Can you live independently?

[georgegeorgia]

im interested to know how many of you expats live by yourself in Thailand/Asia?

 

I was reading on another forum where a expat in Pattaya commented that many of his expat friends apparently some were gay put up with a live in partner because they were lonely or needy .

They needed someone,i guess anyone .....and strangely the partners they were with treated them bad but they still were so "needy" old men they put up with it 

At the moment i live by myself and quite happy although i do get lonely,i tried the relationship thing for a short time,i dont think its for me

 

so my question is ,are you able to "look" after yourself or you need someone ?

is it strange to want to be by yourself and have no relationship.

how many of you actually live by yourself and have no family ?

 

my ideal retirement is to live in pattaya ,but im scared to be by myself,why i dont know 

Edited September 1, 2021 by georgegeorgia

[HappyExpat57]

I had a Thai GF about 12 years ago. We tried it for a year, then she started pressuring me to marry her. I could see that was going to end up a disaster, so we parted ways on very good terms, and when we bump into each other, we drop whatever we're doing, go for a coffee and catch up.

I'm in my mid-60's and have a very comfortable lifestyle in a 2 bedroom condo that has an ocean view. With a decent pension, I will never be rich, but If I want to buy a new motorbike, it's not a dear purchase. I do miss the trips to the soapy massage parlors, or the occasional pub crawl winding up with a temporary friend, but at this point in my life I could never imagine living with anyone again.

[scubascuba3]

I enjoy living alone, i see different girls, some as just friends, others as short times..works for me, I don't want or need a fake girlfriend to drag round with me and feed all the time and I'm not looking for a proper relationship leading to marriage, which is what most girls are looking for

Edited September 1, 2021 by scubascuba3

[bendejo]

I live by myself, pushing 70.  I like the way I'm living.  Broke off with family before turning 20.  Had my share of marriages, living situations etc.  I now dread the thought of having to live in a shared space, platonic or otherwise. 

At around 45 I came to the realization I just might end up alone, and it was somewhat scary/depressing at the time, then got used to the idea.  After a few more tries, including a fiance in Brazil, that notion became a pleasant alternative. 

To each his own.

 

 

[CharlieH]

Well, I think everyone needs someone, more so as you age. The nature of the "need" is what varies by person and situation.

The fear I think as you age is "what happens if......." fill in the blank with a scenario, sickness accident  problems of some sort, etc.

 

After the years I have been here I would have no problem living alone but it wouldnt be my choice. I like having company and someone to share things with. I also like "my time" which is time away and alone occasionally. Its about finding a balance that works for you.

[Old Croc]

I know of a couple of old codgers living alone in Phuket (I recall one may have died recently). They hired housekeepers to clean, shop etc, but were not in a  relationship. The girls were happy, had well paid easy jobs and could have their own lives, boyfriends, etc,.

Worked well for both parties, the guys basically had a caregiver without paying for a retirement home. They had their own circle of friends without living with them.

I seem to recall the one who died left the house to the girl. I met her once, lovely lady.

[ezzra]

It's horses for courses really, some needy and depended guys can't make it without a partner beside them for a even a day, others learned how to go it alone, but let's face it, a good company is always something to treasure and savor, but where would you find such company without ending with a disaster partner and specially at your advanced years i ask?...

[RichardColeman]

As an only child, being on my own if preferable sometimes - though don't tell the wife. 

 

Been stuck in Blackpool, UK now for 16 months on own, not a problem. Keep interests in things, enjoy your timeout and shopping.  A beer and the NCAAF or a movie and I'm all set.

[david555]

29 minutes ago, HappyExpat57 said:

I had a Thai GF about 12 years ago. We tried it for a year, then she started pressuring me to marry her. I could see that was going to end up a disaster, so we parted ways on very good terms, and when we bump into each other, we drop whatever we're doing, go for a coffee and catch up.

I'm in my mid-60's and have a very comfortable lifestyle in a 2 bedroom condo that has an ocean view. With a decent pension, I will never be rich, but If I want to buy a new motorbike, it's not a dear purchase. I do miss the trips to the soapy massage parlors, or the occasional pub crawl winding up with a temporary friend, but at this point in my life I could never imagine living with anyone again.

Looks like a copy of my life ....???? .... couldn't see me living between only rice fields that was the breaking point ????

[Will B Good]

Married for 15 years, single dad and then alone for 10 years, then married for 16 years.

 

I have a feeling it is time to be 'alone' again.

[pgrahmm]

That's a good question, due mostly to circumstances....With a wife & raised 2 daughters here they would basically have to drop out of sight....Since we are all very compatible & comfortable with each other I can see us somehow together in some fashion....

Having lived alone in the past, I know I could - but I'm not sure if I'd remain here or not....

At 73 the bachelor's lifestyle has lost it's hedonistic luster & the itch doesn't need to be scratched as often as in the younger days....

If something were suddenly to happen that left me alone, I think I'd make a bigger change up for about a year & see how the domino's fall.....

I'd really heavily lean towards heading back to the US and break out & service the RV and just travel solo = which to my mind is about as independent and solo as one could be with an ever changing landscape.... It's an easy trail to make & mingle and establish associations & friends....

 

It's an interesting question for me....

[Will B Good]

1 minute ago, pgrahmm said:

At 73 the bachelor's lifestyle has lost it's hedonistic luster & the itch doesn't need to be scratched as often as in the younger days....

Don't say that!!!

[Kwasaki]

As an individual I have always done as I please. 

I can live on my own and look after myself no problem if my wife goes off to see her son for a week or so,  I like to spent a lot of time on my own anyway.

I do not need to to seek company at anytime. 

I looked after 2 of my kids in UK for 8 years on my own so I'm adaptable. 

I prefer to be married especially in Thailand makes life easier and I'm happly married and mainly we are only together evening lunch time and nights. 

As for Pattaya I myself have been to Pattaya but would never have  considered retiring there,  same would go for Bkk and Phuket and places like that.

 

[Sparktrader]

Who cares what others do. Find yourself and live it. I like to live with people.

 

If alone i would masturbate too much.

[xylophone]

Since I was a young boy, I have taken care of myself one way or another, especially as I was a bit of an "outcast" in the very poor family into which I was adopted, as I think they regretted that decision when their second child came along.

 

Never mind I was perfectly happy being my own boy even at the age of seven, and I never really needed anybody, and that has stayed with me all of my life.

 

The worst mistake I made was getting married when I was 30, mainly because "it seemed to be the right thing to do", however it lasted only three years, mainly because I need my space, and my wife at the time wanted everything her way, so we parted. She was well looked after despite putting nothing into the house.

 

I am able to cook, sew, clean and do everything around the house that a woman could, and I never get lonely, in fact I enjoy my space, apart from the times when I will phone a mate to catch up for a drink or lunch or similar, just to break the monotony.

 

I have a few lady friends who will gladly visit and undertake a massage and anything else I desire, so life is never boring, although it is borderline boring at this time with Covid around the place.

 

I did spend five years with a lovely Thai lady here, and her young daughter, however the urge to want to be on my own was too strong to ignore, so we parted ways and I made sure she was financially secure. Not only that, I have unofficially adopted her Thai daughter and have taken care of all her needs financially for the past 10 years or more.

 

I'm happy with life on my own and I can't see that changing, although I'm now 74 and there may come a time when I will need someone around the place to help out, but until that time I will remain single and loving it!

[georgegeorgia]

4 hours ago, CharlieH said:

Well, I think everyone needs someone, more so as you age. The nature of the "need" is what varies by person and situation.

The fear I think as you age is "what happens if......." fill in the blank with a scenario, sickness accident  problems of some sort, etc.

 

After the years I have been here I would have no problem living alone but it wouldnt be my choice. I like having company and someone to share things with. I also like "my time" which is time away and alone occasionally. Its about finding a balance that works for you.

this is what the real question is though for all of you who responded that your happy by yourself...The fear I think as you age is "what happens if..

[RJRS1301]

The question really is, are you independent ?

Being alone does not have to mean lonely.

Personally, I have no problem being self sufficient. I have interests and hobbies, and unless another human is going to "value" add to my life, I am content being alone. I have had long term relationships, which ended for a variety of reasons including a death.

I probably either attend dinners or have others to dinner  3/4times a fortnight, arts, reading , music (uninterrupted by extraneous noise) .

Physically active, healthy. Great cook, Content.

 

[HappyExpat57]

17 minutes ago, georgegeorgia said:

this is what the real question is though for all of you who responded that your happy by yourself...The fear I think as you age is "what happens if..

Not a fear at all, just proper planning. I've already selected the lady who will help me when the need arises. She is a realtor, and has proven her utmost honesty to me in our dealings over the years. And if she's not available when the time comes, I'm sure there are plenty that can be.

[RJRS1301]

27 minutes ago, xylophone said:

Since I was a young boy, I have taken care of myself one way or another, especially as I was a bit of an "outcast" in the very poor family into which I was adopted, as I think they regretted that decision when their second child came along.

 

Never mind I was perfectly happy being my own boy even at the age of seven, and I never really needed anybody, and that has stayed with me all of my life.

 

The worst mistake I made was getting married when I was 30, mainly because "it seemed to be the right thing to do", however it lasted only three years, mainly because I need my space, and my wife at the time wanted everything her way, so we parted. She was well looked after despite putting nothing into the house.

 

I am able to cook, sew, clean and do everything around the house that a woman could, and I never get lonely, in fact I enjoy my space, apart from the times when I will phone a mate to catch up for a drink or lunch or similar, just to break the monotony.

 

I have a few lady friends who will gladly visit and undertake a massage and anything else I desire, so life is never boring, although it is borderline boring at this time with Covid around the place.

 

I did spend five years with a lovely Thai lady here, and her young daughter, however the urge to want to be on my own was too strong to ignore, so we parted ways and I made sure she was financially secure. Not only that, I have unofficially adopted her Thai daughter and have taken care of all her needs financially for the past 10 years or more.

 

I'm happy with life on my own and I can't see that changing, although I'm now 74 and there may come a time when I will need someone around the place to help out, but until that time I will remain single and loving it!

Hire the help in, if and when required.

[simon43]

As others have said, "being alone doesn't mean being lonely".  I was married 3 times, and each time the marriage ended in divorce (instigated by me), because I wasn't prepared to accept the lifestyle of my partner.  You know, little things like screwing other men and having their offspring, squandering my hard-earned money on clothes and a new car (when it was put aside to build up our joint business), or insisting I get up at 4am each working day so that she could lie in bed longer without being disturbed my me....

 

I absolutely enjoy living alone (in north Laos).  I am busy with work and hobbies, and it would be selfish of me to have a live-in partner, (which would be illegal here if that partner is Lao - the local police already grilled me on this law and at first didn't believe that I lived alone and shunned visitors!).

 

Living alone doesn't mean being antisocial.  Every morning, I walk about 8 km (there and back) into town for breakfast with friends, and socialise on my terms.  (I have a lung disease, which is happily kept at bay by daily exercise, a long walk is great for self-reflection, thinking out business ideas etc). I value my privacy highly, and never invite anyone to my home, because I simply don't have the time or need to partake in this activity.

 

Unlike Xylophone, my cooking sucks! The cost of daily healthy food in local cafes and restaurants is minimal in my budget, so I eat a salad each day, and then buy fruit, yogurts, fresh wholemeal bread etc to eat at home.  I can manage to cook an egg in my 3-minute egg cooker ????

 

I went through some dark periods when married.  Now each day, I feel so happy to live in a beautiful and natural location.  I never feel down or depressed, because I remind myself how lucky I am, compared to many that I saw living in poverty and squalor in Myanmar.  

 

But I fully understand if others do feel the need to live with a partner.  Everyone is different.

[1FinickyOne]

12 hours ago, HappyExpat57 said:

I've already selected the lady who will help me when the need arises. She is a realtor,

That would be a good person to help you buy the farm... 

[1FinickyOne]

18 hours ago, CharlieH said:

After the years I have been here I would have no problem living alone but it wouldnt be my choice. I like having company and someone to share things with. I also like "my time" which is time away and alone occasionally. Its about finding a balance that works for you.

This sums it up for me... I am married 20+ years and we have no problem living together or apart... I get plenty of alone time and my wife has that option too... 

 

Addressing the broader question, there are 2 aspects - chores and companionship - as I get older, there is a greater, maybe not need, but desire, not to do household chores. And for that, I pay someone to come in - when my wife is here, she takes care of all that... 

 

as to companionship, I have enough people around and friends that I don't get lonely... even in these days of covid... there is skype and line etc.. but I can't do w/o the drives in the car alone and I like to eat a meal out, alone... [even w/o looking at my phone] 

[Denim]

19 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

li tried the relationship thing for a short time

Well, Pattaya is the right place for that kind of relationship.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 9/1/2021 at 5:02 PM, georgegeorgia said:

how many of you actually live by yourself and have no family ?

My last year in LOS ( after my divorce ) I lived alone in a Chiang Mai hotel near the night market. I had no friends and didn't want any. Happy with my own company and TVF was a sort of substitute for live people if I wanted to converse.

However, if I'd had no internet and no tv I don't think I'd have been happy at all.

Still live by myself, but have more contact with live people than I did there.

 

No family that I have much contact with.

[Ralf001]

I live with both my Spanish wife and Thai girlfriend, I envy the lads that live happily alone being able to basically do what they want when they want.

[thaibeachlovers]

5 hours ago, Victornoir said:

After 8 years of living together with my young wife, we decided to stay together part time. She goes back to her old job (caddy golf) for 5 months in high season and we stay together the rest of the year.

For now it's working and I'm looking forward to October for another slice of life. The last times before covid, we were also happy to meet again in March.

Fantastic solution as long as it works, but I'm afraid that one or the other will end this deal one day and I'm preparing myself for it physically and mentally.

Absence does make reunions to look forward to.

 

IMO it'll only work if she really doesn't want children.

 

My entire married life was 6 months in Thailand and 6 months back home. It failed, but I can't say how much the separations were to blame.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, Ralf001 said:

I live with both my Spanish wife and Thai girlfriend, I envy the lads that live happily alone being able to basically do what they want when they want.

I'd trade being able to do what I like when I like for the love of a good woman. Unfortunately I don't think she exists, so I'll go with the former.

[thaibeachlovers]

5 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

This sums it up for me... I am married 20+ years and we have no problem living together or apart... I get plenty of alone time and my wife has that option too... 

 

Addressing the broader question, there are 2 aspects - chores and companionship - as I get older, there is a greater, maybe not need, but desire, not to do household chores. And for that, I pay someone to come in - when my wife is here, she takes care of all that... 

 

as to companionship, I have enough people around and friends that I don't get lonely... even in these days of covid... there is skype and line etc.. but I can't do w/o the drives in the car alone and I like to eat a meal out, alone... [even w/o looking at my phone] 

There is a fundamental difference to being apart from someone that you live with, and being alone.

Being alone means waking up alone every day of your life, and knowing no one is there for you.

[473geo]

13 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

There is a fundamental difference to being apart from someone that you live with, and being alone.

Being alone means waking up alone every day of your life, and knowing no one is there for you.

I lived alone in the UK while preparing the future in Thailand. Functioned just fine, flexibility was perfect, for work, choosing if and when to meet family and friends.

Never alone as per your description of there being no one there for you. 

Now happily with my wife and children in Thailand different for sure regarding choice and flexibility, but compensated in many other ways.

[kingstonkid]

20 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

this is what the real question is though for all of you who responded that your happy by yourself...The fear I think as you age is "what happens if..

Yeah I have to admit that living on my own for the first time is enjoyable but I went through the What if with back surgery and have to admit having someone to take care of me was a good thing.

 

Take a look at the 74 year old Brit in Hospital 

But for the hand of god that could be one of us and I can tell  you life is better in a Thai hospital upscale or downscale if you have someone to help look after you.