rooster59

 

The question of the precise extent of the rights of a householder to protect themselves from an intruder in their home was the talk online in Thailand this week and ASEAN NOW was no exception. 

 

The chatter followed the death of a Thai man last weekend at the hands of a 63 year old Swiss pensioner and former architect in Udon Thani. According to press reports the Thai, aged 53, had a gun but was disarmed. A fight resulted in his death after suffering head injuries in a rear kitchen.

 

The police said they would be fair but indicated that the foreigner would face charges. Lurid details followed suggesting the Thai wife of the Swiss man had had a long running affair with the deceased. Relatives dismissed the idea he was robbing the foreigner and there are questions surrounding 300,000 baht he had in his possession from a land sale. The money is missing. 

 

There may be a great deal more to the case than meets the eye. Rooster’s own attempts to get a handle on the case were thwarted by a stone wall going up. I suspect the couple decided to avoid any press contact no matter how the approach was presented. Suspicious, perhaps, but proof of nothing. 

 

But at the center of such events is always the idea of the sanctity of someone’s home. English people grow up with the idea that an “Englishman’s home is his castle” a tenet enshrined in English common law in the 1700s.

 

In the United States this has morphed into what is known as the “Castle Doctrine” and a related issue known as “stand your ground”.

 

Different states have slightly different interpretations of the law but there is one overriding word that judges and juries use in both countries and other jurisdictions to describe what force can be used against an intruder.

 

It must be “reasonable”.

 

A sensational case in England in 1999 involved a Norfolk farmer called Tony Martin who garnered much public sympathy after he shot and killed a 16 year old Irish traveller at his ramshackle farm.

 

Martin claimed he had been robbed multiple times and was only protecting himself. But the evidence showed that Martin had shot at the boy and an older accomplice as they fled.

 

In his excellent book on the subject former bank robber John McVicar was fair but had little sympathy for Martin who he showed had laid in wait in his home armed with an illegal shotgun.

 

The jury at his first trial agreed and found him guilty of murder and he was jailed for life. A subsequent appeal reduced the conviction to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility and Martin ultimately served just three years. 

 

In the States in Colorado in 1985 they established a “make my day law” (part of Dirty Harry’s famous line) that came down heavily on the side of homeowners.

 

California law permits the use of “deadly force” in specified circumstances. There “your home is your castle” but only inside it. If a person is outside your property you would risk prosecution or lawsuits for attacking them. 

 

In Michigan you can kill an intruder but, again, only when certain criteria are met; for example you can use lethal force but not to protect property, only yourself. And only then when in danger of “serious bodily injury, sexual assault or death”. Again this is only inside your home.

 

Not surprisingly, Texas has some of the strictest laws but reasonable force is still key when there is an “unlawful attempt to enter your (home), vehicle or work-place”. You must not be shown to be the aggressor. 

 

In Australia a law introduced in 2003 had the phrase “whatever force they deem necessary” as a measure of what was acceptable though several key lawyers and prosecutors expressed concern at the time.

 

Other countries the world over try to grapple with the issue and Thailand is no different. 

 

The last time a case caused a big public outcry was in December 2018 when a man came home to his Ngam Wong Wan Soi 18 house in  Nonthaburi to find an intruder in his bed!

 

The man awoke and went for a machete that was by the bed and attempted to flee the house. The owner got him in a headlock and killed him. Police and lawyers described the Thai law as complex. 

 

One Thai legal expert stated at the time that according to Thai law it was okay to shoot a man who you found in bed with your wife as you were deemed to be “protecting your property!”

 

However, if the man got away and was fleeing on a motorcycle when you shot him dead that would be murder. 

 

The Udon case - with all its side issues - will be something for the police and prosecutors to decide what charges the Swiss man will face. And then it’ll be for the Udon court to decide whether he is guilty and what mitigating circumstances there are.

 

Much will depend on what is deemed to be in the mind of both the intruder and the homeowner at the time of the incident.

 

Like many, Rooster suspected from the outset that Sathian - described as a playboy - was going to the house to sleep with the Swiss man’s wife after she called him. Claims that she only knew him casually were dismissed by many people separately. 

 

Rudolf the pensioner would still see him as an intruder but he may have known him that further muddies the waters. The gun was found in a pond after Rudolf jettisoned it before he continued to fight with Sathian.

 

If it is proven to be a case of an intruder defending himself, Rooster could see a suspended sentence. A man, after all, has been killed. I don’t believe the cacophony of babble from the usual xenophobes that Rudolf will be dealt with any differently from a Thai in the same position. 

 

For what it's worth the Swiss man was being widely supported by Thais on social media, mindful of a victim of marital infidelity as much as a householder protecting himself. 

 

The foreigner mostly in the news from the previous week, Robert Gordon, 37, from Colorado, who allegedly raped a masseuse and molested a minor selling honey by the side of the road became yesterday’s news. Hopefully ASEAN NOW will follow up when the case comes to court. 

 

Also soon to be in court are a northern Thai couple who “offended public morals” by bonking up against a sacred giant rubber tree on the old Chiang Mai to Lamphun Road. Then having the temerity to post the video on OnlyFans.

 

The case was very Thai not just because it featured that two-faced indignation about sex but because of the sacredness of the trees. Ten blew down in a subsequent storm - as trees do - which inspired the “Lanna loonies” to say that it was the irreligious rogering that caused them to topple!

 

Now I know why the 1987 hurricane in southern England blew down so many trees in the woods behind the house where I was born….

 

The Thai couple were soon arrested in Phrae and will doubtless get a sentence commensurate with the importance of the tree.

 

In tourism matters the biggest news of the week was Thailand finally being taken off the “red list” of UK countries. I keep promising to take my young kids for a first visit but now the main hurdles have been removed, I'm starting to dread the prospect of applying for passports and air travel.

 

I haven’t been on a plane for three years and I’d like to keep it that way!

 

The UK has also recognised that two doses of AstraZeneca are fine by them (at last) and my second jab is due next Sunday at Bang Sue. Vaccination continued apace this week with upwards of 400,000 getting jabbed with first and second shots each day. 

 

All this prompted a weaselly registrar of the Bhumjaithai party to praise health minister and party boss Anutin Charnvirakul for getting Thailand removed from the UK’s red list.

 

He was pictured with UK ambassador Mark Gooding in Daily News in September when it was said how he had pleaded Thailand’s case. 

 

Sucking up to Anutin really took the biscuit as he has presided over some of the biggest failures in Thailand’s modern history, in cahoots with Prayut and Prawit. 

 

Their and the TAT’s Phuket sandbox was blasted in a Thai press report from restaurateurs, pub and bar owners and people who run small hotels. None of the Sandbox money or custom - as little as it is - had reached down to them. 

 

Of course most of the “tourists” were nothing of the sort. They were people trying to get back into Thailand, sitting out two weeks confinement in cut-price fancy hotels before getting back to girlfriends, spouses and families. 

 

One of my best friends who returned to the US with his child then did the Sandbox on return said he spent as much on Covid tests as air tickets; that was the real financial killer. 

 

Khun Ying Sudarat - who now fronts the Thai Sang Thai political party, belted off to Phuket as soon as she returned from the States. She was gushing about “free vaccines” and the ease of doing everything Stateside. 

 

This she used as political leverage to slam the Sandbox. She wanted tests and insurance to be provided free for foreigners in the New Year, a cutting down on the red tape and in the longer term a creation of a Phuket economic tourism zone. She also wants to see digital nomads using Phuket as a work base. 

 

She is a popular and more practical kind of Thai leader but whether the dinosaurs in Prayut’s government give her any credence remains to be seen. They seem totally incapable of listening to anybody.

 

I suspect they will also not be listening to one of their own cabinet. That is Chaiwut, the Digital Economy and Society minister, who proposed legalizing e-cigarettes. He made some valid points about them being less harmful and helpful for weaning people off regular coffin nails but it’ll come to nothing as this would upset the apple cart that is the close relationship between politicians, the excise department and the Thailand Tobacco Monopoly.

 

The TTM (never was an organization better named) claimed that the reason there are no cigarettes in the shops at the moment was because a machine broke down and they gave their staff a few weeks off during repairs.

 

Do they truly expect us to swallow that? The excise department were a tad more upfront in putting the blame on profiteers hoarding cigarettes ahead of the tax increases that will take effect at the end of the coming week.

 

Rivalling the red list and Phuket stories for forum clicks was news that Pipat at Tourism and Sports was introducing a 500 baht tourism fee. 

 

Predictable outrage followed but 300 baht had already been agreed ages ago and such charges are standard practice throughout the world, usually incorporated into airfares. 

 

No one is going to be collecting fifteen bucks at Swampy, Thais like most governments are a little more subtle than that unless you’re visiting a national park, that is.  

 

Several decades ago Thais used to have to pay 1,000 baht at the airport when leaving the country then a standard departure tax of 500 baht was levied. 

 

The “entry fee” is nothing to get hot under the collar about though I’d prefer only tourists to be paying it and like many, wonder into whose pockets the cash will flow. 

 

Pipat - like his dear wife a billionaire - showed wonderful mental arithmetic in one Thai press report saying that one million people paying 500 baht each meant 500 million baht. 

 

Now I know why I'm not a billionaire or a minister.

 

Finally, and of particular interest to an Asia based wordsmith like Rooster, was the news that 26 Korean words would be added to the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, the “accepted authority on the English language” according to the BBC.

 

The move is an indication of the wave of interest in South Korea created by K-pop phenomenon BTS and shows like Squid Game that are extremely popular on Netflix. 

 

I’m a bit old for BTS but I enjoyed Squid Game (watching it twice!) as I thought the characterization was spot on.

 

Many of the new words are food like banchan, bulgogi and kimbap - great for high scoring Scrabble plays. 

 

My two favorites though were “hallyu” a word that refers to the increase in international interest in South Korea and “mukbang”.

 

Mukbang means a live streamed video of someone eating a large quantity of food.

 

At last something Rooster could do to make up for those six dreadful hours of outage when Facebook went off worldwide.

 

And we were unable to post pictures of our dinner.

 

Rooster

 

 

 

 

Only a fool would say that a customer in Thailand is, as the saying goes, always right.

 

Many Thais when faced with a problem turn the other cheek and avoid conflict. They take it on the chin, grumble to friends but don't make a face losing scene.

 

The ones that buck the trend who rant or resort to physical violence, or who take to social media to get their own back make the news "dramas".

 

If they are lucky they might get a result. If not they might be counter sued for defamation. 

 

One such this week were complaints from foodies about a high end restaurant. The store was forced to apologize after admin staff sarcastically attacked customer complaints about the lack of lobster and the pasta not being al dente.

 

A storm in a teacup of course which the Thai media always excels in turning into a Storm Trooper in a Teacup for the benefit of their irate netizens. 

 

Rooster - like anyone who has lived in Thailand a while - has had his fair share of poor service, bugs in the food, sloppy tradesmen, corporate shafting, bank shenanigans and the like.

 

In such situations I have always relied on my two serious advantages - firstly I am NOT Thai and secondly I can speak Thai quite well.

 

I’ve read all the guidebooks about keeping your cool. But I always disagree in part because I am not Thai and never will be.

 

The trick is to realise this is in your favor not detrimental to your righteous cause. Play up to it. 

 

I’m expected to lose my rag. When I do - in a controlled manner - and when I use language that is appropriate for the situation (okay a little fruity) I invariably get my own way. 

 

One of my favorites is to intimate that I am Thai (while obviously looking and sounding anything but) and claiming that "rao pen khon Thai duay gan" (we're all in this together).

 

Thais in the vicinity are often on the verge of applause rather than critical. They won't actually clap by me! How they'd love to!

 

They wish they could be me!! But they can’t, they have to be Thai. Poor old downtrodden them! Not my problem.

 

Displaying a bit of controlled anger is a wonderful tactic and one that people expect of a foreigner. Don’t slip into the “it’s better where I come from” argument, however. Compare Thai with Thai. Like with like. 

 

No “Barclays is better than Bangkok Bank” or “Sainsbury’s is better than Lotus” - compare Thai banks with rivals and stores in Thailand with their competitors. Compare yesteryear's service with today's fiasco.

 

Stick up for yourself. Even if your Thai language capability is not the best, that can actually be a side issue to insistence and good body language. 

 

One of my first experiences of finding out how the customer is usually wrong was at the Thai Room restaurant in Patpong where we found a large cockroach in the lasagna. 

 

Rather than apologise and offer a free meal for all, the hapless waiter called a manager who pointed at the roach and smiled as they giggled and discussed excitedly as to how it got there.

 

It was removed and we were expected to get on with our meal and pay, which is what we did.

 

There is always the situation in Thailand that serving staff have to make up for mistakes and breakages so that should play into any decision.

 

Mostly if I get a poor meal I won’t go back. If it’s really slow I’ll walk out. 

 

Returning faulty products to stores and large shops I always call for the manager. If I continue to be unhappy I will do something a Thai would never do - ask to speak to the owner.

 

Yes, I want to speak to the owner of Central right now about this, yes I need to immediately talk with the chairman of SCB, or whatever. (Better still if I can name them!)

 

This absurdity throws Thai staff into a “what the hell do we do next’ conundrum as I wait for something that is not going to happen. 

 

It was based on advice given to me as a young adult in England. “When hard done by, seek out the organ grinder, not the monkey”.

 

This strategy usually results in Rooster getting my righteous way as a pain the rear end is usually better when off the premises.

 

One bank manager once changed his mortgage rules at the last minute - I had to wait but it was amusing to see him fleeing the branch to go to head office and sort things out in my favor. 

 

He lied about where he'd been - I smiled and enjoyed his discomfiture without comment. Itr had been a long but satisfying wait.

 

I always remind bank staff who are trying to put regulations over good sense, that I have been their customer since before they were born. I tell them I was the first foreigner to press an ATM in Thailand.

 

This nonsense usually strikes a chord and gets them on the phone to a superior who buckles. 

 

Returning faulty products to stores I will stick to my ground. If they say the date has passed or there is some reason to shaft me I won’t accept it. I’ll smile and get my own way because it’s easier for them than having a persistently grimacing but annoyed foreigner in their and other customers' faces. 

 

Play to your strengths!

 

Using the time delay tactic is also important as is not overreacting.

 

I once had a new carpet laid then just before the workmen were to finish I saw a neat cigarette burn in the middle of the room.

 

Better to relax just a little on this one. A man was sent for. He arrived with an M-150 bottle full of glue and a needle. 

 

Within minutes I could not tell where the burn had been. The carpet layers paid the miniscule call-out fee. I’d have told ‘em where to stick their shagpile!

 

On another occasion the CD changer and a large number of documents were removed from my boot while my car was in Honda service.

 

They caught a security man and recovered my case that had been dumped by the side of a building. After I rejected their plea for me to come in and discuss it I demanded 40,000 baht in cash.

 

Under threat of police action and exposure on a new phenomena - online media  - a senior official from the car company arrived at my school with the cash. We settled on 35K which was great as I never used the CD changer. 

 

I don’t really like music but I don’t see why businesses who do me wrong shouldn’t face it!

 

Never shout about the police and courts. Thais know that these are almost completely useless institutions that offer minimal if any help.

 

Rely on your own mettle. Stick to your ground. And don’t be ashamed to be a foreigner and adjust your Thai manners accordingly.

 

Here endeth Rooster’s Sunday sermon; now onto what was one of the most boring of news weeks of 2021. 

 

Lurgy news rumbled on. The TAT said they were waiting for the high season in Phuket after the Sandbox delivered only 38,699 foreign tourists in three months. 

 

Governor Yutthasak said a million would come by March. He really can't help himself and needs to be sacked immediately. 

 

Much of this pie-in-the-sky will depend on Russians. Yutthasak needs to stop plucking figures from the ether and make sure there is plenty of vodka on tap. He could even try and get restaurants and bars open to serve it.

 

Right now Phuket is still a ghost town and it’s only returning expats looking for a way back into Thailand who are making up the numbers.

 

Thailand needs to wake up, reopen without draconian restrictions and get the economy moving again. 

 

One restaurateur suggested that the CCSA plan to allow live music was pointless if alcohol was not allowed. Hilariously, band members have to wear masks though the vocalist can abstain while singing.

 

At some of the places I've been to a thick, solid mask would save the customers from the terrible noise they have to endure listening to "Yellow Liver". Not to mention my pre-existing condition "karaokephobia".

 

The government burbled on about vaccinating 50 million by November, easing yet more restrictions according to “Prayuth’s 120 day plan”.

 

Blah, blah ad nauseam blah. 

 

Still only about a quarter of the population has been double dosed though admittedly things are picking up pace with more vaccine options now available.

 

Business people in the private sector continued to slam the government for flip-flopping and mixed messages damaging potential tourist confidence. 

 

Friday was supposed to be the start of the Chinese “Golden Week” - that was impossible of course as Bangkok, Chiang Mai and other places put off any foreign tourism for yet another month.

 

Still there was plenty of mirth. The TAT came up with a new slogan that was not quite as pithy as “Amazing Thailand”.

 

“Visit Thailand 2022 - Now Even More Amazing Thailand Has It All”, just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?!

 

Tourism bods in Chiang Mai rivalled this with: “Open Chiang Mai to the Next Pages”.

 

Sorry but I’ve long since closed the book on that "oop north" traffic infested, pollution rampant tourist hellhole. It was half decent in the 1980s until tourism ruined it.

 

One official said that Chiang Mai was ready and getting lovely and cool. Thanks; I'll stay in Bangkok and turn on the air-con.

 

BTW if the TAT is listening I am willing to offer my slogan services for a cut price rate. I’ve got some crackers just waiting to bring the millions back.

 

One is: “Please, pretty please come back! We’ll be even nicer next time and stop all tourism rip offs, unsafe transport and choking pollution”.

 

Catchy,eh! Really hits the nail on the head wouldn't you say!

 

The pandemic tedium was punctured by a shocking incident at a traditional massage shop in Khon Kaen.

 

A burly foreigner on a red off-road motorcycle was being sought for attacking and attempting to murder a 45 year old masseuse who is in hospital.

 

Police said the suspect also attacked a school girl on the same day. 

 

On Saturday it was announced that an American man named Robert Andrew was arrested in a condominium on Nana, Soi 3 in Bangkok.

 

He allegedly admitted to carrying out both attacks while high on drugs. 

 

Thai media revelled in suggesting that Bangkok might slip under the waters like in 2011’s “Great Flood”.They had zero evidence for this with everyone from governor Aswin to “experts in the field” saying 2011 and 2021 were two very different animals. 

 

Then it rained all year, this year is more like last year. Relatively dry despite a recent tropical storm.

 

The viral photo of the week that epitomized the hardship being faced by villagers in the floods upcountry, was of a dog clutching perilously to the head of a Buddhist image in a temple as flood waters swirled below.

 

Down in Pattaya one story said that the resort would have been great if they’d only listened to the Japanese back in 1974.

 

A bit late now. Those who think that Pattaya is going to rise like a post-pandemic phoenix have got a rude awakening coming.

 

The pandemic marks a watershed in the life of the city. It will never be like before. The lurgy actually gives the authorities more grist to the mill to knock most of it down and start again. 

 

It’ll be turned into a weekend retreat for Bangkokians and a holiday spot for Indians and Chinese on five day tours. If it isn’t already.

 

Pattaya has always needed a complete makeover, now there's every excuse to get on with it.

 

European and American expats - already feeling marginalised pre-pandemic - will eventually realize there are far better places in Thailand to live or have a holiday. 

 

Or far better places with less restrictions and easier paperwork elsewhere in the world.

 

Plod announced they are cracking down on loan sharks. The media didn’t point out that they already were cracking down since the start of the year. 

 

Yes, the RTP can always be relied upon for a bit of extra craic. 

 

The pollsters continued with their nonsense. I would suggest that all the polls in Thailand are completely worthless and not worth your time. 

 

ASEAN NOW will doubtless continue to report on them - have a laugh is the best I can offer. Don’t take their “findings” seriously for a moment.

 

It's not the sample size - it's the agenda of their owners.

 

In road news, one driver completely trashed his vehicle after hitting a wall of a section of the Bangkok expressway and plunging ten meters to the ground below.

 

He said survival was due to the Luang Pu Thuat doll on the dash and the same old “400 year old revered”  monk hanging round his wife’s neck in an amulet.

 

I’m offering an alternative scenario. The driver was a complete idiot checking GPS on a road not familiar to him. The airbags and how they fell saved them. 

 

Buddha, his followers or any of the related mumbo jumbo can do nothing to help and it’s mere coincidence or good luck if people survive their own idiocy. 

 

Mrs R hates it when I turn “militant atheist” and when I advise the children to reject religious nonsense. 

 

Both my grown up children followed the path of atheism rejecting the efforts of their mum. My latest brood will hopefully follow suit. Faith is pathetic. Science and facts are what is needed. 

 

That and decent ice-cream.

 

This I found in Svensons this week with their 99 baht Durian Season Special. 

 

The dish was a fair time in coming for the ice cream chain but when it did it was a masterpiece of yellow and green creamy goodness in the shape of the King of Fruits on a bed of crispy bits.

 

Absolutely no reason to complain - in fact I made a point of telling the waitress how yummy it was. 

 

Another satisfied foreign customer.

 

Rooster

 

 

The hottest of “man farangs” (that’s potato, not foreign guy) reared its perennially ugly head once again this week as the PM said it was not treasonous to sell the land of his country to foreigners. 

 

The issue has once again hit center stage as Prayut Chan-ocha desperately tries to kick-start his shattered economy to attract a million wealthy foreigners spending a trillion baht over the next five years.

 

Prayut has been challenged by real estate bods like Sophon Pornchokchai of AREA who equated “khai thee din” (selling land) with “khai chart” - selling out the country. There was also a groundswell of netizens who feared Thailand becoming the next province of China and middle income Thais being priced out of the market.

 

Sophon actually agreed with the government as no one has been suggesting that anything more than a 10 million baht property investment would suffice before a foreigner had his name on a chanote. He also called for purchases to be limited to places like Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket (where there is an almighty glut and where his firm doubtless have their main interests). Plus limiting voting rights to Thais if foreign condo ownership exceeded 50%.

 

It’s clear that a wholesale law change could open the floodgates to China and in my assessment it’s not going to happen. 

 

Apart from houses, Thais are keen to protect condominium projects becoming de facto hotels once China allows its citizens to travel again.

 

They’ve already had a taste of what happens when the leash or the lease is extended! Condos getting flooded with AirBnB tourists and so-called zero dollar tours taking over. 

 

But I am moved to ask, more on behalf of expats and retirees than myself, what is so wrong with allowing long term resident foreigners with wives, families and children to own a small plot (maybe less than one rai) on which to build a dwelling. 

 

My history of buying property in Thailand is far less about investment and more about marital expedience.

 

Back in 1999 I’d saved some money from teaching and asked my father for an advance on inheritance and decided to buy my first wife a house. I had no designs on owning it and considered it a gift to her for giving me two beautiful children. 

 

In this way I conveniently circumvented the galling feeling of being treated like a complete foreigner in the country I love and have contributed to.

 

I extracted as much amusement from the situation as possible. I took my kids to the ATM for snaps (selfies hadn’t been invented yet) showing my huge bank balance. Funds that five minutes later showed zero as I signed a paper at the Pathum Thani land office stating that I had nothing whatsoever to do with buying the house. 

 

It cost me several million and now is worth a few million less. It was under ten feet of water during the 2011 floods which didn’t help!

 

The only other house I “bought” was a residence in Loei designed and built by my now deceased brother-in- law. This was a gift to my second wife and her parents, very pleasant people who were living in a tumbledown shack and now have a better situation in their dotage.

 

Rooster was more than happy to be able to legally own condos that I have bought, flipped, rented and lived in over many years. It helped to be a permanent resident (gained in 2003) to get the odd mortgage. 

 

Of course, buying a condo is fine for expats and retirees providing they have the cash. But surely many in the countryside would like to own a bit of land and a house. I don’t expect everyone to be prepared to put all their assets in the name of their spouse - let’s face it things can go “mango shaped” in the Land of Smiles. 

 

But owning a Little House on the Thai Prairie - even a dwelling in a town or city, would go some way to making people feel more welcome and would obviously help with the economy. 

 

It was stated by the British Embassy this week that there are 45,000 Brits in Thailand. I was surprised there was enough lager to cope. 

 

But I wonder if the government had thought of polling them - or any other nationality - to see what their intentions would be if the land law changed. They might be surprised.

 

Of course this would require “intelligence and forward planning”. Rooster, in an ASEAN NOW week in which I left my sarky stamp on the translation of Thai news, managed to slip in such a reference when Prayut, tourism minister Pipat and TAT chief Yutthasak all visited the Regent in Cha-Am. 

 

The PM managed to say almost nothing coherent though to be fair to him it was nearly teatime and his stomach was probably rumbling like an army tank going down Ratchadamnoen. 

 

Ah….happy days.

 

Though he did say that in future Thailand would not have a low and high tourism season. It was just going to be one huge visitor-a-thon especially when the BIB (Boys in Beijing) reopen. 

 

Sleepy Cha-Am seems to be the flavor of the month at the moment. It could yet reopen quicker than Bangkok, Pattaya and Chiang Mai who will have to wait till November as the vaccine rollout has been what DPM Prawit might say is “chronologically challenged”.

 

A mini-van with police insignia also dropped into Cha-Am’s quaint beach and out piled a bunch of “tourists” armed with guitars sporting short-back-and-sandpaper haircuts.

 

After netizens went ape, Plod went to enormous lengths to explain that the cops and their families were not on a ratchagan (civil service) freebie. The van had been properly booked and they were all on their way incognito to Surat to arrest a criminal. 

 

A Rooster “insertion of irony” was not necessary. The standard “misunderstanding” story spoke for itself. 

 

But your cantankerous cock couldn't resist going to town when Big Pat (chief Suwat) and Big Joke (Surachate ex-IB highflyer) appeared at a virtual event to launch the pilot Smart Safety Zone 4.0 in 15 pilot areas. 

 

Anyway, whoever said sarcasm was the lowest form of wit? Not the RTP who are just the lowest form of nit.

 

Just get some officers out on the beat smiling a bit. The walk will do wonders for the waistline and the people might appreciate a friendly face.

 

Thais did show that they CAN do sarcasm with the picture of a boy fishing in a rowboat in a potholed road the locals want repaired. But they should be careful.

 

Posting pictures like that online draws the wrath of municipalities as happened several years ago when an attractive woman bathed in a pothole and faced a defamation threat.

 

When the line is crossed there is always the libel laws where the truth is irrelevant. And where that line is a zigzag whose depth of zig and zag depends on who you are and who you offended. 

 

Offending morals, according to the cyber cops, were a young couple raided at a hotel in Bang Phli who were charged in relation to making explicit content and having the temerity to put videos on OnlyFans and make money. (Subsequently the RTP spokesman said people shouldn’t wear “cosplay to depict them - frankly you couldn’t make it up).

 

Lackeys of the Law, media Naew Na, led the outrage then got stung as a story about a foreigner in Bangkok making bread with his foot was proved to be ancient news from India. 

 

Scandalously, the immigration chief initiated an expensive nationwide crackdown to find the culprit when all the “IT experts” at the IB had to do was look at an Indian news logo, as pointed out by ASEAN NOW Facebook posters within minutes of the original story.

 

It was a case in point pertinent to Rooster’s comments about wasting time and money made last week. And set the lie to IB claims that their systems were watertight as they denied responsibility for a hack of 106 million tourists’ data this week. 

 

Still, using feet to make bread rather than insert in mouth provided a nice diversion and a chance for posters to remind Thais that French people trample grapes underfoot.

 

Apropos, I’ve joined a few winemaking sites though I wouldn't dream of breaking any Thai laws. As a kid we had vines in the garden and in one very sunny year - 1976 - I trod the grapes. The wort was so acidic it nearly killed the yeast. The resulting brew, after the addition of sugar, was alcoholic and revolting. My co-conspirators and I distilled it with a saucepan, tubes and washing up bowl. 

 

“Triple XXX” nearly made us more blind than all those mags we found under train seats.

 

The number of Thai based Brits came out in a Richard Barrow interview with acting ambassador HE Mark Gooding.

 

Mr Barrow got a bit of flak for not asking incisive questions but that came from the crowd who can’t or won't read stories before commenting. He asked probing questions nearer the end but didn’t get many decent answers. Good things have been said about his consular representative in Chiang Mai, however. 

 

In Lurgy Latest it was announced that all first jabs in October would be Sinovac. Yes, Mr Trink, any comment would be superfluous.

 

Hua Hin was apparently heaving with Bangkokians out for the day. Down in Phuket plod raided bars in Patong where it was said that alcohol had been served for a month. 

 

Clearly the constabulary turned a blind eye (it’s a known fact that a Specsavers survey in Thailand revealed that opening a store within 300 meters of a police station would be unprofitable).

 

Expect transfers in Phuket along the lines of what happened in Phitsanulok after a cop was featured online brandishing an AK-47 when he didn’t get enough chilis in his Som Tam at a restaurant in Kamphaengphet. OK, it was either that or he was plastered.

 

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs announced that the CCSA had agreed to allow people from five nations in South Asia to get Certificates of Entry to Thailand again. 

 

In Pattaya related news, two foreigners were let off the death penalty by the Supreme Court and freed. These characters are not the sort that nice girls take home to mother. Hell’s Angel relatives, they were mixed up in the brutal 2015 slaying of Wesley Schneider who, not unreasonably, wanted his $10 million back after a drugs haul ended up in the sea.

 

Expats may not be able to buy a house but they soon might be able to get cheaper wine. 

 

Moves are in the pipeline to slash excise to attract those “well-heeled” foreigners. Personally, if I had a million bucks I probably wouldn’t care how much my Rioja cost and it wouldn’t figure in my decision making in coming to the kingdom. Still, the forum predictably got in a right lather, frothing more than Rooster’s demijohn. 

 

The problem, as always is that when excise goes down suppliers see the chance to make more money. Prices stay similar. Hopefully some will understand that cheaper booze might mean more demand, ergo more profit. 

 

Two other popular click-a-thons this week featured forum favorites; dual pricing and threats about deportation. Both involved hospitals.

 

(One poster spoke of “duel pricing” raising the prospect of cheaper pistols at dawn combat on Walking Street).

 

We shall have to wait another week for Erwin Buse’s case about the unconstitutionality of different prices at Hua Hin Hospital.

 

The Dutch man has gone to court over payments he made years ago while having cancer treatment. Judges accepted the case and will rule this coming Tuesday.

 

Mr Buse - a tenacious and dogged fighter who keeps Rooster on his toes in our interactions  - is to be praised for his efforts on behalf of many. 

 

While there is a case for some dual pricing of tourists who don’t pay tax in Thailand, state sponsored rip-offs at places like hospitals and national parks should end. And private companies that shamelessly rob non-Thais with pricing signs in Thai numerals should be boycotted or sent a “stiff letter”. 

 

How about ก-โกง (goong=swindle).

 

The other story featured a Samui Brit who said he was threatened with deportation in emails from an island hospital. He wasn’t as poor as he initially made out when faced with a 60K Covid quarantine bill, but in my dealings with him he sounded like a decent man and the language from the hospital was heavy handed to say the least. 

 

A year on from the railway crossing collision in Chachoengsao that killed 19 kathin merit makers and there still is no barrier. However, that appeared less important in the story than the headless man haunting the nearby derelict station. 

 

Not wishing to get to the after-life before my time I made sure this week that I would not forget Mrs R’s birthday like previous years’ debacles. She was confused by the plethora of Post-It notes all over the duplex but it did the trick. 

 

If she lives to be twice as old then she’ll be two fat ladies according to bingo parlance.

 

In more internet news Thailand got only 36 out of a hundred by Freedom House for net freedom. Myanmar got 17 and China 10 as Iceland topped the world. 

 

On Friday it was reported that Bangkok’s Benjakitti Forest Park would finally be open in February. As Rooster pointed out, translating gushing Thai media news about “fresh air and lungs”, that might be anything but the case if February’s choking pollution returns. 

 

Finally, a story that caught my eye on the BBC reported that the MCC (Marylebone Cricket Club) who control the game in England had now banned the use of the term “batsman”.

 

Hereafter we must use the gender-neutral term “batter”.

 

Now what am I gonna do with my fish and chips?

 

Rooster

 

 

 

 

It was another week in which the Royal Thai Police tried to look like media rock stars defending the people of the nation against those who might damage her security.

 

But ended up, despite the odd arresting success, looking unfit for any sort of purpose except perhaps directing traffic or helping Khun Yai cross to the Som Tam shop. 

 

Two cases in point this week on ASEAN NOW added to the familiar litany of occasions when PR stunts involving a large expenditure of tax payers’ baht backfired to make the RTP further lose face and public confidence.

 

Sadder still, this columnist reckons they often believe their own hype failing to appreciate how dim is the view of Somchai and Somrudee in the street who can barely conceal their contempt after Plod passes.

 

The first case was that of a grieving Hungarian widow on Koh Samui who had been in Thailand a decade and more without extending her tourist visa. Yes, a stupid thing to do but did she deserved to be humiliated alongside three burly Surat Thai immigration officers proudly puffing out their chests?

 

A story from Naew Na - a media outlet who shamelessly act as the de facto PR arm of the IB - reprinted  their standard rhetoric about keeping Thailand safe from criminal foreign elements bent on destroying the nation.

 

Quite probably this hapless European, caught wandering the beach in despair after her husband passed away a few days prior, brought money into the kingdom and spent it here. 

 

Would it not be better to have an amnesty for long overstayers? 

 

Such suggestions on ASEAN NOW often bring out posters who burble on about playing by the rules shrieking “som nam na” (serves you right) against those arrested. Show some humanity please. 

 

Yes, immigration are obliged to follow the law - despite so many stories recently to the contrary. But this arrest is just the tip of an iceberg of wasted money, time and resources when officers appear in front of the cameras when they should be out arresting the bad guys. 

 

Who has not marvelled in recent years at the vinyl boards proclaiming the arrest of some devilish criminal from the “Land of Sushi” or “Land of Tulips” who didn’t renew their visa and threatened the safety of other villagers in the proverbial Nakhon Nowhere in Isaan.

 

Every week - sometimes twice a week - IB chief Lt-Gen Sompong Chingduang somehow finds time to attend press conferences at Suan Phlu HQ along with other top brass decked out in their finery. When a Korean on a theft warrant from Seoul is triumphantly nabbed. 

 

It’s a waste of money and time. A short press conference with one minor Pol Col with a nice face giving the salient details would more than suffice. 

 

The press don’t need vinyl boards or top brass - they have recording devices, notebooks - some even say we have a brain and the ability to present a story in a readable form. 

 

The second shocker this week were the appalling scenes in Rayong when a murderer was taken on a reenactment to the site where he killed and stole a motorbike from a 23 year old factory lady earlier this month.

 

Yes, the force did a good job to get their man expediently. But he admitted the crime so was there any necessity to use 200 police officers and security personnel for the reenactment.

 

They completely bungled the event, not appreciating the raw anger of the locals who attempted to lynch the suspect, injuring many police officers in the unseemly melee. 

 

The video of the mess was soon on YouTube for the whole world to see the incompetence of the constabulary. Job done, some might say.

 

Several years ago under the leadership of Gen Chakthip Chaijinda attempts were made to do away with reenactments that the police say are important for making court cases tight but which critics see as unnecessary and self-serving shows.

 

Very few provincial police chiefs listened, reinforcing the view they are, literally, a law unto themselves. 

 

Now is the time for the new chief Gen Suwat Chaengyodsuk to end reenactments by showing that his short arms have a longer reach than his predecessor. 

 

Personally I’d miss the spectacle of the reenactments as they make great news fodder. But they are akin to public hangings that the Victorians favored. Haven’t the Thais moved on?

 

And while the chief is at it, why not stop the nonsense in all those time wasting spectaculars when a ton of ganja and 10 million meth pills are put on display afore beaming major-generals or when war weapons are handled like toys by regional Chiefs and their myriad mob of Indians.

 

Want to gain the confidence of the public, Khun Plod? Earn it, and stop all this showboating PR for the cameras. 

 

Thankfully for the RTP it was the alleged corruption of politicians - past and present - that featured at the top of the ASEAN NOW news this week.

 

Former PM Thaksin Shinawatra is being investigated over the sale of a fleet of Airbus aircraft he approved almost two decades ago. This can be seen in the light of today’s leaders wanting to rattle the bars of his cage - albeit an open one and abroad - after his appearances as “Tony Woodsome” banging on about Prayut’s Pathetic Pandemic Performance (I lurve taking the P but sometimes I use them!)

 

That’s a sideshow to the main feast. The real interest is that the National Anti-Corruption Commission will be looking into the role of the current Industry Minister Suriya who was transport minister under Thaksin and former THAI board chairman Thanong and former president Kanok. 

 

The bloated airline famous for its freebies and turning a blind eye to blatant malfeasance, lost tens of billions of baht over the unnecessary aircraft purchases, planes that flew around the world half empty so that senior executives could take their mia nois for crumpets at Harrods then shopping in New York before getting back to their wives to bank their astronomical salaries. 

 

More of the current crop of politicians masquerading as leaders delighted the forum with their antics.

 

Prayut himself gritted his teeth and denied there was a rift with his right hand wrist-watchman Prawit. 

 

The DPM is head of the PPRP that I believe stands for Porky Pies Really Plump. He’s being investigated over his chronic chronometers again after a court order delivered to the NACC. Prayut could barely conceal his Schadenfreudian smile and couldn't hide what he was thinking: Your time’s up, old boy!

 

Hopefully it is for both these dinosaurs soon.

 

Hapless tourism minister and billionaire Pipat blundered on meeting with Bangkok governor Aswin then announcing Bangkok’s opening was delayed to October 15th, something that the general then denied.

 

Anutin Charnvirakul then denied all knowledge of everything. I think if the Thai press had asked him what his name was, he’d have said “speak to my lawyer”.

 

Fair play, though, to the health minister over the booster jab for those who have had 2 Sinovac. He managed to keep a straight face.

 

Pipat then got in his limo to Pattaya before announcing his version of the 1970’s Hippy Trail - The Ganja Trail. Soon, he hopes, foreigners will be beating a path to Thailand to get CBD oil (that they can get cheaper in their own countries). 

 

Nothing short of the complete relaxation of ALL laws related to marijuana should be considered. At the moment only the elites who have spas will benefit. Steal a march on other countries in the region, make recreational use legal, save money on law enforcement and let real cash filter down to the people. 

 

And then Rooster woke up…..to see Big Joke stealing Pipat’s limelight in Pattaya then flying back to Phuket again. He’s certainly getting about like in the good old days before he had his knuckles rapped. 

 

Many stories midweek highlighted the ten year visas, tax breaks and benefits being touted for well-heeled foreigners and digital nomads.

 

Tired of the monotony, Rooster went into bat for the retirees and expats who have lived in Thailand for many years using quotes on the forum for a story about their fury as they “shouted from the rooftops throughout the kingdom”.  

 

Hundreds of comments followed in one of the most read stories of the week. 

 

Why shouldn’t people who have Thai wives, helped raise Thai children and who have contributed to the economy, no matter how modestly, appear at the head of the residence queue and be allowed to own a small plot of Siam?

 

The answer is obviously money. Anyone who has been in Thailand for five minutes will tell you that the root of all evil is poverty….

 

Apropos, Mrs Rooster was walking round with a smile on her face all week. No, Rooster had not suddenly come over all amorous, she had won 8,000 baht on the underground lottery. Mum also won.

 

Apparently if she’d got the three numbers in the right order it would have been 100,000! I didn’t rain on her parade by pointing out that she’d probably lost 20,000 since her last win, instead we enjoyed a prawn feast with chips and delicious dipping sauces prepared by a singing Mrs R (reminiscent of Basil Fawlty when he won on the horse called Dragonfly). 

 

Other whoops of delight from the Ratchayothin Roost were my own as the education authorities announced plans to jab secondary school children with Pfizer in October ahead of schools possibly reopening in November. 

 

My primary kids have been out of the house only for a few months in the last 18. If I remember anything about the pandemic - that I’m sure we’ll try and forget - it’ll be the nightmare of online learning. I thought I’d retired from teaching….  

 

In other RTP news more investigations are underway over bootleg booze flights by senior officers on official aircraft from Hat Yai to Krung Thep, Ferrari Joe’s next hearing is scheduled for October 4th/5th in Nakhon Sawan and the force denied that a collision in Din Daeng that sent a 14 year old tumbling was a hit and run. 

 

For the last of these they referred to the chapter in the handbook entitled “Casuistry”.

 

At least they managed to nab a 17 year old female M6 student who robbed a gold shop of 860,000 in jewellery in Nonthaburi. And followed this up with the reason why she needed the money. She’d lost her father’s “moradok” (bequest) in a Ponzi scheme run by a middle aged woman who was soon arrested. 

 

Earlier the director of the teen’s school had posted 15,000 baht bail and sheepishly admitted his failings as an educator. 

 

Fair play. Many Thais in authority, particularly education, would only admit to something if they had their heads kindly wrapped in several layers of heavy duty RTP plastic. 

 

My thanks to all those who clicked “like” last week. It was a record though my boss is still considering the raise or rise. After I finished the column last Saturday I settled down to enjoy Palace vs Spurs on True when the internet went down.

 

Cue a mad motorcycle dash to Soi 4 at Nana where I was surprised to see so many people out and less surprised to see small quantities of liquid in shooter glasses being handed out. On paying the bill for my club sandwich the waitress proudly announced it was 20% off the menu price. 

 

I dashed off home for the second half after Mrs R said the bods at True had restored what they laughably refer to as their “service”. 

 

In other sports news Thailand’s Kiradech Aphibarnrat narrowly missed winning the PGA at Wentworth though many will remember the 9/11 anniversary weekend for the stunning triumph at the US tennis open for Brit Emma Raducanu. She went to the same school as two of my nieces and practiced at a tennis club I passed almost every day in my youth. 

 

Down in Pattaya an Indian nightclub called Nashaa on the Bali Hai end of Walking Street went up in spectacular flames while posts online suggested that Bangkok’s popular Gulliver’s was up for sale. 

 

Top “farang behaving badly” was reserved for a long term resident in Phrakhanong who got belted by a taxi driver for not paying an extra ten baht on the meter. 

 

Clearly he hadn’t learned much. The same could be said of two senior teachers at my international school years ago who did similarly. One had to tell the students on the Monday that he had walked into a door, the other spent four or five days in Bumrungrad. They learned their lessons.

 

Finally two stories that made me LOL.

 

The first was the sight of abandoned taxis being used to grow vegetables. Eggplant, chili and cucumber were sprouting from roofs and boots while I checked the calendar to make sure it wasn’t April 1st.

 

Finally, Thailand's English print media came up with the best headline of the week.

 

“Thailand Aim To Put Down Moroccans”.

 

It referred to Futsal.

 

And there was me thinking it was another Immigration Police policy decision. 

 

Rooster

 

 

Get thee behind me Covid - Thai nights out in the good old days. Are there more to come?

 

 

This week your favorite columnist is shamelessly going after “likes” so please give me a click irrespective of whether the column is any good. I need to present your appreciation to my boss so that I can get a much needed raise (or rise, I’m never sure which) to pay for my healthcare now I’m finally maturing (read falling apart) at the age of 60.

 

Full story: https://aseannow.com/topic/1231229-get-thee-behind-me-covid-thai-nights-out-in-the-good-old-days-are-there-more-to-come/

 

 

This week your favorite columnist is shamelessly going after “likes” so please give me a click irrespective of whether the column is any good. I need to present your appreciation to my boss so that I can get a much needed raise (or rise, I’m never sure which) to pay for my healthcare now I’m finally maturing (read falling apart) at the age of 60.

 

On second thoughts ‘rise’ might be more appropriate as I suspect he inwardly sniggers at such requests while demanding harder work to justify what I refer to as my pittance.

 

With "likes" in mind I was wondering what to write about this week especially with everyone bored by Covid (except those half dozen posters on the forum who always “hijack”  the first dozen posts of every lurgy thread to relay the stats and their profound opinions).

 

Then the answer came to me.  Nightlife Thai style in the good old days (well, well prior to 2000). 

 

When you were kinky if you wore a mask. 

 

When the most newsworthy virus before Covid was causing concern and anti-condomers risked their lives more than anti-vaxxers.

 

When a ride in a taxi in Bangkok meant haggling rather than turning on the meter. There wasn’t one, of course.

 

Firstly a disclaimer, of sorts. This is unashamedly about Bangkok whose name is 146 letters long and whose every syllable is as wonderful as the reality. Nothing can compare to Krung Thep - going out in Pattaya was like having to bar-fine your wife’s ugly sister.

 

A change but hardly exciting.

 

Still, it was better than Phuket, Chiang Mai or the islands - going out there meant putting on the hotel slippers and ordering a cocoa from room service.

 

Though, I’ll grant you things did improve “oop country” in the new millennium. Except in Hua Hin - when the Covid malarkey is done you’ll still need a double dose of Prachuap cocoa to see you through the lonely nights bereft of company.

 

The 1980s were a special time for Bangkok, especially the aficionados of the night. The charm of the 70s when Thailand still hadn’t made its mind up about being ultra conservative was replaced in the next decade by Thais who pretended conservatism to the outside world but knew in their hearts that Thailand was changing.

 

The country was finally opening up to mega-scale tourism with the first “Amazing Thailand'' campaign that at the time had more than a ring of truth to it. 

 

My early days as a tourist in ‘82-’84 were mostly spent in a bewildered haze in Patpong and Soi Cowboy and a strange place where you entered via the toilets (more of that later). Cheap Charlie Rooster found the beer quite expensive but by Buddha this WAS the Exotic East I’d got on the plane for.

 

Cue the mid 80s when the fun really started as a steadily increasing command of Thai banter and a fuller wallet aided and abetted your columnist who’d started to think that Thailand would be a lifetime home. 

 

Soi Cowboy was our usual starter.

 

Going out at 11 pm. Nobody in their right mind went out earlier (unless to eat at Old Dutch or the guy who ran a Gyros stall at the other end). The happy hour brigade were not serious players (unless still there at 11 and still going strong!). Tuk-Tuk from Soi 39 was 30 baht, maybe 20 with a “pen khon Thai duay gan” (all Thais together) wisecrack. 

 

Hopping from one bar to another for 40 baht (?) beers. Maybe stay for a couple if the company was good. We went to the opening night of Tilak in this period.

 

But we rarely stayed in Soi Cowboy all night. Patpong was a far better place to be, especially late-night. Years later Cowboy got what Nite Owl Trink called an after hours constellation, a disco of sorts at the end of the road. That sometimes drew us back to Sukhumvit Soi 21-23.

 

Patpong was raunchier; when the interest of the shows waned you could just take tourist friends there to ogle and appear smug when they fancied ladyboys thinking them women. 

 

Other shows were watching tourists being led upstairs to be relieved of 2,000 baht and threatened if they didn’t pay up. 

 

No night market in those days, of course. Trink would later warn about “conflagrations” but one never happened. He denied the AIDS epidemic - something that ultimately led to his demise.

 

The disco above one of the King’s bars was our late night favorite before it was off to the Thermae Coffee Shop - the old one.

 

Entry was through the back door, funnily enough, via the toilets. The staff - many of whom work in it’s newer location to this day, I’m told - brought our Beer Sing or a Lipo if we’d already overdone it. 

 

After 2 or 3 am the action inside was incredible. Only westerners and Thai ladies in those days. The Japanese changed it years later into something else. 

 

My mate called the saddest “demimondaines” “JBC”s - Juke Box Casualties. They would stand by the music machine seemingly their entire lives. 

 

There was no telling who you might meet in the Thermae, a place owned by the police and consequently open to 6 am when even the ladies who tidied up the glasses went home. 

 

(Monday or Tuesday for many was spent in the clinic of a certain Dr Dickson. Around 1987 the British physician bought a yacht and my so-called mates said I’d paid for most of it). 

 

Sundays would be spent recovering playing the Thai card game Dummy in our Indian owned “slum” in Soi 39.

 

I married the best player I could find, sucked in after she offered to pay 20 baht for a phone call she’d made.

 

Tragically, I discovered Scrabble at the end of the decade and things were never quite the same again. 

 

Though I continued to go to the bars it was because I needed a break from word study. The gyrating ladies thought I was ogling them with an inane grin. 

 

No, I was anagramming and thinking of my next tournament. 

 

Here are a list of some of the stories that caught Rooster’s beady eye this week:

 

The site of the Scala cinema in the Siam Square-ish area has been bought by Central to make a shopping street. I remember taking a date to the Scala to see heart-throb Sinjai Hongtai.

 

Years later she was sitting opposite me with husband Chatchai Plengpanich at a parental consultation talking about their son’s ability at Thai. 

 

It was revealed that Ferrari Joe has a mere 600 million baht in assets and had probably tried to bribe the father of his plastic bag victim with 5 million of that. 

 

Interestingly IB chief Lt-Gen Sompong Chingduang was given the job of investigating the money trail. What with an assistant chief role also given to Big Oud recently, could he be on the move from immigration?

 

It would certainly be a good time to get out especially with the plethora of damaging corruption cases hitting the IB, not least an audio tape from Songkhla this week that resulted in 30 officers having their voices forensically examined.

 

A station chief was transferred after a member of the public video-ed an underling sleeping on the job and clearly plastered.

 

Isn’t that in the job description?

 

A health official blamed the people for not being responsible after lockdown measures were eased. How kind. 

 

Jomtien Beach Road collapsed in the rain. How predictable. 

 

In tourism news officials in Hua Hin suggested domestic tourism might be better than relying on non-existent foreigners, foreign visitors sailed past the 1,000 mark in Samui and hotels everywhere continued to close.

 

Meanwhile the TAT concentrated on attracting Indians. I just hope they stay after their visit and set up some Chicken Tikka stalls in Ratchayothin. 

 

Many on the forum continued their wholesale bashing of Indians and everything Chinese. It’s making many threads virtually unreadable. Please stop.

 

The DES ministry said only 10,000 patients’ data was hacked, not millions. Oh, that’s all right then!

 

The forum’s xenophobic antennae twitched violently in a story about foreigners joining protests being deported. Get a grip - it was one Cambodian.

 

In political news alleged heroin smuggler Thamanat was sacked as deputy agri and co-op minister after he tried to engineer the ouster of Prayut, it was said. 

 

Large numbers of stories told us that foreigners would be arriving in Bangkok, Chiang Mai and Pattaya, to name but three, come October. Thais were “flocking” to Hua Hin, continued another.

 

Two hipster monks who have been jive talking online got their saffron knuckles rapped for not taking religion seriously enough.

 

Seemed to me that they were trying to engage with a younger audience. Therein lies the problem. According to the elites, the young must be subjugated at all costs lest they damage the status quo.

 

Finally, a lead story asked “Are expats being tempted by Thailand?”

 

First poster Orinoco replied with a smile “No” and got thirty likes, 5 trophies and 10 smiley emojis.

 

I’m in the wrong job.

 

Rooster. 

 

 

 

 

One of Thailand’s longest running TV variety shows truly comes of age this week. Khadee Det ("Excellent Cases" is a fair translation) started on September 9th 2000 and is required Saturday afternoon viewing on Channel 7 for millions including this columnist.

 

With a few tweaks over the years it has essentially followed the same format with the same presenter for 21 years, the wonderfully deadpan Phisit Kiratikankun. 

 

He’ll introduce the show (1.15 to 2.30 pm) that contains the weird, wacky and humorous cases that the Royal Thai Police have to deal with. It features hapless members of the public who go to the police station with requests well out of the remit of Khun Plod.

 

There’s a swift dramatization of the “case” (a reenactment if you will) followed by the “jao khong khadee” or owner of the case, the policeman or woman, explaining in their own words what happened.

 

They usually manage not to laugh, which only makes it even funnier.

 

All the while there are some great voice overs in the standard slapstick Thai style. Viewers get a chance to win a prize by voting for their best clip of the week. 

 

I would thoroughly recommend it for at least two reasons. Try recording it and playing back, maybe with a Thai speaker handy, to learn Thai language. Or just try and figure it out as a window into Thai culture. It could become addictive along the lines of what has become the “Amazing Thailand” genre in ASEAN NOW news. 

 

It’s no wonder that the RTP approves of the show; it presents them in a warm and fuzzy light. After last week’s column that bashed the RTP to pieces (and was well liked)  it's just as well to remember that they are only human (well mostly) and have a tough job to do.

 

I mean have you ever had to deal with the Thai public…..

 

This week on our hallowed forum the police continued to play a starring role though thankfully they were far more photogenic and funny in the last seven days than the politicians.

 

Leading the way was a video featuring Pol Gen Suwat Chaengyodsuk who took up the RTP reins last September promising a new, cleaner force. He’d even ditched his specs and looked very dapper.

 

He starred in a video with a superhero introducing a pilot project to make Thailand safer - Smart Safety Zone 4.0.

 

In a series of segments that would have made the Khadee Det producers proud we were told how from Bangkok to Chiang Mai, Pattaya to Phuket, we would now be able to walk the streets safely (while Big Brother watched us…)

 

Coming from the UK that has the most CCTV in the world, Rooster  knows all about that. Most people accept we are safer when observed and are prepared to give way to some Orwellian angst.

 

In the 15 pilot areas in Thailand there will be S.O.S. panic buttons to get plod scurrying to the scene of the crime. I believe that meant Save Our Souls and not Slow Old Sergeant. 

 

Anyway, it sounds like a good initiative on paper. And the humor of the video and the reporting of it was a welcome break from more serious news. 

 

The other crime that was right out of the Amazing Thailand playbook won’t feature on Khadee Det because it involved a shooting.

 

Everyone wondered who was the burly looking guy who robbed a gold shop in Big C in Pak Chong dressed in the unmistakable pink garb of a Food Panda delivery guy.

 

Pak Chong police made a quick arrest the next day after officers at the nick recognised the gait of the man behind the sunnies and black balaclava.

 

Unfortunately it was one of their own, 25 year old corporal Anucha who readily admitted to stealing the 3.5 million baht of gold jewelry and shooting the owner of the store after he resisted. 

 

Police in Bang Len were left to pick up the pieces after Thammathat, 25, behind the wheel of an Isuzu, lost control on a bend and hit a wall.

 

His vehicle looked like one that had been crushed in those machines at second-hand yards. Yet he was perched on the bonnet (hood) as right as rain.

 

Somehow his mum was on the scene scurrying around collecting the fresh market-bound prawns that had been deposited over half of Nakhon Pathom.

 

In true protective mumsy style she wouldn’t dream of blaming her son for the accident picking on the street lights instead. 

 

In English bad workmen castigate their tools but in Thailand the expression is “ram mai dee thot pii thot klong” - if the music is bad blame the flute and drums.

 

Blaming the flute and drums as usual were the entire contents of parliament in the Thai national sport celebrated at least once a year since the year dot - a no confidence debate. 

 

Of course it’s not a debate. More a hurling of insults and untruths until the speaker calls a halt as he’s starving or the grandkids need picking up.

 

Then everyone goes back to doing just the same as before. 

 

This time Prayut denied wrongdoing in everything pandemic related. “Honest” Anutin entered the fray to agree with the boss and outline how wonderful and scrupulously clean he is - just like a well scrubbed medical man should be…..

 

He explained how he had procured the Chinese vaccine that would help save the day and even how its price had come down from $17 to a cut price $8.90. 

 

No one in the Thai press sought to ask him why he’d paid double at first. 

 

Yes, everything was for the benefit of the Thai people, a theme continued by tourism minister Pipat who was wheeled out to burble something about Sandboxes and the 120 day reopening masterplan, something that Prayut is now distancing himself from.

 

Yutthasak at the TAT admitted he was a tad off with his 100,000 Phuket visitor prediction (there were 26,400 in the first two months) but pointed out that everything would be well once the High Season arrived. Wisely he declined to feed the press with any more predictions. 

 

That was left to the eminently sensible Sittiwat, chief of the Association of Thai Travel Agents, who told them they were all barking (up the wrong tourism tree) and foreigners would not be returning in any numbers until October NEXT year at the earliest. 

 

Back in parliament a group of health honchos echoed Anutin praising the mix ‘n max vaccine strategy. Apparently one Sinovac and one AstraZeneca is as good as two AZ. 

 

Worryingly, one official said it was better to save lives than wait for the results of research. Yes, who needs clinical trials when there are plenty of willing lemmings queuing in their thousands for jabs.

 

A case in point was in Sriracha after the hospital there advertised 300 doses were available and more than 1,000 came from far and wide. Truly scary to see such scenes. 

 

In other political news Thamanat Prompow denied he was behind a plot to oust Prayut. If that was true he was probably the only member of the House who was. 

 

Amid all the to-ing and fro-ing many restrictions in deep red areas were eased. In Bangkok we were suddenly - and quite inexplicably - given back a lot of freedom. Forget having to be vaccinated, the restaurants were back to what they were like before the latest deadly wave (now referred to as both the third and fourth).

 

Rooster dashed out with his chicks to McDonalds on September 1st. Everyone was smiling and practicing their English and handing out two Big Macs for the price of one. 

 

The bonhomie was a little disconcerting at first. Lockdown has changed us for the worse I fear.

 

Next day after a trip to the Railway Park - where even the bicycles were being rented - I filled up the CBR with Gasohol 95 (335B OMG- the cost, not the licence plate).

 

The pump attendant asked me in good English where I was from. I responded and asked him expecting Burma to be the reply.

 

“I come from Thailand,” he said, “and my children are studying in Hong Kong”. 

 

Hopefully such charming and unexpected conversations are set to continue. Certainly the rhetoric in Thailand is shifting from lockdown to unlock and living with the virus. 

 

And with upwards of 800,000 people being vaxxed on many days, infections decreasing even if deaths remain similar, there is optimism in the air after a long dark period. 

 

In Hua Hin the “recharge” is on course even if the predictions are pie-in-the-sky but sadly the 429 million baht beach in Pattaya disappeared again. 

 

Hopefully the Smart Safety Zone cops will be able to find out where it's gone. Local officials plan to put in some barriers and a tunnel in the meantime.

 

Otherwise the Marine Department will have to engage in more of what was called “Beach Nourishment”. As Mr B. Trink used to eloquently say, any comment about that would be superfluous. 

 

Thankfully after TAT efforts in the sub-continent, Indians would soon be returning to Thailand in the proverbial droves. 

 

An Indian in Pathum Thani deserved condemnation, however, after cutting up a compatriot who dobbed him in for overstay.

 

On one of the Immigration Bureau’s famous vinyl boards an Indian man on overstay in another case was described as coming “from the land of paratha”. 

 

I think the IB had got the paratha value pack from Makro, or maybe they own Makro.

 

The IB in Surin came under scrutiny after underlings claimed they were forced to transfer Covid allowances into the bank account of a senior officer. 

 

Fallout from the “Joe Ferrari” case continued. Pol Col Thitisan and those in cahoots were transferred to Bangkok’s Klong Prem residence on Friday. Earlier a hospital in Nakhon Sawan said their victim Jirapong had suffocated rather than had an overdose. The forensic team had clearly seen all those plastic bags on CCTV, too.

 

An interesting story from Daily News featured a reformed drug dealer who got a death sentence commuted to life, got out after nearly 16 years, then turned his life around helping his family and a rescue foundation.

 

He, too, spoke of the plastic bag treatment years ago while officers “expanded their inquiry”.

 

A horrible story from Bangkok concerned a Thai wife who jumped to her death with an infant child from the ninth floor of a downtown condo after an argument with her Aussie husband. 

 

Such tragedy is all too easy to envisage for many who have married in Thailand. I’ve been involved in arguments where literally anything could have happened. Sincere condolences to all concerned. 

 

In investment news real estate firm Sansiri told us that half of all foreign buyers are Chinese who rent out their properties. They also expect boom times post Covid. 

 

Some who have already invested and got burned are foreign customers of a development firm called New Nordic. 

 

The DSI said it is taking up many claims from allegedly ripped-off foreigners in projects throughout the tourism areas of Thailand. 

 

Finally have a look at a video of what transpired at a bend in the road in Phan Thai Norasing sub-district of Samut Sakhon. 

 

You decide whether it was great parking or the actions of a blithering idiot. 

 

The area is named after a legendary character from Thai “history” called Norasing (phan thai=steersman) who famously crashed the king’s barge into an overhanging tree on a twisty stretch of klong. 

 

He insisted on being beheaded for the sake of honor even though the king at the time wanted to pardon him. There is a shrine there in memory of Norasing.

 

A noble man whose steering was also suspect. 

 

Rooster 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just when it looked like PM Prayut Chan-ocha might have something to smile about with some pandemic light at the end of the tunnel, that bright beam ahead turned out to be a derailing locomotive heading straight for him.

 

This runaway train with no one at the controls was the RTP Corruption Express. It had just left the 'station' in Nakhon Sawan.

 

Seven years ago some of us half welcomed the coup coming as it did on the back of political instability, fighting and death in the streets and widespread corruption at every level in Thailand. 

 

Surely this new man with the kindly face, singing returning happiness melodies, couldn’t be worse than what had come before and, given Thailand’s sketchy past, did it really matter if he had grabbed what was there for the taking?

 

We even gave some credence to his aim to rid Thailand of corruption in 20 years. But seven years in and the itch is getting worse. Only a fool would suggest otherwise.

 

Prayut took over from Prawit who used to be the chair of the Police Commission that oversees the RTP. Prawit had proved a liability after being chronographically challenged. It was hoped he would succumb to a surfeit of pie but he remains in-situ as one of a rogue’s gallery of DPM’s who make Pinnochio look like a Siam Paragon of virtue. 

 

Prayut decided to take on the oversight of the RTP, overlooking that it would be well beyond his order barking capabilities. Never was this so patently exposed as the case of the murder of a member of the public in custody in Muang Nakhon Sawan police station.

 

Yes, the suspect was in for drugs, yes, the police needed to get some information, yes, they don’t have to say please and thank you. 

 

But no, they are not allowed to handcuff a man, wrap his head in multiple layers of plastic and kill him in an alleged extortion attempt after finding 3 grams of meth. 

 

The man - for want of a better word - who oversaw this particular foray into Thai police brutality and corruption is thankfully in custody. 

 

He’d be still out driving his Lamborghini if it wasn’t for a video clip that within no time was viewed by millions of Thais and shared around the world much to the embarrassment of Prayut and his cronies and the top brass at the RTP.

 

All chief Gen Suwat Chaengyodsuk could muster was some platitudes about not protecting the guilty, ensuring justice and restoring confidence in the force. 

 

Farce more like. Sure there are some decent cops but finding them reminds me of the Thai proverb about searching for a needle in the ocean. Chuvit Kamolvisit - playboy businessman, convicted felon, TV presenter, former politician and fearless elite baiter - went on Facebook live to outline the hopeless state of the RTP.

 

Specifically he detailed the role that former chief of the Muang Nakhon Sawan police Thitisan Utthanaphon likely played. He noted the celebrity profile that this multi-millionaire cop on a 43,330 baht salary enjoys. Noted his ability to be obsequious with his superiors, recognise their place at the trough, dress well and look handsome all the while taking the public for a ride like giving them a jaunt in one his dozens of luxury motors to one of his mansions. 

 

Thitisan gave himself up Thursday realizing that the video meant this could not be easily swept under that thickest of shag pile that is the Thai carpet of misdemeanors and malfeasance. 

 

Cue the former Pol Col to take full responsibility, say he was only doing his bit for society and the kids in the war against drugs, put himself at the mercy of the court blah blah blah….

 

Yes, tell it to the judge please, we’re tired of hearing such nonsense.

 

Rooster does have more sympathy with his underlings. As Chuvit said they have got used to the revenue streat of prostitution and gambling now denied them as a result of the pandemic. They were also caught between a rock and a hard place, hence the video being made public as they probably feared for their lives.

 

But they are grown men too and despite being rozzers should have a vague understanding of the difference between right and wrong. 

 

Lock the minions away for 20 years and throw away “Jo Ferrari’s” key.

 

How he could afford the keys to 29 cars including a Bentley and the first Lamborghini Aventador in Thailand occupied many an ASEAN NOW poster when his monthly salary could not stretch to buying a single tire. 

 

The answer, perhaps, is tied up in a system of incentives for police busts, especially in the lucrative drugs trade, that lies at the heart of police corruption. Possibly hundreds of millions was “legitimately” due to the station chief after the seizure of luxury cars in cases he was involved in. 

 

This may be smoke and mirrors to hide even bigger fish further up the food chain but the fact remains that a system that rewards a poorly trained, top brass heavy bunch of underpaid gold-diggers for making big arrests and grabbing huge sums of money and assets - and sharing it disproportionately with their equally bent underlings - is no way to run a modern day police force. 

 

Intriguingly, the man who has been given the job of coming up with a strategy on police reform was everywhere this week - none other than RTP advisor in Pathumwan Lt-Gen Surachate “Big Joke” Hakpan.

 

He started the week looking vulnerable as a probe into his time at the Immigration Bureau two and more years ago looked in the offing. High profile lawyer Archariya Ruangrattanapong petitioned Suwat alleging that BJ had commandeered a staff of 17 cops for his house and that a previous probe was worthless. 

 

By mid week he was featured as a new assistant-commander-in-chief as Prayut shuffled his Deck of Demons at the Commission.

 

Then as reported on Friday, Lo and Behold!, there he was at the Phuket Sandbox, no less, talking about tourism safety and island security,  reverting to type in his PR role made so famous before Prayut gave him a paper shuffling job in his office so that everything would blow over; a ploy that has served the elites so well since Ai Dam and Eep sampled the fruits of ill-gotten gains in the Thai Garden of Corruption circa year dot.

 

Rooster is in fact hopeful that Surachate may at least make a positive start in reform. But even if his nose has not twitched at the truffles of delight in the Thai trough, he has a major job to do. 

 

His car has already been shot at once and he will doubtless have many more bullets to dodge but don’t be surprised if one day Surachate becomes a politician, maybe even a cleanish one.

 

In Bangkok the met police tried to explain away their heavy handed tactics against the protesters. The scenes of a mob - the RTP - attacking people on motorcycles again went round the world. They trotted a few mules to court and the spokesmen tried to keep a straight face as they spoke about protecting the public a few hundred yards from Prayut’s army base house near the Din Daeng intersection in downtown Bangkok. 

 

Who are they trying to kid? While I have often said that many Thais are like children they should baulk at being treated like kids by politicians and the police. Frankly, I fear that we have not seen anything yet with the political unrest and the police stories this week fuelling the fire.

 

The events of Nakhon Sawan, on the face of it a separate issue, serve to inflame passions more and sooner or later, possibly when the pandemic eases in intensity, more mainstream members of the public may say enough is enough on the streets of Krung Thep. 

 

The pandemic rumbled on with some optimism shown in the numbers of recoveries versus those who have dropped to the dreaded lurgy. More people are being vaccinated now including Mrs Rooster on Wednesday.

 

Jabs for foreigners were reported from Cha-Am to Korat to Chiang Mai with that US donated Pfizer reaching the arms of 60+’s, those with 7 deadly diseases and pregnant women.

 

For some unknown reason only people from the American and European continents and Japan would be eligible in Nonthaburi. 

 

I can only imagine that the governor must have had a romantic letdown in Australia or New Zealand and was taking it out on the antipodeans. 

 

A vaccine bus service was introduced in Bangkok to bring jabs to people’s front doors. With my luck especially in coming from England, I'd wait for several hours before three came at once. Forgetting the vaccine.

 

In related news Thailand’s restaurant owners are willing to jump through any hoops to see some diners through the door. The compulsory vaccination of staff and their 5-7 days repeat ATK testing seems less of a step than the unpleasant spectre of customers having to prove they are double or triple vaxxed just to have a bite to eat.

 

This will only lead in one direction thanks to corruption and the general propensity of the Thai public to misbehave when it suits them. Expect Thailand to become an absolute hub of fake vaccination certificates. 

 

This has already hit the US and many other places. In the States less that $20 can get you an online certificate, remembering there are huge swathes of the population there who are anti-vaxxers. A bent doctor has also been struck off Stateside for writing out mask wearing exemptions. 

 

Just as in Thailand there were many cases of PPE, mask and even alcohol gel corruption at the outset of the pandemic, so was there mischief if not malice aforethought in the production of vaccines in Thailand, their procurement from abroad and whose arms they would end up in first. Then came a looming scandal in test kits that for now at least seems to be “sous shag pile”

 

Requiring certification - especially while fewer than 20% have been double dosed - will lead to a free for all in falsified documents that will make those stands you used to see selling dodgy licenses on Khao San Road look legit. 

 

And it could make legal documents worthless. 

 

Anutin met the restaurant owners and smiled his best “do I look like I give a toss” grimace and promised it’ll all look rosier next month and by October it’ll be all over, just like our dear uncle who art in khaki has decreed in all his patent wisdom. 

 

Apart from the shenanigans at the nick, the main story this week was the story of a young Thai motorist who got in a right tizzy after an octogenarian in Chiang Mai rapped on his car. He had failed to stop at a Zebra Crossing outside a supermarket.The Thai went after the pensioner (all caught on dash cam) and leveled him with a cowardly kick to the back. They let bygones be bygones after a hospital bill was paid.

 

The old Aussie was silly in hitting the car - such things can get you shot in Thailand, brother. And we do all get racked off from time to time, cobber.

 

But the assailant was more out of order than a Thai phone box. The police should have prosecuted and the court could have given him six months suspended (if he hadn’t been convicted before).

 

Letting the farang side down - at least in the eyes of the locals and authorities on Koh Phangan - were a group of Europeans (yoga teachers?) who were not wearing masks on a deserted beach. 

 

Good effort guys, that’ll really get the tourists flooding back in, we know how they insist on sanitation.

 

Down in QUOTES - the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard - mayor Sontaya (son of a well known kamnan who tested the Chords of Corruption) was given an unfamiliar lash of the cat. It concerned the 100 million ++ Miami-ization of 2.7 kms of Beach Road. 

 

The Marine Department said it was illegal and the mayor had not asked for permission to encroach on their 400M++ sands. 

 

Then environmentalists - so annoying to politicians in many countries that they wind up shot - pitched in about uprooting sturdy 50 year old trees and replacing them with flimsy palms that fall over whenever there’s wind (which there is sometimes on the coast).

 

Then on Friday as if on cue the whole place flooded and what few hardy souls that are left there were paralyzed...oh well!

 

Person to remember this week is Jirapong aged 24. He may have been a meth head and a dealer but both he and his family deserved another chance. 

 

Finally, and hopefully not prophetically, it was one of Jirapong’s killer’s showroom of cars that caught Rooster’s beady eye.

 

No, not a Porsche, Ferrari or even an Audi.

 

A Ford Escape.

 

Rooster

 

 

 

I make no excuse for harking back to happier days this week. Dwelling on the mess that Thailand finds itself in - along with record death tolls - is quite frankly “doing my head in” as us Brits are wont to say.

 

I was reminded of those better days by a story about Thailand upgrading its rail networks to international standards in which I managed to slip the expression “Mind The Gap” into the headline.

 

The phrase is well known as an announcement at stations on the London Underground - something Londoners call the Tube not the Subway. They never did make the platforms - or maybe the trains - the right size meaning passengers need a leap of faith to get on or off!

 

This reminded me of many visits to England with not one but two Thai wives. (Not together I might add, there isn’t enough of a gap in my mind to countenance that!).

 

Full of pride and hope in 1983 I went with my first wife and nine month old daughter. Mrs R1 had managed to get a visa at the British Embassy in Bangkok despite a consular officer - with a German accent no less - who seemed determined to suggest she was a prostitute and keep her out. Kind of like a Fraulein Ian Foot (the masterful creation of David Walliams in Come Fly With Me).

 

It takes a monumental effort each week NOT to go on the “Ask the Consular Team at the British Embassy” thread and be rude. 

 

I digress. 

 

We had a memorable time in the London suburbs that gave Mrs R1 a greater passion for Fish and Chips than love for her husband. Thereafter we went almost every year with the children until she let me take them by myself as a fear of flying took hold. Either that or she was glad of the rest. 

 

The trips - invariably in July and August for six weeks - gave my first brood a love for England that exceeds my own. They are Anglophiles - my son was in the army cadets in Harrogate and is a right “northerner” living in Liverpool, while my daughter is a financial consultant in the city living in Covent Garden.

 

In 2010 I went with my second Thai wife for the first of three trips in consecutive years. She’d only visited Sri Lanka and Penang before so Blighty was a major step. 

 

She loved it and this week I asked her what she remembered most. 

 

She shared my passion for horse racing and loved our trips to Ascot, Brighton, Lingfield, and the jewel in the racecourse crown, Goodwood where we saw the legendary Frankel. And, as a good Thai, she recalled being legally allowed to bet and all the money she won on Frankie Dettori who became a mutual hero.

 

She recalled the long walks in pleasant weather that permitted them, to places like Harrods, free museums and Buckingham Palace! (I’d never been there before - funny how sometimes it takes a visit to educate you  about your home city!).

 

Food was top of her list, of course. The pork with that crackling so hard to get in Thailand and the salad lunches from the Turkish shop - brie for a pittance and plump, red tomatoes with a taste she’d never experienced. (I kept quiet that they taste better in France).

 

And a bit of a surprise - Fray and Bentos cook-in-the-can steak and kidney puddings.

 

“And not like 200 baht in Villa,” I chipped in. “Only a pound in England.”

 

“99 pen,” she corrected me with her frank frugality. My, how she enjoyed those trips to the cut-price stores in the high street. Similarly she had to be dragged home screaming from the boot fairs where there was always one more bargain to take back to Thailand!

 

The cleanliness was also something she remarked upon and those cute “Rose Cottage” front gardens not hidden behind walls and tall gates. 

 

She felt very welcomed by my relatives and reminded me how emotional she was when we tramped through the woods and visited my father’s home where I was born and he had died some years earlier. 

 

She appreciated my two sisters though as a deeply family oriented Thai she could never understand how for fifty years after a petty disagreement they had not said one word to each other, despite living just a couple of miles apart. 

 

“Thais don’t do that,” she said, conveniently forgetting how for many years she didn’t speak to her own sister. 

 

Two highlights stayed with her. The beautiful countryside during our stays with friends in the Scottish borders of Berwick and the joyful occasion when the Olympic torch passed the end of my sister’s little Beckenham street in 2012. 

 

That and the squeezy tube of Golden Syrup that she bought back for her mum in Loei, of course!

 

Just one regret - not being able to see the tennis at Wimbledon. June was always term time for me.

 

Neither of my wives wanted to live in England full time, which was a bonus for this Thailand lover who was also glad to get back home to Bangkok. 

 

I try not to compare where I was born with Thailand too much - at least outside of this column - as it is largely futile.

 

But those holidays during long summer evenings in the fading sun remain the joys of a lifetime and hopefully can be repeated again once this damn pandemic is over.

 

Every day this week on ASEAN NOW there seemed to be new and unwelcome records, more than 300 dead on Wednesday and Thursday. The usual suspects banged on about “Fake News” then supplied plenty of their own.

 

Rooster laid into Prayuth in a story about his moral philosophy about Thai education. He’s handed out a few thousand baht as though that would help parents struggling to cope with the mess that he and his cronies have largely created. 

 

And it was good to see ASEAN NOW taking a firm stance against the PM in the story about him being slapped down by the court decision rejecting his scary news gagging order. This referred to a disgraceful tale of a couple left begging for a bed at Phrakhanong police station; hospitals had told them there was no room at the inn.

 

One story in particular summed up the utter mess that is Thailand’s vaccine procurement - presided over by Uncle Too and his health minister Anutin - namely going cap in hand to Bhutan for 150,000 doses. 

 

Both these clowns have sought to have amnesty for the decisions of doctors. Actually it’s designed to get them off the hook if push ever comes to shove.

 

“Shove Him Out” is what the protesters on the streets of Krung Thep continued to press for. Two people were shot but the police at Din Daeng said they only used rubber bullets not live rounds and they couldn’t have done it because there was something in the way.

 

Reference the  Book of RTP Excuses, Section 465, subsection 2.1, I think.

 

The RTP admitted Wednesday they were using more rubber bullets, extra tear gas and lashings of water cannon to try and maintain order. 

 

Bungling plod were shown in all their ineptitude in Pranburi where a Maj-Gen in a helicopter forgot about downdraft and demolished a whole bunch of shops and stalls as he arrived on a junket with his lackeys. 

 

In tourism news, Chiang Mai joined Pattaya in delaying their reopening while the Kasikorn research center said that 150,000 foreign visitors would be the best Thailand could expect until the end of the year. 

 

Maybe minister Pipat and the TAT’s Yutthasak could go to the bank for a bit of what teachers call INSET training.

 

Also in Pattaya, a Russian was robbed of a 20K gold necklace. I don’t mean to be mean but without such a story for so long it felt almost comforting!

 

In vaccination news one media outlet reported how many foreigners had been jabbed so far with Brits, French and Americans just making the top ten.

 

Many expats on the forum seem to have a great deal of difficulty understanding how many migrants there are in Thailand from Myanmar, Laos and Cambodia. 

 

Do they really believe that the men and women who fill up their PCX’s  on gas station forecourts the length and breadth of the nation and say a cheery “khop khun khrap” to them in Thai, are actually Thai?

 

The thread also featured many who claimed that they always get the wrong change and Thais can’t count. I’ve always found that more of a problem in England…..if you can get to the front of the queue where some pensioner is complaining about their arthritis or the lack of scratch cards.

 

In Carnage Capers news there was an extraordinary picture of a young man who had woken up to find that he had driven his vehicle into a six wheel truck and killed his three female companions. He was hugging one of their lifeless bodies. 

 

In crime news you may have missed, a pregnant woman was killed in Nakhon Sri Thammarat, a nutter tooled up with a shotgun and handgun was chased in Udon Thani and a female gold shop robber in Rayong fled in a car with the loot before crashing into some flowerpots and continuing her getaway on the motorcycle of a person who came to her assistance. 

 

Polls also reared their ugly heads. Super Poll contained such nonsensical suggestions that my editor wisely deleted certain parts. 

 

Suan Dusit polls are a tad better but their findings also need to be treated as much with a pinch of salt as a whole pack of Saxa. 

 

Fortunately there was some light relief with a story about the “big bust” of a Thai and his Chinese sidekick who imported sex toys. Aforesaid editor couldn’t fully stomach Rooster’s Viz routine on the tale but at least some of the “innuendo” made it through and gave the forum faithful a few laughs. 

 

Just hours before Mrs R was due to get her Astra Zenaca jab, and having booked months ago, it was cancelled. Yes, folks it's not just expats and not just those outside the capital who are having problems.  

 

Despite the shortages, the  government has claimed their “mix and match” Sinovac and AZ regime is working. 

 

Maybe it is….at least that would be one regime that is.

 

Finally, no attempt to round up the news this week would be complete without mentioning Afghanistan. 

 

How proud I was in 2010 when my son aged 16 announced that he wanted to join the British army and go and help that wonderful country. Due to recurring injury it never came to pass and looking back at the last seven days that may have saved him from the emotional turmoil of many veterans who did their best to help a noble people.

 

I’m not taking sides - this is a multi-faceted subject. But for this columnist there have been highly charged and mixed emotions. 

 

I would draw my readers’ attention to two remarkable speeches from both ends of the spectrum, both sides of the pond as it were. 

 

President Joe Biden’s speech was perhaps the most powerful by a US president this century. Veteran and MP Tom Tugendhat’s impassioned speech in the House of Commons presented a very different standpoint. 

 

Spare a thought for Afghanistan. 

 

Rooster

 

 

 

 

It was good to see this week that 8,000 prisoners would be released and have their convictions quashed for having an innocuous cup of tea, something us Brits prize above almost all else.

 

Kratom tea to be precise - the drug is being removed from the narcotics list. It’s a step in the right direction but Thailand can do so much more to empty the overcrowded jails and fulfil promises to bring a bit more happiness to the beleaguered people.

 

The pussy-footing around with marijuana is a case in point. The recreational use of the plant’s THC component needs to be decriminalized. By all means control it - some of the powerful strains available these days need to come with both a government health warning and strict dosage control. 

 

Tax it but don’t deny its benefits. It’s not just the oil that is good for health, mental well-being can be gained through educated use of the entire plant that is a gift from nature. Even in today’s more liberal climate it continues to be unfairly vilified, even demonized by biased fools who want to impose their views on others. 

 

So far in Thailand people are essentially allowed to put unpleasantly tasting hemp leaves on omelets, make noxious green shakes that taste repulsive, all part of a pathetic face saving nod to progress.

 

Bhumjai Thai leader and current health minister Anutin Charvirakul has sold out on his election promises. His wealthy cronies are the only ones who will benefit from allowing plants to be grown that feed into basic oil and extract pharma controlled by him. 

 

Of course even in Thailand where penalties remain severe there is a huge sub-culture of “ganja” use and edibles like gummy bears are widely available. But reports suggest users do not really know what they are getting and therein lies the problem rather than the use of the drug itself. 

 

Alcohol - an infinitely more dangerous drug - always has its strength clearly labelled (unless it’s my father in law’s hooch he calls sato). This obviously helps us gauge how much we should imbibe a point that is just as important in ganja’s myriad products. 

 

If anything it is alcohol in all its forms that needs to be more strictly controlled. The Thai authorities pay lip service to this by coming up with absurd restrictions like 2 pm to 5 pm bans at shops and no alcohol sales at gas stations, restrictions on certain public holidays, blanket bans on advertising. 

 

Strangely, restaurant and pub bans during lockdown probably make more sense due to Covid-19 spread - it’s not just Thailand that has followed those protocols. But not MUCH more sense. 

 

At the risk of being accused of imposing my views on others,I would like to see more control of alcohol among the young, more penalties for bar owners who continue to serve people who are drunk, far greater penalties for drunk drivers who kill innocent people, for example.

 

Having worked as a translator for ASEAN NOW for well over five years I have lost count of the times alcohol abuse has resulted in assault, murder and death. Why not a single one for someone ‘crazed’ by marijuana?

 

Of course, this is the abuse of the alcohol drug - for a drug is what it is; thankfully most people can control themselves or at least represent no severe danger to others. 

 

Drugs like Ya Ba (methamphetamine mixed with caffeine) that is ubiquitous in Thailand and “ice” or crystal meth are widely abused. But their illicit trade is responsible for diverting billions of baht in resources in a futile attempt to curtail their use. 

 

The drugs are flowing into Thailand and thence onto third countries by the billions from meth labs in Myanmar and Laos. The profits are incredible, associated crime immense but most of this stems from their illegality. The trade fills Thais jails far more than Kratom or ganja.

 

I’m not advocating doing nothing about this scourge - for scourge it can be in communities where Ya Ba and ice misuse results in serious crime and family problems especially in Thailand’s villages.

 

But is it not time to at least pay some heed to the model of a country like Portugal (famously featured in Michael Moore’s documentary about countries that do better than America) where even heroin is decriminalized and people who can’t control drug use are helped rather than punished? 

 

Even sex this week - and how to control it in these Covid times - was top of the news in another amusing week of laughing out loud (lol) on ASEAN NOW amid the lockdowns that have become so normal that we’re forgetting what life was like pre-pandemic. 

 

In Rooster’s first translation of the week I had to get a Kleenex regarding a sex story. No, not that…..it was uncontrollable spluttering of coffee over the keyboard that was to blame. 

 

The Thai Health Department chief Dr Pheerayuth came up with nine things we need to do to stop Covid spread including wearing a face mask during sex.

 

Needless to say there were a few likes on my translation but I was slightly miffed that my editor - perhaps mindful of propriety and having the site descend into a relation of the UK’s “The Sun” - thought better than to include ALL the recommendations. 

 

Daily News referred to this in their headline, no less, as “pratuu lang” or backdoor. (Cue Rooster searching  for a Catherine Tate video about homosexual Derek who was shocked at suggestions that he had his groceries delivered via this portal).

 

This aspect of the story was not missed on some posters who like yours truly have the benefit of being able to read Thai and understand the true extent that Thais can dip below the belt contrary to their apparent and superficial, conservative social mores!

 

Non-Thai speakers who accuse Thais of being two faced don’t know the half of it, a situation that dawned on me as early as the 1980s when able to understand some of the ribaldry at the now defunct Villa Cafe.

 

I recall an exchange I had with Note Chern Yim, perhaps Thailand’s most enduring comedian who continues to this day but who was a regular in Villa Cafe’s heyday. 

 

Picking on me as the only farang in the audience I’m sure he was delighted that I was able to offer a witty retort that amused the audience and was even clapped.

 

Before he tore me to pathetic shreds resulting in Rooster smiling inanely pretending to understand but unable to offer another reply!

 

It is a sad fact that even to this day, with my upper intermediate to expert Thai spoken skills, I understand many Thai jokes…..until the punchline.

 

Continuing my drug theme it is interesting to note that research into the beneficial effects of psilocybin (the active ingredient of what Thais call “het khee khwai” or buffalo pooh mushrooms) is picking up pace abroad. An excellent Netflix documentary about mushrooms is worth looking at in this regard. 

 

Psychadelics are now believed to have powerful and beneficial effects on anxiety and alcoholism, to name but two. The advantage over more mainstream pharma is that only two or three hits are needed to effect a lasting cure.

 

Who knows, Thailand could become a hub of ‘shroom research what with the prevalence of “khee khwai”. Just a pity that most of it seems to be emanating from the mouths of the bods at the TAT.

 

I trust  they weren’t tripping at the time when they came up with their analysis of the potential trips to Thailand of foreigners next year.

 

In a ThaiRath story this weekend they predicted three scenarios - Best Case, Base Case (whatever that means) and Worse (sic) Case. 

 

The analysis was that 18,13, or 10 million foreigners would, along with domestic tourists, part with 1.9, 1.6 or 1.3 trillion baht. 

 

I am prepared to eat my Tottenham Hotspur cap should I be proved wrong but I sense that the world will not be ready for mass tourism on that scale next year. 

 

Reports that 19,000 foreigners have arrived in Phuket in six weeks (seen by some as positive) and about ten a day (yes T-E-N= 10 = sip na khrap) have arrived in Samui per day tend to indicate that the TAT might like to reassess.

 

Yes, 2022’s end of year high season could, just could be a massive turning point. So could further waves of virus or shifting patterns of tourist behavior not to mention shifting locations favored by tourists. 

 

On the plus side there must be a huge amount of money available. Contrary to what some doom-and-gloomers online would have us believe, not everyone in Thailand or around the world has lost their job or is preparing to rob 7-Eleven in desperation.

 

People who have kept their jobs have had nothing to spend their money on for the best part of two whole years. 

 

Banks everywhere including in Thailand are reporting increased savings. Admittedly in the accounts of the more well to do than the poor but these are just the people that the TAT - QUALITY tourists they call them - that they are trying to attract with their buzzwords. Somchai laid off by the factory is not their tourist, neither is the man or woman on the dole in the UK. 

 

They mean to tap into the huge reserves of cash held by potential tourists if and when they do decide to travel. I repeat my assertion that when business does get up and running post-pandemic it will be boomtime. 

 

However, 2022 looks more of a transitional year to me especially as the Brave New Vaccine World adjusts.

 

Apropos, there appears to be an ever increasing prevalence of what I would call “Vaccine Snobbery”. ASEAN NOW is as full of it as Facebook with people denigrating certain vaccines citing spurious evidence while praising the efficacy of others spouting nationalistic untruths and prejudice. 

 

Having received a dose of AstraZeneca in Thailand I was interested in the comments of government spokeswoman Traisuree who responded to Thai press suggestions that locally produced AZ might not be deemed as good by European governments as that produced elsewhere when it comes to visas and visits.

 

As someone who wouldn’t mind hugging my UK based kids for the first time since 2018 and not wanting to quarantine it was good to see comments about AZ being the same everywhere and at least France and Germany accepting the Thai made vax. 

 

Whether this will be true of everywhere or whether nationally sponsored Vaccine Snobbery becomes engrained remains to be seen, however. 

 

In pandemic related stories this week Anutin continued to pluck Pfizer doses from the ether and records were broken almost daily in overall numbers (well over 20,000 now) and even deaths (mostly around 200). 

 

Sanook published a list of ten things everyone should know and Sandbox Schools were even proposed.

 

These would entail frequent antigen tests for staff and pupils in a bid to get some opened under a pilot scheme. Please do! 

 

At the end of the week lawyers for a TV celeb who lost his job armed with a 700,000 name petition went to the corruption court in Bangkok to charge Big Too with dishonesty in his handling of the pandemic. A ruling is expected at the end of the month but don’t expect a custodial sentence!

 

Following Uncle’s failure to gag the media from writing anything scary, he and head honcho Anutin are trying to get everyone off the hook for their mishandling through amnesties and immunity (they found out that word when they got their early jabs!)

 

Yes, the ever changing nature of the pandemic has made fools of us all at times, but some of those in power have gone further and must be held accountable for their reckless and possibly criminal actions. 

 

Meanwhile, the anti-government protests continued on the streets of my beloved Krung Thep. Tear gas, rubber bullets and water cannon were deployed and some protesters threw ping-pong bombs. One 14 year old had his hand half blown off by a powerful firework that some claimed had been pushed down into his hand, a notion strenuously denied by the police. 

 

Parts of the capital resembled warzones with fire and mayhem, though for most of us living in Bangkok you could hear a pin drop. 

 

Rooster headed off to Big C thinking that I hadn’t been out since my vax on July 25th - nearly three weeks. Eggs cost 109 baht a tray and the checkout ladies were standing outside their stations beckoning the few shoppers in. The run on supplies seemed to be a thing of the past.

 

Down in the resort, as Bernard Trink used to say of Pattaya, the expected pilot reopening on September 1st looks cancelled until next year while the ferry to Hua Hin that never got a chance to become popular is now history. 

 

QUOTES - the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard - is suffering indeed and for that and all who sail in her I am truly sorry. 

 

Finally, it was revealed that the chief of the Royal Thai Police general Suwat Chaengyodsuk had assets and savings of 104 million baht despite a current yearly salary of only 1,466,154 baht.

 

Blimey, I thought, in much of two decades as an international school teacher I earned well in excess of that annually and I saved all I could. 

 

Yet my savings in the bank and assets are a pittance in comparison. 

 

Oh, I know.

 

I had two more children; that explains it. 

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-08-15

 

 

The murder of the Swiss government lady who arrived as a tourist under the Phuket Sandbox scheme could hardly have come at a worse time for Thailand. 

 

There are very few tourists in the country and for one to be murdered - and possibly even raped - in a country desperate for the return of the tourist dollar is simply horrendous.

 

Thailand is already reeling from easily the biggest surge of Covid-19 cases and deaths since the pandemic began. While visitor numbers in the Sandbox were low at least it was a start offering a ray of hope.

 

Now potential tourists, already freaked and cancelling due to the Covid numbers coming out of Thailand are seeing “murder of tourist” on international news front pages. 

 

If they haven't decided yet about the wisdom of a trip to Thailand, that may be a tipping point. 

 

Worrying were statements on many stories that the police were looking at not just criminals but migrants. With the wounds of Koh Tao and the incarceration of the Burmese unhealed, this smacks of Captain Renault in Casablanca and his line “round up the usual suspects”.

 

As in the movie, this can be seen as getting their hands on anyone for the sake of it. Maintaining face but caring little about justice.

 

Following the tragic discovery of the body of Nicole Sauvain-Weisskopf, 57, on Thursday the cavalry arrived the next day in the shape of RTP chief Gen Suwat Chaengyodsuk. 

 

This is the bespectacled Commissioner-General’s first major test after he replaced Gen Chakthip Chaijinda last September. He was accompanied on the flight by the cream of Thailand’s forensics investigators.

 

On Saturday afternoon, police announced the arrest of a local man, who they say confessed to the murder. 

 

While many are almost gloating online at the discomfiture of the Thai authorities and people, Rooster of course welcomes the arrest but hopes the investigation that led to the suspect being apprehended is both thorough and transparent. 

 

The family of the deceased deserve this. And the country demands it.

 

Contrary to many claims that the Thai police are bungling and haphazard, when they put their minds to it they often resolve cases well and quickly.

 

Thai PM Prayut - our master who remains in khaki, hollow be thy name - barked his usual orders for a quick arrest like the general he really is. 

 

Big Too had a very bad week. The numbers of infections flew past 20,000 daily and 200 deaths. The best he and his cronies could do was pluck some figures from the ether for vaccines in the coming weeks and months. They have been doing that since February.

 

Interestingly, there are now few forum comments about the numbers being falsified. The curmudgeons seem almost satisfied with 20K going on 30K.

 

Yet, in my opinion, while the numbers could probably be trusted last year, this time they are highly misleading. With reasonably cheap test kits available many thousands more are likely infected and resorting to home isolation, something that was introduced like the slow vaccine rollout far too late.

 

Mor Lab Panda called this an embarrassment in his online comments saying that follow-ups were not being done and people were being left to die.

 

Along with millions of others, this columnist and his family remain in lockdown and only go out for food and essentials. I don’t expect much change for months and the children will not be back in school until near the end of the year at the earliest.

 

My eight year old daughter faced the ubiquitous “tests” this week with Rooster insisting that she do them with minimal help, and Mrs R determined to ensure the best results possible. I gave in a little…..the angst created by online learning with small children has been one of the most difficult things to cope with in all my time in Thailand, despite 30 years in education.

 

I was, however, pleasantly amused by a trip to Home Pro to get a new washing machine. They were all behind protective tape like at a crime scene and I feared Mrs R would have to continue doing things by hand.

 

No, the lady staffer assured me, I could actually buy one! Just not touch it!

 

Prayut’s week looked really grim on Friday. A day earlier Tweedledumb’s sidekick Tweedledee, Prawit, had ordered everyone to get tough on fake news and intimated that provincial “fake news” centers could be set up to handle the backlog.

 

He should have checked his watch. Within hours the Civil Court issued an injunction to stop the PM’s gagging of freedom of speech and internet censorship order announced in the Government Gazette deeming it to be illegal. 

 

Prayut massively overstepped the mark. Yes, false claims about herbal remedies for Covid and damaging anti-vax statements need to be prosecuted. But he was caught out trying to restrict legitimate news stories and criticism of his government and now looks like what Brits call a right muppet.

 

Kind of a Kermit in Khaki who’d have no chance with Miss Piggy.

 

Step in Capt Thammanat Prompao, the convicted heroin smuggler. The best the new head of the Palang Pracharat party could do was burble fake news when a media outlet suggested he was eying the top job at Government House. 

 

Chuwit Kamolvisit - playboy night club owner, politician, outspoken presenter and himself a convicted felon - went on Facebook to say that Thammanat was a quick learner in politics and a shrewd operator. 

 

In true Chuwit style he said these were just the qualities needed to be a gangster or a politician!

 

(Foreigners in Bangkok around in the noughties will remember his finger-jabbing election posters claiming that if chosen he will name and shame). 

 

Whether Thammanat, the Agricultural and Cooperatives minister, could really make a bid to be PM remains to be seen. Given the rise of some world leaders in recent years Rooster would not be in the least surprised if he succeeded.

 

Anutin the health minister went to Thanyaburi Hospital and spouted such nonsense that ASEAN NOW needed to put a fact check on what came out of his mouth. 

 

If he was being economical with the truth this was the biggest sale since the billions in the rice pledging scandal.

 

According to the DPM, Thailand was well on the way to 70% vaccinations and the provinces were overflowing with great vaccines thanks to him. 

 

No, only just over 20% have got a first dose and double vaxxed folk are mostly doctors who are getting the virus in their hundreds. Now actually over a thousand after cases in Samut Sakhon. 

 

Reports of the unavailability of vaccines outside Bangkok are everywhere, whether it is for Thais (lacking and in short supply) or foreigners (virtually non-existent).

 

Whether to get involved or not when seeing a crime being committed in Thailand was in the news this week.  A Scottish man in Chachoengsao was taken to hospital after being stabbed in the arm by a Thai stealing from a gasoline machine. 

 

The Scot recognised a car and whipped out his phone. 

 

There are times when it is possible to be a Good Samaritan in Thailand but this was not one of them. 

 

Believe me, I’d love to get out on the streets for some of the protests, both as a legitimate journalist and a concerned resident who loves Thailand. 

 

Forget it - I’m staying home and will continue with my four decade policy of letting them get on with it…..and perhaps writing in support behind a pseudonym. 

 

Newbies to Thailand get involved, older hands don't, not least of all because we stick out like sore thumbs.

 

This week featured my once a year trip to see my lovely doctor, delayed since April but unable to be put off any longer. 

 

From behind his shield and PPE, Dr D regaled me with his criticism of his country’s vaccine rollout saying that he wanted to forego a third jab and give it to a more deserving foreigner, like Rooster….who he described as a “model patient”!

 

We almost high-fived until we remembered protocols.

 

I’ve never seen him so animated as he swore about being unable to attend his son’s PhD ceremony in Japan. We never had time to discuss the chances of his beloved Manchester City winning the EPL again or indeed, my beloved Harry Kane joining them in that quest!

 

I’m more than able to interpret my blood test results myself, but the 725 baht bill for seeing Dr D is always money well spent!

 

A jobs’ site suggested that the unemployment rate was the highest in five years at 1.96%. And the rest - the country looks like it is on enforced holiday at the moment.

 

Much merriment greeted the news that certain sunscreens are being banned in marine parks, a story that made the BBC. The other usual suspects - Thai bashers and people who claim Thais are xenophobic - were out in force saying that foreigners were now being left to get skin cancer. Give it a rest.

 

I thought that the ban seemed eminently sensible given the evidence and one had already started in Hawaii. The Thais might need to ask the Americans how it can be enforced, however. 

 

In other pandemic news down Pattaya way, the authorities in Koh Larn said visitors would need two jabs as well as their passport or Thai ID card to enter. 

 

In Krabi there were dozens of checkpoints even on the smallest interprovincial roads as officials denied there was a 500 baht entrance fee.

 

No, someone had set up a 500 baht antigen test kit facility further down the road so that people would not need to go home!

 

You have to admire the Thai entrepreneurial spirit at times.

 

Though it could be made clear how these kits are going for 40 baht a time in the UK. 

 

In Chiang Mai, a British man reckoned he was some kind of Robin Hood after he imported cocaine through his solar cell business and distributed a million baht to kids and Covid poor. 

 

It wasn’t mentioned how much he had kept for himself.

 

Along with his Maid Marion - Siriporn the DJ - he’ll face the Sheriff of Nottingham and find out he’ll see the light of day in about 2040, despite his largesse and half off for admission.

 

And not to mention that Little John in clink awaits.

 

Also in Chiang Mai the Chang Pheuak police arrested a bank robber within two hours after he got away with 20,000 baht from an SCB branch.

 

He’d filled in a deposit slip with “This is a robbery and I have a gun”. Unlike at waterfalls, plod had CCTV everywhere and found him at home with some of the loot. 

 

His name turned out to be Kasikorn - maybe he should have tried another bank!

 

Finally, INN’s spineless report about Anutin’s hospital visit at least contained the best typo of the week.

 

They said the health minister arrived with “Shinovac”.

 

Raising the possibility that Thaksin Shinawatra might be donating vaccines and making a comeback.

 

He could hardly do any worse. 

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-08-07

 

Firstly, thanks to all the readers who sent their best wishes to Rooster on the occasion of his 60th birthday last Sunday. They brought a tear to my beady eye after Mrs R wheeled me out to the balcony in my bath chair for my afternoon lemon tea PG Tips.

 

But there was not much time to dwell on the hordes of well-wishing fans. 

 

An SMS sent on Saturday night informed me that my presence was required at the Bang Sue Grand Central station for a date with a needle and Astra Zeneca. 

 

The candle wax was barely congealed on the cut-price birthday cake from the only stall open in Ratchayothin before I kicked up the stand on the 250cc Honda and headed for my destiny in Chatuchak, a mere 3 kms away.

 

There was a scene I have become accustomed to in yonks in Thailand - haphazard confusion. But there were plenty of people with labels on their chests to ask.

 

First was a portly plod; Brits of my age were always advised to ask a friendly policeman the way in the days when they used to have a beat rather than just beat people. Before “The Sweeney” and Arthur Daley put us right.

 

Khun Plod said “pay thee noon” (over there).

 

The next person said “glap pay thee nan” - go back thattaway.

 

The third said they were both wrong and so was the SMS so it was then I found myself at the correct door proffering my passport, residency book and “tabian baan” (house registration) though only the first was deemed necessary.

 

Then came some form filling and a request for left or right. I thought that meant did I want to go left or right on entry to the cavernous new station. With me looking confused, the busy clerk said  “khaen saay or khaen khwaa” (left or right arm). 

 

I plumped for the right as my left has been rendered useless after humping a log back from a mate’s place in Ayutthaya to decorate my balcony garden. I need at least one functioning finger to earn a translating crust at ASEAN NOW.

 

Once inside I found myself rather obtrusively at the front of one of several large columns reminiscent of school days marching. This was sure to end badly as I was not the only one with no idea of where to go - the “masters” with their megaphones weren’t sure either.

 

But as is usually the case in Thailand, we muddled through and got it done nevertheless. I decided against any banter with the staff - that seemed out of place and I’m a little past the “isn’t your Thai wonderful and can you eat spicy food” routine (even if I’ve hardly heard it for two years).

 

The guy who jabbed me did a great and painless job and after the 30 minute observation period was 25 minutes over I was stamped out and on the way back home via Villa and Lotus, getting some treats for “the good boy”.

 

I was less of a good boy at school. At Alleyn’s in Camberwell I’d heard the latest inoculation was to be delivered in the rear end by strong-armed and careless matron. 

 

I hid in the rafters and waited until the coast was clear. I didn’t want any repetition of the occasion she grasped my dangly bits checking for something or other. 

 

For a second trip to India in 1983 I decided on a typhoid jab. I had to leave my bar job at the Lazy Toad in Beckenham because my arm hurt so much and retired to bed at 8 pm. Sacrilege! 

 

I vowed never to get vaccinated again and until last Sunday never did. 

 

My raison d’etre for getting one is not fear of Covid. I’ve probably already had it anyway. I’m concerned about passing it on of course but principally being unable to do anything, unable to travel anywhere if I didn’t.

 

Readers might have noticed that Thailand has a tendency to be authoritarian and I could well believe that it’ll be impossible to have a normal life in the years to come without it. Never mind international travel if and when Scrabble tournaments start up again. 

 

So I’m glad I did; the next dose of AZ is in October also at the same venue.

 

Bang Sue station was in the news several times on ASEAN NOW this week as huge crowds gathered early in the day fuelled by the bumpkins arriving from far flung provinces like Nakhon Pathom and Samut Prakan….

 

One official said up to 30% of those at the station were from outside Bangkok. Two celebrity commentators and journalists on TV went on Facebook to point at the confusion. 

 

Next day after Prayut did some characteristic scrambling, some army pals arrived with pots of white paint to daub some lines and all was solved. 

 

Hapless and increasingly discredited health minister Anutin Charnvirakul opened his ample bouche encore une fois and out came more nonsense. According to the DMP and ganja promoter the camera angle made it APPEAR there were crowds. 

 

Shortly thereafter Anutin found himself named in a claim handed into the tech police by “Help Crime Victim Club” chief Atchariya Reuangrattanapong who said that the health minister had misled the public with vaccine statements made in June. 

 

His claims made on June 8th, the day after the rollout started in shambolic earnestness, that there would be bountiful supplies of vaccine at all hospitals looked a tad “fake” when juxtaposed with the fact that more than a hundred hospitals had had to delay the rollout due to having nothing to jab. 

 

Expats throughout Thailand were reporting on our forums how they had been unable to register or get vaccinated up-country - this prompted many to consider a hazardous but not unreasonable trip to Bangkok.

 

The attempt to prosecute Anutin came on the day Prayut’s attempted - via the Government Gazette - to stop “fake news” once and for all.

 

It should be seen for what it is - an attempt by the government to stifle legitimate news. Sure the news may be unpalatable and may scare the public - for many this is a scary situation.

 

Essentially it’s a gag not on people sharing nonsensical stories about fake remedies, but on online news outlets and high profile figures like celebrities who are calling out the government. 

 

The wording and references to the emergency decree of 2005 leave plenty of scope for lovely long jail terms for people the government does not like. 

 

Us. 

 

In a flurry of such “fake news” stories on Friday - that included the Anutin one - came a police denial about a man who fell down in my area supposedly with Covid. 

 

He was just drunk. This is all smoke and mirrors to make it look like the other cases of people with the dreaded lurgy falling down dead on the sidewalks were also untrue - they weren’t. 

 

They were an embarrassment for Prayut and co and reached international outlets.

 

We are left to ask two salient questions. Who exactly are scared the most - the government or the people? 

 

Two embassies also featured heavily in the news. 

 

A consortium of doctors presented a letter at the US embassy gates asking the Charge d’Affaires Michael Heath to pressure the government to be transparent over the Pfizer donation amid claims that the arms it has gone into were not doctors’ but people with expensive Rolexes.

 

Later Prayut dismissed any vaccine shenanigans and, desperately trying to keep a straight face, said he was concerned about people dying at home. He repeated his mantra about people working together and not dissing him or his wonderful colleagues. 

 

The US embassy rep took the letter and though it probably wasn’t put straight in the bin it’ll be filed under “R” - whether that is rubbish, recycle, regime or reference is anyone's guess. Don’t hold your breath that the US authorities care where their vax goes.

 

They seem to care more for the photo opportunity to make it look as though all the governments and peoples of the globe are in friendly harmony. That is to say….let’s not rock the mutual trade boat. 

 

Mark Gooding, the acting ambassador in Ploenchit, not to be outdone by Mr Heath’s Thai language vaccine announcement, said the UK government would be donating 415K dose announcement vaccines to Thailand. 

 

Reaction from Brits on ASEAN NOW was understandably derisory and swift. 

 

Though Rooster believes there are some expats who whinge just because they have nothing better to do and who could get jabbed if they persevered or spoke some Thai, I also accept that many are caught up-country between a rock and a hard place and deserve much greater assistance from their embassies than this public show.

 

The Thai authorities also need to dig up some of that vital commodity - the truth.

 

In tourism-cum-Covid news the Phuket Sandbox was put on a two week “watch” as cases there hit 1,000. 

 

A cluster was reported in Chaweng in Samui after a Thai yoga teacher spilled the beans about going to a birthday party at a club on the beach. 

 

Hundreds had to be traced as the district chief struggled to maintain composure with the Samui Plus Model at stake.

 

Then on Friday Komchadluek - never one to be first with the news - quoted tourism minister Pipat as insisting tourism revenue this year will be 850 billion including 300 billion from the three to four million foreigners who will visit in the fourth quarter.  

 

Bless, double bless and triple bless. 

 

TAT supremo Yutthasak - noting the death all around him - opted for mantras that the Thai press love to leave untranslated because they haven’t a clue what it all means - “Stay Focus(sic)” and “Positive Thinking” were the best he could do as he surveyed the smoldering embers of what was once the Thai tourism industry.

 

The figures whizzed on and past daily 15,000 infections and deaths headed for 200. The only way seemed up.

 

How much worse it will get is anyone’s guess. And guessing was what Prayut was up to plucking various numbers out of the ether for the weeks when the vaccines would arrive and when everyone could start to get back to normal again. 

 

He might be advised to just change those ‘weeks’ for months or even years…..

 

Early in the week Pheu Thai MP for Nan, Cholnan Srikaew gave his assessment that the PM had lost all credibility and faith with the people. 

 

The worst of the pandemic may well be over by then but such have been the dire economic impact and personal tragedies that few will be prepared to offer the tried and tested Thai way of “forgive and forget”; no one is going to put this one aside. 

 

Many are predicting criminal prosecution in the future and already key supporters of the government are distancing themselves. Politicians need higher powered allies and some are starting to jump ship.

 

A story that epitomized the week was one that featured an 80 year old man crawling to the road from the monks’ quarters at a north-east temple. 

 

His daughter dismissed claims she had dumped him on the Luang Phra while the local authority attempted to get some shine with promises to the family. 

 

Fake news or not, such stories helped to engrain the narrative that the situation in Thailand was spiralling out of control - to the point that people were falling down like flies in the street and - horror of horror - being deserted by their families. 

 

Finally, one of our news pictures caused some merriment after an advertising board outside Poseidon soapy massage parlor in Ratchadapisek, Bangkok, advertised “take away”.

 

It was food not what Thai men mean when they say “Gai Saam Yang” - three style chicken. 

 

It also emerged that the Daily Mail in England reported that the Poseidon “the biggest of its kind in the world”  was being converted into a three star hotel after Covid devastated business. It suggested new customers would not be told about the building’s provenance, as if anyone doesn’t know.

 

Years ago a cheeky 14 year old boy in my class was completing a Thai Studies “A-Z of Thailand” project - A for Ayutthaya, E for Elephant, that sort of cutesy stuff. 

 

“Khun Rooster? Can I do P for Poseidon?” he smirked.

 

“Now why would I allow you to do that?,” I asked, resisting the temptation to say P for Prostitution might be acceptable. 

 

“All my friends know about it,” he explained. “And my dad would like to invite you for a visit.

 

“He owns it”.

 

I never did go, I promise.

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-08-01

 

 

Today I reach what for many people is a significant milestone; I’m 60.

 

Mrs R has been winding me up about getting a pass for the BTS.

 

I’ll be celebrating by taking my daughters - aged five and eight - on a hair-raising bike ride down to the park and back. If the cops stop me for being out I’ll explain in my best Thai that I’m off to get vaccinated at Bang Sue Central Station. 

 

“With two little children at 140 km an hour, sir?”

 

“Yes, officer, the wife just left me and you know how hard it is to get childcare these days”. 

 

I’ve never let Thai language get in the way of a good lie.  

 

To mark the occasion - that in all likelihood will be spent in lockdown isolation - I’ve come up with some milestones since 1961. 

 

So if you’re the sort that demands news and doesn’t appreciate a column with personal reflections, go straight to comments where you’ll find many like minded people to complain with. 

 

For those of you who might be of a similar age who fancy a bit of nostalgia or younger ones who might like to learn something about an alternative Thai life, read on!

 

If you do, why not relate some of your own memories below.

 

I was born in the back bedroom of  my parent’s house in Beckenham, Kent. My dad bought the four bedroom property for 30,000 quid around 1960 (after he died in 2004 we sold it for 417,000). I was the fifth of six kids.

 

My earliest memory was Listen with Mother on the radio and Andy Pandy on the black and white TV. We got color in 1977 to help take our minds off mum who had just died so tragically young from bowel cancer. 

 

Childhood was very happy, characterized by lots of playing in the woods, bicycling and kicking footballs into my father’s roses. My first real strong memory is of England losing to Brazil in Mexico City then watching in horror as a 2-0 lead against the West Germans ended in a 2-3 quarter final defeat. The first of many disappointments.

 

There were two memorable days before I was 20. The first was leaving secondary school, a place I loathed. I didn’t bother to go in on the last day and missed the final assembly in which another boy put a CCF armoury thunderflash under the stage. 

 

The other was when I was nineteen and someone I’d never met in Rue Saint Denis beckoned me over; but the less said about that the better.

 

Despite gardening and decorating jobs at 50p an hour through late childhood, I started my first real job as a cub reporter in Croydon the week after leaving school. 

 

On my first day my new colleagues took me for a liquid lunch to the Purley Arms. The crusty hacks liked me because I wasn’t a graduate and only got an E in my business studies A-level. 

 

Proving my manhood I sank four pints of Stella then promptly returned to the office and threw up my Ploughman’s Salad in the loos. Despite staggering back into the newsroom my female dragon of a boss who terrified me, sent me off to cover my first Golden Wedding. 

 

Mr and Mrs Martin were lovely and told me that the recipe for a happy marriage was “none of that foreign food”.

 

My first air flight in 1980 was to Paris for the Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe with a party of stockbrokers organised by Coral the bookmakers. One guy bet 500 pounds that his suitcase would get to the carousel first. 

 

This was the big leagues. Unfortunately I had no money left to put on my Arc selection Detroit due to that pesky minx in the St Denis shadows. C’est la vie.

 

In 1982 I quit my job and flew one-way to Delhi on Ariana with a stop in Kabul. Soviet military craft reminded us why Afghanistan was off limits at that time. 

 

Highlights in India were being asked for our autographs at the final cricket test in Kanpur and sampling an aromatic black substance from Manali. 

 

My first day in Thailand was in April 1982. I remember reading about the Falklands War at a beach hut on Chaweng then having a 50 baht mushroom omelette called “No Name” on the menu. 

 

The rest of the day I can recall in the sharpest detail to this day despite it being a bit of a blur at the time. 

 

I came and went to Thailand for the next few years before arriving with 4,000 Aussie dollars in 1985 and making my best ever investment. 

 

I signed up and completed several months of the “Natural Approach”, learning Thai at AUA in Ratdamri Road. The American ajarn Mr Brown told us not to try to speak, just listen and soak it up.

 

I cheated at night with a very helpful Thai lady I met in the street in Soi Sribumphen. I asked “pai nai?” and she replied “pay gap khun”. 

 

My first Thai job arrived immediately at Brit-Am academy English language school in Silom. It was the sweetest 2,000 baht for a week’s toil that I have ever earned. 

 

I celebrated with a “baen” of Mekhong made tolerable with two or three Lipo’s that had prizes in the lids. 

 

I taught myself to read and write Thai with a Linguaphone book and within six months could write a postcard. 

 

My visas were renewed either by going to Padang Besar or the Thai embassy in Penang. I favored the bus to Hat Yai, diesel taxi thereafter. Each trip came after getting tax clearance at Banglamphu.

 

In 1986 I had a close shave with Immigration. A disgruntled wife of an Australian at another language school had reported me for working illegally but a guy whose name was very close to my own was arrested and locked up in Suan Phlu detention instead. (He’s a member on ASEAN NOW and these days a Thai citizen).

 

He had no passport and was deported while muggins got off scot free. I took my friend's teaching hours and set up home with an English dentist in a rundown but quaint wooden house over a bit of duckweed surfaced klong in Thong Lo. 

 

When HIS disgruntled girlfriend threatened to plant heroin in the rafters we relocated to an Indian owned block in Soi 39. The rent was 2,750 baht a month but I was earning 35K.

 

My first health scare in Bangkok was an amoebic liver abscess that developed after some dodgy Hoi Thot (mussel omelette). The doctor at St Louis said it was lucky my “tap” hadn't burst. 

 

Following a romantic disappointment with a lady from Ranong in 1988 I had a brief sojourn in Copacabana returning for the Cup Final when Liverpool lost to Wimbledon. 

 

On the same day I met my first Thai wife, twelve years my senior, at the Peppermint in Patpong. We married in 1990 principally as I’d tired of those three monthly visa runs. We tied the knot in Bang Rak (The District of Love) and had a reception for two in Superstar after a burger at McDonald's. 

 

Children followed in 1992 and 1994.

 

In 1989 I bought my first bike for 39,000 baht - a yellow Honda MTX 125cc  that I sold the next year and bought a “made from old parts” Honda Rebel 250. Many “steeds” followed, including a Steed. 

 

I bought my first car in 1997, a Toyota Soluna for 373,000 baht. A mate drove it out of the showroom as I had no idea about the pedals. 

 

I got bike and car licenses on the same day in 1998 which meant that “conversations” with plod at roadside checkpoints became a little easier. 

 

In 1994 I got a job as Thai teacher at Bangkok Patana School after moving  to Soi Lasalle. My first ever work permit said I taught maths as for some strange reason Thai teaching seemed to be reserved for Thais. 

 

When the education minister came visiting I made myself scarce. In 1998 a very plummy and influential man called Stuart Morris hired me for a new school called Harrow International. He kindly tripled my salary. 

 

At the interview he only asked me about Scrabble. After buying a copy of the Official Scrabble Players’ Dictionary at Asia Books near Villa I rose to represent Thailand in international competition becoming world ranked 19th in 1996 and champion of Asia in 1998. I still play five or six practice  games a day in 2021. 

 

Harrow was a 15 year blast that ended in 2013 with a two year “retirement” before I started work at Thaivisa as a translator in 2016. 

 

I never divorced but my marriage disintegrated and I got hitched according to Buddhist tradition with the current Mrs Rooster, 15 years my junior, in 2004 and have lived with her in Ratchayothin ever since. I waited until my first kids had grown up before having a second brood. 

 

Apart from having a son who followed me in supporting Spurs and a daughter who got a master’s degree from Oxford, one of the happiest and proudest moments was during the devastating floods that hit Bangkok and surrounding areas in 2011. 

 

With missus number two we went in search of missus number one in Pathum Thani. We rowed in and found her happy to see us on the top floor of her now island house, living with her dog.

 

I then took both wives for a row in ten feet deep water around the estate, actually called The Lagoon. They both complained about my appalling rowing skills. 

 

That house was the first one I’d bought in 1999. It cost me all my savings and I was obliged to sign a paper saying it was now my wife’s and I had nothing to do with it! 

 

Since then I bought four condos (in my own name) and flipped several others. I built a large house for my second wife’s family about ten years ago fulfilling a promise I made at my wedding. 

 

I became a resident of Thailand in 2003 after collecting a mountain of paperwork and paying 20,000 baht (just in time as Mr Thaksin raised the prices thereafter). 

 

I never bothered with citizenship as the right of abode was what I was after rather than having another nationality. Besides, I consider myself British and my Thai friends consider me Thai. 

 

In conclusion, it’s been an interesting and varied life full of the ups and downs we all experience no matter where we live or who we are.

 

In preparation for writing this I asked a friend’s 13 year old daughter what was the biggest event of her young life explaining I was too young to remember JFK but mine was 9/11. 

 

“Duh” she said with that scornful look like I was the oldest and most decrepit granddad she’d ever seen.

 

“Covid, of course”.

 

Sadly, she was absolutely right.  

 

Nothing in our lives could have prepared us for this; in Thailand, especially Bangkok, in a truncated Week That Was due to my own ramblings, things got worse and worse. 

 

Daily infections were up to nearly 15,000 at the time of writing with 100 plus deaths a day. 

 

Foreigners over 75 were vaccinated at Bang Sue Grand Central Station and Rooster managed to register as a 60 year old for Astra Zeneca

 

A BBC story - summed up by Rooster - slammed the government for its Covid-19 record.

 

Then Prayut said what a wonderful job he was doing on Facebook and managed to blame his compatriots in his inimitable fashion.

 

Labour minister Suchart then claimed that the Thai government was not discriminatory.

 

Several people keeled over and died on the streets and sidewalks of the capital, at least two with the dreaded lurgy. 

 

Much of the country was in lockdown and the Bangkok roads were quieter than Songkran except for the ubiquitous “Grabus Deliverus Motorcycus”, a noisy insect. 

 

Some of the  Phuket Sandbox tourists had to bus to Suwannaphum (my spelling) after domestic flights to deep red zones were cancelled for two weeks. 

 

More restaurants closed in Pattaya and officials in Hua Hin doubted they’d be able to open to foreign tourists by October 1st.

 

The Buriram Moto GP was cancelled again. 

 

Biggest stink was a Food Panda delivery guy who lost his job after mischief at the anti-government protests. Irate netizens called for a boycott and business rivals stepped into the void. 

 

In crime news the callous Lopburi shooter, a school director, from February last year had his death sentence upheld while a hill tribe man who buried his building contractor boss under a Taling Chan house in concrete, was found wandering in his homeland of Doi Tung soon after. 

 

They always return home, don’t they?

 

Finally, the pawnshop owners surprisingly said that business was dire. 

 

They explained the reason.

 

Many Thais had nothing left to pawn.

 

Rooster 

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-07-25

 

 

One can usually spot a newbie to Thailand a mile off. 

 

They love to regale anyone who pretends to listen about their knowledge of everything Thai from the language to the politics, the daily life to the police. They know all about the Thai people - especially relationships - and they have the culture off pat. They usually condemn it to hide their ignorance.

 

They once propped up bars talking about life being cheap and brown envelopes, but are increasingly prevalent and tiresome on social media these days.

 

Yes, things have become very black and white for them. When in reality understanding Thailand is more about the shades of grey. Even the locals are baffled by what goes on in the kingdom at times.

 

Rooster assesses a newbie as someone who has been in Thailand less than ten years - you get your wings after that. I got mine in the mid 1990s and I’m still learning.

 

I should be what legendary columnist Bernard Trink called an “Old Hand” by about 2035 if I keep paying attention. 

 

The newbie overreacts to everything. A coup means violence and gunfire on the streets. Being caught with your trousers down means the end of a relationship and food for ducks. Falling foul of the law means incarceration in their favorite Bangkok Hilton, though they have no idea where it is because they can’t even give directions to a taxi driver (who are all dishonest Thai men who pimp their wives and beat them senseless, BTW….).

 

Ex-newbies who have paid attention are then on probation for about the next ten years. In this period it is important to get further experience and balance. By the end of that - let's say 20 years residence - we should have a person who is blessed with information and knowledge - but who is still “ngong” (suitably flummoxed) in appropriate measure.

 

You see, not being a newbie is not about always getting things right. It’s about appreciating that despite the knowledge you could still be wrong. 

 

For this columnist the entire Covid-19 pandemic and the reaction to it by the Thai authorities has been a case in point. 

 

I smelled several rodents last year but was prepared to go along with what appeared to be a pretty reasonable response to the pandemic. I was prepared to give credit where it appeared to be due and reserve some criticism for the ever changing circumstances of a health crisis few were fully prepared to handle.  

 

I admit I didn’t see the vaccine rollout failure coming but I’m not going to get my “ganggeng nai” in a twist.

 

As far as being vaxxed goes I’m following a wait and see approach. Getting all het up about the lack of availability - or thinking about flying abroad to get a jab no less - all smacks of newbie-ism or having more money and time than sense. 

 

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in August for a lipid check and I’ll ask my Khun Mor about it then. I’m in no hurry - despite being 60 next Sunday it’s hard to catch Covid when the nearest you get to going out is a trip to the landing to take out the trash. 

 

Mrs Rooster - a Thai of 44 years - is behaving more like a newbie. Maybe she needs more powerful medication and less Amarin TV. I’m doing my best to alleviate the fear factor - a tough battle with cases nudging 10,000 and deaths up near 100 every day. 

 

I urge her to appreciate the positives - time spent with family, the pleasures and humor of raising kids in a rich bilingual environment, the eight year old mastering lessons via Zoom, the five year old coloring in nicely……

 

But it does appear that she has got caught up in the hysteria that this week resembled more like Vaccine Hysteria than broader pandemic angst.

 

Thais were queuing overnight for non-existent Moderna in Pak Chong and willing to pay 3,300 baht for it. Officials of every color were chopping and changing their Sinovac, Astra Zeneca and Pfizer combination advice at the drop of a hat. 

 

An Australian couple who have clearly got their wings after 14 years, were polite and measured in a TV interview about the problems being faced by foreigners in getting access to vaccines. 

 

They were caught between a rock and a hard place with Australian regulations ramping up but they are only in their 50s so it was hardly a last chance saloon. 

 

Interestingly, just days after this,  the Australians announced a plan to vaccinate their nationals in Thailand.

 

Britain’s new ambassador Mark Gooding appeared on video in which he claimed his embassy was pressing the Thais at all levels to get their vax act together. 

 

He expressed concern for his nationals’ problems; might I suggest he follows the lead of other nations and has a word with Whitehall. 

 

Anything short of that makes you look like a lackey with no teeth to go with your lack of hair, Your Excellency.

 

Meanwhile, the Phuket Sandbox continued with the Thai authorities continuing to talk it up. Relief came slightly when Koh Samui’s “Plus Model” started Thursday. 

 

Tourism minister Pipat and his entourage looked a tad lonely as a dozen or so journalists got off the plane. 

 

Apparently 33 more had booked seats on Bangkok Airways before the end of the month and they’d be spending gazillions in two shakes of a TAT tail (or tale more like).

 

Pattaya’s tourism leaders then said they were pressing on with “Pattaya Move On”. Only four swab tests, a week in an ALQ, another week in a SHA+ and 14 days in Bang Lamung and Sattahip then you might be able to go somewhere really decent like Bangkok….

 

And it IS quite decent at the moment. Not much traffic, clear air, quiet like Songkran. Pick your time to go shopping wisely and it’s great in the Thai capital. And gone are the days when a curfew means much.

 

I’m lucky if the missus gives me a visa to go out to “Sewen”. 

 

The word from all of Pattaya, Phuket and Samui is that the Thais are not expecting many foreign tourists until about November. 

 

Maybe even then their forecasts are overly optimistic but you have to start somewhere to repair an industry that is 20% of GDP and employs millions. 

 

Take the pronouncements about big numbers and even larger  revenue with a pinch of salt. 

 

Thais often speak with forked tongue as their culture requires them to keep up appearances at all costs. 

 

Newbies call it lying, only later discovering face and only later still realising there are as many faces as Thotsakan of Ramakien fame.

 

An interesting post about an online organisation led to my favorite comment from the forum faithful this week and will be my last word on Euro 2020 (tears still dropping into humble pie).

 

It was suggested online that people should hang out flags made of t-shirts outside their homes - white meant “we need food” and red meant “get us a doctor or a bed”. 

 

ASEAN Now poster “jojothai” had Rooster chuckling with: “What if it’s a red and white flag? I have some of those to discard after last Sunday”.

 

I half expected Pattayan’s to be putting out flags made from their Singha singlets - “We need beer”, being the message. 

 

Keeping up a similar brand of humor was a space cadet official talking about the draft “Space Affairs Act” and bigging up Thailand's interstellar ambitions. 

 

Talk about poor timing; juxtaposed against a horrendous picture of hundreds waiting for food handouts on Pattaya beach and social media posts about people with no bed waiting on the floor by a hospital’s trash area, this was misplaced priorities.

 

A bit like Richard Branson and his billionaire buddies rocketing off to the stratosphere. How about parting with a slice of your pandemic profits instead?

 

Incidentally, I worked with a deputy head in Bangkok who taught geography to the Virgin founder at Stowe. He gave him a “D” and a concerned "could do better" comment. 

 

At least he was able to find outer space on a map, I suppose, and now didn't need a rocket.

 

Some better news for those that rely on the baht being weak came when the UK pound surged past 45! Bless...it was double that for a brief period in 1997.

 

How I remember all the newbie expats at Patana school in the middle of that year panicking when the rate went from 40 to 50 almost overnight. They had to send money back. 

 

This prompted international schools to up their packages benefitting Rooster, who smiled and kept his gleeful council. 

 

Two insurance companies announced they were ending Covid packages. Their assessors clearly bet on the wrong numbers and were bailing out. 

 

Then Dr Yong got the hump after someone edited his Wiki page to say he was a Sinovac salesman. Yes, it may be defamation but you just end up looking daft, doc, when you rise to the bait. 

 

Finally in pandemic news, the authorities started approving self-test kits and advising home isolation for people with no symptoms. About time - a lot of time and money was wasted on the insistence of hospital and field hospital care. 

 

The authorities had plenty of time to see what had happened in the West and missed a trick. Now they are paying for that bigtime. 

 

Plod had another busy week. One was kicked in the face by a disgruntled and clamped van driver in Ploenchit Road, the IB warned about impersonators (not themselves) while spokesmen said to watch out for handsome foreigners online and to get the best ransomware protection after attacks in the US.

 

More light-hearted was a story about someone bidding 101 million baht for a van plate from the DLT with the registration ฮฮ9999 that many Thais thought meant riches. 

 

The bidder had added an extra zero by mistake and 10,100,000 was his intention. Not inconsiderable but not a record, said the DLT. 

 

Rooster thought of entering the cherished number plate business back in the 1990s, one of several ideas based on successful models from the UK that, with adaptations, I thought might work in Thailand.

 

In the end I taught Thai to foreigners and rich Thai kids coming back from California. In relative penury, I made do with a bit of tape on the letters พอ on my cut price Soluna spelling out “Daddy’s” car (พ่อ=phor=pater).

 

Rooster is normally law abiding but the first wife baulked at this "thabian rot" tampering. What joy to catch her years later when she had the clock turned back by a "chang"  with a power drill. 

 

In related road news the traffic bods in Bangkok announced they were changing Zebra Crossings to be red to make drivers stop. Good luck with that - if you stepped out with an Uzi and threatened an advancing motorist he’d probably speed up and mow you down before fleeing the scene and checking if he’d damaged his fender. 

 

Finally spare a thought for two Thai men. 

 

The first was twenty year old Pannathorn, unlucky in love, who had “Jep Phroh Rak, Sak Phroh Khaen” tattooed across his forehead.

 

“Hurt because of love, tattoo because of revenge” didn’t mean he harbored ill will against his “ex” - he just wanted to make a statement about unrequited love. 

 

At least Joe the Khon Kaen tattooist spelled it correctly and got one million likes on TikTok. 

 

The other was a hapless 38 year old who had to get help from his mum after somehow padlocking his private parts and experiencing ever greater swelling for a week. 

 

Putting pandemic angst in perspective. 

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-07-18

 

 

BOOM!......then everything went black, including my flatscreen TV. 

 

It was 2.17 am on Thursday morning in locked down Bangkok and what Rooster and many others had been waiting for for 55 years - an appearance in a major football final - went blank. 

 

A transformer or something had exploded nearby plunging my condo into total darkness and robbing me of England vs Denmark. 

 

Minutes later the overhead fan came on at half-cock, it was now a brownout as the Americans say. Hopeless for internet box and TV. 

 

Major life crisis! 

 

Turn on phone and follow text. Misery as Denmark score, and I feel totally helpless. Muted joy as an own goal puts us back in with a chance. Half time - now what to do?

 

I was beginning to panic, convinced the blackout would mean a Denmark victory. Quick think  - Thailand usually comes through in a crisis in my experience. Then I remembered.

 

The neighboring estate at the end of the soi had an old boy security guard in a shack with an ancient TV.

 

He might just be awake and……

 

Throwing on clothes and remembering my mask and bike keys I drove past our own building’s security guard at breakneck speed.

 

You could see him thinking: Where’s that loony going at this hour (now 3 am) surely Nana Plaza is shut?

 

Five hundred yards down the soi there was Loong - he’d never met me nor I him - but at least he was awake even if the TV was off. He didn’t seem freaked out by this masked raider arriving on a Honda 250 and screeching to a halt. 

 

Time to practice my best Thai starting with a mild admonishment, Thai style. 

 

“Loong krap, why the hell aren’t you watching the football!! 

 

“I’m an Angrit guy. We’ve had a “fai dap” and I can’t watch the match….

 

“Oooo, khrap”, he replied, grasping my predicament and admitting he’d forgotten all about Euro 2020.

 

He insisted it was on Channel 36 despite me saying “chong song na khrap, chong song”. Going down through the channels was laborious and the second half must have started. I took charge of the remote and keyed in 002.

 

Joy - it was 47 minutes in and still 1-1. 

 

Loong, 75 if he was a day, was chuckling uncontrollably at the turn his normally quiet night had taken. He offered the weird foreigner his comfy seat and a draft of Leo - both politely declined remembering “kreng jai”. 

 

Besides, a plastic stool was bliss and I didn’t need beer - like millions of Brits, and Danes, worldwide our collective stress levels and adrenaline were through the roof. 

 

What fun we had, Loong and I, until the icing on the cake after 4 am when England scored and we triumphed. 

 

Cue Englishman dancing impromptu jig and Thai “yaam” almost swallowing his false teeth. 

 

I “wai-ed” my new friend deeply and thanked him. Joked that I’d be back for the final if the electricity authorities didn’t get their act together and headed home.

 

Like Harry Kane and his recovery from the missed penalty, Rooster, with thanks to Beautiful Thailand and its Beautiful People, had found a way to watch the Beautiful Game. 

 

Like those who remember where they were when Kennedy was shot, I'll always remember where I was when England beat Denmark 2-1 after extra time. 

 

Sleep only followed after completing my work by 9am. My English editor had been awake most of the night,too, so the ASEAN NOW faithful got some early stories from Rooster for a change!

 

The football aside, it was a pretty grim week as the Covid numbers and deaths spiked daily. 

 

One official said that daily infections would hit 10,000 by the end of the year. Maybe something was lost in translation; surely he meant end of the month, even end of the week. 

 

And so it transpired. By Friday cases reached 9,276 with 72 deaths and that’s only what the government is admitting to. 

 

Others started coining a new phrase “fourth wave”. Surely it was only a matter of time before the nation became the hub of waves. 

 

PM Prayut - a loong who, frankly, I’d rather not meet in the dead of night - had a mixed week.

 

Very bad and extremely bad with a touch of utterly atrocious. 

 

Firstly, he had to go into a 14 day quarantine at the army base where he lives. He’s no longer a general but probably feels comforted at being close to the Mess. 

 

He’d been in close quarters with Veerasak from the Surin Chamber of Commerce while on the Phuket Sandbox junket on July 1st. Veerasak had Covid. 

 

On Monday a Suan Dusit poll suggested 66% of Prayut’s compatriots thought he was doing a terrible job while a Super Poll suggested he should take a pay cut. 

 

This prompted Big Too - a word meaning to grab something by force incidentally - to announce he would not take his salary and allowance for the next three months to fight the good fight - 376,000 baht.

 

More than a dozen of his fawning cronies followed suit including Thamanat Prompow still trying to repair the damage of, to him, being wrongly accused of heroin smuggling by those nasty Australians.

 

Sanook didn’t let Prayut’s modest display of largesse go unnoticed saying that the National Anti-Corruption Commission were unable to reveal the extent of his assets as there was no provision in the law to do so. 

 

That’s Handy Harry. 

 

All they would say is that he had had 102 million baht before he became PM 6 years and 9 months ago and had earned 10.4 million since. 

 

Somehow I think it unlikely that he’d have just 112 million (plus interest) now. 

 

That likelihood was about as obvious as the National Economic and Social Development Board who pointed out that the rich have got richer and the poor poorer during the pandemic. 

 

One thing I will say though is that those of us who have been lucky enough to keep our jobs - an increasingly rare species in Thailand - have plenty of disposable income but nothing to spend it on. 

 

If and when the pandemic is over, there are plenty of people with money to burn, should they so wish. Clever investment in selected businesses - including tourism - could be big earners. 

 

Apropos, the fallout from the start of the Sandbox continued apace. First off we were asked to believe that foreigners at a market were new to Phuket. They looked like expats having a bite to eat if you asked me. 

 

Then came news that 2,244 visitors had made it in the first week and flights were continuing to arrive almost every few hours……

 

Two of these “tourists” turned out to be an 83 year old man who caused a panic  after getting lost having left his hotel and a guy who nipped off to see his wife at their Rawai home rather than wait at the quarantine hotel for a night for his test result. 

 

Many of these visitors are obviously people looking for a way back in without onerous quarantine at ASQ facilities. Though for Rooster, who has little love for the island, having to spend two weeks there would be torture enough. 

 

Meanwhile the age-old problem of taxi rip-offs on Phuket reared its ugly head. An investigation of sorts went nowhere.

 

The authorities in Samui tried to upstage their Andaman cousins by saying that 80% of taxis and other public transport on their island had joined an app plan to eliminate gouging of tourists ahead of their reopening next Thursday. 

 

Vaccinations continued on the Surat islands including Koh Phangan where foreigners got jabbed with an 80% target now met. 

 

In other vax news it was announced that the US was donating 1.5 million doses of Pfizer. There appeared to be a stipulation that 20% of the jabs should go to foreigners in Thailand though Charge d’Affaires Michael Heath made no mention of this.

 

He went on Facebook later in the week to make a speech in Thai about that “special relationship” between Uncle Sam and Uncle’s children.

 

At the end of the week came some additional nails in our collective Covid coffins. Ten provinces including Bangkok were placed under additional restrictions, a curfew with provisos installed,  malls were ordered shut and the hoarders descended on Makro and Lotus. 

 

None of this seemed to make much difference to us at Rooster Central. Our pool reopened - utter joy - and my eight year old enjoyed her Zoom lessons well prepared by the excellent Thai and expatriate staff at Attamit School - respectful joy. 

 

Mrs Rooster stopped tearing her hair out concerning her daughter’s education and just removed lumps worrying about Covid….oh well. 

 

Penultimately, I would like to wish all Italians the best of luck for the match tonight (2 am Thai time Monday morning) and ask that the England fans remain quiet for their national anthem and put their laser pointers away. 

 

Finally, Rooster has always been a lover of good acronyms with many like SNAFU and FUBAR and being Scrabble word favorites. Google if you don’t know the meanings. 

 

But I particularly enjoyed the highly appropriate one revealed this week for the Disaster Response Association of Thailand.

 

DRAT!

 

Hopefully Englishmen everywhere will not be saying that come 5 am tomorrow. 

 

Rooster 

 

-- © Copyright ASEAN NOW 2021-07-11