Being Single VS Marrying a Thai Lady

[amexpat]

45 minutes ago, gargamon said:

How about just hiring someone to hang around, do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.

I think you left some things out. 

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, Goat said:

It is weird how many farangs actually marry Thai prostitutes. i would guess more than 50% of Farang Thai marriages. In a country that has so many beautiful girls with decent employment. 

 

I think it comes down a lot to anxiety and self esteem issues.

I think it's down to us all being 60+, and wanting a fit looking 30 year old woman in our beds.

[atpeace]

Bar girls are evolving and becoming closer to some of the women in the west looking for someone to support them.   Too may better options compared to sitting on a bar stool.

 

Over the years I've met some wonderful bar girls but can't remember a single one of these women that remained a bar girl for long.  There are a couple I would have considered taking to the next level if I had been single.  It's a hellish job for someone that has high self esteem and they quit or find alternatives.  Not all customers are jerks but many are.

[brianthainess]

31 minutes ago, VinnieK said:

As for the helper/nurse senario , I wouldn't trust a Thai to see me thru to my last days.                                             I wonder how many old guys get the poison in the coffee treatment and we never hear abt it.

Really, one of the reasons i married my wife was that she closed her shop and slept on the floor next to me in hospital for 5 weeks!.

We never hear of it 'coz maybe it never happens, we all have an autopsy. init

[OneMoreFarang]

I always liked to have one girl just for me. I tried many, often for a night, before I found the right one, and then I stayed with her. And I am still together with her.

I never married and likely I will never marry. Because I don't plan to have kids and I don't plan to travel with her to farang-land. 

IMHO if a girl is happy with a guy, then she will stay with him also if they are not married. If she insists to get married, then ask yourself: why?

 

On the other hand, a good friend always preferred short time. Have fun and send her home. And then the next one. He didn't want a permanent girl - at least that was his attitude for many years.

We are not all the same. Do what YOU want and ignore what others think you should do. 

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, atpeace said:

Bar girls are evolving and becoming closer to some of the women in the west looking for someone to support them.   Too may better options compared to sitting on a bar stool.

 

Over the years I've met some wonderful bar girls but can't remember a single one of these women that remained a bar girl for long.  There are a couple I would have considered taking to the next level if I had been single.  It's a hellish job for someone that has high self esteem and they quit or find alternatives.  Not all customers are jerks but many are.

My last one claimed 50% of her customers just wanted to cuddle her and cry about how badly their western wives had treated them. I saw no reason to doubt her, especially as she was charging them 40,000bht (plus expenses) for the weekend. This was back in 2010.

Edited July 3, 2023 by BritManToo

[GammaGlobulin]

SINGLE!

 

Temperamentally, I am the perfect example of the Rogue Male.

 

RIP, Peter.

 

 

Edited July 3, 2023 by GammaGlobulin

[ratcatcher]

1 hour ago, bignok said:

Ladies don't work in bars

LADYboys do.......................????

[EVENKEEL]

Unless you feel the need to have more kids why does anyone need a relationship here in Thailand? Why-fff??    

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, marin said:

 

Some of us did not marry bargirls. I have never spoken to my wife about this and we have never been in a bar like you are talking about. 

Let me guess, you met her at a traditional massage place. ???? 

[atpeace]

9 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

Unless you feel the need to have more kids why does anyone need a relationship here in Thailand? Why-fff??    

Really good question and while married for many years wondered WTFF I was doing at times.  Told myself if I ever escaped, I would be a lion and Thailand my pride.  4 years after escaping I'm living with a beautiful woman that is older than me and loving life.  I guess I'm not built to roar.  

 

Many of my single friends that I was jealous of while married are also in serious relationships.  They all were religiously promoting the single life until they fell in love.  I think most of us don't live that perfectly free existence we dreamed about.  Being free enables you to meet countless women which magnifies the "ONE" that standouts from the others.  Then what do you do?

 

[KhunLA]

Was there a question in the OP that I missed ????

 

To the title, being single or married ... same worldwide, chose wisely if going the 'legal' route.

 

As stated, not all marry bargirls, not that that is a bad thing.  And why would they want to return to that environment, as would think they'd be happy to be away from it.

 

I certainly wouldn't take my wife to a 'bar girl' establishment, or actually any bar, unless going to meet friends.   And certainly not a bar that caters to P4P.  I'm not a fan myself.

[marin]

9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let me guess, you met her at a traditional massage place. ???? 

Give me a break. Your humor at times sucks. I met her buying mutual funds from Bua Luang Securities who she worked for at the time. She has an MA. from Wharton School of Business in Finance. I have never mentioned this before, but your comment was quite sh$#@y. Google it.

Edited July 3, 2023 by marin

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

... I see such relationships all over town....   had a conversation with one of my friends about the subject recently. 

A few guys rocking up to a football tournament with their 'others' (some significant, some not !)

... its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are.... 

I agree that often it is easy to identify who is who - or their background.

But for many of us the question is also: what do we want?

Do we want to be able to introduce our wife as the director of company xyz and the daughter of that important person? Do we want to play all the social games which "successful" people do?

 

Personally I know I shouldn't bring my Thai gf, who has little education, and who I met in a bar, to a company meeting with the wives of other managers. But how often are those meetings? For me, seldom, and I go alone, no problem. But most of the rest of my time I stay with a girl who I am happy with - without all the social "you have to do this and that".

 

Not everybody wants a "proper" wife. 

[atpeace]

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let me guess, you met her at a traditional massage place. ???? 

I think many meet them outside of bars or online sites doing normal things like shopping and then create a story that works.  I did that once and it ended poorly.

[stoner]

2 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

... its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are.... 

hi judge judy. 

[Joe Farang]

1 hour ago, Goat said:

To farangs with half a clue, and to all Thais. It takes me under a minute, first thing i ask them in Thai is "what is your occupation". Many answer truthfully, funny when the husband or boyfriend then makes up some story not knowing that she has already spilt the beans.

 

It is weird how many farangs actually marry Thai prostitutes. i would guess more than 50% of Farang Thai marriages. In a country that has so many beautiful girls with decent employment. 

 

I think it comes down a lot to anxiety and self esteem issues.

 

It is mostly the Europeans and Americans than marry them. The much maligned on this forum Indian, Chinese and Russians would not even entertain the idea.

Which is ironic when you think about it.

For such an expert, you seem to hold the Farangs to be a higher class of person, simply for being farang males.

The reality is that most of them spend most of their time propping up bars and being drunk every night.

I would also say that the girls are more willing to leave the bar behind than the men. Most of the ladies have a poor educational background, but so do the customers

You say it is very easy for you to spot ex bar girls. It is very easy, they are normally found with male bar flies.

[billd766]

2 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

You must bear in mind that on this forum we only here about Thai/Farang marriages that break down and turn volatile.

 

However, we never hear about "were did it all go right marriages" which statistically far outweigh those that go pear shaped.

 

 

There have been quite a few "where did it all go right marriages" over the years.

 

However they have all been diverted and corrupted by the many negative posters who have been burned over the years.

 

That is why you rarely see them nowadays.

 

I, and one or two other posters try to put our positive views, but it is like King Knut trying to stop the tide coming in.

 

 

2 hours ago, VinnieK said:

 

 

 

[scubascuba3]

3 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

we never hear about "were did it all go right marriages" which statistically far outweigh those that go pear shaped.

Do you have a link for that? I'd guess at 50% last, but that doesn't mean both partners happy

[scubascuba3]

Surprise, men often choose women based on looks, throw money at them and hope that means happy ever after, more thought required 

[Chelseafan]

3 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

You must bear in mind that on this forum we only here about Thai/Farang marriages that break down and turn volatile.

 

However, we never hear about "were did it all go right marriages" which statistically far outweigh those that go pear shaped.

 

 

 

Totally agree.

I've been married a mere 4 years but I don't think we have ever had an arguement. Mind you, I'm dreading the day we do as she is likely to go nuclear ????

 

[Chelseafan]

Just now, scubascuba3 said:

Surprise, men often choose women based on looks, throw money at them and hope that means happy ever after, more thought required 

Doesn't that happen in cultures all around the world. It's probably why over 1 in 3 marriages fail.

I married my wife because she is a nice, caring and intellectually competent woman. Sure, she's good looking but I realise looks fade (mind did at 15!) and I wanted someone who I could live the rest of my life with.

 

IMHO Thai women do not marry based on looks, they marry for security, just like most women around the world.

 

 

[billd766]

2 hours ago, VinnieK said:

Too many downsides and few upsides (to marriage)

Being older, as most if us are, makes it even more pointless.

As for the helper/nurse senario , I wouldn't trust a Thai to see me thru to my last days.                                             I wonder how many old guys get the poison in the coffee treatment and we never hear abt it.

 

BS.

 

There are many good marriages between Thai ladies and farangs that are never posted here due to the negative attitudes of many of the posters here on ANN.

 

As for the helper/nurse/scenario I am 79 and I have supported my wife through 23 years of marriage and for 7 years before that. Of course I trust her.

 

She has taken over the jobs that I used to do but cannot do any more.

 

As for the "I wonder how many old guys get the poison in the coffee treatment and we never hear about it."

 

Perhaps you never hear about it as it is most likely a figment of your imagination.

 

You do realise that when a farang dies, unless there is a record of poor health and long term illness, an autopsy is performed by the police to determine the cause of death

[tkramer]

When I arrived here in 1994, I wanted a Thai girlfriend with a university education, has a promising career, (preferably owns) or at least rents a nice condo, owns her own car, has been abroad (the West) more than once, speaks, reads and writes very good English, goes to the gym regularly, and is willing to go 50/50 on all expenses.

 

You find these girls working in the top office buildings in Bangkok...young to middle aged, sexy, good looking, dressed to the "9's"...

 

and there are literally 1000's of them.

 

And that's what I married, 29 years ago.

 

What's that song...'Looking for love in all the wrong places'...

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Personally I know I shouldn't bring my Thai gf, who has little education, and who I met in a bar, to a company meeting with the wives of other managers. But how often are those meetings? For me, seldom, and I go alone, no problem. But most of the rest of my time I stay with a girl who I am happy with - without all the social "you have to do this and that".

 

Not everybody wants a "proper" wife. 

I paid for mine to go to high school then university.

She now runs the PTA and the housing association and handles all their finances.

Her pals are the police chief, headmaster, head of amphur and tessaban.

I don't get involved, not my country, not my business.

 

"... its instantly recognisable who the respectable Wives are and who the 'ex-BG's' are...."

@richard_smith237

Maybe it is and they don't care, or maybe it isn't.

Edited July 3, 2023 by BritManToo

[bignok]

10 minutes ago, tkramer said:

You find these girls working in the top office buildings in Bangkok...young to middle aged, sexy, good looking, dressed to the "9's"...

 

and there are literally 1000's of them.

 

And that's what I married, 29 years ago.

 

So 55 to 60yo

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, bignok said:

So 55 to 60yo

No thanks!

[scorecard]

3 hours ago, marin said:

 

Some of us did not marry bargirls. I have never spoken to my wife about this and we have never been in a bar like you are talking about. 

Yes there are many other 'configurations'.

 

My Thai wife (sadly now deceased) was a Dr. of medicine. She came from Essan poverty, taught herself some English from old books, decades before the internet, she got herself to BKK with her mum on train or bus 2 or 3 times a year to go to several embassies searching for scholarship opportunities.

 

She found a great scholarship with a medical foundation in Australia. They gave her total sponshorship to come to OZ and learn English and then study medicine. She lived with the same host family for about 8 years and ultimately fell in love with the socialist/egalitarian Oz life style. 

 

She finished her med degree with flying colours and was then offered further support to continue and gain board certification as an orthopedic specialist.

 

She returned to LOS, we met, we married, we had one son. Half of her/our week-ends were devoted to local free clinics in Essan, under a big tree, totally free (well before the 30Baht scheme).  My son and myself were her 'support staff'. She had a very endearing personal style, she loved to provide health advice, free medications to all ages but especially to old people. And she encouraged the older folks to talk and share their thoughts etc.

 

Our son (from about 10 years old) was in charge of getting the 'patients' seated with a glass of fresh water, giving them a queue number and bringing them forward to sit with his mum / the Dr.  Then getting them back to whatever vehicle was taking them home.

 

The locals also quicky realised that our son spoke perfect Thai and English and they would giggle when son spoke to me in long sentences in English. My son's character also gained strong compassion etc., points from all of the clinic under the tree activity.  

 

It can be different case by case. 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

5 hours ago, actonion said:

You can't take the Bar outta the Lady

And you can't get too many farangs out of the bars!  ????

 

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, Danderman123 said:

Gentlemen,

 

I am only talking about ladies with no common interests with their Farang, and so, little communication.

 

My point is that its possible to have communication with a bargirl, if you talk about her interests - which center on bars and bargirls. Stray from that, and she is ready to sleep.

 

Which means, once removed from the bar scene, things get quiet quickly.

Let's say a girl started to work in a bar when she was 20. And maybe you talk to her when she is 25. Why don't you ask her what she did before she worked in a bar? 

Do these girls have nothing else to talk about? Or do they don't want to talk about their normal life with customers?

IMHO some bar girls are interesting people, others are boring. Just like many other people.