How many of you that had bad marriages to Thai women would try again but do things differently if you had a time machine?

[Kwasaki]

19 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

“ we need to be honest” , yes with ourselves, not with women here, Tell Them Nothing. Explain Nothing.

No Benefit to You ! Make & Judge ACTIONS not Words. Talk is Cheap & Weak here and seldom understood, respected or actioned from thai women side……..remember “ protect yourself at all times” and that they are Simply Not Rational in your western ethical or logical terms……. Very Material Culture masked by token Buddhism…….

Whow your weird. ????

[mokwit]

10 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

finicky: exactly, so you didnt realize that this male- female stuff IS ALWAYS a competition if not an outright WAR ?  …. 

 

 

 

 

Daily brinkmanship. It gets old.

[1FinickyOne]

9 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

finicky: exactly, so you didnt realize that this male- female stuff IS ALWAYS a competition if not an outright WAR ?  …. 

 

 

 

 

maybe always is a bit strong and it is a matter of % too... upper hand - an illusion that if you win the argument then you should be the one in charge... sure, i see that... and also there are nice things, you know, the horse and carriage stuff... and sometimes it is a matter of keeping perspective... most of the negative stuff is pretty unimportant in the long run, unless you obsess and it gets under your skin...

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

some highly naive romantics here I see. be romantic ….thats human but be practical and realistic… thats wise…… wise protects your body & soul …….zero tolerance guard / tripwire set…. NOW you can relax and enjoy……

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

kwasaki: not the grammar police here but seriously, 2 words from your 3 word trip -induced post are misspelled.…..if “ wow” is even a proper word……and no , I am not “weird” just 65 year old conservative educated professional expat father ….who has lived a broad life….. probably I have 40  (or 50) years extra experience on you, judging  y your limited “comment”. wise people have learned to take lessons from older folk not to judge them……

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

“ teachers and govt. people” are “monied” ? seriously ? poverty level yes is 2k month.

 my lady’s sister is a thai govt worker on 12 k month. same for teachers in her town…..

lets call them employed rather than monied ? so begs question which thai demographic  earns less than basic govt. workers…? even the sidecar food sellers & local stall holders are pulling down min. 30-40 k arent they ? farmer types hard hit I believe by low friut * veg prices so stopped farming ?

You seem to be wrong on all counts there. Proper junior teacher at a government school starts around 18k month. they can only get a job teaching in a govt school though if they pass the exam, a pass at a Govt uni teaching degree not enough, and they need to pay upward of 200k to the testing body to get a pass, lets call it a tuition fee. Private or teachers helpers on much less money....I had a GF was a very good teacher in a small private country school was on 8k a month. Would have been better of working in 7/11. My wifes uncle senior teacher was on 60k a month, plus an amazing retirement package. Government workers, police same deal. Can go from very small to very big money depending on the rank and position. Normal govt clerk, gardener etc 8-10k and depending on the position, how long they been there can be a lot more. Local stall holders and noodles soup vendors 30-40k a month? No way....not in a village anyway. More likely 10-12k, if they worked hard and were lucky. 

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

19 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

maybe always is a bit strong and it is a matter of % too... upper hand - an illusion that if you win the argument then you should be the one in charge... sure, i see that... and also there are nice things, you know, the horse and carriage stuff... and sometimes it is a matter of keeping perspective... most of the negative stuff is pretty unimportant in the long run, unless you obsess and it gets under your skin...

reads like beta male / simp/ inferiority complex …. “ always” is correct & absolute & yes, hidden…..

“ arguments” rarely to be tolerated….” upper hand” aint no illusion….. my money, my house, my rules……” most …negative stuff unimportant”… its Important. no “obssessing” shes just gone …..

[Kwasaki]

24 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

 NOW you can relax and enjoy……

I have so since married to my Thai wife thanks. ????

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

kenny thanks. was of course over generalising / over simplifying. highly informative retort.

pre -covid Phuket Patong sidecar food sellers could earn around 40 k monthly , as my thai lady……

her sister is really poorly paid by govt because she had some prior court trouble and lucky to be hired at all ( family connection). good to see govt teachers can be well paid. govt education disgraceful though and thailands worst problem after poverty…….

[WhiteBuffaloATM]

no “brinkmanship” mokwit, thats grandstanding politicians at play…..

its all hidden tensions flaring up sometimes…. not “old” just truth…..

[riclag]

 The only real regrets are I would of demanded more assurances through my wife, from the house contractor ! My wife and her English Professor uncle  assured me,

any building mistakes would be covered for 3 years.

They neglected to tell me that , the contractor makes the  decision on the repair and I basically have no say. 

Any fault do to workmanship is repaired the same way. 555.

 

Lastly there are  7 small yappers that are next door from us. The  new house next to ours  was vacant for  almost a year before these yappers moved in with there owner.

 

I have little to complain about my wife or family! Everything is perfect, we have many things in common.

 

I made some very good decisions over the years,such as  not living in the village(can't stand roosters and soi dogs). Not allowing her older daughter to come live with us, with baby in hand ! I lived with my wife for 8 years before we married, I got to know everything about her   !

 

 

Edited October 1, 2021 by riclag

[NativeBob]

2 failed marriages and the last one finally goes fine. Many good advises are here I should learn them say 20+ years ago. Still love it!

[Kenny202]

28 minutes ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

kenny thanks. was of course over generalising / over simplifying. highly informative retort.

pre -covid Phuket Patong sidecar food sellers could earn around 40 k monthly , as my thai lady……

her sister is really poorly paid by govt because she had some prior court trouble and lucky to be hired at all ( family connection). good to see govt teachers can be well paid. govt education disgraceful though and thailands worst problem after poverty…….

A lot of the schools the headmasters or bosses also take a portion of their pay. Not to mention cutting back on the ration of meat etc kids are supposed to get. Disgusting

[RubbaJohnny]

I blended in and am almost indistinguishabel from teh drunk ignorant brothers and brothers -in-law we all agree we should have got pro hitman for the m-in-law first time rather than DIY.

I wish I'd met my wife rather than rancid American lady who treated me like an ATM, I nw vew her tragic car accident as an act of God allowing me a chance to find true happiness.

[choff56]

1 hour ago, WhiteBuffaloATM said:

speaking of related songs and time favoring males, how about the very apt :

” time iiiiiimmm…. is on my side, yes it is “ Under My Thumb ( Mick Jagger / Stones)

Or:

You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you're sittin' at the table

There'll be time enough for countin'

When the dealin's done

 

The Gambler-Kenny Rodgers

 

[northsouthdevide]

You could take the word "Thai" out of that question, and the answers would all be the same. 

Many, including myself have had failed relationships in our home countries, and found love in Thailand. 

My relationship with my Thai wife isn't perfect, just like I'm not perfect, but she's the best woman I've ever had, and that's why I married her. 

As for the time machine thing, 

If I could go back, I just wish I knew her before all the others, then I'd be a lot better off ????

[473geo]

 Wake up to new day is the secret, yesterday will not be dragged into today unless you do it ???? 

[1FinickyOne]

7 hours ago, mokwit said:

Thai women are the most attractive I have ever come across - they have this energy and vivacity

Very well said... and my older person philosophy [was 48 and single ] was to just enjoy that w/o trying to analyze and certainly w/o trying to change it... 

 

7 hours ago, mokwit said:

"You can spend 3 years trying to work through the issues,

never tried to do that... in 20 years my wife and I have never had 1 conversation about our relationship... and no real issues of control... or jealousy. 

[malthebluff]

I think a person's attitude or mind set changes as we get older what was important then isn't anymore or some things are more important now but this would be the same in every country I'm sure if the same question was to be asked in any other country the answers would be the same. Everybody as some kind of regrets and thoughts of what ifs as they get older. And nothing is 100% perfect in any relationship ask the same question to the mrs and hopefully she wont hit you  to hard

 

[spidermike007]

3 hours ago, Salerno said:

This is one of the things that baffles me; why do you hear about so many guys getting hitched after a matter of weeks ... the vast majority of the cases ending up as the "nightmare" cliche.

Many women here are very well coached. And they know how hugely vulnerable alot of guys are, who arrive here. So, they simply take advantage of that, if you let them. 

 

The trick is, being prepared, saying no, and pushing back. Some guys can, and many guys can't. Time is a man's ally. Not theirs. 

[crazykopite]

 Never married a Thai female and never will let a Thai woman share my house on the basis she would look after me paid her every Saturday goos cook but hated cleaning when she cooked the kitchen was like a bomb site and always bought to much that it would end up in the bin on top of that it was always can you give me 100/200 baht she told me she had to go home to look after her mum for a couple of months I was jumping for joy never ever again cheaper to bring in a cleaner once a week and if you hormones are working overtime go to the local massage parlour 

[observer90210]

A few thoughts on the topic.

 

One is always wiser once it's done and over, then before. So don't have regrets on what's past.

 

Making a mistake is normal. Repeating it, is however can be foolishness. Oscar Wilde could have said that maybe ?!!

 

Be worth more alive, then dead.

 

In Thailand don't buy...rent if possible.

 

This goes even for more let's say hanky panky, personnal or intimate stuff ????

 

People can change with time. Only in fairy tales does one live happily ever after. With that in mind, on the other hand, never assume you will change somebody who functions with dynamics you that one cannot accept. You don't like it in the beginning, just leave. People won't change in a sincere matter always.

 

Keep a low profile. Don't flaunt money all over just due to the good exchange rate.

 

Culture is culture. People function in a different way in Thailand, then those in the west. Family support is cultural. It's all about accepting and being clear if you want to pay your entry and way through the spouses family or not ?

 

Don't spend more then you have or earn.

 

Flee debt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Thingamabob]

Married 40 years, a few ups and downs,  but still happy together.

[Salerno]

2 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

The trick is, being prepared, saying no, and pushing back. Some guys can, and many guys can't.

That's the bit that baffles me. If, as you say, a vulnerable guy turns up (whether it's after a bad breakup, always been lonely, after a spouse has passed, whatever) I just can't fathom the amount of fast marriages/"defactos" that appear to happen (I say "appear" as it may just be my unconscious bias tainting my thoughts as I can't fathom it at all; maybe not as many as I think but there does appear to be a shedload).

[khunPer]

14 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What I'm asking, is, if you had the chance, would you avoid her completely as too toxic to contemplate, or, was there enough potential to try again, but not same same?

In the always unbearable crystal bright light of hindsight, you would often do things different, but you might not have that knowledge, without doing what you did first...

 

And all the excellent advises that others kindly told didn't work, you know "my Thai girlfriend is different"...????

 

Often I realize that not being married to someone, can be so much easier, especially when it comes to separate from a partner - luckily I've been good friend my ex girlfriends from my home country - and should things go south with my Thai girlfriend it's also easy, we both agree, because what is her's is her's, and what is mine is mine.

 

In my crystal bright hindsight knowledge I might opt for a housekeeper and ladies for fun, rather than a stationary woman; or just insist on a mia noi, or a number of giks. But on the other hand, would I then have been able to achieve the same life being on my own - proaably I could with assistance from a law firm do a number of things that so far to be has been done well by help from my girlfriend - and who will look after me, when I get old, or will I still have enough savings to pay someone to do it, or can I pay for living in a protected serviced environment for old people...????

 

I've probably been lucky - having first a short close encounter with a gold digger when being first time in Thailand alone, and thereby an easy target - so I had already in the crystal bright light of hindsight set some few simple rules; and I haven't been in need to change them later.

 

Living in a village was not part of my initial wish, but I considered it, and I concluded that I could do it, but it would be a very different lifestyle from what I expected. I also keept in mind that many talked about living some distance from a Thai partner's family, so as long as I could afford to live in a tourist area I would prefer that. However, quite a number from my girlfriend's village, including family, moved to "my tourist area"...???? -but luckily they have never been a burden or problem...????

 

My rules was, and still is...

• Don't try to change me or my lifestyle
• Don't bring problems to me, I can manage fine to create enough myself
• I'm not rich, so don't stay with me for money, I however have enough money to take care of my own little family

I probably would not change anything with a time machine, apart from hiring a different plumber when building my house...????

 

[Mayhem11]

Administrators ban the mysogonist racists who left their vile bile on this thread. I was warned about using a school boy derogatory term on this forum, yet you permit this filth without flinching. 

 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Mayhem11

[Jackie Malone]

Most of these reply posts are male. Here’s a female Ex-Pat perspective.

I’m sure that, among the Expat (farang) males, there are many who treat women as equals -  in intellect, capability, etc.  And, that must mean that Thai women are not treated as chattels, in those cases.

 

However, when I read posts in “ASEAN Now” about Thai women (as wives, girlfriends, etc.), I rarely see respect for women. I see comments about Thai women as manipulative. I have to ask myself where the manipulation originates.

 

Does it start with farangs’ promises of an easier life? What were you thinking? You were truly noble, while securing a guaranteed root and servility? And, all of this, on your pension?

 

You eschewed women from your home country for a reason. They challenged your machismo!

[zzaa09]

16 minutes ago, khunPer said:

In the always unbearable crystal bright light of hindsight, you would often do things different, but you might not have that knowledge, without doing what you did first...

 

And all the excellent advises that others kindly told didn't work, you know "my Thai girlfriend is different"...????

 

Often I realize that not being married to someone, can be so much easier, especially when it comes to separate from a partner - luckily I've been good friend my ex girlfriends from my home country - and should things go south with my Thai girlfriend it's also easy, we both agree, because what is her's is her's, and what is mine is mine.

 

In my crystal bright hindsight knowledge I might opt for a housekeeper and ladies for fun, rather than a stationary woman; or just insist on a mia noi, or a number of giks. But on the other hand, would I then have been able to achieve the same life being on my own - proaably I could with assistance from a law firm do a number of things that so far to be has been done well by help from my girlfriend - and who will look after me, when I get old, or will I still have enough savings to pay someone to do it, or can I pay for living in a protected serviced environment for old people...????

 

I've probably been lucky - having first a short close encounter with a gold digger when being first time in Thailand alone, and thereby an easy target - so I had already in the crystal bright light of hindsight set some few simple rules; and I haven't been in need to change them later.

 

Living in a village was not part of my initial wish, but I considered it, and I concluded that I could do it, but it would be a very different lifestyle from what I expected. I also keept in mind that many talked about living some distance from a Thai partner's family, so as long as I could afford to live in a tourist area I would prefer that. However, quite a number from my girlfriend's village, including family, moved to "my tourist area"...???? -but luckily they have never been a burden or problem...????

 

My rules was, and still is...

• Don't try to change me or my lifestyle
• Don't bring problems to me, I can manage fine to create enough myself
• I'm not rich, so don't stay with me for money, I however have enough money to take care of my own little family

I probably would not change anything with a time machine, apart from hiring a different plumber when building my house...????

 

Simple humility doesn't apply for Farang. 

 

[BritManToo]

20 minutes ago, Jackie Malone said:

You eschewed women from your home country for a reason. They challenged your machismo!

I eschewed women from the west because I couldn't afford a second loss in the family court.

Not to mention my former Brit wife didn't leave me with enough money to attract one.

 

I kept my promises to my Thai lady.

Which were, pay off the loan on her family farm, a house to live in and 10Kbht/month housekeeping. She also got a little bonus, a high school and university education for her and her daughter.

(I also kept my promises to my former Brit wife)

Edited October 1, 2021 by BritManToo

[observer90210]

Just forgot one more detail, so sorry to barge in again ????

 

One can never buy love or respect.

 

Just like money, they have to be earned and given to the worthy,  unconditionally.