now, MayBeNow said:

Nothing to do with that. In a relation you can not have just your way, especially not in an intercultural relation. Ofcourse you can try and have your way and ignore your wifes culture and wishes. How resentful do you think you will make her? And how will you be treated in return? 

I thought respecting each other's tradition would be a normal thing ..... against just be assimilated by one  side .....

 

[NCC1701A]

4 hours ago, charliechoc said:

I think in a western country it would deemed to be rather odd for a 6 yr old to be still sleeping in mummies bed. But maybe in Thailand its normal.

 

Anyone else have  experiences with this?

yes my last real girlfriend's son slept with her until he was eight. 

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, MayBeNow said:

Nothing to do with that. In a relation you can not have just your way, especially not in an intercultural relation. Ofcourse you can try and have your way and ignore your wifes culture and wishes. How resentful do you think you will make her? And how will you be treated in return? 

Yep, I don't have a problem sharing a bed with my wife's 23 year old daughter.

When in Thailand, do as the Thais.

[charliechoc]

1 hour ago, Gottfrid said:

Just as information. Here the family sleep together until the children leave home many times. It has to do with what step on the society ladder they belong to. The poorer and less educated they are, they tend to sleep together longer.

 

However, your situation is horrible. If it was me, I would just set her straight. I assume she do not have an income and get a fairly good life out of your money. There you have all the reason and explanation you need.

no. We have a business and she is the main breadwinner. All I can say is that the mother and child relationship is so strong. Im way down the pecking order

[charliechoc]

3 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

Our 5 year old sleeps in our bed with us. wife says she will grow out of it usually around puberty !!

 

Not exactly the most romantic thing in the world. Sofa is taking a real beating before bed.

 

 

I feel bad when I slip into their bed at 1am with my lube. Its a bit off putting with the kid on the other side of the bed. The wife said its ok as long as Ive had a shower.

[Artisi]

40 minutes ago, EvetsKram said:

I've got a gorgeous sister in law who sleeps with her 14 year old son each night.  Lucky buggar! 

Have you suggested to the sister in law that you should swap places sometimes with the 14 yo, time for him to fly solo... 

[petedk]

3 hours ago, jvs said:

My wife has an 18 year old daughter,i would ask her but it might get me in trouble!

Well I know an 18 year old girl who sleeps with her father!

The whole family seem to think it is normal.

[CALSinCM]

At your age? Our kid went into a crib and daddy and mummy slept together. 
Now if mummy wants the baby in bed and daddy in the next room - daddy should consider finding a new mummy.  You're days are numbered and you're there to keep the money spigot on.  That's about all. 

Now, at my age?  There are no kiddies around and mummy and daddy want there own space.  The only time I want so share a bed is if we are listening to Reggae and doing the horizontal mumbo.  Other than that, I want my own bed and my own space. 

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, mfd101 said:

So people live in a bubble, ignorant of other people's customs and of the history of their own people ...

 

Only 120 years ago most people in The West lived in one- or two-room 'houses' with only 1 bed in one room. Whole family piled in together, all ages. 

 

Earlier still the maid and the labourer would have been part of the deal also. Whence all the folktales about 'bedtricks' ie husband goes out in middle of night for a leak and gets back into the 'wrong' bed etc etc.

This imagined history is impressive. 

 

120 years ago someone who could afford a maid and a labourer had more than 1 or two roomed houses !!! 

 

 

[zzaa09]

4 hours ago, seajae said:

you need to put your foot down now, when I married my wife, she had been sleeping with her daughter for 12 years, it caused huge fights with the daughter trying to get her out of the bed and into her own room, it did happen though as I refused to sleep in the same bed as her although the daughter wouldnt speak to me for almost 2 years, just grunted. He is old enough to be in his own bed, the sooner you can get him into it  the better or you will end up with an even bigger fight the longer you wait with ramifications that can last a long time. Thing is the only one that can do it is you, if you are the sole source of the family income then they have to do as you say or  you need to stop giving them money, that will change what happens very quickly,  The threat of losing all their financial support or you leaving should cause them to wake up, really have to wonder why you didnt put your foot down much sooner

Or even a better suggestion to be single and play the field. 

No worries.

[JensenZ]

4 hours ago, tonray said:

It's normal all over SE Asia and the Phillipines for sure

And everywhere in the world, for every family with limited living space. Why did you feel the need to only mention Philippines by name? You can't even spell the one country you named correctly.

 

What about Kenya, Uganda, Chad, Nigeria, Tanzania, Ethiopia, Laos, Cambodia, Indonesia, China and even Japan, to name a few. It is not a SE Asian affliction.

[mfd101]

15 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

This imagined history is impressive. 

 

120 years ago someone who could afford a maid and a labourer had more than 1 or two roomed houses !!! 

 

 

I did say "Earlier still" ...

[lucky2008]

It's quite normal sleeping in separate rooms. 

Hell, if it wasn't for the kid we'd be sleeping in different homes. 

[BE88]

You are not in the worst situation my German neighbor lives separately with his wife sleeping with twins boys for 12 years in the master bedroom.

[talahtnut]

Marriage can be great fun if you fart in bed.

[OneMoreFarang]

6 hours ago, charliechoc said:

Now my boy is 6 and they are co-sleeping still.

So it took you 6 years to think about adjusting that situation?

Who is the boss in your house? 

[ChipButty]

1 hour ago, petedk said:

Well I know an 18 year old girl who sleeps with her father!

The whole family seem to think it is normal.

What do you think?

[riclag]

6 hours ago, seajae said:

you need to put your foot down now, when I married my wife, she had been sleeping with her daughter for 12 years, it caused huge fights with the daughter trying to get her out of the bed and into her own room, it did happen though as I refused to sleep in the same bed as her although the daughter wouldnt speak to me for almost 2 years, just grunted. He is old enough to be in his own bed, the sooner you can get him into it  the better or you will end up with an even bigger fight the longer you wait with ramifications that can last a long time. Thing is the only one that can do it is you, if you are the sole source of the family income then they have to do as you say or  you need to stop giving them money, that will change what happens very quickly,  The threat of losing all their financial support or you leaving should cause them to wake up, really have to wonder why you didnt put your foot down much sooner

Shutting the money supply while there is a covid crisis

could work to his advantage or possibly  disadvantage  !

The thought of  having to go without could give incentive for the wife while the thought of the husband and father cutting off support could be detrimental to your relationship. Falangs are never right and Thai's are never wrong ,if they are, they never admit it !

Chocke dee

[Rampant Rabbit]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Yep, I don't have a problem sharing a bed with my wife's 23 year old daughter.

When in Thailand, do as the Thais.

Can  I  pop  over next week and just  tell  em Im your Brother? (younger)

[petedk]

1 hour ago, ChipButty said:

What do you think?

I think it is very wrong. They are actually hiso people, not that that should make any difference. I have no idea if they just sleep or what?

 

In our case my children never slept in our bed, but they would sometimes jump in our bed in the mornings when they woke up. They stopped at about 5 or 6 years.

[b17]

After my grand niece began sleeping with us, I protested, but didn't 'get my way'. 

Instead of getting angry, I built a small cottage about five minutes away, and go 

there a couple of times a week to enjoy the peace and quiet. 

Not the cheapest solution, but definitely an effective one!  I've attached a pic taken when we were 

nearing completion...

[sucit]

Clearly something wrong with you not appreciating getting some peace and quiet

[NanLaew]

5 hours ago, mfd101 said:

...Earlier still the maid and the labourer would have been part of the deal also. Whence all the folktales about 'bedtricks' ie husband goes out in middle of night for a leak and gets back into the 'wrong' bed etc etc.

Who says that these are simply folk tales?

[charliechoc]

3 hours ago, CALSinCM said:

You're days are numbered and you're there to keep the money spigot on

No, we have a business but my wife is the brains/ breadwinner in our family.

[NanLaew]

50 minutes ago, petedk said:

I have no idea if they just sleep or what?

Exactly. We have no idea.

[Gottfrid]

4 hours ago, charliechoc said:

no. We have a business and she is the main breadwinner. All I can say is that the mother and child relationship is so strong. Im way down the pecking order

Oh, you mean that you have put yourself way down the pecking order. Guess that´s life if you come here without sufficient economics. A life and a relationship in Thailand is not suitable for everyone. Especially, not in a country where money talks.

[4MyEgo]

8 hours ago, charliechoc said:

Anyone else have  experiences with this?

It's very common, as have discussed with friends, i.e. up till about a couple of months ago the wife ended up sleeping in the kids room permanently.

 

It started off a while back, she would start off saying the kids won't sleep unless I am in their room, they will talk and be up till late, wife also likes to stay up late on her mobile, usually the Shopee or Lazada thing, and watching her Thai series with headphones on, which is fine by me, I don't want her in our bed while she is doing that as it annoys me, as she burst out laughing sometimes or moves around. I like to sleep by 10pm as I am an early riser.

 

Been married for 15 years and to be honest I am quite enjoying the King size bed all to myself in our 50 square metre room with 3.3 metre high ceilings, this is now officially my man cave, she comes around when she wants a serve, eats and then leaves.

 

The above said, as long as she keeps "take care of me", i.e. cooking like a chef, cleaning, being affectionate, communicating, and doesn't malfunction, I'm good because the broke the mould on this AI when they made her.

 

 

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, ChipButty said:

What do you think?

We all see things differently, personally I wouldn't sleep in any bed with any of my 3 daughters, albeit I would get my first one to come sleep in my bed when she would have the odd nightmare, was separated from her mother back then, e.g. 1st wife, and she would calm down and fall back to sleep pretty quick, she would have been about 7 years old back then, now 24.

 

I know of a Thai families that don't have much and the parents sleep in the same bed as their daughter who would be about 16-18, mum in the middle, daughter on one end and father on the other, nothing wrong with that if you can't afford any better.

[The Hammer2021]

9 hours ago, bkk6060 said:

Welcome to the depressing and senseless purgatory of a thing called marriage.

With the hell of kids!