Wife's brother-in-law set fire to our land

[youreavinalaff]

On 3/20/2023 at 11:14 PM, Menken said:

This is why you don't move to wife's village. Been said 1000 times.

 

 

 

Good luck and while I agree with most posts I think Sheryl has made excellent counter points.

A blanket generalisation.

 

We built a house in the village where my wife's family have lived for generations. Never had any issues. 

 

House build, wife's 2 uncles as builders, went well without us there for the best part of most days. I did my due diligence by looking at previous builds they had done. I speak good Thai and did the explaining and ordering of materials.

 

One thing I will say about the OP is it seems his wife is getting her priorities wrong. My wife has always been by my side. She explained, when needed, that I am her husband foremost and I just happen to be "Farang". I have always got on very well with all the family. We even built a second building on our land for Mum to live in. 

 

I find, if one can navigate away from the issue of being a foreigner, try to integrate in family and village matters, don't critisise on issues such as religion, beliefs in spirits, monks, et al, the family and locals will accept you into their lives.

 

One gripe about village life, the music at weddings, ordinations and funerals is too bloody loud. Never mind. I just go to live in father in laws house we built in the middle of the paddy fields.

[Will B Good]

Blink and before you know it they have set fire to something......mental.

[Will B Good]

15 minutes ago, youreavinalaff said:

A blanket generalisation.

 

We built a house in the village where my wife's family have lived for generations. Never had any issues. 

 

House build, wife's 2 uncles as builders, went well without us there for the best part of most days. I did my due diligence by looking at previous builds they had done. I speak good Thai and did the explaining and ordering of materials.

 

One thing I will say about the OP is it seems his wife is getting her priorities wrong. My wife has always been by my side. She explained, when needed, that I am her husband foremost and I just happen to be "Farang". I have always got on very well with all the family. We even built a second building on our land for Mum to live in. 

 

I find, if one can navigate away from the issue of being a foreigner, try to integrate in family and village matters, don't critisise on issues such as religion, beliefs in spirits, monks, et al, the family and locals will accept you into their lives.

 

One gripe about village life, the music at weddings, ordinations and funerals is too bloody loud. Never mind. I just go to live in father in laws house we built in the middle of the paddy fields.

I hear you......I'm building a knock-down house in the fields this year to get away from the funerals/weddings/parties/temples/village head/village prayers.....

[473geo]

There is a very easy solution, let them all get on with it ????

It is surprising how the job gets completed, wife will consult with the builders and maybe advise the BIL of the latest plan so he can oversee it 

Look at it this way, it's a house for your wife, let her build it, yes perhaps with suggestions from you, but don't be offended if they are not taken up ????

As for family close by, we have built two new ensuites separate from the older house, I have told my wife this is our immediate family only zone where we can relax away from everyone 

The older building has everything anybody could require, thus there is no need for people to be in our family area without invitation

Thing is its kind of rubbing off across the board that while people are welcome to visit we have acceptable areas outside the home where they can sit and chat ???? the Thai way ????

As for the building, l am enjoying gradually fixing minor issues and doing work to take to completion in general things are ok 

 

[d4dang]

Take the BiL for a few strong drinks at a nearby drinking hole. Then suggest a road trip to a town with a massage parlor. More drinks. Drop him off in the middle of Nakorn Nowhere. You may have to leave the Misses on the no budget for a week or two.

[norfolkandchance]

[transam]

As they are oldies, they are just showing their hierarchy, just look the bloke in the eye, point to his 'work', then say "BOR", in firm voice, then walk away tutting....

You let these people start doing their thing, they will be opening your fridge door next....????

[worgeordie]

You need to get a handle on it NOW , if you don't put your foot down

they will be there everyday after the house is finished , problem is you

don't own the land , so you are at a disadvantage , your wife needs to

stand by you ,or there is going to be trouble.

 

regards worgeordie 

[473geo]

17 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

You need to get a handle on it NOW , if you don't put your foot down

they will be there everyday after the house is finished , problem is you

don't own the land , so you are at a disadvantage , your wife needs to

stand by you ,or there is going to be trouble.

 

regards worgeordie 

Rubbish, once the job is done there is no benefit to be 'seen' to be participating

All these 'family' issues can be fixed with training, his wife knows this is not the right time, for which she is being heavily criticised on this thread 

What is the crux of the problem? The op and his wife cannot be there all the time!

Hence my advice let them get on with it 

 

 

 

[Hummin]

On 3/20/2023 at 9:17 AM, watchcat said:

Divorce.

A good reminder that you do not only get a wife when you marry, you get the whole family! 

 

Know your future by knowing her family! 

 

Good luck, but I would pack up the car and go for a ling weekend, if that do not help, go for a week next time, and if wife do not change her mind, leave. Thats the only language they understand, the potential loss of you and their future safety Asset.

[worgeordie]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

Rubbish, once the job is done there is no benefit to be 'seen' to be participating

All these 'family' issues can be fixed with training, his wife knows this is not the right time, for which she is being heavily criticised on this thread 

What is the crux of the problem? The op and his wife cannot be there all the time!

Hence my advice let them get on with it 

 

 

 

Well, we both have opinions , I won't rubbish yours , as either could end up correct,

and only time will tell , good luck to the poster.

 

regards Worgeordie

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

A good reminder that you do not only get a wife when you marry, you get the whole family! 

 

Know your future by knowing her family! 

 

Good luck, but I would pack up the car and go for a ling weekend, if that do not help, go for a week next time, and if wife do not change her mind, leave. Thats the only language they understand, the potential loss of you and their future safety Asset.

His wife and family are building a house which he is paying for, what's to get upset about, a bit of soot where there used to be a fence, not the end of the world 

He needs to step back, chill, not runaway, or make silly 'threats'

 

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, worgeordie said:

Well, we both have opinions , I won't rubbish yours , as either could end up correct,

and only time will tell , good luck to the poster.

 

regards Worgeordie

I agree, however a relaxed positive attitude may get him where he was originally heading, the bulk of advice on this thread could well land him where he possibly doesn't want to be 'Pattaya' being one popular suggestion ????

[Danderman123]

After the house is built, the wife's family will be living there. 

 

 

[nerjaron]

Many thanks to all who contributed to this topic (including the less serious ones). There is so much advice which describes my predicament perfectly - I didn't realise that so many had been through similar situations and used so many different approaches to deal with them. For now I am trying a combination of ideas and taking things slowly and carefully. Thank you all.

 

If I may, I would like some advice on another topic. My wife obtained her British citizenship last year so she is now a dual national. We are going to the UK next month for a quick visit and although I am aware of the need to use her Thai passport for leaving and entering Thailand (and UK passport for England) my wife has posed an interesting question: when departing Thailand previously she has always had to produce her official "permission to enter" UK documents. Now of course she doesn't need these and she is afraid that if she is forced to show her UK passport the airport staff will insist on stamping her out on her UK passport, causing problems when we return. How have others dealt with this scenario? Thanks again.

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, nerjaron said:

Now of course she doesn't need these and she is afraid that if she is forced to show her UK passport the airport staff will insist on stamping her out on her UK passport, causing problems when we return. How have others dealt with this scenario? Thanks again.

Only show her UK passport to the check-in desk.

They don't have any stamps.

[stoner]

ditch the dead weight. your wife clearly does not respect you. my apologies for speaking the truth. at times it hurts. 

[HampiK]

55 minutes ago, nerjaron said:

If I may, I would like some advice on another topic. My wife obtained her British citizenship last year so she is now a dual national. We are going to the UK next month for a quick visit and although I am aware of the need to use her Thai passport for leaving and entering Thailand (and UK passport for England) my wife has posed an interesting question: when departing Thailand previously she has always had to produce her official "permission to enter" UK documents. Now of course she doesn't need these and she is afraid that if she is forced to show her UK passport the airport staff will insist on stamping her out on her UK passport, causing problems when we return. How have others dealt with this scenario? Thanks again.

At check-in she has to show her British passport to prove she is allowed to enter the UK (and the passport she used to book the flight with). At Immigration, she has to show her Thai passport or use the electric gate (for Thais).

 

Same when flying back from UK to Thailand. She has to show her Thai passport and the Passport which used to book the flight.

 

There is never a problem as long she always use the correct passport for the correct place.

[Hummin]

On 3/31/2023 at 7:43 AM, transam said:

, they will be opening your fridge door next....

Without cleaning their hands first 

[Thailand]

On 3/20/2023 at 4:41 PM, glegolo18 said:

For us actually living here in Thailand there is certainlya fourth option. Just confront the guy yourself when he is in action and just quite him down, silence him with gestures if you cant the lingo.... Make it clear what you think about it and his mingeling in your business...

That will work!

[kevozman1]

This is a yet another warning to other people. In Thailand to ALWAYS put yourself in a situation where you can walk away. If you have no monetary investment you could simply walk away. If the wife wants to build a house in nowherethani then let her work 2 jobs to afford that herself. The wife chooses the brother in law, ok she can stay with him then - that would be my attitude. 

[DudleySquat]

On 3/20/2023 at 2:56 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Three options:

Get used to it.

Sell it.

Continue to have headache.

 

I know that is not what you like to hear. But I would be very surprised if there is another option.

Some things are just impossible in Thailand.

Sorry for no better news. I know why I have a condominium in Bangkok far away from "the family". 

Translation: Capitulate.  Tuck tail and run.  Give in.  All nonsense. 

[d4dang]

Befriend a local policeman, take him for lunch, explain your BIL problem and ask him to have a chat with the Mrs. Buy him a good bottle of Scotch.

[chalawaan]

On 3/20/2023 at 3:40 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

I think it's funny that many comments here assume it is possible to do this with logic and reason.

What gives you that strange idea?

 

IMHO there are some things in Thailand that just are, no question of why or why not or whatever. It's like trying to argue with the sun that it should be up for an hour or two longer. It won't work. And everybody involved will think something like: What stupid idea is that. TiT

While I agree with your assessment that this whole thing looks like a giant set-up in the making, and the extended family act like they own the place already, and also that his wife clearly has him under the thumb, and trapped in this horrible, controlling, and expensive mistake...

I saw a retired hostage negotiator online say that logic is like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. 

[OneMoreFarang]

44 minutes ago, DudleySquat said:

On 3/20/2023 at 2:56 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Three options:

Get used to it.

Sell it.

Continue to have headache.

 

Translation: Capitulate.  Tuck tail and run.  Give in.  All nonsense. 

Thank you for writing a summary about my summary. I thought the three options are easy enough to understand. But it seems you understood only one option.

 

And somehow you seem to think you have a better option. Come on, show us your wisdom. And please no theoretical solution which might exist in your imagination but will never work in Thailand. 

[OneMoreFarang]

23 minutes ago, d4dang said:

Befriend a local policeman, take him for lunch, explain your BIL problem and ask him to have a chat with the Mrs. Buy him a good bottle of Scotch.

And what do you expect will happen then?

Will the police officer be impressed by 2000B in food and alcohol?

And what if the opponents then decide to give the same officer 10k cash to explain that farang this is Thailand? What do you think the officer will do? 

[DudleySquat]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Thank you for writing a summary about my summary. I thought the three options are easy enough to understand. But it seems you understood only one option.

 

And somehow you seem to think you have a better option. Come on, show us your wisdom. And please no theoretical solution which might exist in your imagination but will never work in Thailand. 

Grow a pair. 

 

 

[DudleySquat]

When my son was born, the inlaws all came to Pattaya from Nong Khai.  Our newborn was bundled as was usual, and I had him on one of the balconies.  

 

Paw insisted on covering our covered baby with a huge blanket.  I removed it. He put it back. 

 

I told my wife to tell her father, that I am the father and it's my house and my rules.  He did it again.  I told her to tell him that if he contradicts me one more time, he will find himself on the other side of the fence, and it will be me who throws him over. 

 

No more problems. 

 

#4 - Grow a pair.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, DudleySquat said:

When my son was born, the inlaws all came to Pattaya from Nong Khai.  Our newborn was bundled as was usual, and I had him on one of the balconies.  

 

Paw insisted on covering our covered baby with a huge blanket.  I removed it. He put it back. 

 

I told my wife to tell her father, that I am the father and it's my house and my rules.  He did it again.  I told her to tell him that if he contradicts me one more time, he will find himself on the other side of the fence, and it will be me who throws him over. 

 

No more problems. 

 

#4 - Grow a pair.

You're the man - at least you think so. 

[Hummin]

5 hours ago, d4dang said:

Befriend a local policeman, take him for lunch, explain your BIL problem and ask him to have a chat with the Mrs. Buy him a good bottle of Scotch.

Waste a good bottle of Scotch? Insane