How many of you that had bad marriages to Thai women would try again but do things differently if you had a time machine?

[thaibeachlovers]

If I could go back to that moment I first saw my wife to be I would still follow through, as we had a good life for some years, but I'd do a lot of things very differently, such as refusing to go live in the village, which was when it started to go wrong.

 

What I'm asking, is, if you had the chance, would you avoid her completely as too toxic to contemplate, or, was there enough potential to try again, but not same same?

[scubascuba3]

No point trying again, too many choices in Thailand. The 3 gik approach is better than having 1 wife, no risk of losing the mandatory house in Isaan, better still no need to live there

[zzaa09]

Bad life experiences can be a better learning tool than it's counterpart.

[CharlieH]

Happy to say the marriage hasnt failed but it has had its moments.

The first relationship (not marriage) failed but later I came to realise it was actually a total misunderstanding and regretted that one.

 

I moved to the outskirts of her village  after 2 years together in rented accomadation. Never had any problems here and happy to report the family have been good as gold. Having been on this board 11 years and in Thailand 17 years I consider myself very lucky compared to many of the stories I have seen.

 

If I had my time over again, no I wouldnt have moved here, no I wouldnt have  built what I did etc. I would have given more thought to infrastructure travel access and convenience and probably gone to a different location.

The sad part there is we all change as we get older and priorities are different to how we thought and felt 20 years ago. I think its easy to reflect back over the trials and tribulations this country puts you through.

Everyone is wiser in hindsight ,

 

 

 

[Kenny202]

Biggest problem is most of these girls can be amazing at first. Many show their true colors first few weeks to a month into the honeymoon period and its easy to weed them out. The ones playing the long game are the most dangerous. First thing I always tell anyone asking me about living here is DONT go and live in her village or even contemplate it until you have known her for at least 2 years. They usually just have too many skeletons there...ex boyfriends, current boyfriends or husbands...kids...gambling issues or debts, not to mention family dropping in and taking what they want whenever they feel like it. I have lived in 3 villages and everyone had a few women who had foreign boyfriends or husbands...usually fly in fly out types and as soon as the guy was gone the Thai boyfriend moved in. The other villagers see no wrong in this by the way. Happened to me big time. Luckily I didn't invest too much apart from emotionally.... and about $50k AUD. Not life destroying though. Long distance relationships can intensify feelings too. I know a couple of guys here at the moment invested everything and coming into the waking up stage. the future for them probably back to Australia trying to live on a pension with all retirement funds gone. Talking predominantly about uneducated / unemployed village type girls from a poorer back ground here. And by the way its not only old farang / young girl relationships that fail here. Know many blokes had major problems with older women too. Mostly about gambling and debts more than anything. Always seems to be an underlying expectation or entitlement when a Thai woman meets a foreign man here. Not of a better life....but a Disneyland style life where the money never stops pouring in. This is where the trouble starts in my experience. the guy comes here with his retirement money. Thinks he will buy a nice house, new vehicles....get set up comfortable. buy the wife a bit of gold, go on a couple of holidays then settle down to a modest life. problem seems to start at this point where the guy was expecting at some point to live on a budget, but the wife thought the money flow was never going to stop. This seems to be when she gets the idea she found this golden goose pretty easily, surely can find another one...and out on your backside. They are not all like this of course and you will learn a lot more about whos who and what's what after living here but its so easy to get sucked in early on in the piece, and for some it can mean game over. 

 

1) When you first come here live in neutral territory away from her past and family

 

2) Do no buy property. Rent is so cheap here. Buying property you will never own and can lose any time doesn't make sense. And make sure the lease is in your name. Always maintain control of your life and belongings. Remember anything you have in someone else's home (even if you paid for it) is deemed theirs unless you can prove otherwise. It's great having your own place, you can make improvements, always something to do. But here it will never be YOUR place unless you want to buy a Condo

 

3) Buy vehicles in your name. Some dealers will tell you you can't, you can. They either don;t know or don't want to do the extra paperwork. Easier to put in your wife / GF name. If they wont sell you a vehicle go somewhere else.

 

4) Don't buy too many possessions until you are sure you want to live here long term. For many the gloss of Thailand can wear off after a few months to a few years. the golden rule is never buy anything in Thailand unless you can afford to walk away and leave it.

 

4) Make sure your prospective partner is bringing something long term to the relationship, other than a cute smile and slim little body. Most can't drive, don't work, know very little about anything outside of their village, don't cook, want to sleep all day and expect you to provide everything whilst giving nothing in return. This gets old fast.

 

5) If at all possible don't move in with a steady girlfriend initially. Play the field. Learn the game. Plenty of fish in the sea here. Unfortunately for most of us the reason we move here is because of a girl. Not to say use and abuse them, but until you find the right one. Go by the old adage....if it has wheels, floats, flys or has boobs....rent it. I would advise dating for at least 3 months before you let anyone move in. As a wise old man lived here a long time once told me....they are very easy to find, not so easy to get rid of. And "Thais are opportunists, do not present them with easy opportunities".

  

[EVENKEEL]

7 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Biggest problem is most of these girls can be amazing at first. Many show their true colors first few weeks to a month into the honeymoon period and its easy to weed them out. The ones playing the long game are the most dangerous. First thing I always tell anyone asking me about living here is DONT go and live in her village or even contemplate it until you have known her for at least 2 years. They usually just have too many skeletons there...ex boyfriends, current boyfriends or husbands...kids...gambling issues or debts, not to mention family dropping in and taking what they want whenever they feel like it. I have lived in 3 villages and everyone had a few women who had foreign boyfriends or husbands...usually fly in fly out types and as soon as the guy was gone the Thai boyfriend moved in. The other villagers see no wrong in this by the way. Happened to me big time. Luckily I didn't invest too much apart from emotionally.... and about $50k AUD. Not life destroying though. Long distance relationships can intensify feelings too. I know a couple of guys here at the moment invested everything and coming into the waking up stage. the future for them probably back to Australia trying to live on a pension with all retirement funds gone. Talking predominantly about uneducated / unemployed village type girls from a poorer back ground here. And by the way its not only old farang / young girl relationships that fail here. Know many blokes had major problems with older women too. Mostly about gambling and debts more than anything. Always seems to be an underlying expectation or entitlement when a Thai woman meets a foreign man here. Not of a better life....but a Disneyland style life where the money never stops pouring in. This is where the trouble starts in my experience. the guy comes here with his retirement money. Thinks he will buy a nice house, new vehicles....get set up comfortable. buy the wife a bit of gold, go on a couple of holidays then settle down to a modest life. problem seems to start at this point where the guy was expecting at some point to live on a budget, but the wife thought the money flow was never going to stop. This seems to be when she gets the idea she found this golden goose pretty easily, surely can find another one...and out on your backside. They are not all like this of course and you will learn a lot more about whos who and what's what after living here but its so easy to get sucked in early on in the piece, and for some it can mean game over. 

 

1) When you first come here live in neutral territory away from her past and family

 

2) Do no buy property. Rent is so cheap here. Buying property you will never own and can lose any time doesn't make

    sense. And make sure the lease is in your name. Always maintain control of your life and belongings. Remember       

    anything you have in someone else's home (even if you paid for it) is deemed theirs unless you can prove otherwise.

 

3) Buy vehicles in your name. Some dealers will tell you you can't, you can. If they wont sell you a vehicle go somewhere 

    else.

 

4) Make sure your prospective partner is bringing something long term to the relationship, other than a cute smile and       

    slim little body. Most can't drive, don't work, know very little about anything outside of their village, don't cook, want to 

    sleep all day and expect you to provide everything whilst giving nothing in return. This gets old fast.

    day etc. 

You must feel exhausted after writing all that, ahahaaa  But, pretty much all you had to say is correct. Unless you plan on having kids with the little lady, I would never ever settle down with one lady.

[Hummin]

Make sure I know her family (mom, dad, brothers), and also her friends. 

[Swiss1960]

Two failed marriages with a Swiss and an Ukrainian... still happy with my Thai family... would I do things different? Yes, come to Thailand while younger with what I know now and find the the younger version of my Thai wife to have children with her...

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What I'm asking, is, if you had the chance, would you avoid her completely as too toxic to contemplate, or, was there enough potential to try again, but not same same?

If I could go back in time I'd have avoided my Brit wife.

But I'm perfectly happy with my Thai woman.

I gave her the deposit on a house (300kbht), make the repayments (9kbht/month).

She's very nice to me.

[scorecard]

I wonder how many guys who have posted in this thread would have no hesitation to say that they realized that they needed to change their own attitudes and behaviors?

 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, scorecard said:

I wonder how many guys who have posted in this thread would have no hesitation to say that they realized that they needed to change their own attitudes and behaviors?

 

Agreed,

I realise she's not different and only in it for the money and enhanced lifestyle, so no free house upfront. And I've upped my 'dread game'.

Back in the UK I never understood that, and was far too nice, kind, generous.

[zzaa09]

46 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Make sure I know her family (mom, dad, brothers), and also her friends. 

This will be key. 

What many still do is go out of their way to detach themselves [and gf/wife] from the instinctive familial and social extensions that makes them who they are. A safety net...sort to speak. 

Is it any wonder why too many Farang feel as a foreigner or outsider and wonder why folks still regard them as such - never making an attempt to blend. 

[HeijoshinCool]

.

 

There remains a wise saying of those who went before us; pay it heed....

 

Your village called. They want their idiot back.

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, EVENKEEL said:

You must feel exhausted after writing all that, ahahaaa  But, pretty much all you had to say is correct. Unless you plan on having kids with the little lady, I would never ever settle down with one lady.

No, just hope can help some of the many who come here mostly with good intentions, thinking they are saving a girl when in reality it is they who need saving. Meet the family and try and blend in if possible 100%, and I have met some lovely Thai families where the caring sharing thing really works and no one is using anyone else, but have also seen the opposite more often where all you will be is an easy avenue for gambling / grog money. Amazing how many well educated guys come here...have been cautious all their life and put their life savings / future / life in the hands of someone has little more than a 6th grade education and maturity / intelligence level to match. Admittedly a lot of no good farang too. 

[georgegeorgia]

What about a Pre nuptial agreement before marriage ?

Then you won't lose everything

I'm not sure if it's valid in Thailand but this is what I'm planning on doing in Australia BEFORE retiring to the Phillipines with her 

[Kwasaki]

Met my wife in a village 21 years ago, married 2003, over the years the one good thing I did was marry my wife. 

As song goes "Regrets I've had a few but to few to mention".

[renaissanc]

I didn't plan it, but I married a woman who is an orphan. Yes, she has 3 or 4 brothers and sisters scattered around the country, but they are all wonderful people. Having had the Mother of All Rough and Hungry Childhoods my wife has always been grateful to having someone to be with her. We've been together for maybe 20 years now. So, look for women who are orphans, but how you find them, I don't know. My wife was working in a factory when I met her.

[georgegeorgia]

1 hour ago, zzaa09 said:

This will be key. 

What many still do is go out of their way to detach themselves [and gf/wife] from the instinctive familial and social extensions that makes them who they are. A safety net...sort to speak. 

Is it any wonder why too many Farang feel as a foreigner or outsider and wonder why folks still regard them as such - never making an attempt to blend. 

I guess if I understand you correctly it may be the farang is " distancing" himself from the family/friends of the wife is because he think if he gets too friendly he may get " used" .. there's a fear there I imagine 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, zzaa09 said:

Bad life experiences can be a better learning tool than it's counterpart.

Only if one can put the lesson to use. I will never get married or live with another woman after my divorce, as first time was desperation, second time a mistake, but shame on me if I repeat the mistake.

[thaibeachlovers]

17 minutes ago, georgegeorgia said:

I guess if I understand you correctly it may be the farang is " distancing" himself from the family/friends of the wife is because he think if he gets too friendly he may get " used" .. there's a fear there I imagine 

I WAS used, and stolen from. I have no doubt I should have refused to go live in the village as that's where it went pear shaped. While we were thousands of miles away from the family we were OK.

[petermik]

Met my GF online 9 years ago...she,s from the south but spent much of her life living and working in BKK in receptionist positions in 4* Hotels....her parents died some years ago before I met her and she cannot have children,her only blood relative is her older brother who has an officers position in the Thai Army....following in his fathers footsteps...we have been together now 8 years and in all this time I have never been asked for money from her or her family,after a couple of years at my suggestion I had a house built on land she and her brother owned down in Trang where she comes from....cost was 1.3 million Baht (25K UK pounds at the time) we visit and stay 10 days each month from our base here in Pattaya.....I told her at the time the house was being built I would never live there permanently as it was too remote for me...it is something for her when my toes curl up.

I went into this venture knowing full well the pitfalls beforehand and any money I spend here I,m fortunate enough to be able to walk away from if needs be....as yet in the time we have been together I have no regrets....she is warm,caring and totally honest...I put this down to her upbringing and education (University in BKK) am I lucky..perhaps yes but I took my time to get to know her properly first and if I ever felt that she was not with me for the right reasons I would walk away.

[Pravda]

23 minutes ago, renaissanc said:

I didn't plan it, but I married a woman who is an orphan. Yes, she has 3 or 4 brothers and sisters scattered around the country, but they are all wonderful people. Having had the Mother of All Rough and Hungry Childhoods my wife has always been grateful to having someone to be with her. We've been together for maybe 20 years now. So, look for women who are orphans, but how you find them, I don't know. My wife was working in a factory when I met her.

 

After my divorce I dated a university student who had no parents. Really nice girl, but a bit overly obsessed with self image Instagram and TikTok. Very insecure and that worried me about the future. Then my almost 20 year older then her Chinese wife showed up. Confident, good job and drags me by hand 3 weeks later to amphur. 2 years later she's still paying for everything I ask. I couldn't be happier.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, scorecard said:

I wonder how many guys who have posted in this thread would have no hesitation to say that they realized that they needed to change their own attitudes and behaviors?

 

Yes. I was too easy on her. I should have been harder and refused to go along when it was obvious the family were just using me.

Basically I should have been saying "be a proper wife, like you used to be, or I'm outta here". I'd probably still have been divorced, but at least I'd be better off and still have self respect.

[petermik]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Yes. I was too easy on her. I should have been harder and refused to go along when it was obvious the family were just using me.

Basically I should have been saying "be a proper wife, like you used to be, or I'm outta here". I'd probably still have been divorced, but at least I'd be better off and still have self respect.

Never let a woman get the upper hand.

[georgegeorgia]

3 minutes ago, Pravda said:

 

After my divorce I dated a university student who had no parents. Really nice girl, but a bit overly obsessed with self image Instagram and TikTok. Very insecure and that worried me about the future. Then my almost 20 year older then her Chinese wife showed up. Confident, good job and drags me by hand 3 weeks later to amphur. 2 years later she's still paying for everything I ask. I couldn't be happier.

Don't take this the wrong way but sounds like your the insecure one and needed a " mother dominant " type figure in your life 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 minutes ago, petermik said:

but I took my time to get to know her properly first and if I ever felt that she was not with me for the right reasons I would walk away.

I was engaged for a year and a half and we lived together a year before getting married, so I thought I knew my wife, but obviously I didn't. I don't know if she was playing the long con, or not, but IMO one never really knows the reality.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, zzaa09 said:

This will be key. 

What many still do is go out of their way to detach themselves [and gf/wife] from the instinctive familial and social extensions that makes them who they are. A safety net...sort to speak. 

Is it any wonder why too many Farang feel as a foreigner or outsider and wonder why folks still regard them as such - never making an attempt to blend. 

My mother in law never said one word to me, my brother and sister in law stole from me, my nephew made my life a misery every weekend for nearly a year because my wife refused to tell him not to visit whenever he liked. Why would I want to "blend" with them?

[Pravda]

8 minutes ago, georgegeorgia said:

Don't take this the wrong way but sounds like your the insecure one and needed a " mother dominant " type figure in your life 

 

Who cares? Don't take this the wrong way too but if you married someone much younger than yourself perhaps you have more serious issues than me.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Make sure I know her family (mom, dad, brothers), and also her friends. 

My wife's family were lovely, till I got married. Then the facade dropped.

[Dart12]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Agreed,

I realise she's not different and only in it for the money and enhanced lifestyle, so no free house upfront. And I've upped my 'dread game'.

Back in the UK I never understood that, and was far too nice, kind, generous.

What is "the dread game"?