Dont know what to do, start over or fix it ?

[thasoss]

3 hours ago, 473geo said:

Interesting comment though from Britman 

Thai love is all about showing respect by providing, children leave home to work to pay for their parents lifestyle, there does not appear to be need for close proximity, the same often goes for young mothers, love is caring enough to provide, for offspring for family 

Its a different love to the romantic Disney portrayal

Slowly romance is creeping in but in reality for most Thai love is very practical and less emotion 

Think about it ????

I hope the OP see's your reply because that is exactly how this thai culture works,not only towards foriegners but that men too.

[dddave]

I think OP knows, it's not going to get better.  Gifts will become meaningless, any kind of joint activity non-existent except perhaps shopping and no apparent affection.  

OP; you know you have to move out and move on.  Yup: gonna be messy, drama, tears, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie.   Like getting teeth pulled, it will be unpleasant but so much better when done.

[a3tsw]

21 hours ago, Woof999 said:

Mainly obtuse.

Seldom Right ????

[MangoKorat]

2 hours ago, novacova said:

Right! Those are great apps to find another desperate woman as opposed to just being able to get out and open your mouth and say hi to someone who is out and about or working at their job. 

Desperate? How many times have you used a dating application?  Believe it or not, that's how people meet these days.

 

Besides,  I think I make it quite clear that I recommend he stops looking for Mrs. Right - he's unlikely to find her.  The girls that are really into foreigners are not actually looking for old farts like us.  Much better to enjoy life and play the field.

[metisdead]

Some troll posts in violation of our Community Standards have been removed.

[MangoKorat]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

We're all in the same boat.

We most certainly are not - I jumped ship a couple of years back and don't even need a life jacket now.

 

To be honest, I did meet one girl, about a year after my divorce who actually seemed genuine - I thought she was a really nice lass and maybe I shouldn't give up on relationships. Then one day I borrowed her pick-up to get some parts for my car in Bangkok.

 

When I arrived at the parts shop my parts hadn't arrived - they were going to be about an hour. I parked up and decided to connect my phone to her truck's bluetooth to play some music.  When I got to the truck's list of paired devices, amongst all the Thai names was a phone listed under the name Gerry. When I got back I asked my 'gf' who Gerry was - not too bothered, he could have been an ex, a friend or whatever.  She'd had her car from new, only ever lent it to Thai family members and claimed she had no idea who Gerry was.  I told her, "Gerry has been in your truck and paired his phone to your music system, its not accidental".  More denials. I switched on her music, went to the paired list and showed her 'Gerry' on the list - swore blnd she didn't know who Gerry was.

 

That was enough for me, not the fact of Gerry per se - the lying. She was history and although I'm not naive enough to believe they are all the same - all the ones I'd had relationships with have been.

 

Never say never but I'm having the best of times at the moment and I have no plans to jump back on to that merry-go-round again.

[mrwebb8825]

Every time she brings up money, whip out your winky and plug a hole - for intimacy and companionship, grab a couple of six packs and head over to Bob's house.

[Lifetraxx]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:29 PM, NanLaew said:

If it's economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

 

If it isn't economically viable, cut your losses and abandon ship.

Never truer words spoken, unfortunately.. 

In my early 70s been their done that, I admire the men who have made it work. 

I've never been happier been single. I'll never marry again. Everything is so much easier. (to each his own I guess) 

If you're doing all the work to make everything work it will never work apart from leading you to and early grave. 

Cut your losses, you won't regret it. 

Live your life on your terms, don't stress over it every day. 

If you need a bit of female company once in a while, well this is Thailand after all. 

[Danderman123]

Run.

[Bundooman]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:22 PM, Alittleguy said:

I find myself in a complicated situation that I never anticipated when I moved to Thailand seeking a new chapter in life. I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status. What began as a whirlwind romance soon transformed into a marriage that feels devoid of genuine connection and emotional intimacy.

While I had hoped to find companionship and build a life together, it's become painfully clear that her primary focus lies on the material aspects of our relationship. Our conversations revolve around money, gifts, and a lifestyle that seems to be more about appearances than authentic happiness. I've worked hard to create a life here and appreciate the beauty of Thailand beyond its surface, but I feel trapped in a marriage that's void of the emotional depth I craved.

I'm torn between the desire to salvage our relationship and the realization that true love should encompass more than just financial security. I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment. At this stage of life, I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

You sound a nice guy in a situation nobody would want to replicate.

Unless you are financially challenged - dump her.

You then have an opportunity to enjoy yourself as an aging Expat

Good luck.

 

[novacova]

1 hour ago, MangoKorat said:

How many times have you used a dating application?  Believe it or not, that's how people meet these days.

Have not used any of those apps. Met my wife haphazardly while she was was doing accounting in a coffee shop, I opened my mouth and talked to her without expectations and it went from there. The same with my past relationships. An app has its purpose though is not necessary, only a little courage. Try giving it a shot, but don’t creep out anyone. 

 

I’m sure there’s a lot of good women on those apps, but I think most are scared. My wife’s friend is on one and she says maybe one out of a hundred seem nice. The rest are lewd, offer money and the conversations deteriorate so she doesn’t believe anything meaningful will ever develop from the app. 

1 hour ago, MangoKorat said:

Besides,  I think I make it quite clear that I recommend he stops looking for Mrs. Right - he's unlikely to find her.  The girls that are really into foreigners are not actually looking for old farts like us.  Much better to enjoy life and play the field.

I totally 100% agree with you for anyone who chooses so, so long as they’re not playing on the naiveness of another and going for the girls that are into it.

[1FinickyOne]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:22 PM, Alittleguy said:

I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment.

You are probably right - - you can't talk someone into loving you... telling someone that you are needy is not an attractive thing. You are essentially telling them that their efforts to care for you are not enough. I would say this is likely to be a turn off for a Thai person. 

 

For the most part, financial security is more important than romantic love... most Thai have lots of friends and family and don't have the needs for the type of connection that you have... In many ways, they are more practical. 

 

How long have you been together? Are you part of the family? How much have you given out financially and emotionally? Good luck to you, but my guess, and only a guess, is that this cannot be resolved to your satisfaction. 

[1FinickyOne]

On 8/24/2023 at 10:20 PM, save the frogs said:

But ... is marriage outdated?

on a financial basis? maybe.

on an emotional basis - meh? 

[ArnieP]

16 hours ago, Hummin said:

 

OP most likely another troll ????

If so, an unusually articulate one. 

[SiSePuede419]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:22 PM, Alittleguy said:

I find myself in a complicated situation

Which massage parlor or beer bar did you meet her in?

 

From the 

Department of No One Could Have Predicted This Because I Read On The Internet About Someone Who Claims He Knows Lots of These Types of Marriages "Work Out" ????

[Stevemercer]

If you are past retirement age, and looking to settle down with someone, maybe you should be looking for a lady with whom you can be friends and grow comfortably old together. 

 

Looking at your wife, do you think you will be happy together in 5 years or 10 years time, when maybe the sex and physical fit is a thing of the past? Will you be able to enjoy the simple things with her? A good meal, holiday at the seaside etc. Even if you largely have separate interests/lives, can you come together at the end of the day and have time to share a smile and a few words?

 

Many Thai ladies have this material fixation. My wife seems to. So it is not unusual, butit doesn't have to be a relationship killer if you can reach a common understanding about how to live within your means.

 

Your job is to look after the money, save and secure your future together. Her job is to spend all your money as quickly as possible. If you can manage this juggling act, it doesn't have to be the end.

 

However, the bottom line is does your wife still give you joy and happiness, or is it all take, take, take? If you're not happy, things will only get worse. You need to have that prospect of happiness, joy and security in your life. If your wife is sucking it all away, you really have no choice.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 8/25/2023 at 3:20 AM, save the frogs said:

This is why I am not completely against the bar scene. Because many people are not capable of connecting with the level of genuine connection and emotional intimacy you describe or that is needed to sustain a long-term marriage, so marriages often end up being more about "things" than "emotions". 

 

I know it doesn't help much. I'm mostly just venting out loud. 

But ... is marriage outdated?

 

 

Errrr, IMO any old farang that thinks a young woman actually "loves" him is delusional. At best it's a business relationship, sex for money or property, at worst an outright scam.

 

As for marriage, yes, it's outdated and IMO should be abolished. There was a point to it 200 years ago, but not now.

Far as I'm concerned in the west it's all about the female transferring the guy's wealth to herself, and while it's not that bad in Thailand, it's more about getting as much out of the sucker before he wises up and divorces her.

[xylophone]

23 hours ago, Gandtee said:

Was she high on pot in use?????

Groan............

 

PS. I notice the OP hasn't posted, even after some pretty good responses??

[proton]

On 8/24/2023 at 10:50 PM, brianthainess said:

Many a good wife found in a bar. 

For about six months ????

[brianthainess]

38 minutes ago, proton said:

For about six months ????

I'm surprised, 'coz I've seen many Thai wives being dropped off at the bars, by their Thai husbands, so they have money for younger girls. Is that not a good wife? 

[ArnieP]

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

....... I notice the OP hasn't posted, even after some pretty good responses??

+1

[FruitPudding]

On 8/24/2023 at 10:59 PM, bignok said:

It takes me a week to work out a gold digger from a decent women.

 

I don't know why so many guys are clueless on this.

A week??

[bbbbooboo]

On 8/24/2023 at 7:32 PM, LaosLover said:

Yeah, def. But with a whitey. So more fool me.

 

When the verdict is "not into you", there is no court of appeals.  

 

Take it like a man and change postal codes stat. She's got all the time in the world and you are literally dying on the vine.

 

You want everyone here to tell you this. So I'm glad to get in early on it.

Hmmm…. “Literally dying on the vine”…. thats a great phrase?

[LaosLover]

9 minutes ago, bbbbooboo said:

Hmmm…. “Literally dying on the vine”…. thats a great phrase?

'Been on that dyin' ol' vine.

 

Get off that vine!!!!! It's a BAD vine.

[Caldera]

Run, not walk, away. 

[BritManToo]

19 hours ago, Stevemercer said:

If you are past retirement age, and looking to settle down with someone, maybe you should be looking for a lady with whom you can be friends and grow comfortably old together. 

Sorry, women aren't 'friend material' IMHO.

I expect friends to believe in duty, honesty, honour, loyalty ...... which aren't female attributes.

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Sorry, women aren't 'friend material' IMHO.

I expect friends to believe in duty, honesty, honour, loyalty ...... which aren't female attributes.

Often a mirror effect in work when it comes to distrust, but I do not know you in person, only from years contributing here, and you have been steady and firm from the very beginning I have seen you posting.

 

Im not saying you are wrong when it comes to your experiences, but you have to accept others have a bit more nuanced and balanced view on women. 

 

I have met many crazy women in my life, but they never managed to affect me much, and also I understood we where toxic for each other where we managed to take out the worst in both of us.

 

However I carry no bad feelings against any of them.

 

Takes two to tango 

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, Hummin said:

However I carry no bad feelings against any of them.

Me neither, but never seen one display honour, duty, loyalty, honesty ..... or gratitude for that matter. Which are attributes I look for in friends.

[BTB1977]

Stop buying her things. Feed her and give her a place to live and see her reaction.  When she gets upset tell her most of your  money is gone and this isn't working out. Than leave

[Adumbration]

Sigh...more make believe clickbait content...

 

Not even a cursory attempt to build a back story nowadays either...

 

I wonder how many people are running all of these new accounts?

 

Or is it just one person using ChatGBT to generate the fictional content?